In case anyone is interested, the tune for the song in the middle is the same tune as Kooks by Bowie. I'm sure it fits to most tunes though! :)
Romancing Lily to make her fall madly in love with me Plan
Take her on a romantic broom ride to show her my sensitive side and my amazing skills on a broomstick.
Serenade her with a song I have written especially for her; the more people around the better, as she will feel special if there are people there to see how much I love her.
Save her from a dangerous creature (not too dangerous, as Lily or myself might get hurt, but dangerous enough to be threatening)
Have her kidnapped by someone suitably evil, then rescue her dramatically so that she can see how strong and amazing I am.
Fall dramatically into a water fountain together; emerge looking all wet and delectable so that she couldn't dream of resisting me. (make sure her shirt is white for added benefits)
Kiss romantically as water drips off our sexy bodies.
James read through the list again, gnawing his lip. "Are you sure this will work, Padfoot?"
"Never been so sure of anything in my life, Prongs." Sirius grinned, pointing to the list with a grin. "No girl could resist you after this."
Remus stood at the window, eyebrows almost touching his hairline, as he watched James and Lily on the broom outside. Lily sat in front of James, eyes tightly shut as she screamed profanities at the top of her voice.
"JAMES POTTER PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW OR I'LL GET HIPPOGRIFFS TO RAPE YOU IN YOUR SLEEP! GET ME ON THE GROUND OR I'LL TAKE A CHEESE GRATER TO YOUR EYEBALLS WHILE THEY'RE STILL IN YOUR HEAD! LAND THIS THING OR I'LL CHOP OFF YOUR GENITALS, GIVE THEM TO THE HOUSE ELVES AND MAKE THEM PUT THEM IN YOUR MORNING COFFEE!!!" Lily screamed, as more and more people moved towards windows to watch the furore.
"A whole new wooooooooorld! A magic place I neeever knew!!" James sang, performing a wronski feint as Lily screamed louder.
Remus heard a laugh from behind him, and turned to see Sirius standing there, an amused smirk on his face. "What is he doing?" Remus asked, shaking his head. "Does he have a death wish?"
"He is taking Evans on a romantic broom ride to show her his sensitive side and amazing skills on a broomstick." Sirius smirked, walking to stand next to Remus. "Oh, she looks ill up there, brilliant."
"What did you do?" Remus asked, brow furrowing quizzically. "Do I need to be worried?"
"No, of course not Moony! I just gave James a little bit of dating advice!" Sirius grinned wickedly, throwing an arm across Remus' shoulders and guiding him away from the window. "Besides, we all know Lily's going to go with James eventually, so a few extra weeks of waiting won't harm James too badly..."
"Sirius..." Remus groaned, giving the patented 'look of disapproval' to his amused friend.
"It was his idea! Everything on the list was his idea. I just encouraged him!" Sirius grinned, pushing Remus onto the bed. "Don't forget that. This is James's idea of romance. I'll never understand that boy..."
"Lily is going to kill him. That's if McGonagall doesn't get to him first." Remus sighed, watching as James looped Lily around the skyline. "How long does he intend to keep her up there?"
"Until she falls madly in love with him." Sirius grinned, sitting down next to Remus. "It would almost be romantic, were it not for the fact he kidnapped her, forced her on a broom and subjected her to his frankly awful singing skills."
"Poor Lily." The broomstick disappeared from view, making Remus frown slightly. Upon hearing James scream like a little girl, he jumped up, running to the window. "Oh my..."
"What?" Sirius jumped up, moving next to Remus. "Oh dear..."
Below the window stood a dismayed James and a teary, furious Lily, who was screaming at the top of her voice whilst James attempted to conjure buckets of water. Between them lay the charred remains of James' broomstick, still smouldering from the heat of what was obviously Lily's spell, given the direction her wand was still pointing.
"She blew up his broom?" Sirius whistled, surprised. "What does James see in that woman? Crazy old bint..."
"Sacha, no!" James cried, clutching the white hot ashes that remained of his beloved broom with a wince. "Why, Gods, why?!"
"So, I guess the "take Evans on a romantic broom ride to show her my sensitive side and amazing skills on a broomstick" plan was unsuccessful?" Remus asked Sirius who stood alongside him, chuckling.
"Have no fear, dear Remus, there is plenty more where that came from. Just wait until you see ideas three and four." "Oh, actually, you're quite fond of Evans, aren't you? You might not be too keen on three then, but it will be worth a watch anyway..." Sirius grinned, grabbing Remus's arm. "Come on, lets go watch Minnie blow her top at him!"
After Lily's furious display of her distaste for the romance skills of James Potter, McGonnagall agreed (after much yelling and punishing) to change the upcoming Quidditch match from Gryffindor v Hufflepuff to Hufflepuff v Slitherin in order to give James time to acquire a new broom.
The marauders climbed up the Quidditch stands, James and Sirius whispering hurriedly about the outcome of the game. As undoubtedly important as the Hufflepuff v Slytherin game most likely was to the Gryffindor chances of winning the house cup, Remus was distracted by far more important matters.
Taking to their seats, Remus couldn't keep his left leg still as he tapped a nervous rhythm, only calming himself when Peter expressed delight that he was finally getting 'that Quidditch spirit!". Settling himself, Remus tried to listen as Sirius rambled about the different formations Hufflepuff preferred, waiting impatiently for the teams to emerge.
The match began uneventfully, though if one was to listen to James' running commentary, they would believe it to have been the most exciting game in the history of Quidditch. Remus watched half heartedly, before letting his gaze fall purposefully away from the action.
Staring at the Hufflepuff goalkeeper, Remus tilted his head, dragging his eyes up and down the form of the tall man on the broom. Well, he's not bad, but he's no Sirius...
"Moony? What are you looking at Abbott for?" Sirius nudged Remus, pointing towards the opposite goal end, where the chasers and seekers flew around. "The action's all happening down the other end."
"Oh! Thanks, Padfoot." Remus altered his field of vision, watching the action around the Slytherin goal mouth, before letting his eyes slide back down the pitch to where Abbott flew.
"Remus!" Sirius hit Remus on the stomach, pointing at Richard Abbott. "What's so interesting about him, eh?"
"Oh, nothing Padfoot." Remus dragged his eyes slowly away from Abbott, looking at Sirius briefly. "He's just quite good at Quidditch."
"The quaffle hasn't come near him yet!"
"Oh..." Remus shrugged, glancing back at the goal keeper purposefully, letting Sirius see him eye the keeper from root to tip. Sirius glanced at Abbott with a frown, tilting his head to get the same view as his friend.
"He's got quite short legs, hasn't he." Sirius stated, closing one eye and squinting at the keeper. "Very disproportionate."
"I suppose." Remus shrugged, still looking at the keeper.
"He has a bit of a squashed face too." Sirius pointed out, pushing his own cheeks together. "He looks like a pug dog."
"Really? I hadn't noticed." Remus replied. Sirius stared at the prefect incredulously, before looking harder at the keeper, trying to see what he was missing.
"YES!!" James punched the air, jumping out of his seat. "That was glorious, that rotation on the broom was an absolute dream! Look at those sour Slytherin faces, fantastic. Did you see that?"
"Er, yeah." Sirius stated offhandedly, not looking away from Abbott. Short legs, pug face... His arms look a bit wimpy too... Why is Remus staring at him?
"That wronski feint could have used with a bit more axial rotation, but there's no faulting that it did the job, and in fairness Johnson shouldn't even be attempting a move of that complexity -" James cut himself off, glancing at Sirius with a frown. "Pads?"
"Hmm?" Sirius questioned, finally glancing over to where James sat.
"What are you looking at Abbott for?"
"He's supposedly quite good at Quidditch." James gaped, waving towards the Slytherin goal end with wide eyes.
"The quaffle hasn't been in his half yet!" James exclaimed, frowning. "All the action is down the other end!"
"Remus said he was doing well." Sirius shrugged.
"You're taking the advice of Remus Lupin about Quidditch?" James shook his head, catching the menacing smirk on Remus' face. "Frankly, I think if anyone could lose this game for Hufflepuff, it is that man between the sticks. He is shockingly bad."
"Hear that Remus? He's shockingly bad. I bet he's rubbish in bed too." Sirius stated, crossing his arms over his chest and staring at the keeper. "Really, really, really rubbish in bed." Suddenly a cheer spread across the ground, engulfing the stands around James, Sirius and Remus.
"THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL!" A booming voice announced over the commentary as the crowds cheered, the hufflepuff stands celebrating particularly hard.
"What happened, what happened?!?" James shook Peter frantically, trying to see what was going on.
"Trundle caught the snitch!" Peter grinned, waving his scarf enthusiastically. "Slitherin lost! They didn't even get a single point, brilliant! And what a catch of a snitch that was, too... Magnificent, best of the season by far. Who would have thought such a small girl could master that really rare quidditch move?"
"What?!?" James fumed, glaring at Remus.
"Oops?" Remus mouthed at James, before glancing back down to the ground where Abbott stood. "I might go congratulate Abbott on the win..."
"No no, don't worry about it! I'll congratulate him for you!" Sirius all but yelled, dodging out of his seat and out of the stands. Peter exited the stands swiftly, hoping to congratulate Emily Trundle on her catch.
"So, best catch of the season?" Remus started, a small smile on his face. "Rarest Quidditch move? An avid Quidditch fan would be loathe to miss that."
"I hate you."
Remus and Peter sat at the breakfast table the next day, poring over their homework as they prepared for another monday morning. The two marauders sat alone, abandoned by their compatriots as Sirius had 'some business to attend to' and James had 'to prepare'. For what, no one knew.
Remus raised an eyebrow as James entered the hall, old muggle guitar firmly clutched in his left hand. The pureblood winked at the werewolf, walking up to him confidently. "Lets see Lily try and resist me after this!"
James strolled over to where Lily sat with her friends, ignoring the fierce glare she aimed at him. Despite her protests, he sat alongside her, reaching over to clasp her hand lightly.
"Look, I wanted to say that I'm really sorry that my romantic broom ride went awry. I just wanted you to like me, that's all..." James sighed, glancing to the floor in shame.
"That's alright, Potter." Lily's face softened slightly, nodding in acceptance. "Just so long as you don't try getting me airborne again."
"Trust me, I wont." James stated, taking a moment to remember his beautiful broom Sacha, whose ashes had been scattered across the Quidditch pitch a few hours earlier ("Its what she would have wanted"). "Anyway, I wanted to make it up to you."
"Potter..." Lily hissed, sharp angles returning to her face as she watched James climb onto the Gryffindor table. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!"
Muttering a sonorous charm for his throat, James coughed lightly, strumming the guitar in his hands experimentally. "Er, I'd like to dedicate this song to the beautiful Lily Evans..."
"Met a girl and her name was Lily
she made me feel rather chilly
in my underwear
soon she'll know
and she'll warm me up
with her really nice hands
and her lovely mooo-uuuth!!"
James sang at the top of his voice, strumming his guitar hopefully. Lily looked thoroughly unimpressed, hiding her face in her hands as he serenaded her woefully. "Lily, you are lovely, please forgive me?"
"After that?" Lily hissed, reversing the sonorous charm James had placed around them. "What are you trying to do, make a fool out of me in front of the whole school? James Potter, you are an awful excuse for a human being!" Lily stormed off, affronted friends following in her footsteps immediately. James sighed, walking to where Remus and Peter sat.
"I thought that went rather well." James shrugged, grabbing some toast. "She didn't slap me, nor set anything of great importance to me on fire. Practically a success."
"Well, since she's already burnt your broom, there's not much let of value that she could have burned within reaching distance." Peter summarised, pouring milk into his breakfast bowl.
"I don't know, Pete, I think Lily was frighteningly close to the part of the male anatomy that no man wants setting alight." Remus raised his eyebrows as James and Peter winced. After shuddering for a moment, James relaxed, glancing around the table until his eyes laid sight of the substance in Peter's breakfast bowl.
"What are you eating?!"
"Honeydukes cereal." Peter answered after he'd finished his mouthful.
"I didn't even know Honeydukes made cereal..." Remus pondered, glancing at the bowl in interest.
"They don't. Its just their chocolates in a bowl with milk." Peter answered, munching on his 'cereal' contentedly. Remus and James's mouthes formed small 'o's as they considered this, before their ponderings were interrupted by Peter. "James?" Peter asked, looking across to the hufflepuff table. "Is there a reason Richard Abbott has two black eyes?"
"Sirius punched him." James threw a pointed look at Remus, pursing his lips in slight disapproval. Remus blinked, biting his lip with a slight frown.
"He punched him?" Remus repeated, looking towards the Hufflepuff table to confirm. Spotting Abbott looking significantly more like a panda, Remus winced, rubbing his nose in sympathy.
"Yep." James raised his eyebrows, nodding towards Abbott. "Right on the nose. Tried to do it straight after the Quidditch, but Abbott was in their common room already, so he waited until this morning. Said he thought Abbott was rubbish at Quidditch and Sex and attractiveness. Et Cetera."
"Oh..." Remus nodded, worrying at his lip with nervous teeth. "I feel guilty now."
"So you should." James grumbled, biting into his toast.
"Why?" Peter interrupted, making Remus jump.
"Oh!" Remus's eyebrows shot up. "Well, I didn't stop Sirius from hurting the poor boy, I feel a bit guilty, don't you?"
"Nope." Peter answered, taking another spoonful of cereal. "Abbott was probably making a move on one of Sirius's women or something. Its his own damn fault, everyone knows how jealous Sirius gets when it comes to competition."
"Yes, I suppose he does." Remus replied, slightly distracted. Pushing his plate away, Remus stood up, climbing off the bench. "I'm going to go have a word with Sirius. I'll see you in Transfiguration."
Turning away from his friends, he grabbed his bookbag. Heading towards the exit, he didn't see the wand pointed at him, didn't hear the words till too late, only realising what had happened as a black nothingness engulfed him.
Oooooo-oooh!
All these reviews are making me go 'the-C.I.A.-is using-my-fillings-to-control-the-world's-pancake-supply' crazy! Ahh, I even considered that maybe there was just one person reading my story who had created 30 accounts in order to review lots and make me feel loved (though in all honesty, if someone had gone through the trouble of making 30 accounts in order to make me update more often, I'd feel pretty special ^.^) Yeah. You still all rock.
There was a request for more James/Lily loveliness, so I am trying to work them in a bit more. =]