5. History lessons
"Let us begin with the history of the door-to-door salesman.
'Door-to-door salesmen have been around since 2000B.C., pedalling wares that were often completely useless and hardly ever did what they said in the advertisements, as was and remains to be the custom.
To those of you who are learned on the subject of salesmanship, the miraculous hair tonic made of beetle dung or of the acclaimed skin rejuvenating properties of horse urine will be common knowledge to you. Neither of which actually work of course, as a singularly handsome black-haired man had the severe misfortune to find out later. But it was not nearly as severe as the punishment the two salesmen received of course- the records of which we have very few, but it is quite certain scorned women were involved.
It was around this point in time that several salesmen were reported to have gone missing. This trend recurred throughout the ages, the only connection between the crimes being the presence of the aforementioned black-haired man. The man was investigated and no tangible piece of evidence could be found to deny his innocence. The man maintained that they just disappeared after leaving his household. He did mention that they looked slightly afraid though. From this point onwards the facts get a little sketchy.
It is said that, 2 months after the investigation, on the man's chance trip to Antarctica to purchase sizable chunks of it, he discovered the missing salesmen of the ages; frozen solid in slabs of ice, dressed in outfits ranging in style from togas to top hats.
Not knowing what else to do with them, and not wanting them on his property either, he sent the frozen men Down Below with a note telling the little buggers in the construction department to get creative. Which is why the road to hell is paved with frozen door-to-door salesmen and not good intentions; a common misconception.'
Well there you have it kids," said the teacher snapping his book shut and sliding his sunglasses back up his nose. "The complete history of the humble salesman: what they do, the perils they face in their line of work and where they ultimately end up. That will be all for today."
Crowley dismissed his bewildered students with a wave and straightened out the black outfit he'd worn for as long as he could remember. He made a complicated gesture with his hands and replaced the tea in his mug for Chardonnay. He thought back to when this had all began.
Good intentions had been running low and Hell sent Crowley on a mission to find a suitable replacement for them. It'd been an accident really; he'd slipped for about the hundredth time clambering out of the bath to answer the door, only to find a salesman promoting wrinkle-removing ice cream.
He'd lost his temper and got a commendation from Hell for it.
Capturing them had been more fun than he'd anticipated. At first he'd just sent them to Antarctica but when he'd found Mr. Freeze, a private supplier of liquid nitrogen, he really began to get creative.