Shizuo scowled at the bright sunlight that assaulted his eyes. He patted his breast pocket, but of course his sunglasses had been left inside.

The fucking weather didn't even have the decency to match his mood.

The blond barely made it four blocks before spotting a familiar dread-headed man walking his way. His boss was staring at the sky, chewing on a burger from their favorite fast food joint. This was the perfect opportunity to apologize and start getting back on his feet again.

At least, it would be if the sight of the man hadn't caused a sudden panic to envelope his body. It was just Tom-san, he thought, though his heartbeat was speeding up dangerously. Tom-san isn't afraid of me. He wouldn't judge me. He wouldn't hate me for what I am…

Shizuo froze momentarily, before ducking into a side alley.

Shit, shit, shit! Please let him not have been noticed. Don't stop. Keep walking. Please keep walking…

He wasn't exactly sure how much time passed in that darkened corridor, with his eyes squeezed shut and his hand clutching at his pounding chest. After a few steadying breaths, Shizuo chanced to peer around the corner. The street lay empty before him.

Sighing, he pulled out a pack of American Spirits and lit one as it dangled between his lips. His calloused hands were actually trembling, he noticed with a shred of disbelief.

Well, nobody said this was going to be easy.

With nicotine now flowing smoothly through his system, Shizuo picked up his route again, making sure to avoid the paths that Tom-san was prone to taking.

"Yo."

Shizuo didn't even need to look up to place the all too familiar greeting. Breathing deeply through his nostrils, he skulked on by his high school classmate, focusing intensely on each step. Kadota just sighed and gave a nonchalant little shrug, before turning back to attempting to consol Togusa who was currently bemoaning a new scratch in their van's paintjob.

Ok, that was better. His head still throbbed, but coming within ten feet of an acquaintance could be considered an accomplishment, right?

"Shiz-iu/i-o! Look tired. Eat sushi! Sushi give strength!"

The blond grimaced as Simon yet again butchered the pronunciation of his name. This time, however, he even managed a small, dismissing wave.

"Hiroshi! Stop it!"

Shizuo's ears perked and his head turned in the direction of a high pitched giggle.

"C'mon, babe. I've been waiting too long for this." Behind a convenience store a punk looking young man was attempting to slide his hands up the shirt of an equally delinquent looking girl.

"Nooo. I said stop!" Her pleas were broken by fits of giggles, and she certainly wasn't putting up much of a struggle. However, that didn't make one bit of difference as her words rang in the ex bartenders ears.

iStop it!/i

Within that moment, whatever feeble dam had been keeping himself in check broke. A wave of fury, guilt, and a thousand other emotions swept through him, and he rode it. Letting the tide carry him to the point of no return, the true face Shizuo Heiwajima finally emerged.

Violence incarnate.

Panting and heaving, he leaned unsteadily against an upturned car and surveyed the damage. An uprooted stop sign, a park bench, a few broken windows... the list mounted in his head, but strangely he felt calmer than he had all day. He was like a wild beast in his natural habitat, surrounded by the filth and wreckage that mirrored his inner soul.

It was all too ironically fitting to even be sad.

"… H-heiwajima-san?"

Shizuo twisted his upper body around to face the person who had just addressed him. He was confused momentarily upon finding no one there, before tilting his head slightly downwards. There stood a young girl in a Raijin… no, Raira Academy uniform. She had the liberal arts type look about her, he noticed, with a short, blunt haircut and round glasses. Her demeanor was shy and quiet, and she quickly averted her eyes so as not to meet his gaze. It was as if Mairu and Kururi had become one person.

Shit, don't think about them.

"What do you want?" He asked gruffly, not even bothering to question how she knew his name. People tended to, around these parts. His hand brought a cigarette and lighter up to his mouth, in what he hoped was a cool gesture. Inwardly, he was a mess.

This young girl shouldn't be here, around him. It was too dangerous. Nobody should be around him. Why did he listen to Celty's text message? If he hurt her… no. No he couldn't think like that. He needed to stay calm. Just drive her away and get the hell back to his apartment.

"Eh!" The girl gave a start and flushed a deep red. "Um… well… I saw two people running from this direction and-"

"And you thought maybe you'd come have a firsthand look at Shizuo Heiwajima's infamous Ikebukuro freak show."

"N-no!" The girl stammered, looking at him with wide eyes. Shizuo had to admit, she didn't seem the type to just come gawk at him on her own.

"Then get lost." He exhaled a deep puff of smoke, and gave her a look that said she better do as he said.

"Um… H-heiwajima-san seems upset about something…"

Shizuo regarded her with a blank stare. Saying that Shizuo Heiwajima was upset about something was like stating that the sun was hot.

In other words, no fucking shit.

"You're a perceptive one. Now don't make me repeat myself."

Despite looking extremely uncomfortable, the girl stayed rooted to her spot.

"M-maybe Heiwajima-san would like to talk about it…?"

The sting of hot bile could be felt rising in his throat. "No." he said, hoarsely.

The girl did not respond, but nor did she leave. Instead she regarded him with an unreadable look in her eyes. Shizuo shifted and broke eye contact, starting to feeling extremely uncomfortable. There was nothing about this situation that he liked, and he abruptly decided that he needed to get out of here. Right now.

"Heiwajima-san." The voice was as quiet as ever, but there was a distinct firmness to it now. He met her gaze once again, and was surprised to find the image of his own mother flash through his brain. It was all very strange, yet oddly comforting.

"… I did something terrible." He wasn't exactly sure what prompted him to tell her this, but the words were coming anyway.

"You hurt someone?"

"Yes. Again."

"Someone you love?"

"No!" It was his gut reaction, and yet… the metal image of Izaya no longer elicited that familiar feeling of rage. Shizuo knew it still should, but it didn't. "I mean… I don't know."

Maybe it was because he had found someone who he hated even more. Himself.

He shook his head. "What am I saying? Love? I'm a fucking monstrosity. There's no way a person like me could feel something like… well…"

The girl's mouth curved into a soft smile. "I disagree."

Shizuo raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Heiwajima-san must care deeply about something. I can see it. And I can feel it." Her eyes closed momentarily, and when they opened again the ex bartender could swear that they were glowing as they surveyed the damage around him.

"This…" She made a sweeping gesture with her arm at the carnage around them. "This is your love."

Shizuo's mouth felt dry as he tried to process what he just heard.

"What are you saying? iThis!/i This is a nightmare that I can never wake up from! Don't tell me that this is love! There is no love in this or in me!"

The girl simply shook her head slowly, and waited patiently to make sure he was through speaking. "I found you, didn't I? You love so much that it tears you apart. It overflows and forces you to unleash that destructive power. It's really a simple trail to follow, once you know what to look for. And you're keeping it all to yourself…"

Shizuo lurched, and then took off at a full sprint. He couldn't stand to hear any more of this right now.

The girl watched him go, and then exhaled a shaky breath as her eyes returned to normal and the glint of steel disappeared back into her sleeve. She would have to be more careful from now on. This time she had almost let the demon blade within her take control.