"Thank-you so much for doing this Curt." Meredith said getting in the car.
"Why couldn't one of the Shepherds take you?"
"Well mom and Beth are shopping, Derek is with Mark doing guy things, Michael is at work, and Alex is out of town for the week."
"How long do I have to wait?"
Meredith cringed at his tone. He was being so cold and she got an uneasy feeling in her stomach. "I'm not sure, this is my first time, I think an hour maybe."
Curt pulled up to the hospital. Meredith looked at him with her hand on the door. "Aren't you coming in?"
"I don't do hospitals Mer; I'll be back in an hour."
Meredith got out and walked through the doors and found Dr. Smith. "I'm ready."
Dr. Smith led her into a room. "Is Dr. Shepherd here with you?"
"No he is at work, my boyfriend dropped me off and he'll be here to pick me up in an hour."
"I thought you would have someone with you."
"I just want to get this over with."
Dr. Smith didn't reply as she started the Chemo. She went to leave the room after the treatment was started when she looked back to Meredith. "Call a nurse if you need anything."
Time passed slowly. Meredith tried to sleep but couldn't find a comfortable position. Soon a nurse came in. "You're all done." She said as she unhooked the treatment and helped Meredith into a wheelchair.
"I can't believe how tired I feel right now. Will I get sick right away?"
"Ms. Grey everyone is different just be sure to drink a lot of water when you get home." The nurse replied as she pushed Meredith out of the room and they made their way to the front of the hospital.
Once they got outside Meredith saw Curt's car and pointed it out to the nurse who pushed her close. The nurse then helped Meredith into the car and Curt drove away.
Curt drove up the Shepherd's driveway and parked the car. He turned to Meredith who had her eyes closed. "Mer, you're home."
Meredith slowly opened her eyes and saw they were in the driveway. "I don't…I'm tired."
"You have to get out now Mer."
"Can you help me?"
Curt rolled his eyes and got out of the car. He went around and opened the door. He then helped her out and walked her to the door without saying anything.
"I'm sorry I don't feel so well today. Maybe dinner tomorrow?"
"Mer…Meredith no. This thing between us is done…its over."
"What…why?" Meredith whispered.
"I am leaving in 2 months to go to college and I don't want to do the long distance thing."
Meredith closed her eyes briefly and then looked back up to him. "So this is goodbye?"
Curt nodded. "Goodbye Meredith, take care of yourself."
Meredith watched him walk away. He got in his car and left without even a hug or kiss goodbye. She sighed before pulling herself from the door she was leaning on and entered the house. Slowly she made her way up the stairs.
"Mer your home."
Meredith jumped slightly not expecting anyone to be home. She pulled herself away from the wall and looked at Beth. "Hi Beth. Is mom home?"
"No dad lost a patient so he came home early. Mom wanted to take his mind off of it so she took him grocery shopping."
Meredith giggled. "He's worse than Derek when he goes grocery shopping."
"I know. I thought you were going out with Curt today."
"We did but I'm not feel…I'm a little tired so he brought me home."
Beth looked closer at Meredith. "Are you okay, you look a little pale?"
"I'm fine Beth I just need some sleep."
"Okay, I'll let you know when mom and dad get home."
Meredith nodded as Beth passed her and headed downstairs. She went into her room and closed the door. Slowly she made her way to the bed and fell onto it. Almost immediately she was asleep.
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"Cindy are we almost done?"
"Hush Michael. I know you dislike grocery shopping but you were home with nothing to do."
"That's because my patient died."
"I know and I'm sorry honey but you can't just sit around. Besides we are almost done and then you can help me make dinner."
Michael looked in Cindy's eyes and saw the love she had for him. It never stopped amazing him how well she knew him even after all these years of being together she still knew what he needed. "What's for dinner?"
"I was planning on spaghetti. Now go get the ice cream and don't forget to get some strawberry for Meredith, I'll meet you up at the registers."
Michael nodded as he headed to the freezers and Cindy pushed the cart to the front of the store.
After checking out the two made their way to the car where Michael started loading the groceries. Once he was done they started for home. Just after pulling out of the parking lot Michael's phone rang. He quickly picked it up. "Dr. Shepherd."
"Dr. Shepherd, I'm sorry to bother you at home. This is Dr. Smith; your intern gave me your number."
"Dr. Smith, please call me Michael."
"Thank-you Michael and please call me Shelly."
"Okay Shelly, did you need a consult?"
"Oh no, I just wanted to check on Meredith."
"Meredith?" Michael said as he looked over to Cindy who was now more interested in his conversation. "Why would you be checking on Meredith?"
"Well her first treatment seemed to hit her pretty hard and I was a little worried that no one was with her."
"What do you mean? We haven't set anything up yet."
"She said her boyfriend was with her but my nurse told me that he didn't even come in and sit with her and when she took Meredith out to the car he wouldn't even help her so I wanted to make sure she was alright. I thought it was a little strange that neither you nor your wife was with her but I also know how independent Meredith is so I didn't question her on it."
"Thank-you for calling me Shelly. Cindy and I are on our way home now so we will look after her."
"Again I'm sorry to bother you but I just wanted to check on her."
"There's no need to apologize. I appreciate that you called. When is her next appointment?"
"Three weeks."
"Good. Cindy or I will be there with her and if she tries to show up without either of us I want you to page me."
"I will. She's lucky to have you and your wife."
"No, we are the lucky ones. Thank-you again Shelly."
"You're welcome. Goodnight Michael."
Michael hung up the phone and looked to his wife.
"What is it Michael?"
"She, she had her first treatment today."
"What?" Cindy practically yelled.
"That was Shelly, Dr. Smith; she wanted to check on Meredith because she had her first treatment. She said it hit her pretty hard."
"That girl…we need to get home and make sure she is okay."
"We are almost there. Go ahead and call Derek and let him know we are almost home so he can be there to help take in the groceries and I'm going to call Beth to check on Mer."
Cindy pulled out her phone and quickly dialed.
"Hello mom."
"Hello honey. Where are you?"
"I'm on my way home."
"Is Mark with you?"
"Yes, is that okay?"
"Of course it is. Dad and I are on our way home now with groceries so can you meet us there and help carry them in?"
"Is everything okay?"
"Just meet us at home okay Derek?"
"Okay mom we are about 5 minutes away and we'll wait for you. Love you."
"Love you too Derek, thank-you." Cindy finished before hanging up.
As soon as Cindy started dialing her phone Michael had already called Beth.
"Hey daddy."
"Beth honey is Mer home?"
"Yes she got home about an hour ago. She went up to bed and asked me to wake her for dinner."
"Did she look okay?"
"She looked a little pale. She said she was tired."
"Okay, mom and I will be home in a couple minutes and Derek should be there soon."
"Is everything okay?"
"It will be. We'll be home soon."
"Okay, bye daddy, I love you."
"I love you too sweetheart, bye." Michael finished and looked back briefly to Cindy. "Beth said she looked pale and that she's in her room sleeping."
"Derek and Mark are on their way home. He said they would wait for us to help."
Michael nodded. The rest of the drive was silent each thinking about Meredith.
Derek pulled into the driveway sooner than he thought. He quickly turned off the car and both him and Mark got out and headed to the house. They each stepped into the kitchen and saw Beth sitting at the table.
As soon as Beth saw the two she smiled as she watched them grab glasses and get something to drink. "Hey guys."
"Hey Beth, mom and dad are on their way home. Is Mer home yet?"
"Yeah she came home an hour ago. She's up in her room taking a nap."
The three sat at the table and talked for a few minutes until they heard the car pull into the driveway. They all got up and headed to the door. As they started to walk out they heard a crash from upstairs.
"Derek?"
"I'm sure everything is fine Beth. Go help mom and dad." Derek finished and turned right away heading out of the kitchen.
Derek quickly made his way upstairs and went to Meredith's room knowing she was the only one up there. Pushing the door open to her room he didn't see her but he immediately saw the source of the crash they had heard. He stepped further into the room and waited a minute before he saw Meredith slowly make her way out of her bathroom. At first he just watched her and noticed how she was moving slowly and she looked pale.
Meredith made her way out of the bathroom and headed towards the desk. She slowly kneeled down and started to pick up the pieces of the lamp that had broken.
Derek made his way to her and bent down to help her. "Mer, what happened?"
Meredith met his eyes and quickly looked back to the lamp. "I bumped the desk on the way to the bathroom."
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. I just wasn't paying attention."
Not believing her he grabbed her hands to stop her movements and he noticed a cut. "Mer, your hurt."
"I'm fine Derek I just need to clean this up."
"How did you hurt yourself?" Derek asked as he watched her and he knew she was trying to figure out an excuse. "Don't lie Mer."
Meredith sighed before answering. "I fell. I got out of bed and knocked the lamp over and then fell and…it's just a cut Derek, I'm fine."
Derek didn't let go of her hands instead he started to help her up. "Come on Mer. I'll help you back to bed and then I'll clean up the lamp and make sure your cut is okay."
"I can clean it up Derek, I made the mess."
"I can tell you are not fine and I will not have you cleaning up something I am capable of. Now stop trying to argue."
"Okay." Meredith replied as she let Derek lead her back to the bed. She felt herself leaning on him more for support but she couldn't help herself.
Derek pulled the covers back and helped her into bed before quickly going back to clean up the lamp. When he was done he went back to the bed and saw Meredith was struggling with herself. "Mer, what do you need?"
"I…I think I'm going to be sick."
Derek quickly got the trash can and set it down on the floor next to the bed. He watched her struggle to get up and he quickly made his way around the bed and climbed in beside her.
Once he was next to her he helped her move to the edge of the bed and held her and her hair as she emptied her stomach into the trashcan. Derek felt her shudder as he held her and turned his head to the door as he heard it open.
After Beth told them about the noise from upstairs, Michael and Cindy instructed Mark and Beth to take care of the groceries while Cindy and himself went up to check on Meredith. Michael pushed the door to Meredith's room open as he and Cindy entered.
Cindy immediately went to the bathroom and brought out a wet washcloth before going to Meredith. She knelt down by the trash can and gently wiped Meredith's forehead. She looked up to Derek. "How long has she been like this?"
"I don't know. When I came up to check on her after I heard the crash she was coming out of the bathroom and then she went to clean up the lamp. I told her I would do it and helped her back to bed. Shortly after I was done she said she didn't feel good and I brought the trash can over before she started empting her stomach." Derek finished and then looked to his father who was standing at the end of the bed. "What's wrong with her?"
Before Michael could answer Meredith looked up to Cindy. "Thank-you." She then leaned back into Derek as he helped her lay back down however he kept her in his arms. "I'm okay now." She said to Derek as her eyes closed.
Michael came out of the bathroom with a glass of water as Cindy took the trashcan away. "Meredith, you need to drink this."
Meredith didn't reply instead she kept her eyes closed and snuggled into Derek's embrace.
"Dad?"
Michael sighed as he knelt down and brushed some hair out of Meredith's face. "She had her first round of Chemo today."
"What?"
"Dr. Smith called me and let me know that she had her first treatment and she didn't take it very well."
Cindy came back into the room and put the clean trash can back by the side of the bed before taking a seat next to Michael.
"Why didn't she tell us?" Derek asked his parents before turning his attention back to Meredith. "Why didn't you tell us Mer? We could have gone with you. I would have gone with you."
Meredith kept her eyes closed as she answered. "I didn't want anyone to change their plans."
"I didn't have any plans today."
"You were with Mark and mom was with Beth and dad had to work."
Derek and Cindy quickly looked to Michael as soon as the word slipped out of Meredith's mouth knowing she had never called him that.
Michael quickly blinked away tears. "Meredith we told you that we wanted to help you through this. You have to let us do that sweetheart."
"I just want to sleep."
"We'll talk about this later but you need to drink some water so you don't get dehydrated."
"No…just sleep."
Michael looked to Derek. "Derek."
Derek saw the look in his father's eyes and he turned his attention to Meredith. "Mer, please take some water. I'll help you and then you can sleep. Please do this for me."
Meredith didn't say anything at first and then she slowly opened her eyes and saw Derek, Michael, and Cindy looking at her. "Okay."
Michael handed the glass to Derek as he helped Meredith sit up a little and Derek held the glass for her. She drank a little before giving up. Michael helped her lay back down and then took the glass back from Derek and stood to leave the room. He turned back to Derek and stopped. "Derek I need to talk to you."
"No please stay…until I fall asleep." Meredith whispered.
Derek looked to his father silently questioning if it was okay.
Michael nodded. "Come down when she's asleep."
Derek nodded and Michael and Cindy left the room. He looked back down to Meredith and gently kissed her on the forehead. "I'm right here Mer. I won't go anywhere." Derek whispered as he watched Meredith finally fall back to sleep.
Derek stayed a few more minutes to make sure she was asleep before heading down to the kitchen to meet his parents.
"She's sleeping." Derek announced as he entered the kitchen and took a seat at the table next to Mark. "How long is she going to be like this?"
"There's no telling for sure. Let's let her sleep for a few hours and then when dinner is ready we can see if she feels like eating or not."
"Will she always be sick?"
"No Beth. Usually just after the chemo but we will have to wait and see how she takes the next 3 treatments."
"How bad could it get daddy?"
"Some people get really sick. The important thing is that we need to make sure she is drinking water. She isn't going to want to because of the nausea but we need to make sure she does."
"We will."
"Also I asked Dr. Smith to make sure one of us is with her for her next treatments. I don't want her being alone." Michael finished before turning back to Beth. "Did Curt bring her home?"
"I guess. He didn't come in."
"What a jerk."
"Mark."
"Sorry mom."
"Just don't talk like that. I'm sure this is hard on him."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that mom."
"What do you mean Beth?"
"I saw them talking. He didn't even give her a kiss or hug goodbye and he didn't look back to make sure she made it in the house before he left."
"I hope you are mistaken for Meredith's sake."
"She's better off without him."
"You may be right Derek but this is not an ideal time to go through a break up don't you think?"
Cindy watched as both Derek and Mark nodded in agreement.
After a few hours Michael and Cindy made their way up to Meredith's room to check on her. When they entered they found she was still sleeping.
"Should we wake her?"
Michael nodded as they made their way to her bed. Once there Cindy gently shook her. "Mer honey, can you wake up?"
Meredith stirred slightly feeling someone touching her.
"Come on Mer honey wake up."
Michael had gone into the bathroom and brought back a glass of water. "Meredith can you open your eyes?"
Slowly she opened her eyes and found Cindy and Michael looking at her. "I'm awake."
"How do you feel?"
Meredith was silent for a moment as if gathering her thoughts. "I'm just tired."
"That's to be expected. How is the nausea?"
"I still feel a little sick but not like earlier. I'm sorry about the lamp mom."
"It's okay dear, we can get another."
"Can you sit up and drink some water for us?"
Meredith looked at the glass and wanted to say no but she saw the looks in their eyes and decided to do as she was asked. She struggled to sit up before she felt two strong arms help her up. She saw it was Michael and thanked him for the help.
Once she was settled Michael handed her the glass and watched as she slowly drank the water. When she finished she handed the empty glass back to Michael. "Thank-you."
"Do you want to try and eat something?"
"I don't think so mom. I just want to sleep some more if that is okay."
Cindy looked to Michael who nodded and then looked back to Meredith. "That is fine dear. Just call if you need anything and I will check on you before we turn in for the night."
"Thank-you. Goodnight."
Michael helped Meredith to lay back down and watched as Cindy pulled the blanket up and gave her a kiss. It seemed that as soon as her head hit the pillow again she was asleep. Michael then bent down and gave her a kiss on the forehead as Cindy had down and whispered a goodnight to her before following Cindy out of the room.
Once in the hall Cindy turned to Michael. "Will she be okay since she isn't eating?"
"She will be fine dear. If she doesn't feel like eating tomorrow you can worry. Just let her get her strength back tonight."
"Okay. Let's get back downstairs before your sons and daughter come looking for us."
Michael chuckled. "I wonder if she realizes the effect she has on our children."
"I don't think she would admit that and you know it's not just Derek, Mark, and Beth that have those feelings for her. The other girls do as well and I am pretty sure I am looking at someone else who does. I saw the look on your face when she called you dad."
"She is something else that is for sure. I couldn't think of anyone more suited for our family and for Derek."
"I agree now let's get going."
Michael smiled and followed Cindy down the stairs to join the rest of the family for dinner.
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Finally school started back up and Meredith was able to go back after only needing to miss the first month.
It was a Friday night and Derek and Meredith were going to meet Mark, Izzie, and Alex for dinner and a movie. He was waiting by his car for Meredith when Alex came up. "Hey Alex."
"Hey Shepherd. I got your text, are we going out tonight since your parents are out of town?"
"Yes but I need your help with something."
"Okay, what's up?" Alex asked.
Derek told Alex his plans and Alex agreed to meet him. They finalized their plans right before Meredith got there.
Derek took Meredith home and they got changed and made sure Beth was okay before they left. After a few minutes Meredith realized that he wasn't going the way they usually go so she turned to him and smiled. "Where are we going?"
"I'm not going to tell you, just enjoy the ride."
Meredith was going to respond however she decided to stay quiet as she turned to look out the window.
After about 10 minutes Derek turned down a road that Meredith didn't recognize. After a few more turns her eyes found a car parked ahead with two people standing next to it. As they came into focus she turned back to Derek. "I thought we were meeting them at the theater."
"I asked Alex for a favor and I guess he brought Mark with for the drive."
They got closer and Meredith started to fidget. "What are we doing here Derek?"
Derek could tell she was nervous. As he pulled up behind Alex's car he turned off the ignition and turned to Meredith. "I need to do something and it's time you do to."
"Derek I…" Meredith started however Derek had already gotten out of the car and he ran around to open her door.
"Come on Mer." Derek said as he reached out his hand to her.
Meredith looked at his hand and then looked in his eyes. She then turned to Alex and Mark. After a few seconds she turned her eyes back towards Derek however she looked past him to where they were.
"Do you trust me Mer?"
Meredith turned her eyes back up to Derek and met his eyes with tears in hers. "I trust you Derek." She reached up and grabbed his hand.
Derek helped her out of the car and pulled her into a hug after closing her door. "I'm here Mer. I know this is hard but it's time. I promise it will be okay." He whispered.
Meredith stayed in his embrace for another minute before pulling back and nodding. "Okay."
Derek gave her a small smile as he grabbed her hand in his and started walking towards Alex and Mark. He felt Meredith squeeze his hand tighter as they got closer. They stopped in front of them. Meredith held her head down as Derek spoke. "Alex, Mark. Thank-you for coming."
"Anything for Mer." Alex replied with a soft smile.
"Can you show us?"
"Are you ready?"
Derek felt Meredith squeeze his hand again as he looked down to her. He turned back to Alex. "We're ready."
"Okay, follow me." Alex said as he started to walk away, Mark fell into step with Alex while Derek followed behind with Meredith still at his side.
After walking for about 5 minutes they came to a stop by a tree. "This is it. During the afternoon on the rare occasions when it is sunny the tree there provides shade." Alex offered up and then there was silence.
Meredith lifted her eyes slightly from the ground and when she looked up she squeezed Derek's hand quickly. "I can't do this Derek." She cried as she turned to walk away.
Derek didn't let her go. "Mer."
"Derek maybe this isn't the right time."
"It is. Mer please, it's time." Derek wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close. "Alex?"
Alex gave a slight nod of his head. "It's been awhile since I've been here. I brought some friends that I thought you should meet. Derek and Mark are on the football team with me. Mer's here too. Anyway…" Alex stopped not knowing what else to say as he looked to Derek who was still holding Meredith.
"I know you are not here however I think it's time for Mer to say goodbye to you Jason and I wanted to let you know that I am going to take good care of her from now on. I am going to ask your sister to date me. I know you already know this but I wanted to tell you myself." Derek said as he pulled Meredith in a little tighter. He looked down to her, "Mer?"
Meredith heard Derek and Alex both speak but she was still at a loss. After a few minutes she slowly lifted her eyes. She stepped out of Derek's hold and approached the tombstone. She slowly kneeled and lifted her hand to trace the wording. "Jason…" She turned back to Derek and looked him in the eyes briefly before turning back to the tombstone.
Derek watched her walk forward and kneel. When he saw her eyes again he saw the tears were still there but he knew what she was saying. He turned to Alex and Mark. "Guys let's give her a few minutes." Derek waited for their nods before turning back to Meredith. "I'm here if you need me Mer." Derek didn't wait for a reply knowing that she heard him he turned and followed Mark and Alex as they walked away to give Meredith some time alone.
"Jason…I'm…I don't even know what to say." Meredith started but them stopped. She took a deep breath and as another sob escaped her mouth so did all the words she had been holding in. She talked about her addiction after the accident, she talked about coming back to live with Ray and her mom, she talked about how Ray treated her and what she did to try and handle it. She then talked about meeting Derek and the Shepherds and what happened that brought her into their lives. She talked about the cancer and Curt. Then she just talked about Derek and his family. She talked about everything. "I'm sorry…about the accident I'm sorry. The Shepherds are amazing and Mark and Izzie are great friends, I really think you would like them all. I don't know what my life would be like if you were still here Jason but I want you to know I'm happy now." Meredith paused as she looked behind her to catch Derek's eye. She turned her head back around and continued. "I love you so much Jason and I do miss you every day. I won't forget all the things you told me I promise. Derek, he talks about the happily ever after and all that mushy stuff." Meredith paused again as she heard Derek's footsteps. "Goodbye Jason, I love you."
"Mer?"
"I'm okay Der, I'm okay."
"I had Alex pick these up." Derek said as he handed Meredith a bunch of orange roses.
"Thank-you." Meredith replied as she took the flowers and placed them in front of the tombstone.
Derek watched her place the flowers down and then lean forward gently and kiss the tombstone. She looked back to him and he helped her up. "Are you really okay?"
Meredith smiled and reached up and kissed him. "Thank-you Der. Thank-you for doing this."
Derek gave her a hug and when she pulled away he spoke. "Mer, can you give me a few minutes?"
Meredith looked at him confused at first and then nodded. She reached up and gave him one more kiss on the cheek before stepping away.
Derek kneeled down to the grave. "I don't usually talk to tombstones but I feel in this situation I need to. I wanted to make sure that you know I will not hurt her. I am not one of those guys you warned her about. I know you know all this already but I wanted you to hear it from me. Mer is going to be a Shepherd. She already is but when she's ready I'm going to ask her to make it official. When the time comes I hope we will have your blessing because I know how important you are to her. I guess I'm rambling like she does, I think it's cute by the way, so I'm going to stop now since it's getting late." Derek stopped and glanced behind him seeing Meredith with Alex and Mark he turned his head back and spoke seriously. "I love your sister Jason and I give you my word that I will not hurt her and that she will have the happily ever after you told her she deserves." Derek finished and stood. He gave one last look to the tombstone and turned heading back to Meredith.
Meredith wrapped her arms around Derek as soon as he came up to them. Alex and Mark looked at him. "Are you okay?"
"I've never been better Mark." Derek smiled. "I think it's time we get out of here. We can come back anytime you want Mer."
Meredith looked him in the eyes. "He's not here; I know he's not here Derek. I didn't realize it until now but what I needed was to say goodbye since I didn't get to go to the funeral. I did that today thanks to you and…I'm okay now. How about we all go get some ice cream, Mark's treat?"
"Why is it my treat?"
"Because it's your fault that dad won't leave me in the kitchen alone."
"It's not my fault you can't use a toaster or microwave."
"But it is your fault that mom got me into that kitchen to find out that I can't use a toaster or a microwave."
"But…"
"Enough you two. Let's go get that ice cream." Derek pulled her towards the car. After she got in he went around to the driver's side and as he was getting in he called out. "It's Mark's treat!"
Derek started pulling away and noticed that Alex was following. Meredith turned to him with a smile on her face. "So when are you going to ask me to date you?"
Derek turned and saw her smile and put an identical one on his face. "You are just going to have to wait and see."
"You know I hate surprises."
"I do but you see this is not a surprise because you know that I am going to ask you."
"But..."
"No but's. Now where do you want to go to get that ice cream?"
"Cold Stone."
"Cold Stone it is. Why don't you call Alex and let him know where we are going incase we get seperated."
Meredith nodded and pulled out her phone.
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Everyone told me they wanted to be with me for my treatments but I didn't want to burden them. So I made the decision to have Curt take me. I knew he didn't like hospitals but I had hoped since he was going to be there for me that he would come in and sit with me. I was so wrong. At that point I knew that Curt and I would not be together any longer. When he dropped me off he confirmed that for me. I was sad of course but I guess I had already prepared myself so it really didn't hurt as much as it should have or maybe that's another sign that I really didn't love Curt.
Dr. Smith had said I would get sick said but I didn't realize it would be so fast. Yet again Derek was there for me and Cindy and Michael were right behind him. The next morning when I felt better I got an earful from both Cindy and Michael because I didn't' tell them about my appointment. Of course, Derek, Mark, and Beth were there with smiles on their faces as they sat behind Cindy and Michael. After that I didn't dare go to another appointment without either of them. I was surprised that Cindy and Michael both took time off to be there for me. I guess that's what real parents do for their children. I was happy they were there and that they took care of me when I was sick afterwards. Going through it was harder than I thought it would be but if they weren't there I think it would have been a hundred times worse.
After I finished all my treatments I had another appointment with Dr. Smith but this one was different than the first time I sat in her office because Cindy and Michael were there sitting on each side of me. Each of them held one of my hands while Dr. Smith read my results and let us know that I was in remission. When she told us both of them let go of my hands and crushed me in a hug...it was the best feeling. Once we all calmed down we talked about the next step which would hopefully be the last time I would have to be in a hospital. We spoke about the breast reconstruction that I would have and Dr. Smith intorduced us to the doctor so he could explain everything. Once we were done we went out for dinner to celebrate.
I had the survery while Derek was with Mark and Alex for a weekend. I think he knew about it but he let me be by myself with Cindy and Michael. I appreciated that from him and my other friends. And once it was done I finally feel like I was able to move on and start to enjoy my junior year.
Saying goodbye to Jason was something I thought I had done a long time before however after leaving the cemetery I knew that I truly did. I still think about Jason everyday but it doesn't hurt as much. I'm hoping that the remaining pain will dull more in time. I was a little surprised that Derek said he was going to ask me out…he did. That night he asked and I said yes. Since then we have gotten closer. We are taking things slow so only kisses and hugs for now. I didn't realize how good it felt to love someone and have them love you back. That's just another confirmation that Curt was not right for me…really I should have known after the dinner we all had. I knew dad did not like him but I thought it was just him being over protective.
And the bit about not being allowed into the kitchen was due to a bet that Mark had made with Alex that he lost. Because he lost I ended up getting cooking lessons. I still haven't' found out the full bet but I know it had to do with Derek and I because every time it is brought up Derek blushes. I fully intend to find out the details and to get through the cooking lessons. At least mom hasn't given up on me yet.
So far junior year has started out better than other years. I'm trying not to think about the other shoe because mom said I should look to the positives but I can't seem to get rid of that little voice I keep hearing.