Out With A Bang
By Jules
(3/10)
A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing! Surprisingly, I enjoyed tonight's episode of House. I guess I am a total masochist, but I just have a feeling that House and Cuddy are endgame. We shall see!
"Where were you?"
House tossed the red and white ball in the air, not looking at her in the glass doorway. "I've been playing in my office all day, mommy."
"I meant last night."
He caught the ball and tossed it over his head. "Out."
"Where?" She snatched the ball, holding it hostage.
"You don't get to know," he said simply.
She sat down on the chaise and placed her hand on the other side of his thigh. "Tell me."
House smirked, narrowing his eyes at her knowingly. "You don't really want to know. You just care that I wasn't here waiting for you for one more gratuitous break-up fuck. This isn't the beginning, no matter how much you want it to be. What's done is done."
"I don't know why I even bother." She began to get up, but he grabbed her wrist, making her lose her balance over him. He kissed her hard, selfishly, and caged his body against her.
"You love me. I love you. It's pathetic, really." He met her eyes, seeing all of the lost hope and dreams she had for them flashing across her face, only a possible reality because she wanted it so keenly. "Let's get out of here."
"There's no where to go."
"Who said there had to be a destination? Come on." He took her hand and pulled her out of the office, wordlessly making their way to the elevator.
They didn't speak as she slid her arms around his body. He cranked the ignition and sped out of the parking lot. He took them to the freeway, driving for miles until he flicked his right signal and made an exit toward the shore.
The wind and waves chilled the air, the last of the Jersey winter making it too cold for them not to cling to each other. They sat in the sand and watched the black waves. She leaned into him, her head dropping to his chest.
"I think I would have married you, you know. Just cause you asked me. Not because I think it's a good idea or want to be married. But if you asked, I would have done it."
She slid her fingers in between the buttons of his shirt. "You're such a liar, House."
"I know. But it's fun to torture you. All of those idiotic what-ifs that you want."
"I know your secret."
"I highly doubt it."
"You want it all. Why else would you pick someone like me?"
"Because I want a humble partner in life."
She snorted, inhaling his musky, unique scent. "I can't imagine my life without you, you know?"
"I can. You don't really know what hell is." He tilted her chin. "I do."
"Shh. No more talking." She touched the side of his cheek soothingly, letting her hands travel back and forth across his body. His reaction was immediate and acute, and he let his mind get lost in the feel of her one more time. Just one more time he'd be with her. Eventually, she'd tire of this nothing relationship; she'd quit coming to him because she'd lose faith and hope in this endless continuum of lustful dissatisfaction with nothing solid to sustain them. One more time he'd take her, slowly at first, but then deeper, harder until the sand cut through their clothes, making their skin a grainy dissolve of impermanence. Just one more time he'd pretend like they had a tomorrow—that he was meant to be something more than a lonely, misanthropic genius.
When they made love, she could pretend that he loved her enough to catch her, to be there for her like a normal boyfriend. But nothing about him was normal or common. She thought she wanted that; she thought she could handle the constant uncertainly because she loved him enough.
Mostly though, in her secret heart, she didn't want to wake up in the morning and find herself alone while he was still lying there next to her.
And nothing made sense anymore. Only the feel of him, this moment, and the fleeting thought that this would be the final time.