This story is blamed on Defiant Vixen for something she wrote in her review for Story Time. Since then I've been thinking about what would happen to anyone flirting with Ukitake with the other captains standing nearby; this is the result. I'm only planning on the one chapter for now, but there may be more chapters later if I get any more ideas.
Summary: Ukitake has had many suitors over the years but she's never known about them, all thanks to the protection of her fellow captains. FemUkitake
Warnings: FemUkitake, OC bashing
Mess With the Bull
Sometimes Ukitake drove him crazy, like when she smiled sweetly and tilted her head to the side for those idiots who thought they could get her into bed with a few cheesy lines. It had been happening ever since the Academy, and not even disguising herself as a man had deterred them. That's why Captain Shunsui Kyouraku was scowling at the moment, clearly displeased enough for most people to avoid him, everyone that is besides the recently appointed Kenpachi Zaraki.
"You gonna do something 'bout that?" he asked. Kyouraku looked up at him, trying to determine why the bloodthirsty captain was asking. He didn't look as if he was eager for a fight, which surprised Kyouraku; in fact, he seemed rather displeased as well. Shaking his head he turned back to where Ukitake was sitting, seeing that another man had joined the first.
"Old man Yama's coming, so I'm going to have to. Why, did you want to take care of it for me?"
"Not a chance. Those two are weaklings, I wouldn't waste my time with them. I don't see why Ukitake puts up with them. He should just take out a few of them so they'll leave him alone."
"That's not Jūshirō; he's too kind and to oblivious to their intentions to tell them they need to back off, like that would stop them anyways. Which leaves me to step in."
"Oh, and what exactly were you planning to do?" The two turned to see Gin and Aizen standing behind them, Gin's signature smile in place. "You wouldn't want to ruin this wonderful party we're having for Captain Hitsugaya, would you, not when he was just appointed?"
"I wouldn't dream of it."
"But this can't continue, it's completely inappropriate."
"Hello to you too, Soifon." The Second Division Captain had appeared next to Kyouraku wearing her usual scowl.
"Well," Aizen said, smirking, "it looks like why we were talking Captain Kuchiki has decided to take matters into his own hands."
The other captains looked back to Ukitake to see her greeting Byakuya. He nodded to her, said a few words causing the two suitors to stand up tentatively as Ukitake bid them good-bye. Byakuya took swift strides to the door, glaring back at the two to let them know they weren't following fast enough.
"Well, that's one way to take care of it," Kyouraku sighed, glad that he wouldn't have to deal with them.
"My, I thought you'd want to see to them yourself," Gin said.
"I'm dealt with them for 2,000 years. I'll happily let Byakuya take care of some of them. The only time I'd rather step in than let someone else take care of it is when old man Yama gets involved."
"Then it's good Captain Kuchiki took care of it before the Captain-Commander arrived."
Byakuya scowled as the two ran down the street. He would never understand how such idiots could ever think they'd be worthy of Ukitake, especially when they wouldn't even fight for her. Every time one was confronted by one of her fellow captains or members from her division they always lost their nerve and ran.
"Were those more of Ukitake's admirers?" Byakuya looked over his shoulder to see Mayuri had decided he'd had enough of the party and was leaving, Nemu standing behind him as usual. "Too bad she attracts such pitiful creatures, otherwise I'd use them in my experiments. Although, I might just have something for them," he muttered to himself before continuing on his way. "Come on, Nemu."
Byakuya stood shocked for a moment. He wasn't surprised that Mayuri had discovered the truth of Ukitake's gender. No, he was shocked that he'd even thought about using her suitors as experiments. Well, that was something he just wasn't going to involve himself with.
"Good evening, Byakuya," Unohana said as she walked up to him, Yamamoto at her side. "Leaving already?"
"No, simply taking care of a few pests."
Yamamoto nodded and Unohana sighed, both knowing exactly what he was referring to. "Well, let's go it. We've missed a great deal of the party already."
The three captains walked in to the Tenth Division Headquarters, Unohana and Byakuya's shoulders slumping slightly at the sight. Another man was flirting with Captain Ukitake. From the posture of the other captains he had just walked over. Yamamoto didn't miss a beat, suddenly appearing behind the unfortunate soul reaper. The rise in the Commander's spiritual pressure made everyone in the room pause.
"What's going on?" Hitsugaya asked as he appeared next to Unohana.
The woman sighed. "It's one of the unofficial rules of the Gotei 13, Hitsugaya: anyone who wants to be with Jūshirō has to be willing to stand up to every other captain, otherwise, they need to be taken care of. If you'll excuse me, I need to go prepare a room."
Hitsugaya watched her leave before studying the faces of the remaining captains, making a mental note never to mess with Ukitake.