His Heartbreak for Hers
Chapter Four: Her Sorrow

Ж

She had missed him …

Six years of subtle sorrows had consumed her, at first it was overwhelming—especially when she found out that she was with child, with his child. Luckily, she had already finished high school and somehow got admitted to a college, not the best, but one anyway. Fear took her at first, she hadn't any idea how her mother would take to the news… or brother or grandfather.

Did she feel shame? Yes, first and foremost she felt used from all that Inuyasha had said and done. Then he left her with this burden as well? What awful luck she must of held, to only ever have sex once and become pregnant.

Her mother was shocked, grandfather a bit sickened, but they all accepted it and swore to help in any way they could—and even support her in whatever she choose. Giving up the child, though, was out of question. She'd keep it and hold her head high as she started college with a rounded belly, she'd finish it, she'd get a job, she'd support herself and her child… who turned out to be a son.

Which was worse, she had hoped for a daughter—someone who couldn't resemble his father. It would be a lie if she hadn't constantly fantasized his return, him begging for forgiveness then whisking them all away to live happily ever after in the fairytale life she had thought she'd have but when two years past by without a sign she slowly gave it up that dream…

Hiroki, her son, wanted more than a grandma that doted on his, an uncle that played with him, and a great-grandpa that would tell him constant stories. He wanted a father as soon as he could form sentence he'd ask, "where's dada?"

And it would bring life to her sorrows, whenever they went to the park, whenever they were out at the store, whenever they saw a happy normal family he'd pout and look up to her with big golden eyes sometimes he wouldn't ask, sometimes the sadness in his eyes said enough, but most of the time he questioned, "where's my dada?"

She'd never have an answer to that, all she could do was force a smile and change the subject. Then fate seemed to intervene, in her second year of college right after he turned two, she had to take him to the doctor's for a fever. Worry wouldn't fully describe how she felt as she waited for the doctor to call them back even if it was just a little cough, she still couldn't imagine what she'd do if anything ever happened to the center of her life. Though she went to school and got good grades she still would rather spend the night in with her son than out with new friends—her mother did force her out every once and a while regardless.

"Higurashi Hiroki?" Someone called out, she grabbed her son and walked into the room—that was the first time they met.

He was quite handsome and she couldn't help but awe at him some before he greeted them. It was the first time she ever encountered Ishikawa Isamu who had just finished his internship after completing medical school to join his uncle's family practice. He was eight years older than the twenty year-old, second year, and single mother.

She wasn't from a well off family, she wasn't anything remarkable, and more than anything she came with a horde of tangled strings so what he saw in her would always be a mystery. He told her the moment he landed his auburn eyes upon her he felt a click, a beautiful feeling took his heart—he always said it was love at first sight.

What really won her over was how good he was with Hiroki, how much he looked up to Isamu… he didn't ask her out the first time she took her son to him but he did tell her that he'd like to see Hiroki back in two weeks just to make sure he was okay. It was then that he built up the courage to ask, "Your son's father and you…?"

That was the second most hated question, the one that sparked her sorrows once more, it was still something she'd rather a stranger ask her than her son ask for a father. She forced a smile and said, "He's not a part of our lives."

"Oh," he murmured as his eyes scanned over Hiroki's charts, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up a sore subject, Higurashi-san."

"It's fine," she assured, she had accepted it—Inuyasha wasn't coming back or he would have by then, wouldn't he?

"I don't know if you have any free time," he began in a bit of a fumble as he tapped the chart with his pen—later, she'd learn that was what he'd do whenever he was nervous, the night he proposed he kept tap, tap, tapping his fingers upon the white clothe of the lovely table. "But if you do… would you like to maybe go to dinner tonight?"

At first she felt a "no, thank you" about to slip out of her lips, as she always did whenever a boy asked her out. Generally, once they found out she had a son it was a turn off so why even bother? Besides, she didn't think she was ready to give another a chance to hurt her but then she realized… he already knew she was a single mother.

So, instead, "sure, I would like that."

He tried to impress her on their first date and took her to a restaurant she'd never be able to afford but it was his honesty in the way he spoke, the shyness he showed, and the kindness that won her over—the way he went out of his way to get a teddy bear on their walk back that Kagome mentioned Hiroki would love. She knew then that she could make a life with him; he was there for her and Hiroki from that day forward whenever they needed.

And that was more than she could ever say about a hanyou who had once owned her heart.

She had realized within two years what Inuyasha had probably done, how he had thought it best for her to not be in the past where she could get hurt, so she forgave him. Holding on to a grudge and grief wouldn't do her any good so she let it go.

A year and a half later and she was engaged, six months and she was married and graduated with a nursing degree, not too long after they were preparing for a child—finally she received a daughter. A year and a half later and they had another. All the while, Isamu treated Hiroki like his own and showed him just as much love as he did to his two girls.

He made the best husband but a better father. That was why any thought of Inuyasha coming back and whisking her away were traitorous… she wasn't faking it, not for Hiroki, she wouldn't marry a man she didn't love, she wouldn't have children with him—she loved Isamu, and he loved her more than anything.

She had a good life, a wonderful one, with a husband any girl would dream to have and adorable children… when she asked him if they could live with her mother and grandpa in the Higurashi house, he said of course. He had lost his parents at a young age and loved the idea of staying close to hers. He understood that she felt obligated to take care of her elder grandfather and her aging mother.

But really… a part of her she'd never acknowledge wanted to stay near the well.

Every time she saw the hut she'd felt a subtle pang but with time and Isamu's help, she learned to live again.

She moved on, without the hanyou she always thought would be her future.

Ж

She had everything he couldn't give her…

He never could give her, if she wanted to be with him than they would have needed to stay in the past. She would have been cut off from her family, from the world she loved… that was what he told himself as he sat with his back to the Goshinbuko, his clawed fingers turning the shikon no tama around in his hand as he tried to ignore the ache that emanated from his chest, ignore the weight of his eyelids, and keep breathing.

All these years he hadn't used it… he could then, the possibilities were endless and he couldn't help but let his thoughts wonder to one wish in particular—going back to the moment that he left her and staying instead, never saying a single wrathful word. He wanted to—Kami knew he badly he did—but he couldn't for so many reasons, two being the most important. If one ever made a selfish wish upon the shikon no tama—which was exactly what it would be, he knew—then nothing good ever came of it. The jewel would warp it, make him regret ever making the wish. And the second… he'd take her away the family she had formed, the life from her daughters that she'd never have.

The ones she loved, he couldn't do that to her… and that doctor—whatever that meant—had given her a good life, had made her happy.

There were a hundred other possibilities but all took her from her children, all revolved around giving her to him. He didn't want to be that man, she'd resent him for it someday, and he'd be taking her daughters' mother from them like death had taken his… he couldn't do that to someone else's childhood.

Someone once told him that to truly love another meant that you were willing to let them go if that meant they'd be truly happy… he didn't know if that was right or something that he was told just to make him feeling better about what he had done to Kagome.

He wanted to believe it and he did love her… enough to let her go, let her live happily ever after with her husband and children.

To let her go like that was selfless so he felt it was safe to clench the shikon no tama and say, "I wish for two things, that Kagome will have a happy life with her husband and children and… that I can say goodbye to her."

Death was coming for him; he just wanted to be able to say farewell before it arrived.

Ж

She had to say goodbye …

A tear trickled down her cheek, she didn't know why as she raised her hand to whip it away. Her hazels shifted up from her napping daughters to the window were the Goshinbuko's leaves blew in the wind. Somehow… she just knew she had to go to it, so she kissed them on the forehead and quietly walked out of the house and up to the tree. A small sigh left her lips as she wrapped her arms around herself, her stare shifted from the floor up to the white tassels upon the tree that gently blew in the breeze.

"You're an idiot," she murmured with a subtle shake of her head, if Inuyasha had only done things different then... no, she wouldn't have the life she had. She loved it, even for him she wouldn't wish it away.

Stun shifted through her when she heard an, "I know."

Quickly, she checked herself—glancing around every which way to make sure that there wasn't anyone around who could have said that. When she was certain there was none her brows bent together as she murmured, "Inuyasha?"

"Kagome," he replied as he shut his eyes, he could hear her warm voice and that was good enough.

"How is this happening?" she whispered as she took a step closer to the Goshinbuko.

"Made a wish on the shikon no tama," he answered.

"Really?" she awed, "that's what you wish for? Not to become a full youkai, not for all the wealth in the world, not for anything extraordinary, just to… what? Be able to talk to me?"

"To be able to say goodbye," he corrected.

"Good," she whispered with a nod, "I… felt bad about the way we left things."

"Me too," he murmured, "I'm sorry about everything, Kagome, but I am glad… that you are happy."

"I want you to be, too," she asserted before whipping away another set of tears, "I'm sorry, I am, about all of this… if you had shown up four years sooner I would have ran away with you without hesitation but now I have two daughters I can't leave."

"I understand," he assured her, he pressed his lips together to keep from cringing as he grasped the wound of his chest, "it's alright, Kagome. I get it… your husband's been taking care of you and Hiroki, not me."

"Are you hurt?" she asked with a bent brow, "physically, I mean. You don't sound too great…"

"I'm alright," he could lie but he couldn't hide the discomfort in his voice.

"Jerk," she muttered as she reached out to touch the hard bark of the tree, "I can tell… somehow; I can feel you slipping away—are you going to tell me you are really alright?"

"There was a youkai attack," he confessed, "don't worry about it."

"If you're hurt you need to go get medical help," she declared as she clenched her fist, "now, Inuyasha. You can just let yourself… go."

"You say that like I have a choice in the matter," he grumbled, he could have made a wish on the shikon no tama but… when he had nothing left to live for what was the point? He had a long life, he could accept death and even if he got up and somehow made it to Kaede she couldn't fix his wounds. "Maybe we can meet again in another life?"

"I would like that," she assured as she shut her eyes, two more teardrops fell down her cheek as she rested her forehead against the tree, "I love you."

"I love you, too," he whispered, "you are going to have a nice life so please don't lament over me too long."

She bit her bottom lip before nodding, "okay… Hiroki would have loved you. He's a lot like you."

"I would have liked to know him," he replied, "goodbye, Kagome."

"No," she mumbled, "I don't want to say goodbye yet."

"We've got to," he answered as he grip slipped so his hand dropped in his lap, "I'm sure… I'm sure we'll meet again."

"In another life," she guessed with a sigh, "hopefully not as star-crossed lovers that time."

"Hopefully," he murmured.

"Goodbye," she choked right before she felt him vanish all together…

Ж

She had cherished memories…

"Mom?" she heard to break her from her sobs as she knelt in front of the grand tree, she choked back whatever was left before she could gasp for air and look up to the confused boy that stood not too far from her, "mom, what's wrong?"

"Hiroki," she muttered as she held out her arms, usually the five year old would give her grief and refuse a hug—he was, after all, a big boy and no longer a baby as he so often told her—but he didn't hesitate to walk over and let her hold him.

"Mom, what's wrong?"

There was so much… but just for the moment, with time all would be right again—it had to be. She couldn't be sad forever, she'd be happy with her family once more. It would just take time… to let him go again.

"Remember all those stories I'd tell you before bed?" she asked as she stroked his silver strands.

"About Inuyasha?" he asked with a smile, "and the adventures to find the shikon no tama shards? I love those stories, why?"

That won a smile from her, "you aren't too big for them?"

"No," he stated with a swift shake of his head, "why? Why are you crying, mom?"

"No reason, sweetie," she whispered back as she whipped the tears away and straightened his wrinkled shirt, "will you promise me something, honey?"

"If it makes you stop crying," he murmured with a frown, "did dad do something?"

That stopped her for a moment… no was the answer to the question he meant, yes was the response the one he didn't—his real father had, but Isamu never made her cry.

"No," she answered as she forced a smile, "promise me you won't ever forget the stories I tell you about Inuyasha, okay?"

"Sure," he shrugged, "I won't forget them."

"When you have a family of your own you'll tell them to your children, won't you?"

His face contorted at that request, "yuck, I'm never going to do that! I'd have to get married and girls are ucky."

"Oh, yes, so ucky," she laughed lightly as she shook her head, "I'm a girl, you know?"

"You're a mom," he corrected, "there's a difference."

"Oh?" she asked with a light tilt of her head, "just promise me, hun, if you ever do that you'll tell them about him."

"Whatever," he grunted before a gleam caught his golden eyes, "mom! Tell me one of the stories, it's been forever!"

"Okay," she nodded as she sat down and waited for him to take a seat beside her under the shade of the Goshinbuko, "how about this one… once upon a time, a young miko of only fifteen years of age was lost in a forest she had never been to before. When she turned a corner she saw a great tree, just like the one we are sitting under right now," to that she had to pause and wrap her arms around her son.

Five hundred years in the past, right where they sat, she knew Inuyasha was there… probably no longer alive.

"Mom?" Hiroki questioned as he looked up to him, "get to the part where she finds the dog hanyou."

"Right," she whispered before pulling him closer to nuzzle her chin upon his head, "there was a hanyou asleep upon the tree with vines. It looked like he had been there for ages…"

She shut her eyes and sniffled back tears before hearing Hiroki ask, "mommy? Are you okay?"

"Yes… baby, mom's going to be okay," she whispered.

A piece of her would always be missing, but she'd just have to keep on going.

And because of a wish she never knew he made, she'd live a happy and full life with her child, yet she would never forgot the way how a hot-headed hanyou touched her heart because with time the pain that came with his memory would dull… and she could cherish the memories she held of him until the end.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed the story and happy holidays everyone. If you have the time go to my profile page and take the poll there, it'd help me a lot. Thank you!