NARUTO!
Title : The Curse of The Golden Bananas!
Chapter 5!
Akatsuki Hideout!
Madara Uchiha looked around the table. He then stated,
" Alright….it's time to begin the next meeting." Kisame then began to ramble. He rambled,
" Fish sticks…ah fish sticks. Have you ever had a fish stick?." Itachi looked at his partner for a moment and then shook his head no. Kisame then stated, " Fish sticks are….," Kisame then trailed off of what he was saying. Itachi looked at, Madara and then back at, Kisame. Itachi grabbed a hold of, Kisame and asked,
" Have you been drinking?." Kisame then stated,
" Screw…you…Uchiha. HA HA HA HA HA!." Itachi let go of him and raised his hand. Madara looked at him and asked,
" Yes….Itachi?." Itachi sighed and replied,
" I think, Kisame's drunk." Madara's sharingan opened wide and he then replied,
" Oh….well that's not good. Take him to his room and have him sleep it off." Itachi then grabbed, Kisame by the arm and started to walk him out of the meeting room. Kisame then stated,
" I…LOVE CAKE AND CANDY!. I WANT SUGAR!." Itachi looked at his partner again and replied,
" I don't have any of those things….so….yeah." They walked out the meeting room door and then, Kisame stated,
" Butterflies singing in the rain….they're so pretty….so very pretty….so bright and gay….I loooove my little girl…and then I-," Itachi placed his hand over his mouth and stated,
" Kisame….be quiet." He then took him away. Madara looked at the rest of the, Akatsuki and stated,
" Okay…now we can continue the meeting." He cleared his throat and continued. " Now…Pein since you're the leader…you can say whatever it is you need to…cause it looks like you want to say something…very important." Pein stood up and smiled maniacally at everyone in the room. Itachi then walked back in to the meeting room and sat back down in his chair. Pein then continued smiling…but he still hadn't said anything. Konan looked at the other members and then back at, Pein. She then yelled,
" PEIN!." Pein just kept on smiling maniacally and never said a word. Madara stood up and walked over to him. He then looked in to his eyes and waved his hand in front of him. The orange masked man turned and looked at the other members. He then stated,
" Uh…I don't know what's wrong with him." Pein then looked at, Madara while he was smiling and then he started singing,
" When I was a young ole laaaaaaad." Madara then backed away from him. Pein started to skip around the meeting room and he sang, " When I was young ole lad….my dad said that I would….alwaaaaaays be here on earth to rule the world. He taught me every single thing I know….aaaannnnnd heeeeee'd shave my head twice a day to make me look like a gay man…and he threw me in the sewer to eat mice and worms." Pein then sat back down and looked around at everybody. He then asked, "What? Why is everybody staring at me?." Madara tapped his finger on the table and stated,
" No reason….we had no idea that you had such great vocal chords." Pein then gave him a "what the fudge" look and then looked at, Tobi with a startled look. Madara looked at, Tobi who was now holding a pepper spray gun. Madara's eye opened wide and he stated,
" Duck." Madara ducked down as, Tobi shot off the gun. The pepper spray fired throughout the room and hit everybody in the face causing them to grab their eyes and scream out in pain. Madara sat up and stated,
" Tobi….you're never allowed to touch any kind of weapon again." Tobi then stated,
" Tobi, very sorry. Tobi won't mess up again." Madara then walked over to, Tobi and then smacked him upside the head. He then started on his way back towards his seat. Madara then stopped all of a sudden and looked at, Zetsu who was holding a very large sword in his hands. Madara then asked, " What the hell are you doing with that?." Zetsu then stated,
" I'm…going…to…carrrrrve…a…..-," Zetsu then trailed off of what he was saying for a moment. Madara stared at him and asked,
" You're going to carve a what?." Zetsu then fell asleep and started to snore. Madara blinked his eyes for a moment and then yelled, " ZETSU WAKE UP!." Zetsu woke up and stated,
" What….what…what….I'm up." Madara looked at him and asked,
" You said you were going to carve something…..carve what?." Zetsu then replied,
" I'm…..going…..to…..carve…," Zetsu then fell asleep again. Pein then walked over to him and pulled out a balloon animal. Zetsu opened his eyes when he heard the scrape of the balloon and he looked at it for a moment. His eyes opened wide with happiness and he exclaimed,
" WHOO HOO! YIPPEE….HOORAY….LA TEE DA…..BALLOON ANIMALS ARE FREAKING AWESOME! GIMME!." Zetsu then ran at, Pein and tackled him to the ground. He then took the balloon animal and spit on their leader. Zetsu then stated, " Capitalist pig." He then walked back over to his seat. Madara looked at, Zetsu for a moment and then stated,
" Okay then…..now that we've all lived through, Zetsu's child hood knows best….let's get on with this meeting." Pein then stated,
" Alright…I've got some further news to tell everyone…and that news is….," Pein then looked up and stared wide eyed at the wall behind, Madara. The Uchiha looked at his minion and then asked,
" What are you staring at?." Pein blinked his eyes for a moment and then asked,
" What?." Madara looked at him quizzically and then asked,
" What were you staring at just now?." Pein then looked down and then back up at, Madara. He then replied,
" I thought I saw…..Santa Claus." Kisame looked at, Pein and then asked,
" Are you on drugs or something?." Pein smiled at him and pulled out an ice cube tray. He then threw it at, Kisame's head. The fish man ducked but it still hit him in the forehead. He then began to rub the sore spot on his head. Pein then stated,
" Ha….that will teach you to wear your forehead protector won't it." Kisame then shook his head and said nothing more. Madara then tapped his finger on the table and asked,
" Will you two stop the bickering already?." Pein then stated,
" He started it." Madara then shook his head and replied,
" I don't care who started what. Stop the damn bickering ." Pein then nodded his head in agreement. Sasori then walked over to, Madara and stated,
" I have to pee." Madara looked at him and replied,
" Then got to the bathroom. It's down the second corridor and to the right." Sasori walked away from them. Madara then looked at, Zetsu and then asked, " What are you doing?." Zetsu looked at, Madara and replied,
" I was thinking about making, Christmas cookies." Madara glared at him and replied,
" We don't have time to make, Christmas cookies. All we have time for is, World Domination." Pein then stated,
" Well….actually we do have time for some stuff…I mean…how is it that I can take my Mom to the mall on, Thursdays and Fridays." Madara looked at him and then asked,
" You take your, Mom to the mall on, Thursdays and Fridays?. That explains a lot as to why you're never here on time for our meetings on those days." Pein looked down and replied,
" What?…..She likes to go to the mall on those two days…and nobody else can take her." Madara then stated,
" Okay….now…back to my original question. Does anybody have any ideas on how we could rule the world?." Itachi then replied,
" That wasn't your original question." Madara stared at him questionably and then asked,
" It wasn't?." Itachi then responded,
" No…your original question was this. Would you care to join a corrupt organization of ninjas who want to conquer the world?. That was your first question." Madara stared at him for a moment and then stated,
" Okay….no more drugs for you. Come on people….I need answers." Konan then looked up at him and stated,
" Blah…blah…blah. That's all that ever comes out of your mouth. Take over the world this…capture tailed beast that. You'd think since you're an, Uchiha you'd be able to come up with a diabolical plan but noooooo. Your brains so small you'd probably have to think a very long time just to come up with a plan…that's why you have us do it isn't it?." Konan then stared at him. Madara glared his eye at her for a moment and then replied,
" I'm going to pretend you didn't mean that. Cause if you did….I'd kill you right now." Konan then stood up and shouted,
" FREEZER BURN!." She then ran off in to another room. Madara stared at the room she ran off in to for a moment and then stated,
" I think she's been watching too many foods go freezer burnt in the freezer."
In Another Room!
Konan ran in to the room and went over to the freezer. She opened it and pulled out a frozen fish from the freezer and then proceeded to beat it against the wall. Konan stated,
" Bad frozen fish….bad bad."
Back In The Meeting Room!
Pein rubbed his temple and then opened his eyes wide. He then smiled…stood up and stated,
" I've got the perfect plan. We-," All of a sudden the fish, Konan was beating against the wall flew through the air and smacked, Pein in the face. Madara opened his eyes wide and stared at it. Itachi then stated,
" Hey, Kisame….I think one of your cousins just entered the room." Kisame looked at his partner and yelled,
" SHUT UP, ITACHI!." Konan then ran up behind, Kisame and smacked him in the head with a frying pan. She then yelled,
" BAD FISH!." Itachi opened his eyes wide and stated,
" What the fu-," Konan then smacked, Itachi in the face and knocked him to the ground. She then hopped on top of him and held the frying pan above his head. She then yelled,
" BAD FISH!." She brought the pan down towards his face. Itachi then blocked her pan and kicked her off of him. He then stated,
" You need to settle down." Konan then stated in an irritated tone,
" Bad fish." She then ran at, Itachi and he opened his eyes wide. He then jumped in to the air and flipped over to the other side of her. Zetsu looked up and opened his eyes in fright as, Konan was headed straight for him. Zetsu looked around and noticed he didn't have time to move. He then yelled,
" ITACHI YOU IDIOT!." Konan then tackled, Zetsu to the floor and then proceeded to smack him as well. Madara walked over to, Konan and stated,
" Alright now loo-," Konan lifted the pan smacking him in the face with the back of it. Madara then fell backwards on to the floor unconscious. Konan looked back at him…..dropped the frying pan and stated,
" Muffins are done." She then ran away in to another room. Itachi sat back down in his chair and looked around at the other members. He then looked up and smiled at, Madara lying on the floor. The elder brother of the Uchiha brothers ran over to, Madara and smacked him awake. Madara sat straight up and looked at, Itachi. He then asked,
" Why are you looking at me like that, Itachi?." Itachi then placed his hand on his shoulder and stated,
" I'll do anything for you my love." Madara's Sharingan opened wide and he yelled,
" WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?." Itachi replied,
" I will do anything for you my love. You're my honey bun." Itachi then tried to hug, Madara and he moved out of the way which caused, Itachi to fall flat on his face. Madara then stared down at him and then walked back over to his seat. Madara looked down at the floor for about five seconds and then looked up to see ten, Naruto Uzumaki's standing in front of him. Madara then asked,
" Wha….what the hell?." He looked at all of their faces which appeared to be angry with him. The ten, Narutos then did the, Naruto Uzumaki Barrage and sent, Madara in to the floor. Then they went back to their seats and everybody switched back to normal. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere, Konan shouted,
" RABIES!." Then she ran over to, Tobi and bit him on the arm. Madara then zipped over to where they were and grabbed a hold of her. Madara looked at, Pein and stated,
" Pein…get your other bodies in here and help me restrain her." Pein nodded his head and called the other bodies. The bodies zipped in to the room and grabbed a hold of, Konan. Then they dragged her over to her chair and strapped her down. The bodies then all said,
" Booyah….she is restrained my lord." The bodies then ran off in to different rooms. A second later the bodies zipped back in to the room and they all had instruments. Then they started to play them and one of them stated,
" Oh Lord I want to be in that number….oh when the saints come marching in." Madara then yelled,
" PEIN…CONTROL YOUR BODIES!." Pein then looked at the bodies and they all looked up at him. Pein then stated,
" Go….now." The bodies all nodded their heads and then vanished in to a room. Madara sat down in his chair and then looked up and was startled to see, Itachi standing in front him drinking a glass of tea. He took a sip and then stated,
" Oh….my…god. You have got to try this tea…it is so amazing." Madara then replied,
" Okay." Madara took the tea from him. Put the glass up to his mouth and stopped. He then held it out to, Zetsu and stated, " Here, Zetsu try this." Zetsu took the glass from him and then swallowed all of it down. He set the glass on the table. He then stated, " Huh…doesn't seam to bad to me." Zetsu then started to wig out. His entire body began to shake rapidly. He began to foam at the mouth severely. He then shouted,
" MY TEETH ARE SO CLEEEEAN!." Zetsu then ran off in to another room and shut the door behind him. Madara then asked,
" What'd you put in the tea?." Konan then fell backwards and passed out on the floor. Madara blinked his eyes and backed up a little bit. Konan then picked up a mirror and ran over to, Madara. The Uchiha looked at her for a moment and asked, " What are you doing?." Konan then set the mirror beside her face and then stated,
" I'd like you to meet my sister, Nanok. But don't listen to a word she says she's nuts." Madara looked at her for a moment and replied,
" Uh….who's nuts?." Pein then ran over to, Madara and stated,
" You're nuts." He then kicked him in the nuts. Madara stated,
" Sh-sh-shit." He then groaned while holding his crotch. Then in the blink of an eye everybody was back in their respective seats and acting normal. Madara sighed…stood up to a full upright position and then, Konan appeared right in front of him with no warning whatsoever, pulled out a toothbrush…squirted toothpaste on it and then stated,
" Brush your teeth." She then shoved the brush in to his mouth. She smiled maniacally. " Or you'll have to wear braces." Madara then threw her off of him and sent her sailing in to the top of the cave. She then fell back to the ground and, Madara dusted off his cloak. He sighed in irritation and said,
" THAT'S IT!. Does anybody else want to loose it tonight?." Konan then shot up to an upright position and stated,
" Brush your teeth." Madara then yelled,
" GHAA!." He then took off in a run with, Konan chasing after him saying,
" Brush. Brush. Brush. Brush. Brush. Brush." Madara ran out of the room and in to the hallway. He then started down the hallway and ran past, Tobi on his way. Tobi watched him run past him and he the shook his head and did the crazy sign beside his head. He then shrugged and turned back around as, Konan ran in to him and knocked him to the floor landing on top of him. She then smiled maniacally and said, " Hello, Tobi." Tobi then replied,
" Hello." Konan asked,
" Have you seen, Madara?." Tobi replied,
" Yeah….he went that way." Tobi pointed his finger in the direction that, Madara ran in. Konan asked,
" Have you been brushing your teeth?." Tobi nodded his head. Konan patted him on the cheek and stated, " Good boy. You have to keep brushing your teeth or you'll get cavities and then, Auntie Konan will have to rip all of your teeth out and then give them to the, Tooth Fairy." Tobi nodded. Konan got up and then continued to chase after, Madara. Tobi then got up and walked away whistling. A few rooms away, Madara was ducked behind a bookshelf. He looked around and asked himself,
" What the hell am I going to do?." Madara then heard a knock on the door and he jumped. A female voice then stated,
" You must brush your teeth…..or I'll have to pull them all." Madara swallowed a lump in his throat and he then stood up. He looked around the room for anything to defend himself with…but there was nothing. All of a sudden, Konan kicked the door down and then walked over to where, Madara was standing. She then stated, " Time to see the dentist." Madara then stated,
" Get the hell away from you bi-," Then everything went black. End of Chapter 5!