Hi! Here's chapter 3. Looks like I got over my little romance with short chapters. This one is a doozy, at least compared to the first two. I wanted to get through all (or at least the majority of) the rest of the exposition in this chapter. The next one should be the last, and will contain the B/G finale! Should be interesting. ;)

Rating is probably up to M at this point, due to the increasing smuttiness of the thoughts and conversations. All other disclaimers still apply. Spoiler-y content for season 4 Harsh Light of Day and Where the Wild Things Are, at the very least.

Brits Do It Better
Chapter 3

Spike grinned to himself internally. This was about to get good. Buffy was going to go absolutely spare, and he had every intention of making her as furious as possible. Oh yes, he knew she was outside the window. What vampire wouldn't? They were drawn to the Slayer naturally, and she had been around long enough for him to become pretty well attuned to her presence. He could almost feel the cocktail of emotions surging through her, making her blood pound through her veins… bollocks. That line of thought wouldn't do him any good. This little heart-to-heart with the Watcher, though? Well, it certainly had potential. Maybe he could kill two birds with one stone...

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"So, looks like Riley isn't making the grade. That much we can agree on. Now, for the fun part. Obviously we've both got what it takes, but where to start? There are just so many… possibilities."

Giles sent a rather weak glare across the room at his companion, reaching instinctively for the severely depleted Scotch bottle as some of those 'possibilities' jumped into the forefront of his mind unbidden. "We shouldn't be talking about this. It's highly inappropriate."

Spike shrugged. "So bloody what? It's not like there's anyone else here. Just a bit of fun between mates."

Giles' glare intensified, indicating that he wasn't quite drunk enough to think of himself and Spike as 'mates'.

"Oh, come on then. Just think of it as Watcher's research if that makes it easier for you. Aren't you supposed to know everything about the Slayer, inside and out?" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Settling back in his armchair, Giles idly tilted the glass of Scotch in a circular motion, passively examining the amber liquid and contemplating the rather alarming idea at hand. After a few more wordless moments, he began. "Buffy has been a very passionate person ever since I've known her, even from a relatively young age. I'm sure this quality would extend into all aspects of her life."

"So you think she's a firecracker in the sack, then? I'm inclined to agree on that score."

Grinning briefly at Spike's simplification, he replied. "I suppose you could put it that way if you wanted to be rather crass. Buffy has an intense nature. It only follows that her needs and wants in the bedroom would reflect that."

Spike looked at Giles out of the corners of his eyes. "Well, she certainly warrants a thorough exploration. Do you think Riley the witless wonder understands the value of foreplay?" The vampire was baiting the Watcher quite blatantly. He knew Giles wasn't as tweedy and straitlaced as he tried to appear. Spike didn't even have to know about the whole 'Ripper' thing to know that there was a side to the Watcher that was darker and more complex. He wanted the satisfaction of causing that part of Giles to come out and play… but his responses so far had still been disappointingly scholarly.

Giles sipped his drink, allowing himself to try and imagine the probable pattern of interaction between Buffy and the younger man. "I'm not sure what Riley thinks he understands. The question is whether Buffy is willing or able to communicate her desires, and whether Riley has the ability to recognize and deliver."

"Because otherwise it's wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am for Army Boy and no joy for the Slayer."

"Err, yes, I suppose." Giles shrugged, looking thoughtful. "On the other hand, there was that whole incident at the frat house recently… they seemed to display a certain degree of stamina together."

Spike waved a hand and made a dismissive "pshaw" sound. "That was only because of the sex-crazed ghosties. And even then, nothing sounded all that electrifying about what was going on in that room. Not so much as a banging headboard, mate! How disappointing is that?"

Giles' lips moved, trying to form words. His uncooperative mind was busily assembling the puzzle pieces of 'Buffy' and 'banging headboard'. He really tried so very hard not to think of himself as the missing puzzle piece. Really, he did. It was… wrong for him to think of her in such a way. The devil on his shoulder, however, was whispering that it would be oh so right… for the moment, his conscience won out. "Err, it does seem to indicate a certain lack of… vigor. But-"

"Oh come on, Rupert. The boy is obviously a limp noodle. Wouldn't you give it to her hard, if she needed it? Can't you imagine her twisting up the bedclothes, waking the neighbors with her screaming, just begging for more?"

An involuntary groan wound its way up through Giles' midsection and into his throat. Conscience defeated soundly, he leant further back in his seat. Closing his eyes in resignation and letting the scene play out behind his eyelids, he ran a restless hand through his hair. "God yes…"

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Wait a minute. Yes? He had said yes? Spike she expected this from. He was a pig. She knew this. But Giles? Giles, her Watcher? Giles, the guy with the books and the tea? Her mind betrayed her, suddenly wanting to ask other, more probing questions. Giles, the tall and good looking guy? Giles, the one who can keep up with you in training when even Riley ends up getting his ass kicked? Giles, the man who recently had a girlfriend with somewhat exotic good looks who repeatedly traveled across continents just to…

…to what, exactly? After hearing that sensual little noise erupting from her Watcher, she found herself to be scandalously curious. After years of most deliberately not thinking about Giles that way, five minutes of listening to him talk about sex had made her want to know everything. And he wasn't even the one saying the really dirty stuff. If he started doing that… she didn't even want to think of how hearing things like that in his voice might affect her.

And the stuff he had said… how did he know? There were certain things in which Faith hadn't been completely wrong. The whole 'slaying makes you hungry and horny' idea had some validity to it, she would have to admit. Sometimes the sexual longings were so intense that what she had with Riley really wasn't enough, but how was she supposed to tell him that? I mean, orgasms were nice, but you weren't supposed to have one every time you were with someone…

…were you?

Geez, Buffy, get a grip.

This was supposed to make her mad. Her Watcher had admitted to enjoying smutty thoughts about her. She should be very angry. Mad mad mad! She repeated the word over and over to herself, a comforting mantra amidst the insanity that was this night. Anger was good. It would keep her from thinking things that she really, really shouldn't.

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The two man-shaped creatures sprawled in the living room had started a debate over the ideal location for a tantalizing encounter with Buffy. They had emptied the Scotch bottle, each nursing half a glass as they hazily contemplated their fantasies.

"In the park, by that round mausoleum. You know, the one with the gargoyles?"

"Hmm. I don't see what's wrong with a plain old bed… though I wouldn't say no to satin sheets. And maybe some Japanese silk rope."

"A bit too traditional if you ask me, but I guess you score a few points for the light bondage. How about… up against the wall behind the Espresso Pump?"

"I didn't realize you had such a great love of the outdoors. Do you really think you could please a woman like Buffy with a… a quickie up against a brick wall?"

"Everyone has their preferences, mate. Your turn."

Giles looked thoughtful and far away for a moment, trying to think of the perfect location for a hypothetical entanglement with his Slayer. He was taken by surprise at the odd thought that surfaced, though he had to admit it made him smile. There was something about the idea that was intensely private, and he wasn't sure at first that he wanted to share it- especially with Spike of all people. The alcohol, it seemed, had done just enough to his inhibitions that the words were exiting his mouth after just a brief hesitation.

"Umm… the library. The library at Sunnydale High."

Spike quirked an eyebrow at him in amusement, looking surprised for perhaps the first time that night. "Bloody hell, Rupert! Have you been thinking about her like that since way back then?"

Looking outraged, Giles made a disapproving sound. "Of course I haven't. It's just… that place is deeply tied to my sensory memory, and has significance in our relationship. There are lots of reasons why I find the idea intriguing. This is an exercise in sheer imagination, after all. It's not like any of it will ever come to pass. I still don't really think of Buffy in… that way, but the first time I had a single improper thought about her was several weeks after she started college."

The vampire looked skeptical at first, but latched eagerly onto the nugget of information at the end of Giles' defense. "Oh do tell. This I've got to hear."

Giles sighed and rolled his eyes. How had this perfectly normal night of drinking turned into a schoolgirl gossip session with a creature of the night? It was all too strange for words, which was probably the only reason he was sharing his thoughts. There was an air of unreality to the situation that seemed to make it allowable. "Remember when you were looking for the Gem of Amarra?"

Spike nodded, scowling at the memory.

"I went by Buffy's dorm one morning with some information. She arrived quite a few minutes after I did, returning from a night of… well, let's just say her story about being at the library all Saturday night didn't sound very credible." Giles smirked slightly, recalling Buffy's assertion that she was an adult and it was none of his business.

"I take it she hadn't been out slaying. The little tart."

Shooting Spike a reproachful look, the Watcher continued. "She didn't notice I was there at first. She had her back turned to me and started to undress. She was wearing this shirt that was totally backless but for a few strings that tied in the middle." He chuckled to himself, remembering the sudden rush of interest he had felt then. "I was so busy being speechless, she had half of them untied before I could manage to announce my presence. I think we were both equally mortified, but all I could keep thinking about was how her skin would feel beneath my fingertips. I don't know if I had ever seen a garment that was so provocative without actually… showing anything. Part of me wanted to grab hold of her and untie the rest of those strings- with my teeth." The salacious revelation made Giles turn a bit red.

Spike shifted slightly, lying with his head pillowed on one arm. "Christ. Quite the tease, that one. But back to this library thing. What exactly did you have in mind?"

Giles extended his long legs out in front of him, resting his feet on the coffee table. He imagined the scenario, letting the scene unfold before him. The two of them, in the library, at night, with nobody else around. Buffy would be watching him intently, something beckoning in her glance. He could see himself reaching out one hand to touch her face, trailing his fingers over the petal soft contour of her cheek. Brushing her lips with his thumb, he would slowly pull her face toward his…

"It would have to start with a proper kiss. Kissing is a highly underrated activity, I daresay. You can learn a lot about your lover by the way they kiss. Not to mention, those first touches are rather thrilling. It's a good opportunity to find sensitive spots. Behind the ear, along the collarbone, the small of the back… every woman has at least one spot that drives them crazy when you touch it. I like taking the time to find out what it is."

"Not sure I would have pegged you for the slow and sensual type."

Giles shrugged. "I wouldn't say that I am. I just don't see any reason to hurry, not at first anyway. A little bit of extra effort at this stage generally, err, pays off later on."

A bawdy chuckle was Spike's initial reply. "I think I catch your drift, although I would prefer that there weren't so many clothes in the way. So where exactly is this episode taking place?"

"Hmm… she's sitting on my desk. I can get a very good angle to kiss her that way, especially if she opens up so that I can stand between her knees. After awhile, I would slide my hand up under her shirt…"

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Buffy listened, transfixed, as her Watcher vividly fabricated a scenario of them together. Like, really together. Her breath was coming in shallow gasps as she listened to his sensual voice talking about all the amazing things he would do to her. She found herself to be both horrified and… delighted. Horrified because he was Giles and he shouldn't be saying those things. Delighted because… well, because he was Giles and he was saying those things.

She leaned her head against the cool wall of the apartment building, shutting her eyes. Confused much?

The heart hammering in her chest was telling her to flee, but she just couldn't stop listening. He talked about using his hands and his mouth in ways she had never even known were possible. Every word he said was directed towards her pleasure and his desire to drive her over the edge. And, with some crude prompting from Spike, Giles described the actions he would wish her to perform. It was mostly stuff she had thought about, but had been too nervous to try with Riley.

Riley… remember him?

Oh God. She had been so deeply riveted by the picture Giles was painting of them… getting it on… that she had totally forgotten about Riley. Her boyfriend. The one Giles and Spike had been so happy to make disparaging comments about just a few minutes earlier. The anger she was supposed to be feeling returned full force. How could they talk about her that way, invent these… obscene scenarios with her in the starring porno role, when she was already taken? It wasn't right or acceptable in any way for them to say those things, and it was most certainly wrong for her to listen.

She was so not interested. And the fact that they were making this stuff up with no intention of doing or saying anything to her actually made it all worse. It made her feel… cheap. And wrong, for wanting to hear more. After patrol she would come straight back over here and make sure Giles understood that she wasn't willing to take drunkenness or innocent intentions as an excuse for his behavior. And if Spike were still around? Well, she would just stake him.

Rising stealthily from her perch in the flower bed, the Slayer stretched her limbs and disappeared into the night, hoping to channel her unaccountable feelings of emotional turmoil and restlessness into some nice, satisfying violence.

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Whoops! Buffy forgot about Riley. Oh well, she won't be needing him for much longer, anyway. I wonder what it will take to make her see reason? Actually I don't, because I'm the author! I bet most of you have it figured out by this point as well. ;)

I didn't want Spike to be *too* much of a nice guy here, so I added in a little bit of malicious intent on his part, a la The Yoko Factor. As usual, his evil intentions will probably just blow up in his face- probably in the guise of a B/G fireworks explosion, in this case. The big conclusion will come in the next chapter. Horny, angry Slayer. Half-drunk, intrigued Watcher. What could possibly go wrong? Hahaha…

This fic had a great time at the prom with Rippertish, enjoyed many an after party with Blind Magdalene, and had adorable prom-night-dumpster-babies with bloodydarkwolf. And hey, the prom weekend is still young!

So… who wants morning-after-the-prom hangover waffles at the local diner? I like waffles, because you can put reviews in the little holes if you wanted to…