AN: Sorry for the extremely few-and-far-between updates. I'm in college and fanfic is just not a priority for me, though I try to get to it when I can. Also, sorry that the first two chapters were so confusing. It was a fuzzy idea at best when I started writing it, but I'm working it out in more detail now and hopefully this chapter will help explain some things... but this is still just me speculating on the nature of zanpakutou and their abilities.
Shunsui leaned against a tree at the edge of the training grounds where Nanao was practicing. He hadn't seen her training with her zanpakutou in quite a while, but he remembered well the tiny darts of air that flew from the serrated edges of her shikai with deadly speed and control toward the targets. He was proud of her for maintaining her powers over the years despite her favoring kidou.
Pride was the most recent of a slew of feelings Shunsui had experienced for Nanao and her zanpakutou over the last few days. His first response had admittedly been desire. Despite his advances, Nanao had always kept him at a professional distance, but in the heat of the moment when Nanao discovered who her zanpakutou was, there had been a connection forged between them. Desire was followed by concern (he wouldn't call it regret) when Nanao had spent the next day either avoiding him or stammering awkward apologies to him. Once Shunsui had convinced her that the last thing she had done was offend him, she had regained her confidence and started working with Sakikaze.
That was were jealousy had come in. Since his Academy days, Katen Kyoukotsu had been his exclusively. Though he had not discovered the division of his zanpakutou's identity until recently, he had learned the features of their personalities over their many years together. She - they - had always been at his call alone, always stood by his side when hardly anyone else would. And now, the one girl he had wanted for the better part of a century was working seamlessly with the part of his sword he had never thoroughly connected with. Sure, he could still call the quiet girl out of his own swords along with her more brazen counterpart, but he didn't think he would ever be able to maximize her potential like his lieutenant could.
Shunsui had actually come out to the training field today out of a sort of sense of self-pity, to see how the two girls were getting along without him. But when he saw how much they were accomplishing, and how happy Nanao looked even though she had never really liked sword training before, he found it hard to be anything but proud.
Pride in Nanao was a confusing feeling for Shunsui at the best of times. He had taken her under his wing when Lisa disappeared, the little girl seeming as lost as he himself felt without his vice-captain. He knew Lisa's fate had nothing to do with lacking strength; nevertheless he determined to train Nanao to be strong and independent, and he was proud to watch the shy tyke become exactly that over the years.
At some point, however, he had stopped being proud of her, as a father of his child, and began to be proud for her as an equal, as she continued to push herself in her training and developed into the lovely and deadly woman who trained alongside him rather than under his supervision. At some point he had begun to notice how attractive his Nanao-chan had become, even if many of the other men of Soul Society didn't take more than a passing glance at the bespectacled girl. It was because he had cared for as she grew up that he saw things about her that others couldn't, and it was because of this that he felt guilty for what had happened a few nights ago. For what he had been feeling for years that led him to do what he did a few nights ago. Shunsui had known Nanao since she was little, and because of that she had trusted and looked up to him, and though he was supposed to protect her, he felt he had taken advantage of her when she was vulnerable.
He remembered clearly the day he had first communicated with his zanpakutou, even though it had been centuries ago. It had been confusing and exhilarating and terrifying, and he distinctly remembered Jyuushirou trying to drag him to Fourth Division thinking he had some kind of delirious fever. He had been much younger than Nanao was when she first encountered Sakikaze, but he imagined if anything that must make it more of a jolting experience. Nanao had gone through a lot of jealousy and insecurity when other shinigami her age were learning the names of their swords and hers merely acted according to her will without responding to her. She had come to terms with the unique relationship over the years, though it left her heavily favoring kidou, and to suddenly have that balance shaken must have thrown her more than Shunsui could imagine. And at that time, when he should have given her space, or talked to her about it, he had given in to the temptation she presented.
He didn't fully regret the action. Nanao had been everything he had imagined and more, inexperienced but confidently passionate. The image of her smooth, bared curves still graced his vision whenever he closed his eyes. But when he opened his eyes to look at Nanao, he saw her working through sword kata with her back to him. She knew he was there; she always knew, and he wasn't even attempting to mask his presence. And she wouldn't acknowledge him.
Shunsui wondered how much of that night was his influence. His brazen sword spirit affecting Nanao, and his flirtatious habits conditioning her inhibitions. How much of it was his fault. He couldn't change what he had done, but he could protect Nanao from ever having to deal with it again. He turned to leave her to her training.
Nanao felt her captain's reiatsu withdraw and finished the steps of the exercise merely out of habit. Her attention went with her captain... Kyouraku... Shunsui? She didn't know how to think of him anymore. Their professional boundaries had been her saving grace up until now, her shield against the inexplicable connection she felt with him. She used to tell herself it was because he had been there for her when Vice-Captain Yadomaru left; because he was the only one who understood. Of course, other division members had lost their captains and lieutenants in that incident and in many others. But only Captain Kyouraku understood losing Lisa. He was the only one who understood losing someone who was like a sister.
He had told her, many decades ago, what Lisa had meant to him. Growing up in a stifling noble family who had nothing but expectations for him. With an older brother who thought of Shunsui not as a playmate or even a relative but as a responsibility, an opportunity to either uphold or tarnish the family name. He told her how he fought those expectations and responsibilities, no matter how irrational it might have been, and cultivated a persona of indifference and excess. He went through vice-captains like boxes of tea, each of them with the same expectations of him. Until Lisa, who, with her carefree nature and steadfast work ethic, cajoled him and bribed him to do his work but never forced him or expressed disappointment when he didn't. She had been like the sister he never had - she dared to tease and scold him, and allowed him to do the same to her. What was more, she supported him no matter what.
Nanao had seen the look in her captain's eyes when he told her these things. They shone with respect and fondness. She had wanted nothing more, then, but for him to look like that at her. She wanted him to depend on her and respect her and not feel pressured by her. She smiled ruefully when she heard the rumors about why she did all of her lazy captain's paperwork - how silly people would feel if they only knew that it was because she had thought of him as a brother rather than a lover.
Or, at least she had. She had tried to be a replacement for Lisa at first, taking over much of Kyouraku's work but prompting him to do at least some of it so he didn't feel as if she found him useless. She allowed his drinking and other unsavory habits without condoning them - she was her own person, and she allowed him to be his. She even let him tease and joke with her. But his teasing often took a flirtatious turn, and Nanao didn't know that anyone could have put up with decades of her charming captain's flirting without finally falling for him.
When she first realized she had a crush on her captain, Nanao was mortified. Of course, that had something to do with the fact that the realization was due to Kaien's teasing resulting in a violent blush that made her fellow lieutenant laugh uproariously. A fond smile came over Nanao's face as she reminisced about Kaien, and she realized her sword now hung still at her side. She turned it to gaze at the blade, and her mind formed a memory in the reflection.
It must have been about fifty years ago. She had been training with Kaien, one of the few people she felt comfortable doing sword training with. Most shinigami dismissed her short tanto blade as useless in combat, and training with a projectile-kidou based shikai like hers required a high-seated officer's skill. Kaien could counter her blindingly fast darts, but he also encouraged her to work with her unreleased sword, training her to get close enough to do her opponent damage without getting caught by their longer swords.
She had leaped for an opening, and he countered with a swift strike toward the inside. Instead of moving away from his swing toward the other side, Nanao had ducked straight down and swung a foot out, knocking Kaien off his feet. He chuckled as he propped himself on his elbows in the dirt.
"I deserved that," he said good-naturedly, "I expected a girl to dodge to the outside in a fight and to drop in front in a fantasy when I should have been prepared for both."
Nanao blushed slightly as she recalled her naive reply. "I'm used to dropping down with my captain since he has two blades. But I don't know why you'd fantasize about that, since even he finds it a difficult position to defend from."
"I'll bet he does," Kaien snickered, and something about his tone made Nanao blush. He laughed harder, until he was rolling on the ground.
"What?" Nanao exclaimed petulantly, tossing a small blast of kidou at a dirt clod that exploded over Kaien's face and hair.
"It's a good thing Captain Kyouraku doesn't fight women," Kaien quipped, brushing dirt from his hair, "if they can make him defenseless like that."
"Hey!" Nanao defended her captain, "I didn't say it makes him defenseless, I just said it makes it harder!"
Kaien howled with laughter, nearly toppling as he tried to stand up. "Well, at any rate, he has you to jump to his defense." He reached out to tweak one of Nanao's braids.
She dodged, folding her arms over her chest and glaring at him. "I'm not jumping to his defense," she retorted, blushing again.
"Oh, I'm sure he'd be glad to know he has your faithful support," Kaien replied with a smile. Waving a hand over his shoulder, he turned to leave. "Next week, Ise-san?"
"Whatever," Nanao responded grudgingly.
Nanao thought back to that time. She had been secretly flattered by the idea that her captain would be glad to have her defend him. She didn't know what the rest of Kaien's comments meant, but she knew that his tone had made her think about her captain in ways that made her feel funny. When Rangiku had asked her about her training session with Kaien and then teased her about having a crush when she blushed, Nanao realized with horror that she had a crush not on her fellow lieutenant, but on her own superior officer. She was a vice-captain, and though she was younger than most seated officers even, she should still be more professional than that. Title aside, she shouldn't have a crush on her captain. He was so much older and it was silly.
Even after she was much older, and frequently teased about acting much older than she looked, the idea of liking her captain was ridiculous to Nanao. There were new reasons now, and she listed them off in her head. She looked older, but everyone knew how great the difference in their ages was, especially since many people in Soul Society had seen Nanao grow up in Kyouraku's care. She had thought of him like a brother once. She was his vice-captain, and it was unprofessional. People would say horrible things about how she got her rank, even though she had been vice-captain since she was still wearing her hair in pigtail braids, but people were thick that way. And then there was the way people talked about her captain... Nanao knew that there was a lot of exaggeration involved, but he did have a reputation for cycling through women. Women with ample curves and loose habits. There was no way a man who liked women like that would like slender, reserved Nanao.
She had been telling herself these things for years to keep that growing crush at bay. It helped keep her from doing something stupid, but didn't really hinder her crush. She had tried dating other guys as well, but all that did was show her that she couldn't connect with them like she did with Captain Kyouraku. She had assumed that their connection was entirely due to their relationships with Lieutenant Yadomaru, but now, Sakikaze in hand, she wasn't sure. Maybe the connection of their swords had been forged by their close relationship over the course of her life, but now that she considered it, she felt it ran deeper than that.
And she had ruined it.
She had let down her carefully-constructed defenses and slept with him despite all her reasons not to. To be fair, she hadn't expected to sleep with Kyouraku himself, but Sakikaze had felt so strongly of his reiatsu, and having given in to her, Nanao could hardly withdraw when he showed up at her door, resonating with her own spirit in that way...
She had to stop thinking about it. That was why she was out here training alone in the first place. She had crossed a line, and it was clear that there was no taking it back, but if she tried very hard, she might be able to restore their working relationship.
Who was she kidding? Things would never be the same. She had slept with her captain, and even on the very slim chance he could go back to the way things were, Nanao knew she couldn't. She wouldn't be able to look him in the eye anymore, which meant her most reliable means of getting him to behave was gone. If she did happen to meet his eyes, his stormy grey eyes, ever again, she'd be tempted again and she couldn't deal with that. All the reasons she had given herself for avoiding a relationship with him were still there. Well, almost. The idea that he would not be interested in her was shattered when he took her almost desperately, lavishing her with caresses that clearly demonstrated how interested in her he could be. There was no way they would ever again think of each other as brother and sister or whatever their relationship might have looked like before.
Nanao sighed. He was still her elder and superior, still irresponsible, and people would still talk. She had no choice - she had to put things back the way they had been, at least as best she could. She felt for her captain's trailing reiatsu and located him in the office of all places. Sheathing Sakikaze in her sleeve, she started toward the division building.