Wow...Tamaki is so OOC for that first chapter o.O Meh. I wanted to show his...darker side. I kinda like the dark side of Tamaki, it's kinda sexy cause he's not so mindless. (I apologize to Tama fans for having Hika beat him like that! It just kinda happened, I was writing with no thought process behind it...)

Don't forget to review please! ^_^

I can't believe I just did that. I only meant to hit him once to give him the message, and I just beat him within an inch of his life. And Kaoru thought there was something wrong with him. Fuck.

I still sit on the ground, listening to Haruhi calling an ambulance. I'll never be able to show my face at school again. I'll never be able to show my face anywhere, ever again. I jump up and run when I think of this. I have no idea where I'm going, and I don't care. Ignoring Kaoru's shouts to stop, I run blindly into the forest. All I know is that I have to get away...and I don't want to go back. I can't ever go back. I'm sorry, Kaoru.

Kaoru's POV

"H-Hikaru?" I whisper as silent as the night, hoping he won't hear me, but still trying nonetheless. I can't help but feel a little let down. I can't believe he's sleeping. He always waits up for me, as much as I don't want him to. I sigh and slink over to the dresser to change into my pajama pants. I try to ignore the pain that shocks me to my core with every move I make; the bruises that Tamaki left on me are really tender still. I foolishly allow my mind to wander backwards from this moment to earlier in the night, and fail to stop the flood of memories that assault my brain. Tamaki's face coming closer to mine; his lies that everything will be ok; soft whispers and moans in my ear; my unheeded protests and pleas for the pain to stop; his cruel, twisted sneer as he rams himself into me; me crying out for my protector, my Hikaru, begging him to help me.

At this point I'm laying in bed, my back to my other half, keeping my sobs to a dull roar so as not to wake him. I continue to cry almost soundlessly, or so I think. "Kaoru?" I halt my silent mourning. "Kaoru, are you okay?" I roll over slowly to face my shocked twin. He asks me what happened, but I can't bring myself to say it out loud, so I begin to cry even harder. What must he think of me? He's going to be so disgusted when he finds out, I know it. I can't help but feel ashamed as he tries to pull me closer and I all but scream in agony. As he takes in my bruise- and bite-covered body, he asks me: "Kaoru, what the fuck happened? What is all this?" I calm down enough to start explaining in short, nearly unintelligible phrases. I stop when I'm about to tell him what Tamaki did and I feel my face heat up with embarrassment. I can't admit to my brother that I was raped by my own boyfriend, and that I allowed it happen. He asks again what Tamaki did and I reply only in riddles. "He promised it wouldn't hurt. He told me not to cry, and to be quiet. I just let it happen...I can't belive I..." It felt like all the blood in my body was now in my face as he said the words that I couldn't. "You mean he...he took your virginity, Kaoru? He r-raped you?" I could only nod faintly in agreement, afraid that if I spoke, I'd only start to bawl even more.

I could feel Hikaru shaking at my words. I knew he would hate me. I knew he'd be angry. I let out a sound as he tightens his grip on my hands; hands that couldn't defend their owner. "I'm sorry, Hikaru." is all I can manage to say. I realize vaguely that I'm still crying, but I'm past caring. He tries to explain that he isn't angry with me but I can only blink in response. My body has shut down as a defense to Hikaru's anger; it's taken far too much beating tonight. I start to drift into a fog and I hazily feel my brother, my protector, my Hikaru, pull me close and mumble words of comfort. Just as I'm on the brink of what feels like a large precipice, I swear I feel his lips just barely graze my forehead, and that's when I fall down...down...down...and I know I'll never resurface.

Hikaru's POV

Running.

Jogging.

Resting.

Running.

Running.

Running.

Always running.

Even thought we'd ventured into this forest many times as children, I'd been lost within minutes of departure. Now I've lost track of the days, but I can tell it's been some time since I ran from the scene of my gruesome crime. There's a persistant throb in my stomach, meaning that it's been too long since I've eaten anything. I've been drinking when I find a stream and I attempt to find food, but having lived as a rich child and teen I have been spoiled and pampered to the point of uselessness. I don't sleep at night because I'm haunted by nightmares...Kaoru and Tamaki together; Haruhi and Tamaki together; Haruhi, Tamaki, and Kaoru...and in every one of them, Kaoru will look at me and ask with a smirk, "What's the matter Hikaru? Don't you wanna play with me?" The worst are the ones of me and him together...me running for him; him falling off of unimaginable heights, and me not being able to stop it from happening; the kiss...us fucking...those are the ones that make me shudder. I can't understand where they come from, and I can't understand how they make me feel. I want to say that I would enjoy actually doing those things with my brother, but I always cut short; it's disgusting and disturbing to be thinking of my twin that way. How could I want that? It's so wrong, so repulsive to think of; but at the same time, I can't help but think that maybe, just maybe, it would be right. We've been inseparable since birth, and even though I know that with Tamaki in the picture we were drifting apart, I still feel that we were never really that far from each others' thoughts. I guess it's too late to act now, though.

I look up in dismay as dark clouds drift lazily over the grey sky. I have to find shelter, and soon. Glancing around at my surroundings, I realize that I still have no clue where I am. I continue in the direction I've been going in for the last however many days when I come up to a small lake. It's too big to be a pond, but I can't remember there ever being a lake close to my house. I must be farther than I thought. I run up to the lake and stand at the edge of the water. It's the first time I've seen myself for...days? Hours? Weeks? I have no recollection, but I can see it's been too long. My orange hair is now a dull brown from the dirt, and my face is marked with scratches and smeared with dry blood. I realize that most of that blood isn't mine.

Sighing, I bend down to wash my face and hair. Seeing the state of my tattered clothing, I decide it would be better to just wash my entire self. I strip down to nothing, and shiver in the cold air. Without a second thought, I plunge into the icy water of the lake and quickly rub the dirt off my face and out of my hair. I'm about to get out when I remember that I have nothing to dry off with but my filthy garments. Shit. Now what? I'm trying to figure it out when my body seizes up from the cold. I hadn't noticed how numb my limbs were till now, and now that I have, I wish I'd gotten out sooner. Suddenly treading water is a chore and my arms are getting more and more sluggish. My legs can't kick anymore. My head keeps going under the water and my lungs feel like they're burning despite the frigid air. Panic envelops me as I struggle to break free from the water's crushing embrace, but nothing seems to help and my head is staying under the surface longer and longer each time. I know that this is the end, and you know...it doesn't feel too bad. Allowing the lake to fully swallow me, I close my eyes and in my mind, I bring forth the picture of the only person I would want to see before I died. Orange hair, perfectly parted to the left, huge, golden eyes sparkling with some secret joke, soft, pink lips slightly open in a silent laugh, a reddish glow on high cheek bones. A beautiful person, identical to myself yet so completely different, the person in this world that matters more to me than I do to myself: my sweet, innocent Kaoru. I try to hold that image for as long as I can, but the edges start to blur as I breathe in only liquid. I don't want to lose him, I can't lose him. As long as he's safe, everything's ok. Darkness creeps over me as a lose consciousness. Please, please stay safe. Please. I love you, Kaoru. This is my last thought as the blackness takes over, and then there is nothing more.

I open my eyes and blink in the sudden light. I'm in the forest still, but I'm lying on my back, beside the lake. My clothes are clean and have been put back on. I run a hand through my hair and realize it's soft and clean. What the hell's going on? I remember the lake, and the darkness beneath it. I can remember drowning and seeing Kaoru's face in my mind one last time, but I can't remember being rescued. I look up to see a figure standing at the edge of the trees, dressed all in black. It almost looks like it's becoming me to go to it. Confused, I stand up and creep up to the person cautiously. It's Kyouya-senpai.

"Kyouya-senpai! What's going on? Did you pull me out of the water?" Kyouya just looks up, his dark purple eyes boring into my golden ones. Instead of a response, he shifts his gaze over to where I was just laying. I follow his stare and see that I'm still laying in that spot, and it appears that I'm sleeping. Then I understand.

I'm dead.

The realization of it is like hitting a truck head on. My legs give out and I sit on the hard ground, unable to fully comprehend the situation that has been carelessly thrown at me. I feel Kyouya's hand on my shoulder and I'm overwhelmed with a sense of despair. I look up at him desperately and he offers his hand. I take it and am shocked when the setting changes right before my very eyes. We're now standing in mine and Kaoru's shared bedroom. It's dark; I can only see the dark outline of the bed, and of the person laying in it. I glance at where I estimate Kyouya to be, and I barely make out him raising his arm, then the room is immersed in a soft glow of light from an unknown source. Kyouya nods towards the bed, and I look oven to see Kaoru huddled under the blanket staring at me with unblinking eyes. At first I think we've actually appeared before him, but as I move closer his eyes still stay in the same spot; staring at a reality completely different from this one. I then realize that me and Kyouya are only figments, not real. I watch as Kaoru's golden eyes fill to the brim with tears, and I can't stop the flood that follows as the dam breaks. I reach out to my baby brother only to be held back by the Shadow Lord. I shoot him a look that could freeze blood, but he only shakes his head. My body sags in defeat as I become aware of the unspoken command: look but don't touch. Acknowledging this with a small nod, I sit in front of my double and watch as he slowly drifts off to sleep. I've always loved seeing Kaoru when he's sleeping; all the lines and creases of worry that the day has brought are erased, and all that's left is a blank slate ready for the next day to paint its stresses onto. I notice a stray hair on his forehead and I reach up to brush it away, only to be restrained yet again. I feel my muscles give out; I put my face into my hands, imagining the future without Kaoru. I know that I'll never be able to hear his laughter, ringing through the halls of the empty house as we play our usual pranks. I'll never be able to tell him that it will all work out, even if I know it's impossible. I'll never wipe away his tears. Never caress his sweet face again. Never hold him and feel his reassuring warmth. Have him snuggle closer to me when he has a bad dream. Touch him. Kiss him.

Tears begin to flow shamelessly down my cheeks, as I'm realizing how much I really do love my brother. I look angrily at Kyouya, and I'm angered more at the careless expression on his face. I run over to him and begin to hit him. Punching, kicking, slapping...using him as a human punching bag. Finally my punches turn into light touches, and then to grabbing as I cling to his shirt and begin to sob. Kyouya sits on the floor and I crawl into his cold lap; he holds me like a baby. And I cry. Cry for Tamaki's unforgivable act...for my own stupidity...for my Kaoru.

So there's chapter 2! Kinda angsty and depressing, but those are the breaks I guess...

Please please review, and keep in mind that this is my first Fic so it's not gonna be the best. I do try though. Honest.