For Better or Worse
Part 4
Reading guide
Italic - thoughts
"Normal speech"
'Quoted speech, words etc.
Neji pulled away from Sasuke hastily. He was shocked at what he had done. However that was not the only thing that shocked him; it was the way that Sasuke had replaced any thoughts of his fiancée that easily.
This was definitely not good. Despite that, Neji didn't want to stop the feeling that Sasuke was giving him.
The room was filled with an unbearable silence.
Neji wanted to say something. But he was afraid of what Sasuke would say back. Besides that, Neji was more afraid of losing what they had created between them; the friendship which was just beginning.
Oh wait. Wasn't it a bit too late to be thinking about that?
As for Sasuke, he was too shocked to say anything; his mind was still trying to catch up with what had just happened.
He kissed me! Neji kissed me. His mind was still processing this thought with no real understanding to him.
"What the hell was that!" he yelled standing up from the sofa.
"Sorry." Neji apologized sincerely.
"What! Sorry! You do that to me and your explanation is 'sorry'? You, what do you take me for?" Sasuke clenched and unclenched his fits; he was furious. Was he infuriated because Neji had kissed him and then said sorry for it? Or was it that because he didn't hate the kiss. Either way he was indignant.
"Sorry, but I can explain." Neji tried to alleviate the anger from Sasuke; he had no other explanation other than that he had fallen for him. Which he was certain would not end well if he were to say it to Sasuke.
"Stop saying sorry and explain yourself." Sasuke commanded. However his tone held no really authority. For some reason he couldn't stay mad at Neji. He sighed and sat back down.
"I guess it's just that because I will be getting married soon." Damn! He hadn't meant to say that out loud. Now what was Sasuke going to say?
"Married? What are you talking about and how is that got to do with me? In case you haven't noticed, I am a guy. And getting married is not one of my after graduation plans" Sasuke was feeling more and more confused.
I have to get out of here. I can just pretend that nothing happened. He knew that would be just escaping from reality. Nevertheless, he got up to leave.
"Sasuke, hold on a second!" called Neji to Sasuke who was about to open the door. He felt desperation grip at him. Sasuke was leaving. He had to stop him. Everything would be over if he let Sasuke walk out that door.
"What do you want?" Sasuke snapped.
Neji felt his heart constrict as if a rock was pressed against his chest. He gripped his shirt to ease the discomfort. Why was he feeling like this?
Neji realised that he hadn't just fallen for Sasuke. But he had lost his heart to him.
And right now, Neji needed to make Sasuke understand.
"Let me tell you something. And it has nothing to do with this. But I need to tell you." Neji began. He felt his heart ease up as Sasuke walked towards him and sat on the sofa he had sat earlier.
He got up and walked towards the window. His eyes looked into the distance as if they were reaching for something far off. A memory far away.
As a child, Neji had lived a normal life; the life that any kid would want. Even though, he had no idea what of his mother, he was happy. He had his father who never expected anything more from him.
Neji's father; Hyuuga Hizashi was the younger twin to Neji's uncle; Hyuuga Hiashi who was blessed with two daughters; first born Hyuuga Hinata and second and last born Hyuuga Hanabi.
The Hyuugas were one of the few families in Japan which clung to tradition. Generations after generations of great politicians were born in the Hyuuga family. However, like any other tradition, only the oldest son was to become the head of the family; one who holds authority over other family members.
Although Neji's father never wanted to have anything to do with the family tradition of being great politicians, his brother always made sure to convey his authority over him.
With the knowledge that Neji would never hold any authority in the Hyuuga family, Hizashi never made an effort to encourage the young Neji to study politics, Much to Hiashi's dismay.
One time when Neji was making his way towards his uncle's house to play with Hinata, he had overheard his father and uncle in a conflict. The subject of their argument was none other than the young Neji.
Curiosity had gripped him and he had stayed outside the chamber to listen to what was going on. Even at his young age, Neji was smart enough to know that his father and uncle were not on good terms. Neji had always wondered why…
Clinging to the wall, Neji had sharpened his ears like a hare to capture each word that was to be said.
"Why are you so keen about my son? You have two daughters. What is wrong with that?" Neji recognised the voice as his father's.
"There is something wrong with that on countless levels. My daughters are not suitable to take over after me. Specifically Hinata; she is too weak to deal with politicians. As for Hanabi, she is stronger than Hinata but she is too young. And besides them having this incompetence, they are girls. In our family, it has always been the male child taking over, even if the female child is older. In this case I want to train Neji, the male Hyuuga child of the next generation."
"But Neji is my son, and he is not in the main family. How do you plan to make this work?" Hizashi was furious; he should have seen this coming sooner or later.
Not that I would let my son be put into this politics game. I want him to follow his own path. Not the path chosen by the family for him.
"By adopting Neji into the main family."
"You can't just decide that on your own. He is my son. And I won't let you drag him into your own dreams."
"As the head of this family I have the right to decide on what to do with each family member."
Neji run away to his home when he heard footsteps coming towards him.
He hadn't heard what had been said after hearing his uncle say 'by adopting Neji into the main family' he didn't want to leave his dad. However, he knew that his uncle's words would not be objected to by any family member.
Later that evening, his father hadn't said anything to Neji. But he had looked troubled. And Neji said nothing.
Sadly, that night, the unfortunate occurred.
Neji had woken up by the ruckus coming from the main house. His legs had taken him to the house. As soon as he had stepped foot on the doorway, Neji had regretted it.
"Father…" the word formed on his tongue unsurely.
"Nooo!" he had screamed as he ran towards the unmoving bloodied figure; the figure of his father.
Neji leaned on his father's body.
"Father Wake up! You can't leave me! Father…" he shock the body again and again with no response. He knew his father was gone. Despite that the desperation he felt made him think that if he could call enough to him he would wake up.
Someone pulled him away from his father. He struggled, but whoever carried him was too strong for him to break free.
His father's blood and his tears mixed. Everything became distant from him. And everyone became shadows to him.
His father was dead.
The realism had shattered his heart mercilessly. He had felt helpless. His body had felt weak as if he would collapse with a little push. Neji wanted to end the hollow feeling that was taking shape in his heart. The emptiness was too piercing. The pain was too excruciating. The tears streamed down his cheeks freely.
At a young age of ten, he had experienced loss, rage, loneliness, emptiness, helplessness.
From then on, Neji became cold to everyone. He shut his heart away.
Neji began playing the perfect male child to his uncle. He made himself believe that everyone had their destiny in life; he believed that some people were destined for greatness and some were destined for commonness. In the world there are those who rule and those who follow. That is because it is their destiny.
What had befallen his father, was that his destiny?
It is futile to fight against your destiny. Hence he decided to follow his without a fight. He decided to follow the path that his uncle was forging for him. Regardless of what was ahead.
Neji had been sent to a private school for his studies. However, when it was time for him to start high school, for the first time in his life, he had objected to his uncle's decision to send him yet to another private school. Neji had begged his uncle to let him attend to a public school. He had asserted to his uncle that he would become a great politician from learning from the common people who would need his leadership.
In actuality, Neji just wanted to have the experience he had had when he was just a child; interacting with unspoilt children from common families. He was tired of putting up with rich brats in private schools.
However, with what had happened to him, he had changed; he couldn't interact with people that easily anymore.
In his second year of high school, a girl by the name of Tenten, from one of the great politician families in China was introduced to him as his fiancée.
Neji had foreseen this happening. In spite of that, he hadn't thought that it would happen so soon. What was his uncle thinking? Was it his way to keep Neji on the leash since he was getting to the age of being able to be independent?
Neji wasn't certain why his uncle had decided to find a bride for him so soon. Nonetheless, he had accepted the proposition without protestation.
"Wait, you have a fiancée! What day and age are you living in?" yelled Sasuke, and that said a lot considering Sasuke wasn't one to scream at people.
Neji just sighed. Really now did Sasuke have to be that surprised?
"Yeah I have a fiancée." He responded shortly. There was nothing more he could say. Now he was just waiting for what Sasuke would say. For unexplainable reason to him, he felt that whatever that Sasuke would say would matter to him.
"You are serious." It wasn't a question. The fact made Sasuke's blood boil.
Why am I getting worked up about this? Sasuke thought.
"Yeah I am serious. I have a fiancée and we will be getting married after graduation. The thing is I don't feel anything when I am with her."
But you make my heart feel like it's going to burst Sasuke.
"So you are getting cold feet?" Sasuke wondered why he felt so pleased with that idea.
"I don't think so. I never liked her from the start. I have only met her twice, that is when I first met her and when she came to my birthday."
"Can't you back out of it?" Back out now! Sasuke's mind screamed.
"Sasuke, you sound like you don't know about these things. I just can't say 'oh let's not get married anymore'"
"Right" Sasuke realised that Neji was right; he knew that if his parents were still alive, Itachi would be married by now to a girl he never met before.
Now all that Sasuke could do is support Neji as 'a friend' would. Even though his mind kept screaming at him not to let it be that way.
"Well look at it this way, you don't have to bother looking for a girl for the upcoming seniors ball." That was Sasuke's attempt to ease the tension in the room. And of course it was also to ignore the heavy feeling in his heart.
Neji just gave him a look that said 'that's all you got?'
"Well, that is if you don't fall in love with someone else, I'm sure everything will work out. Not most people out there got married because of love. As they say, love comes after the marriage." what am I saying. This is so not me.
"Sasuke, since when did you comfort people. That's not you." Neji tried to ease the seriousness in the room. It frightened him, to see the stoic Sasuke being so comforting.
"Speaking of which, you still haven't said why you did 'that' to me."
Neji turned around to face his source of melancholy.
"Wait; don't tell me you have fallen for me?" Sasuke smirked as he said this.
A part of him wanted it to be true. Yet the other part of him was afraid to find out; be it the truth or not; the fact that Neji was a guy didn't not matter to him.
He waited for a response from Neji and Neji just looked at him with a pained expression.
Well it's now or never. What's the worst that could happen apart from being rejected?
Well here goes. Neji thought as he tried to calm his thumping heart.
"Sigh. Sasuke… I … the thing is I…okay… fine. You want to know! I have fallen in love with you!" Neji yelled and looked down; he didn't want to see Sasuke's expression.
Sasuke's eyes widened in shock; Neji was serious.
TBC