Chapter 3:
The guys and I had stayed at the beach for a couple of hours before we all went home to get ready for tonight. I wore a pink plaid tube top button up shirt and a crochet tiered skirt. I had a gray cover up vest, but I decided against it. I wore black 3-inch pumps. For jewelry I wore a gold plated hammered bird cuff, rose on vine ring, 'I love you' envelope brooch, multicolored woven bracelet, black wrap bracelets, locking plate bracelet, Amethyst Pearl Pendant necklace, a blue and gold Greek ring, a silver ring with a bunch of flowery details on it, red and black silver enameled love ring,rhodium rose and gold plated ring, and '3' earrings. (Outfit on pro) My hair was braided and pushed over my right shoulder.
I walked down stairs quietly and waited for Embry. He came down stairs wearing a simple pair of jeans and white long sleeved shirt. I smiled at him and I grabbed my phone and stuck it in my belt. I followed him out the door and over to the car. The sun had just gone down and I could already hear people at the beach. I drove like a maniac to Jake's and once we knocked on the door, Jake jumped out with Quil following. Jake wore a gray V-neck that buttoned on the very top and a blue zip up that was unzipped and jeans that hung low on his hips. Quil wore the same as Embry but with a light blue shirt. I smiled to Billy who was wheeling himself back to the kitchen. I walked back to the car quietly, knowing that they were following.
Embry rode shotgun with Jake behind him and Quil behind me. I could feel Jake's gaze on my face the whole short ride there, but I ignored it. The beach was filled with people and the trees surrounding it were covered in twinkling lights. I could hear the DJ already spinning and I saw people jumping to the music. Dynamite by Taio Cruz was blaring through the speakers. I saw the guys hesitate but I didn't wait up. I fought through the bodies on the dance floor and searched for Danny. He was easy to find as he stood on the DJ stage and looked on a laptop probably looking for music. He ran over when he saw me and smiled happily. He kissed my cheek when he approached and I felt a blush rise. Immediately we started to dance and out of the corner of my eye I saw Embry hitting on some girl on the side who looked his age. They were dancing effortlessly. Quil was doing more grinding than dancing, although I never took him for that person.
Jacob looked very uncomfortable as he sat alone on the other side. I saw some girls trying some way to make him dance, but he refused. I saw him look over at Danny and me and I could see he didn't like. After a minute or two a girl asked Danny to dance and he muttered he would see me later. I looked around for someone to dance with and ran over to Jacob and pulled him to the dance floor. Promise by Simple Plan started on the speakers and I pulled him to the center of everyone. I started jumping to the music and almost had to force him to dance. After a few minutes he started to loosen up and he wasn't hesitant anymore.
Hot Mess by Cobra Starship blared through the speakers and I saw Jacob chuckle a little. The bodies around us rocked and swayed along with us. Suddenly the air was sent into frenzy as strobe lights went off. I was stunned completely on how in such a short time, the quaint little LA Push beach was turned into a rocking dance club were everyone was enjoying themselves and little loose. I had to give it to Danny and his friends, they knew how to throw an awesome party. I saw that Jake agreed with me as he danced and let loose more than I had ever seen him. I wound my arms around his neck and we rocked together.
"I think I will go find Quil and Embry and take a quick break. Do you wanna come?" Jacob asked as he screamed over the loud music. I shook my head and smile, motioning I would fine till then. He smiled and walked over to where I assumed Quil was. I looked over to the edge of the party where I felt eyes burning a whole in my back. I saw Jared and Paul standing they're looking uncomfortable, or at least Paul did. I noticed Kim dancing with Jared now, although I didn't see her at first. Paul was watching me intently and I watched in fear as he walked over to me.
"Wanna dance?" He asked with a smirk. I nodded weakly and I saw him actually smile. Good girls go Bad by Cobra Starship was put on and I felt myself smile. The song was such an irony right now. The sudden pull I had felt yesterday only intensified as I stood so close to Paul, sometimes touching as we moved in sync to the music. Past everything that creeped me out about this kid, he was defiantly a good dancer, which was a plus. I could see he was nervous; although I knew when it came to girls he was experienced. Lucky for me, I had had some practice with this, so I wasn't as bad as I would have been with a total stranger.
The strobe lights continued as lazar lights of all different colors shot from the little lamps on the metal frame that covered the DJ stand. Our movements seemed like slow motion although they were high paced and rushed. I could feel his gaze on me the whole time we danced, but I refused to look at him. And when I finally did, I couldn't look away. It was like a rubber band had snapped and I could see something different in his face. He seemed...scared. As if he is scared I will disappear.
In that instant, I was scared that he would disappear. Something about him tonight made me realize what I had been missing. It seemed like nothing could split us apart as we now stood completely still on the dance floor, just watching each other. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. I didn't care that I had to take care of
Embry all the time, I didn't care that I shouldn't have feelings for the mysterious creepy gorgeous man in front of me. I didn't care that I felt a freaky pull for him while I also a sudden freaky pull for the boy I had grown up with since I was two and he was born.
"Paul, man, come on we need to go!" Jared shouted as he ran over and gripped his shoulder. I looked frantically at Paul, screaming with my eyes not to go. I could see the pain it caused him to leave, and how he was deliberating in his head. The first night I had actually felt something for him, more than just the stupid pull, he leaves. Typical Paul. I just sighed as I shook my head and took off in the guy's direction. I could hear Paul yelling after me, but I ignored it. I should have known the connection we felt was nothing to him.
"Are you okay? What did that jerk do to you?" Embry shouted as he pulled me into his arms. I just took a deep breath and looked up at him. I saw Paul give me a sad look before he ran into the woods with Jared. I felt someone hit my shoulder and I saw Jake watching me with pain and concern. Immediately I felt what I always felt around Jake recently.
"He didn't do anything. He had to leave." I said sadly as I looked sweetly at the boys. They could tell I was gonna ask one to dance. I thought over whom. I wasn't going to ask Embry, obviously. I could see Jake was itchy to talk to me; I turned to Quil and Jake both. Quil winked, as he looked me up and down. I surprised a gag. He smiled and grabbed my hand and brought me to the dance floor. I was surprised to say the least. Quil is a really good dance. I smiled genuinely and I let my body move to the rhythm of the song playing, if I had you by Adam Lambert.
"The flashing of the lights it might feel so good but I got you stuck on my mind, yeah the flashing and the stage, it might get me high But it don't mean a thing tonight." Adam Lambert sang through the speakers. Quil was defiantly easy to dance with, I couldn't lie. I smiled at him as we moved in sync, it was like we were one. But I could say I didn't feel anything I did like when I was with Jake, or even with Paul. It was fun, though. I felt like a young teenager again.
The lights came on again, just like with Paul. I could see Jake and Embry watching us like we were crazy. The strobes lights were bright and fun to dance with. Embry and Jake smiled as they walked over, remembering that this is a party, and they needed to get into it. Fever by Adam Lambert blared and I smiled like crazy. La Push should do this more often.
The lyrics were funny and I could see the boys face turn red under their very dark russet skin and I laughed. Quil and Embry said they would be right back and I could see they went off to find a bunch of girls and Jake watched me with curiosity. I pulled him over and forced him to dance. I don't know why, but I didn't feel awkward with Jake as much as I did Quil as we danced close together. He smiled at me as he tried to follow the beat and not make a fool of himself. I just smiled and kissed his cheek at the attempt.
I almost gasped when we made eye contact and I could see deep longing in them. I couldn't look away and I scared myself as he leaned in and I leaned in too. I didn't pull back, which I should have as he slowly brought his lips to mine. The kiss was soft and sweet at first. I could tell he was waiting for me to pull back, but I didn't. My hands weaved their way into his long soft hair that I always loved. His hair was half pulled back and I could feel the elastic band.
His hand was on the small of my back and I could feel him keep me securely in his grasp. I deepened the kiss, trying to get as close to him as I possibly could. My head felt very light as I realized what was going on, or at least what was going on with me. I actually like Jacob Black. I had always seen him as the little kid I had to baby-sit when I was preteen and now I actually like him, maybe even love. But there was a nagging feeling in the back of my head, and the picture of me and Paul dancing made me freeze. I pulled back from Jacob, kissing him lightly on the lips and smiled. He grinned like an idiot and I laughed.
"You don't know how long I waited to do that." He whispered as he leaned his forehead against mine and starred in my eyes. I could feel the same weird tingling feeling when I starred into Paul's eyes and I could feel the butterflies erupt in my stomach. I shivered in delight at this feeling. I smiled up at Jake and kissed him lightly. I felt him wrap his arms around my waist and had my arms around his neck. What I want by Daughtry was playing in the backround I smiled. Everything that had happened yesterday was out of my mind.
I like Jacob, that's all I could think of. I never thought I would ever love someone so young, someone I had practically raised. Someone I had helped Billy with for years after Sarah died. And yet here I stand dancing and kissing the one person I always thought would be just a kid to me. I knew that we would wait before we actually got serious; I mean I am 17, and he is 15. It wouldn't be right for someone my age to be with someone his age. And oh god if mom found out she would kill me!
How could I ever make this work? Most people would say that there really isn't a difference between our ages. Two year, big difference right? Well people on the res are narrow headed fools. They believe the man should be only slightly older and should protect the woman. And if they found out I was dating someone so young, almost a baby, I would be shunned. Would I be willing to loose the respect of the people who were family since I was 2? Would Jake be willing to? I knew it would a long shot. Was I willing to put him through that?
What would Embry think? I could see his disappointed look in my head as he met Jake as my 'boyfriend.' It was sad to think of my brother being disappointed in me. I love Embry, I really do. He is my best friend and he always will be. He has always been here since he was able to talk. I had only been 8 when I found out that my dad was never going to come and see me, I was 10 when my mom told me that I was a mistake. I was 13 when I found out that Embry and I had different dads. Embry had come home from school to find his big sister crying in a small little ball in the corner. He had assured me he would never leave and he would always be my brother.
I heard Embry yelling my name and I immediately jumped back from Jake. I could see he was hurt but understood as we walked over to where Embry and Quil were sitting, along with two girls. Embry mumbled something about him and Quil going with the two girls and they would drive him home. I only nodded numbly and asked Jake if he wanted to leave. He mumbled a low yes and we took off to the car as Embry and Quil stayed and flirted with the two girls as they walked over to a small rusty old Chevy.
Jake sat quickly in the passenger seat and I got behind the wheel and drove slowly to his house. I could feel Jake's gaze on my face but I couldn't meet it. I kept my eyes on the road. I tried to think of a game plan. We could just tell the truth and say to hell to everyone else. We could just ignore each other and stay friend. Or we can sneak around. Suddenly the last one seemed way too good. I could never ask Jake to do that, though. Although I knew he would be all too willing.
"Pull over here." Jake said as we had just started past the third beach. I pulled onto the pavement behind a bunch of trees and he forced me to look over at him. I could see my silence was bothering him. I instantly felt guilty as I stared into his pain-ridden eyes. I frowned at him. His face was so close to mine I instantly wanted to just force his warm and inviting lips back to mine like we had on the dance floor. The memory of it only made me want him more. It had been 2 years since I had been in any kind of sexual relationship with a guy and I could only feel the effects of years without male contact now. "What is wrong with you?"
"Jake, if we get together, you know everyone would look down on us. It wouldn't be easy and a lot of people would shun us. It isn't good for me to be some much older than you. You know how people are here and-" He cut me off by raising his eye brown. I frowned and groaned. He put a reassuring hand on my knee and kissed my cheek. I sighed.
"So we sneak around. What people don't know won't hurt them." He smiled and I felt instantly better. He brought his lips to mine just like on the dance floor and I felt the need for more contact. As if he could read my mind he removed the sweatshirt he had been wearing and threw it in the back. I removed my heels and got onto his lap. I could feel him trying to get in a better position so we moved to the back. He hovered over me, still wearing his clothes much to my disappointment. I forced his mouth back to mine and I removed the shirt he had been wearing.
My mind was racing it was hard to think straight as he hovered over me in a daze. He looked so ready and willing but I only just realized that he is 15, he is not ready for this. He barely interacted with girls except for me. How could he know if he was ready to give up such a precious part of him, something you can never get back? I know I have regretted giving myself out so easily.
"Jake wait, are you're sure you're ready for this? It's a big decision and I want you to be ready and to be sure your are willing to do this before you do it. I don't want you to regret this." I asked hurriedly as he kissed my neck. It was hard to concentrate on talking when he was having this effect on me. My body was on fire and I could feel my pulse racing. He pulled back and looked me straight in the eye.
"I am sure about you. I want to do this. With you. Now." He said surely. I could see he was serious. If he wanted to do this, then I will let him. But I couldn't describe the nagging feeling in the back of my head. I ignored my better judgment.