Chapter 3: The Control That I Don't Have

My muscles tensed, ready to spring. I glared, growled at Jasper, and then lunged. I was stronger and faster.

Apparently, I wasn't smarter though.

My goal had been to go as fast as I could to get to the blood. My mind had already calculated the distance. After I lunged, all I needed to do was another bound and then pounce on the prey, my prey. My brain had done all this, thinking that I would get the blood, but it hadn't thought of anything if I was stopped.

Jasper grabbed me, his arms like iron as they wrapped around my body. I struggled violently, shrieking out furious growls and foul oaths. Wildly, I twisted around, trying to bite him. My teeth found purchase in his shoulder, and part of me gloated in the fact that he would have a scar from me now. I didn't care if he'd kill me now. I just wanted that blood, and wanted him to let me go.

My struggles weren't in vain, but he was so damn strong. With a snarl, he threw me on the ground, on my belly, and put a foot on my back. His hands grabbed my wrists and pulled my arms back, hard. My sanity had taken a time-out, and I thrashed the best I could. No, no, no! A voice in my voice in my screamed in defiance. Let me go!

I felt an uncomfortable tugging sensation in my arms, not painful, just uncomfortable. I growled, angling my head around to see what caused it. Oh, right. Jasper was pulling my arms, and I realized that he was dangerously close to ripping them off. My sanity returned partially, and I ceased my struggles, though I trembled violently with need.

Apparently, my little episode had attracted attention, for I saw other vampires looking down at me. There was Esme, I recognized her face. Her expression was of worried concern, and I had to wonder why the hell she felt something like that towards me. There was a petite black-haired female, tiny in the extreme, who was looking at me, to Jasper with a little crease forming between her eyebrows. Then there was another one, a huge male with curly dark hair, who unbelievably was repressing a smile.

What the hell?

If I had any chance of maybe breaking free and getting to that human with the best-smelling blood, it was shot down and stomped on. No way good I break free now, not with three other vampires here. The fight in me withered away and my motions ceased altogether. I panted, though I wasn't tired, probably just because of the situation. I slumped on the ground and glared at the grass.

I heard a deep voice speak up, and heard whoever spoke repress laughter. "Crazy little newborn, isn't she?"

"It's not funny, Emmett," snarled Jasper.

But the vampire just laughed.

"What happened?" I recognized Esme's voice.

Jasper sighed long-sufferingly. "She lost control when she caught the scent."

The laughter stopped. "Oh," said the one called Emmett.

I had to wonder what that meant to them. Yeah, I caught a scent, a really good scent, and possibly lost control. Okay, scratch that, I did lose control, considering my current position. But, so what if I caught the scent? It was just a human's scent! Big freaking whoop!

My irritation broke through the little bit of sanity that remained in me, and I growled quietly. Jasper, of course, yanked on my arms. I shut up, seething.

"What are you gonna do with her?" asked Emmett.

Ha, I knew the answer. I had disobeyed Jasper, and what had he said? If I don't listen to then it was game over. Well, I screwed up, big time at that, and whoops, game over.

Fine, I decided. Let him do what he wants. I don't care. I gloated over the dumb fact that I bit him, and once again, was happy that he would have a scar. A little reminder of me.

"Alice," I was surprised that this was Esme. "What do you see happening?"

Okay, I was lost. What was that supposed to mean? Was this Alice looking elsewhere, not paying to attention to this freaked up situation? I chanced my luck, and angled my head to look at the ones above me. Emmett was the big one, so the little one was Alice. Her tawny eyes were unfocused, staring at something far away. Or maybe something she could only see. Everyone stared at her. Finally, she blinked and looked at Jasper.

"She won't do anything," she said in a chirpy voice that sounded confident.

Jasper tensed anyway, his grip on my wrists like shackles.

"Really, Jazz, don't worry. She's relatively obedient. I think because she smelled the scent was the only reason why she lost it."

"Chill, bro," said Emmett. "She'll be a good little newborn." I guess he believed Alice.

Esme also seemed to, for she gave Jasper a meaningful look with intense golden eyes.

I felt like my life was balanced on the tip of a knife; it could fall one way, or another. It was all up to Jasper, and me, if I behaved.

"I'll be good," I muttered.

Jasper gave another tug and said, "Shut up," but then he sighed as he was continued to be looked at. "Fine," he said reluctantly, and I heard traces of defeat in his voice. "But," now his voice was a growl. I was strangely getting used to that. "If she does anything like that again, or anything close to it, I will not spare her. This is her second chance."

Ooh, I'm so scared. I'm shaking in my boots. But despite my bitterness aimed at him, I knew that he wasn't kidding. This was my second chance, and if I blew it, I wouldn't get a third.

Well, hell.

I nodded, my chin brushing the ground and he released my wrists. If I were still human, I bet I would have been grateful for the blood flow that my arms had been deprived of. But I wasn't human, and I was anything but grateful right now.

I sat up, crossed my legs and folded my arms, resisting sticking my tongue out. The other vampires seemed to relax a fraction of an inch, except Alice. She seemed relatively at ease, at least for now. I sighed.

Then I wished I hadn't.

Because with that simple inhaling and exhaling, I got almost the full force of that scent. I had weirdly enough not noticed it before, probably because I had been inhaling the scent of dirt and grass so much, but now, ugh! I bit my lip, digging my razor-sharp teeth into my granite lips, trying not to breathe. The other vampires gave wary looks to Jasper, who nodded tersely, before going back to wherever they had been. I really couldn't see it that much because of the cloud of smoke.

Jasper gave a hiss of warning, low and deadly. He obviously saw me struggle, hell, I wasn't trying to be subtle about it. But how could he be so calm? He was breathing, inhaling that scent, and he wasn't freaking out like I was. I involuntarily inhaled, and my throat felt like I'd swallowed a white-hot branding iron. Dammit, dammit, dammit! Don't breathe! Don't move!

I tried to freeze my body, make myself immobile, but I couldn't help the whine of longing that burst from my burning throat.

I glared ahead of me, feeling my sanity threatening to take another time-out. Ugh, ugh, ugh! It was like the scent was visible, in smoky wisps, inviting me to follow it and receive a reward. I imagined to where it led, even craned my head around the fire.

Well . . . huh.

There was a figure lying on the ground; a person. It was either a female, or a small boy, because their boots were small. There were to vampires kneeling over the person, and I wondered briefly who the other vampire was, for I recognized Carlisle. The other had reddish-brown hair that was a mess. He was staring with anxious eyes at the person, and I wondered if this was the howler vampire, and if they were putting it back together.

I sniffed the air, leaning forward, but Jasper's hand gripped shoulder and he yanked me back forcefully. I was beginning to feel like he was my parol officer or something.

The scent, which I seemed strangely sensitive to, was torturing me every second. Jasper was there, exuding the threatening aura that he would very well be glad to tear me apart. I had a feeling that at least half of those other vampires were in the same boat with him.

I resisted sighing again, knowing it would push me to my already dangerously stretched limits.

I was up a shit creek without a paddle.

I wonder if I should have just let Carlisle kill me in the first place. And I wonder if I was able to keep resisting my instincts, to fight what I was, to not feed.

Well, on the gloomy bright side, if I didn't resist, I knew that I wouldn't have to wait long for Jasper to kill me.

Kind of made me feel better.