A/N: Apologies for the delay. I've been a bit obsessed with my other Hetalia fic (it's not crack, and it's a crossover, but it's still a good read). Forgive me enough to review? :)

"So, what are we looking for?" Canada started as Germany started pulling some of the hangers out of the closet.

"Anything that could point to a particular country," replied Japan, getting the last of the outfits out.

"Hairs, fingerprints..." Germany gave the first outfit in his hand careful scrutiny before hanging it back up. "Probably hairs, since this fabric won't hold prints."

"All right," Canada said. He watched as the two in front of him shuffled through the clothes themselves. Apparently they weren't about to let him check again.

"Nothing in my portion," Japan announced, hanging up the last of the clothes in his hands.

Germany hung another of the outfits. "I still have a couple to g—" Germany was cut off by a short beep.

"The alarm!" gasped Canada, running over to the bedroom door. He squinted through the darkness as a series of six, lower-pitched beeps sounded, turning off the alarm.

"He's home!" Germany hissed through his teeth. "Canada, go distract him!"

"What?" Canada responded without thinking. "...How am I going to explain the windows?"

"I don't know!" spat back Germany. "Tell him England was trying to sing or something!"

"But England actually has a pretty good singing voice—"

"Just make something up! Hurry, before he finds us!" Germany interrupted, flicking off the bedroom's light switch.

Canada stumbled outside the room and nervously started toward the foyer. He was just a few steps through the hallway when the lights flashed on.

"Hey! What are you doing here?" America called accusatorily.

Canada gulped and stepped over toward his brother, who was still wearing his oversize coat. Canada hadn't figured out an excuse for his presence yet.

"I..." He couldn't come up with anything.

"Let me guess!" snarled America, stomping toward the other brunette. "You were going to spy on me! And laugh at me, like everyone else!"

"No!" Canada responded quickly. "I... I was..." An idea suddenly arose in his head. "I was going to ask Mexico on a date!" he blurted out. "And... you know, since she's over here a lot, I thought I'd try finding her at your house first."

America cocked his head to the side. "Oh..." He frowned. "Well, she's not here," he huffed, crossing his arms. "I caught her a couple of days ago, trying to spy on me, and..." He trailed off with a light laugh that scared Canada a little. "Let's just say she won't get the chance to ridicule me again. And no one else will, either," he ended pointedly, glaring at Canada.

"I won't make fun of you!" Canada squeaked, backing up a little. "I promise! There's-there's not even anything to make fun of!"

"That's right," America replied threateningly. He muttered something to himself before starting down a hallway.

The hallway leading to his room.

"Uh, wait!" started Canada nervously, padding after his brother.

"What?" America snapped, turning around.

"Um..." Canada tried to think of something that would distract him without getting him killed. "I thought I just saw Mexico, running down this hallway!" he said, pointing down a hallway that led away from the bedroom.

"What?" exclaimed America, turning to look. "She can't seriously be stupid enough to come back here!" He clenched his fists.

"Well, let's see if we can track her down," Canada began, starting down the hallway. His brother followed him for a second, then pushed him aside and took the lead, taking a much quicker pace.

Canada gulped as America continued to storm down the hallway. Hopefully this could keep him occupied long enough for the others to gather their evidence...

As Canada watched his brother stomp along, he noticed something odd. To every couple of steps was a slight stagger, or lurch, like America was tired somehow. But the rest of his demeanor quite knocked out that possibility, so Canada dismissed it as his imagination.

They came up to the last door in the hallway.

"Well, I guess she's not here," America huffed, crossing his arms.

"Um... We should check inside," suggested Canada, going for the doorknob. He opened up the door to find an exercise room, filled with equipment and weights too heavy for any human to lift. The light was on, though Canada hadn't touched it, and the area still smelled of sweat.

"Have you been in here recently?" Canada started. "Um, because the light's on!" he added quickly, not wanting his question to be taken as some sort of physical fitness accusation.

"Yeah... I've been in here a lot recently," replied America, slowly, as if he couldn't decide whether to be angry or not. "The diets hadn't been working out that well, so—" he took a step into the room and stumbled, but righted himself quickly—"I decided instead to... work out... heroically!"

America wobbled to the side suddenly, but instead of jumping back up like he had before, he plopped to the ground.

"Um... America?" Canada squatted down and poked his brother, but America was out cold. "Well... I guess that works for distracting him..." He stared at his brother for a couple of seconds before deciding he couldn't just leave him there. He hooked his elbows under America's arms and, with a grunt, pulled him up a little.

"But, I can't put him on his bed, since Germany and Japan are still looking in there..." Canada sighed, dragging his brother over to an empty benchpress bench and positioning him on top of it. He pulled his hands back, looked over his handiwork, and shrugged. There wasn't much else he could do, after all.

He walked back to the workout room's door, flipped off the lights, and paused. Turning the lights back on, just in case, he closed the door and went back into the dark hallway.

"How are those two doing, anyway?" He felt his way along the bumpy walls and smoother doors until he reached the bedroom door.

"Did you guys find anything?" He reached for the doorknob, but someone tackled him from the side before he could touch it.

"Hey-what?" Canada staggered to the right, narrowly avoiding falling over, as the attacker kept arms wrapped around his shoulders.

"Thanks for misleading him. Could've been nasty if he'd found me." Canada recognized the voice as Mexico's.

"Oh... Um, you're welcome?" he replied faintly, deciding not to tell her he'd had no idea she was actually there.

"So... What was that about asking me on a date?"

"Oh!" Canada's cheeks turned a little red. "A-About that..."

Suddenly, the bedroom door swung open loudly, throwing some light into the hallway and making Canada thankful it had interrupted the awkward conversation.

"Well," started Germany, staring down at something in his hand, "all we found was..." He looked up at the two in the hallway for the first time and seemed a little confused about their halfway-hugging, but shook his head, deciding it didn't really matter. "All we found was this one hair," he said, holding up the coal-colored string of evidence. "Everything else was obviously America's..." He trailed off, an expression of scrutiny on his face as he eyed Mexico.

"Hello to you, too," she started slowly, raising an eyebrow. "Canada, what's going on?"

"Um..."

Japan stepped up next to Germany, took the strand of hair from him, and, before she could react, held it up to Mexico's locks.

It was a perfect match.

Japan narrowed his eyes. "Why don't you tell us, Mexico?"

A/N: And the insidious perpetrator is revealed (probably)! Did you guess correctly? And what's going to happen to our group when America wakes up?

Stay tuned~