Out With A Bang
By Jules
(4/10)
A/N: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm trying to figure out where this is going, if anywhere. House and Cuddy are tricky. :)
"Hi." She bit her lip nervously. Last night had been a beautiful, bittersweet dream, and now she didn't have a clue what to do. But she was here.
House looked at her in his doorway, teetering between coming in and staying out. Whenever he thought about her lately, this is how he pictured her. Not quite in, not quite out. He stepped back, making a path for her. "Come in."
Cuddy took in his apartment. Everything was the same as before. So many things had happened, both good and bad inside these walls. "Didn't think I'd ever come back here," she admitted.
"Oh, please. You always get off on stalking the crime scene." He eyed her and crossed the room. Something had changed on the beach. He knew she felt it too.
She stood in place, watching him watching her. "What are we doing?" She finally asked.
House sighed. He knew this was coming. "Not having a relationship. Not pretending we're The Cleavers. A lot of nothing."
She finally moved towards him, closing the distance he had created. "This….this could be something."
House shook his head. "I knew you couldn't handle it. Always got to have something more than what's possible."
Cuddy's chest tightened. She had tried. She thought she could go down this uncharted road with him, but in the end, she came back to the same conclusion: "I just want you to be here."
He pulled gently on one of her dark curls. "What's the point? I know you. You'll try to convince yourself that you can handle this, handle me. But you don't see me, Cuddy."
She groaned inwardly. She felt like strangling him. Her hands shook as she pleaded quietly, "You have to let me, House. You have to."
It would be easy to lie to her. To tell her what she wanted. But he couldn't do that. Not again. "I can't."
She grabbed his face, stepping fully into his space. "You have to. You…." They stammered backwards, his footing faltering as she followed him, kicking something hard and solid. She looked down at the culprit. "What's this?"
"A suitcase."
"House."
"Thought I'd take a little trip."
She let him go, the air suddenly thick and unbreathable. "How long?"
"Long enough. Foreman already knows," he explained quietly.
She looked back to the suitcase, then back to him, unable to compute the reality of the situation. "You weren't going to tell me."
"You need time, Cuddy. You don't really want this. You want a future."
"You don't have to leave because of me."
"I want to give you more. This is the only way I can do it."
Blood rose in her cheeks and she laughed. "That's the most convoluted, screwed up thing I've ever heard. You think by leaving I'll forget about you? Move on with someone else? It won't work. I don't want more with some nice guy. I want more with you."
She threw her arms around his neck, locking him in a death grip.
"Cuddy…." House tried to pry her away, but that only made her hold him tighter. "Cuddy….Let go."
"No. I won't let you leave. I won't." She kissed his prickly neck relentlessly in bursts of unrestrained love. She loosened her hold briefly so she could stand on her tiptoes and meet his stubborn lips.
"Cuddy…." House groaned, refusing to kiss her back. But her mouth was fastened to his, and she was kissing him in that way that made him feel like he belonged to her. He didn't want to give in. He actually wanted to do the right thing, but his body was completely unfaithful to his good intentions. He wanted her more than her happiness, more than his sanity.
When he finally gave in, he took control, pushing her down on the couch until he was fully on top of her. This part, this connection, was so good and easy. He had been wrong earlier—she did see him. She just didn't see herself or what she wanted. He didn't want to fail her again, but as he moved inside of her, he knew it was inevitable.
Afterwards, she fell asleep in his arms.
When she woke, hours later, she was alone. And the suitcase was gone.