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Chapter 4: Oh, d'Arvit
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Undisclosed Location
Unfortunately, Artemis Fowl had had a lot of experience of waking up from an unconscious (not just sleeping) state. This tended to happen when meglomaniacs took a grudge when you saved the world from them. So when he woke up in a grey, bland room with a sour taste in his mouth, he put two and two together.
I was knocked unconscious, he thought, running his tongue over his teeth, and grimaced at the taste. And drugged.
He sighed. Why does this always happen?
Looking around, he saw that his first impression of the room was the only impression; the small square room had grey slabs for walls and the same for the floors. There was one cot, a bed to sleep in; it was short, but at least it had clean sheets. It was drab. It was depressing. It practically screamed 'prison.'
Artemis looked down and saw that his fingers were shaking. He closed them to stop the tremors. The vibrating didn't calm, just became tighter and more concentrated in his fists.
On his wrists, rattling slightly, were a pair of handcuffs.
Oh, D'arvit, he thought, rather uncharacteristically.
Enroute to Fowl Manor
After much arguing, emotional displays, not-so-subtle "soothing" comments from Foaly, near magical explosions from the demon warlocks, and a lot of headache from Holly, they were finally in the shuttle heading to Fowl Manor.
The melodrama had stemmed from one problem: N°1 had wanted to come along to Fowl Manor. And Qwan was against that. The conversations had gone something like this, for what seemed like an hour:
"No! It's not fair!"
"It's very f—"
"You can't make me! Why?"
"Because I said so."
And so on. It was ridiculously repetitive.
"You," Qwan had finally declared with a furious shaking finger, "are the most magical warlock we've ever had. You are worth an astronomical amount to the People! You can accomplish things the rest of our deceased warlock brothers could never imagine, never dream of! You will change the world someday, and I will not let you risk yourself like this!"
"How can I change the world someday," N°1 had yelled back, "if I can't even save a friend now?"
Qwan had been quiet for a few moments. But only a few. He then stuck four fingers into N°1's naval, and the little warlock had collapsed, unconscious. Qwan had withdrawn his hand, which was buzzing with magical sparks.
"There's hard choices to make," Qwan had said sadly.
Holly sat with her head in her hands, as the shuttle bumped and jocked around the three passengers: Holly, Qwan, and one security personnel, the pilot. So, one of my friends is unconscious, knocked out by his own teacher, thought Holly. Butler seems suspicious of the People. The People are in a state of high alert, and one of my best friends is the suspect. And that friend is currently missing to the world, possibly dead.
And as an after-thought, one that she had unfortunately thought more than she should have had to over the years: I never got to say good-bye to him.
But apparently a good sense of guilt never dulled. And that was a positive thing to note, since she most certainly deserved it.
Undisclosed Location
It's most likely one of my previous enemies, Artemis thought. They all seem like the type to lock me in a cell and then laugh at it for days on end. My nemesis's sense of humor was never very refined.
He'd been in this cell—this tiny, claustrophobic little cell—for nearly a twelfth of a day now. He'd been counting. About 2 hours, give or take. No food, no water, no company. A heavily locked door for decoration.
His fingers had refused to stop shaking, in all that time.
Could they know...? Artemis wondered. No, they only put me in here because it was most likely convenient. That, or they want information, and they'll leave me here for awhile to "convince" me to give it...They couldn't have known. They couldn't have known this was the most efficient course of action when it comes to me...
Fowl Manor
"Arty?"
Artemis's mother poked her head around the corner of Artemis's bedroom door. There was a small bundle of blankets on top of his bed that didn't stir when she asked for a second time, "Arty?"
No response.
"Oh..." Angeline whispered, and withdrew her head to look at her husband, who was standing a little ways down the hall. "He's sleeping. Good. He never sleeps enough—he looks like a vampire sometimes."
Underneath the covers, Juliet tried not to shake with laughter. It was nice to see she wasn't the only one who thought Artemis didn't look quite human.
"Are you sure he's not too sick? Should I stay home with him, Timmy?" Angeline asked her husband anxiously.
"If anyone stays home with him, it should be me," Artemis Sr. said, smiling at his adorable wife. Sometimes she reminded him of a flighty bird, a protective mother hen. Her breathy voice strengthened that illusion. "You love France too much—and visiting the Paradizos. But either way, Artemis will insist we go. Somehow I don't think he'd appreciate us staying here to look after him; his pride wouldn't allow it."
Angeline sighed. "He does have an independent streak, doesn't he? He doesn't need to be babysat."
"MOMMY!"
"He's lying! Don't believe him!"
Beckett raced through straight to Angeline's skirts, with Myles trailing behind. "Mommy!" Beckett cried, taking two fists of Angeline's dress.
"What's wrong, babe?" she said, smoothing his curls. She shot Myles a stern look. The "Mommy" look. He squirmed.
"I—Myles said—simpletoon!" Beckett babbled. "And then the monkey was an insult, and he kept the titles, and—"
"He. . .What?" Angeline said blankly, throwing Artemis Sr. a questioning glance. He shrugged helplessly and just smiled. "Boys, you can't play rough, now," she said, turning back.
"I wasn't!" Myles said imploringly. "We were just—"
"—and called simpletoon because of me loving coffee!" Beckett finished his dire accusations, and looked over at his twin triumphantly, sticking out his tongue. Myles retaliated likewise.
Angeline sighed. "Let's get you away from your brother, now," she said, and began herding the twins away. "You're far too loud, and he's sleeping." The boys continued bickering, and Artemis Sr. followed, trying to smother his laughter. Soon they were down the hall and fading from earshot.
Juliet exhaled.
Delapidated Garden, Fowl Manor
There was a small section in the grounds of Fowl Manor that was not tended by gardeners. It was an overgrown, weedy, jungle mess far from the eyes of the Manor inhabitants that would strike fear into the heart of the stoutest gardener. "Nobody would see it anyway," they rationalized, and left Mother Nature in her natural fearsome state (from a gardener's point of view, anyway).
It proved a most excellent hiding spot for fairies and their various fairy-made devices. Conveniently enough. The shuttle touched down with nothing but a shimmer.
Butler sat on a fallen log, waiting. He didn't have to wait long, as Holly and the demons jumped out, accompanied by a single security personnel. "Hello, Holly," Butler said, smiling slightly—not much—and standing up. "Qwan. And who's this?"
"This is our security," Holly said, rolling her eyes discreetly.
Security didn't say a word, just adjusted his weapon, with his helmet visor completely covering his face. At least Butler assumed he was male. With any fairies (besides pixies), it was hard to tell.
"His name?" Or hers?
"Captain Vein," he said, in a voice low and husky from disuse.
So he's a man, Butler thought. Let's hope he's not trigger-happy. Last thing I need at the moment. "Well, Captain, you're going to have to be perimeter check, unless you're comfortable with shielding full-time," he said aloud.
"Shielding's fine," Vein said quietly. "As long as I can stay close." He inclined his head toward the other fairies.
That wasn't what Butler wanted, but he nodded and started making his way toward the Manor's back entrance. The fairies followed at a distance, having trouble with the large fallen logs and such.
"Juliet?" Butler called gently, with brotherly kindness. The large bundle of covers in Artemis's bed grumbled and stirred a bit. "Juliet, wake up." Butler tickled her feet, catching her foot as it kicked out at him.
"Jul-i-et!" The brotherly kindness had all but disappeared. Holly snickered as Butler whipped off the covers. Juliet curled into a ball and scowled at Butler with sleepy eyes.
"So this is this what you've been doing the whole time?" Holly smirked. "Sleeping in the double-wide bed?"
"What?" Juliet sat bolt upright. "Is that Holly?"
"Hmmm," Holly said, crossing her arms and grinning. "Who else is 2'9 and allowed to tease you mercilessly?"
"It is you!" The blonde launched out of that bed and wrapped the elf in a bear hug. "Thank goodness you're here! Now you can get us out of this mess and I don't have to sleep all day!"
"But it is a very comfy bed," Holly said, disentangling herself.
"Yes, it is," Juliet sighed and looked at it longingly. "Feather, you know."
Holly shared a wicked look with Butler. "You do realize you've been sleeping in Artemis' bed for three days, don't you?" she snickered. This was going to make for great ammunition later.
Juliet opened her mouth wide, and two pink dots appeared on her face, which was still pale from sleeping horizontally. An expression of dawning comprehension. Or horror. "Well, don't say it like that," she muttered. "It's not like that."
"Oh, so it doesn't bother you?" Holly said innocently.
Even Butler and Qwan cracked smiles as Juliet went even more scarlet.
Undisclosed Location.
"...Only, from the long line of spray
Where the sea meets the moon-blanched land,
Listen! you hear the grating roar
Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling,
At their return, up the high strand,
Begin, and cease, and then again begin,
With tremulous cadence slow, and bring
The eternal note of sadness in..."
Artemis could not remember the next line, for the life of him. He hands shook. His mouth was dry. He knew, he knew, it couldn't have been more than a few hours in this place, but he couldn't calm down, it seemed so much longer...
He'd taken reciting poetry to soothe his nerves. Dover Beach, by Matthew Arnold.
"Sophocles long ago
Heard it on the Agean, and it brought
Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow
Of human misery; we
Find also in the sound a thought,
Hearing it by this distant northern sea..."
Fowl Manor
BAM! Thwock, thwock, thwock.
Holly jumped violently, snapping into a shield. "What the heck was that?" she hissed, as her mouth vibrated into invisibility.
"Boys! Quiet down, you're brother's sleeping," came Artemis Sr.'s muffled call from the hallway. A chorus of "sorry, dad"'s followed.
Butler shook his head. "False alarm," he said, and went to knock on the bathroom door as Holly cursed and unshielded. "Juliet? You done yet?"
"Done blushing?" Holly remarked.
"Oh, shut up," came Juliet's mutter.
Unnoticed, Qwan went to the window. It was quite beautiful, on the surface. He'd forgotten. The trees, the light, the smell, the clean air tinged with a touch of pollutant that reminded him of his volcano...
He'd just laid a hand on the window pane, and Holly had perched on a bedpost in the center of the room like a bird, when there was a light knock on the door.
"Arty? I'm coming in," Angeline whispered as she opened the door. "I came to...oh... oh dear..."
Undisclosed Location
"...The Sea of Faith
Was once, too, at the full, and round earth's shore
Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furled.
But now I only hear
Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar,
Retreating, to the breath
Of the night wind, down the vast edges drear
And naked shingles of the world."
"Ah, love—" Artemis choked for a moment, and continued. "Ah...
"Ah, love, let us be true
To one another! for the world, which seems
To lie before us like a land of dreams,
So various, so beautiful, so new,
Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,
Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;
And we are here as on a darkling plain
Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
Where ignorant armies clash by night..."
Click. Whoosh.
The door opened, and Artemis whipped his head around.
"Oh, d'Arvit," Assistant Reece cursed. "You're alive!"
Notes: Dover Beach by Matthew Arnold is not my creation. I only heard of it from Fahrenheit 451.