In Ruins
Everything hurts.
The sunlight streaming in through the window stings my eyes, and my head is throbbing.
Every pulse sends a whisper down my spine. You deserve it, something in me taunts.
You deserve it.
My memories feel slippery and smudged around the edges. Nothing new. Wouldn't it be better to just forget? No such luck. Ever.
You deserve it.
I close my eyes against the glaring light.
I'm sitting on the edge of the mattress with my back against the wall. I wrap my arms around my knees, because I feel like I have to go somewhere… get something, and I can't leave. I won't.
I am… I want to be better than this.
The room's shaking… or maybe it's me… back and forth, back and forth. It's almost soothing, almost enough to chase away the demons. It's never enough.
I want… need… no. Not tonight, just not tonight. I can get through this. Just one night, one hour, one more minute… Please.
And then Jimmy sits down beside with a needle and a promise.
'You won't feel a thing. Relax. Trust me.'
I want it… need it. And I do trust him… every fucking time, I can't help it. Damn it, Jimmy.
Everything's warm, and I feel like I'm falling, but it's all ok... everything's ok.
Thank you, Jimmy.
Everything hurts.
It just hurts so fucking much how much I need something… someone… I have so many reasons to hate.
Goddamn it, Jimmy! You can take your broken needles and your broken promises, and go to Hell.
Please… before I change my mind.
You deserve it. You deserve it.
And the sunlight stings my eyes.
You deserve it.
It's time to wake up.