Here's another one. I had to email an old professor to figure out what book I was thinking of for this chapter. I remembered a funny fact from one of the ethnography classes I had to take and I couldn't remember it. I watch the show "Ganglands" and that's how I get my gang information. Blame the History Channel for my inaccuracy.

July 11 –

I'm headed back into Guatemala City right now. I have decided that it will be a better use of my time to stay in the city and look for information. I'll go where I'm needed. It is a waste of time to wander the wilderness with no direction. There must be plenty of criminals to fight in the city, just like at home.

Truth be told, I will be happy to be back in an urban area. The countryside is too daunting. Too vast. It feels quite empty.

It will be nice to get out of this truck. Traveling with cargo crates and livestock isn't as much fun as you would think. My sense of humor gets a fail.

July 15 –

I'm squatting in the Guatemalan sewer system. It feels like I haven't even left home. The city itself is quite beautiful and I'm glad that I've returned. I was too tired on the journey out to fully appreciate it. The city is older than New York, obviously. The buildings are of Spanish design or influence and the streets are old stone in some places. I wish that I could walk the streets at nighttime.

I must say that it is quite surreal to see so many American brand names in such a foreign place. I'm feeling a little homesick. My Spanish is very bad and I miss being able to read street signs. I feel like I'm in one of those nightmares where I can't remember how to read. Don has those all the time. I had a dream like that once or twice. Mikey and Raph said that they never had a dream like that and Raph reckons that it has to do with our "stick up the ass" problem as he delicately puts it.

But tonight I'm sitting on a rooftop, looking down at the city. It's all lit up in yellow and green and I can see the city square with the open plaza and people walking around.

July 20 –

What have I done?

Last night I noticed a group of young men standing around in an alley near the building I was sitting atop of. I was too busy, gazing starry eyed into the horizon to notice that they were beating somebody up at first.

I proceeded down to ground level and found that they were gang members. I've seen a few in New York, but not whole groups of them. I took a few seconds to assess the situation. Several of them were beating up on one guy who was curled up on the ground. I intervened and I don't feel the need to elaborate, but they I took them all out pretty quickly. Then as I was about to duck back into the shadows before the victim could see me, I heard him say, "Why did you do that?"

I was so shocked that I stopped and turned around.

Then he screamed like a girl and muttered to himself in Spanish.

I said that I had just rescued him and I was very flattered at his gratefulness.

He asked if I was a demon.

I felt like knocking him out and running away, but I stooped down to eye level and said something like, "I'm not a demon. I saw those men beating on you and I just saved you…"

"I was going to take it like a man!" And he thusly berated me for rescuing him because he would like a "pussy" or something.

He said, "You're some kind of super hero huh?"

"That's absurd. I'm nothing like a superhero."

This man had an obnoxiously grating voice and he was covered in gang tattoos. I was eager to get away from him and he said, "What are you? Some kind of big lizard thing?"

"Goodbye, sir." I hate being called a lizard. I am not a lizard. I was about to leave.

I don't know why I stopped. Why did I stop? He said, "You're carrying swords? Those are awesome! You look like a superhero. You need a superhero name. Like Mean Green. You're not very nice, so I think that would work. Those guys were beating me down 'cause I got information on them and I was about to fly back to L.A. and talk to the feds. Get them extradited, right? So they got a hit out on me."

That didn't sound right. Gangs don't just pummel people in alleys when they squeal. They cut off limbs and leave them in abandoned fields. I only said, "That's too bad. Goodbye."

He chased after me yelling, "Stop! Come back, Mean Green!"

So I turned around and said, "Don't call me that! And go home. You'll get killed hanging out around here." It's true. MS-13 makes the Purple Dragons look like Girl Scouts.

He was crying now. It was so pathetic. I don't know why I didn't leave. I suppose it was nice to have somebody to talk to, even if they were blubbering like a coward. "I can't go home. They got my house watched, right? And it's just my cousin's house and she has thirteen kids and I don't got no job and the boss is coming around looking for me and I don't got my take for him…"

Ah. That sounded more like it. "So you spent your crack percentage on some new shoes or something? They're nice, by the way." They were nice. Fancy red Nikes.

"You like a Samurai?" He was still kind of crying and I was inching towards the shadows uncertainly. I should have maintained my resolve.

"I'm a ninja. It is similar, but quite unique. The honor codes used by the ninja are…"

"I want to ask for your protection, right? So you can't kill me now."

I was angered by that and I told him, loudly, that I would not kill a worthless being like him. I was quite puffed up and actually told him that it was beneath me. I am not always the most humble individual. I regret saying that. I did not know him and it was unfair.

"So now you have to protect me from MS, right?"

He was right. He had asked for my protection. Now I had to protect him. That's what comes of lingering too long after a save. I told him to follow me and to be quiet. He was so clumsy, I'm sure his footsteps were heard for blocks. He kept saying, "You're going to your secret hideout, right?" every few seconds. I did not respond and did not want to let him down, telling him that I was a homeless drifter, living in the sewer.

After a while we arrived at my makeshift sewer lair and I asked him for his name. He said, "My name is Radioshack Montoya y Perez."

I thought I had misheard him and asked for it again.

He rolled his eyes and said, "I'm from Honduras. Well, my parents were. And they moved to L.A. when I was three, right? And then I was deported with a bunch of Mara Salvatrucha and now I'm here in Guatemala City. I need to go back to my village. My grandmother lives there and I might be able to live off her for a while. I can't go back to L.A., right?"

"I don't know. Can you?" He was getting on my nerves with all his questions.

"I could, but I don't want to risk getting caught. What's your name?"

I was reluctant to tell him my name, but it only seemed fair. "My name is Hamato Leonardo and I'm here on a training mission. I am the leader of my clan."

"Clan of what?"

"Ninjas."

So he is here, sleeping in my hammock while I sit up all night and write in my diary because I cannot sleep through his snoring. I can sleep on hard wet ground, but not with that walrus next to me.

July 21 –

I went out tonight to escape Radioshack and his incessant questions. He keeps asking me to show him my endowments and I assured him that while I guarantee that they are more impressive than his, he will have to imagine them. He also asks about the mask. Why is it blue? Why don't you wear pants? Do turtle women have breasts? If he doesn't stop asking questions soon I'll slap his face off. Patience. I have that in spades, don't I? I do not know why my brothers always allocate the trait of patience to me. I feel exasperated with everyone and everything.

I wonder why his first name is Radioshack. But my father's first name is Splinter, so I have nothing to talk about.

I have told Radioshack that I in no way intend to get involved with his problems. I did not come here to help MS-13 recover unpaid drug debts. I will protect him from them, but that is all and as soon as I am convinced that he is safe, then I will dump him at my earliest convenience. He told me that he wants me to escort him over the border to Honduras and assured me that there are lots of bad guys to kill there.

I have nothing better to do and I will proceed there with him after I have written and mailed my first letter home.

July 23 –

I have mailed the letter. I edited out the parts that sounded too homesick and or made it sound like I was putting myself in too much danger. I do not want Sensei to know that I have been seen my so many, so early in my trip. It looks painfully short, but I really don't have the time to write a fully detailed letter.

I have recorded a copy of the letter.

Dear Everyone,

I arrived in Guatemala safely. The flight was rather turbulent, but I like a little bit of adventure while I travel. The city is lovely. Imagine New York City, but older and surrounded by an exotic green canopy and laced with mountains. That's Guatemala City.

I ventured out into the hinterlands, but returned shortly after when I realized that I was not needed in that region. I struck out for the city again.

A local man has put himself under my protection and I will escort him to Honduras to be reunited with his family. I may not be in contact for some times, as this will be a long journey. He tells me of some danger in that area and I will be careful.

Do not worry for me, Father. I know what I'm doing. I think of you almost every minute and this experience has so far taught me that I know absolutely nothing about the world.

Raph, you were absolutely right about the bug spray. Did you like my present? I received yours and can honestly say that I was pleased to get it. So what does that say about me?

Don, don't blow anyone up. I'll send you something weird if I find the time.

Mikey, just… behave. Be good. Write me a story about elves.

April, I have met several pretty young ladies so far in my trip, but none that compare to you. I expect you to have a kiss waiting for me when I get home.

Casey, you're an idiot.

Your Fearless Leader,

Leo

I was feeling extremely homesick and actually weeping as I wrote the last half of the letter and it felt very open, like I was bleeding my heart out and then I read it back and it looked so plain and cold. Oh, well. Maybe the tear drops on the page will give them a hint as to my true feelings.

Radioshack saw my tears and said, "Man, you're crying like a little girl. What? Are you writing to your mama?"

"I don't have a mama."

"Aw, that's sad. Every man needs his mama. Mine's in prison."

I did write another letter that night.

Dear Everybody,

I'm so homesick that I feel like I'm about to vomit. I was nearly crushed to death by falling cargo during the flight. I was bitten by a scorpion and nearly died and then made a fool of myself with the local village girls. I want to go home very badly and now I have this stupid gang member following me around and asking me how much I weigh and if I could open a champagne bottle with my katanas. I cried like a little child the first night in the jungle.

I'm worried that Raph will go AWOL or feral while I'm gone and that he'll do some kind of irreparable damage to our family. Or get himself killed and I'll be stuck here almost on another continent with no way to get to him when he needs me. I have no one to confess to or get into trouble with here.

I want to ask Don for advice about every second of the day, but he isn't here to ask. I'm not used to doing the heavy thinking and I'm afraid that I'll fuck something up seriously. I know I will. It's only a matter of time.

Mikey. I just miss having him around to just be himself. Keep me company. He's the only one who ever gives me any affection, besides April.

And speaking of April. There's no one here I can go to who knows me. I know that I had no friends growing up, but at least I had brothers. Now I have no brothers and the lack of my sister is now gaping. You've put up with so much from me over the years and I know I have given little in return except katana training.

Casey, what can I say? He keeps Raph from killing himself. I'm grateful just for that. I know I'm not that good of friends with him...

And I have no sage father to talk to and meditate with. I will say no more about that as I'm crying too hard to write.

Your Fearless Leader,

Leo

I tore it up and dropped it in the sewer water. I cannot believe how lost I feel and it is only a few weeks into my stay. If I do not adjust soon, I fear I'll have to go back.