You sat on the cold plastic seat of the swing, watching the kids in the park. Some were in groups, having snowball fights while others were with their families, taking a stroll, getting hot chocolate or just taking a walk. You were distinctly out of place, older than most of the other kids and all alone. You didn't know why you were at the play-ground anyways. Maybe it was just your inner childness that drew you there, maybe swinging just relaxed you. Or maybe you were looking for a way to have that child-hood you'd never gotten. Sure enough, that was probably it. After all, there was no doubt that your own upbringing had been non-existent and you'd had to grow up way faster and a lot meaner than anybody should have to. Sure enough, you felt jealous of every child playing in and around the playground. Who were they to have what you'd never had – families, a childhood, innocence and freedom with no worries whatsoever? Who were they to be that lucky? What had they done in some previous life to live that burden-free lifestyle only children have? Better yet, what could you have possibly done in your previous lives to deserve to live the way you had to?

A chill had crept up into your skin a long time ago and now you felt the cold down to your bones. You couldn't stop shivering beneath the thin coat of the Kokuyo uniform you still wore, though you no longer attended the school nor had reason to wear the uniform your leader had picked out. Maybe you just liked the uniform – it did flatter you, or so he'd told you and you did like the forest green color of the material. It made you think of big, dark forests, the kind you could lose yourself in and where the only sounds were the tweeting of birds, the whistling of warm breezes and the scampering of small woodland animals. You hadn't been in woods like that in your life but you'd seen pictures of them and you were bound and determined to find them one day. Maybe that's why you liked the uniform – it helped remind you of that small dream. Or maybe it was just a way to keep your master with you, though he was long gone to places you couldn't follow.

Your bare hands on the freezing steel of the swings chains were red and starting to chap. Frostbite, most certainly. You should leave, find shelter in a warm place for a few moments before heading back to the place that you slept and stayed. Funny, you'd used to use the word 'home' for that place. No more though – that place had never been home. Home had always been something you'd never had. Not until him. He'd saved you, given you a purpose and then he'd become your home. Anywhere he was, if you were with him then that was home. No longer was he at Kokuyo Land though. No, now he rested in the water-logged cells of Vindice, far from you or the others. But you all stayed at Kokuyo Land anyway. There was something left of him there and besides, when you, Ken and Chikusa got Mukuro out of Vindice, he'd need a place to stay and Kokuyo Land was as good as any.

But the day that you all broke him out was not today and you didn't want to return. You didn't want to go back to Ken and Chikusa's arguing, which had only gotten worse without Mukuro there to distract them from how much they annoyed each other. You didn't want to go back to watching them fight and ignore you, confirming your suspicions that you were barely more than a ghost now that Mukuro wasn't there to ground you to life, to bring you into the group, safe and secure. And you most certainly didn't want to go back to her, the stupid, silly, naïve little Japanese girl who Mukuro was using as a container. Why her, you asked yourself for the thousandth time. Why was she the chosen one? Mukuro could've used you. Hell, he could've even have used Ken or Chikusa. The three of you were the most loyal to him and god knows, you'd all have given him free reign of your bodies at the drop of a hat. You hated her, the girl he'd chosen and protected, given a name and a purpose despite her being useless. You couldn't stand the sight of her face and you couldn't stand the fact that she'd be there when you went back.

So you stayed on the playground despite the cold, stayed until your body was near numb and all the kids had gone inside, stayed until the night got so dark that the streetlights came on. You stayed until you just stopped thinking, your mind going numb along with your body from the cold.

But then, out of the corner of your eye, you swore you saw him. It had to be, it could only be…but what was he…how could he? Propelling yourself off the swing, ignoring the pain shooting through your numb, cold legs and the unresponsiveness of your mind and body as they refused to work together, you plodded off towards the figure. It was impossible, it couldn't be…but it had to be. There was no mistaking it, that silhouette, that hair, that aura. It was Mukuro. But with each heavy step you took, he seemed to only get farther away until you were forced to speed up despite your body's protests. You swept along streets, following him until, as you turned a corner you'd seen him disappear around, you couldn't see him anymore. You looked around, not finding him.

A tear slipped down your cheek but you dashed it impatiently away. You were imagining things, you told yourself. The cold had gotten to you and your mind had dreamed up something. All of a sudden you found yourself exhausted now that you had nothing to chase and you sat on the doorstep of a restaurant in the alley you found yourself in. You'd go to Kokuyo Land soon enough but for now, you needed to rest. You couldn't walk one more step.

Looking around, you watched diners in the restaurant across the street and people scurry by with last minute shopping. Turning your head, you could see into the restaurant whose stoop you were resting on. It was closed at the moment by the looks of how darkened it was but you really couldn't be sure. You were only given the view of the office at back of it. A calendar hung on the wall was printed with some cheap bikini-clad bimbo smiling vapidly out from the page and you sneered before you caught sight of the date. Then your sneer turned to a look of shock. You hadn't thought it was that late into the month already. December 22 already?

Three more days until Christmas. Not that it really mattered, you inwardly sneered, feeling bitterly unhappy. You'd always loved Christmas. You might not have had big Christmas with family and friends all around you but you'd had Mukuro and Ken and Chikusa and usually a few presents (usually stolen from near-by stores) and a small tree or some Christmas ornaments (thanks to Mukuro's illusionary powers – he'd always claimed that making small things like a room decorated for Christmas was good practice to keep his skills in good shape). But now – this would be the first Christmas without Mukuro in a very long time and there'd be no presents or decorations. There was no reason to celebrate Christmas – after all, Christmas wasn't all that big in Japan. And there was no Mukuro there to help inspire you and the boys into the Christmas spirit. Ken and Chikusa wouldn't want a Christmas this year and you couldn't get it ready by yourself. Why should you anyways if there was no one who wanted to share it with you. And you most definitely wouldn't accept or encourage her help in any way, shape, or form. No, there'd be no Christmas this year. Maybe no Christmas next year or the year after that or ever.

Oh, Mukuro, why'd you have to leave us? Tears started to slip down your cheeks and this time you didn't bother stopping them. You just hunched into yourself and sobbed yourself to sleep. The last thing you remembered, something you wrote off to the impending sleep the cold and sadness had drawn you into, was his voice.

'Hmm, didn't know silly holidays meant so much to you, little one? Don't worry – things will be okay.'

When you woke, you were surprised to find yourself, not in the alleyway you'd fallen asleep in, but on one of the broken-down, worn-out couches that were left in Kokuyo Land. Your body ached and you drew the thin blanket that was wrapped around you tighter to your body, fighting the chills that still ran through your body.

"Oh, awake now?" you heard Chikusa say before, with a few feverish blinks, he came into focus, leaning over you.

"What the hell were you thinking, stupid girl?" Ken screamed loudly into your face, popping up next to Chikusa. "Why the hell were you sleeping outside? Are you crazy?"

You just groaned and tried to sit up. Your body resisted at first but after a few attempts you sat up and went to respond to Ken's (annoying) screams.

"I didn't mean to fall asleep. I thought I saw Mukuro and went to follow him."

"That's impossible," Chikusa said, his voice hard as he turned away from you. Ken just glared at you.

"What happened anyways? How'd I end up here?" you asked.

"How the hell should we know?" Ken growled. "Found you outside the building, passed out on the ground. Next time, I'll leave you there, stupid!"

Wait – on the ground outside the Kokuyo Land building? But that wasn't right; you'd passed out in an alleyway. You were about to pipe up and say this when your tired, still feverish mind finally took in your surroundings.

"What the hell is all this?" you asked sharply, your eyes taking in the sights around you. Somehow, Kokuyo Land had gotten fully decorated for Christmas, with a tree and ornaments and tinsel and garlands and wreaths, while you were gone.

"Ask her, she did it," Chikusa said from somewhere on your right, jerking a thumb at Chrome who was hanging back in a corner.

You just glared at her before flopping back down onto the couch and rolling away from everyone. You didn't want her to do things like this. You hated her even more now – who was she to try to make Christmas for you and the boys? She wasn't part of your little family and she had no reason to try to insert herself into it. You were still stewing when you heard the boys leave the room. A shuffling sound came from the corner, which you ignored, before you heard Chrome walk across the room and to the front of the couch you laid on. You didn't roll over to face her, didn't look at her, didn't acknowledge her at all.

"Umm…" she stammered and you could hear more shuffling, as if she was nervously shifting positions. "Master Mukuro said…he said next time you fall asleep outside, he won't help."

You perked up at her words, swinging swiftly as she stood before you, staring at the ground, her face flushing as she stammered over the next words.

"He said that he hopes you like his gift – I don't know if my decorating sense is the same as his, I've never done it before but he told me how to do them. And he said…"

Here she paused, blushing fully now.

"He said they do need it and that you need to step up for them now, if that makes sense. And he asked me to…to do this," she stammered out, her words picking up speed until they turned into one run-on sentence towards the end before, with a tomato red face and eyes anywhere but on you, she leaned down and kissed you on the forehead.

"From him," she muttered. "Merry Christmas."

And she dashed out of the room quickly, leaving you to stare after her. You sighed and slowly rose up before taking in the sight of the decorated room with a grin and a small giggle. You went about getting ready, trying to find slightly warmer clothing. After all, you had a lot of 'shopping' left to do if you were to make Christmas for the boys. You should probably get Chrome to go with you too – she might be able to provide a distraction during your 'shopping' trip. And besides, maybe she wasn't so bad - she was your link to Mukuro after all.