For Better or Worse

Part 5

Reading guide

Italic - thoughts

"Normal speech"

'Quoted speech, words etc.'

"Sigh. Sasuke… I … the thing is I…okay… fine. You want to know! I have fallen in love with you!" Neji yelled uncharacteristically, and looked down; he didn't want to see the disgust that Sasuke would direct at him. Any minute now and Sasuke would either punch him in repulsion or just storm out of the room with great remorse. And Neji would welcome it. That's what he deserved; what man lusts for another? It's a disgrace.

In spite of that, the punch never came, nor did Neji hear Sasuke's footsteps fade away from the room. Alternatively, the room was filled with such intoxicating, piercing silence that Neji thought he could hear the blood flowing through his veins, streaming back and forth from his thudding heart.

He resisted the urge to bring his hand up against his chest to soothe the ache there, in fear that a little movement would destroy the silence between them; no matter how painful the silence was, for an unexplainable reason, Neji felt that the lack of reaction from Sasuke meant that Sasuke's mind hadn't quite understood yet what had been said. Neji guessed it was for the best since it gave him some time to prepare himself for Sasuke's inevitable, impending response.

Sasuke's eyes widened in shock; Neji was serious.

Sasuke couldn't move; his body felt as if it had been bound onto the chair. His mind couldn't come up with anything to say. As for his heart, it seemed that it was the only organ that was still functioning as far as he was aware in his shock stricken state.

Despite the shock, was Sasuke disgusted?

No. his only brother liked other men. Did that make him disgusting?

Was he angry?

Why?

Happy?

No comment.

Like other men?

Umm… well he knew he preferred a hard body to a soft one?

Was he confused?

Well, already there. If the incoherent thought process was anything to go by; Part of him wanted it to be the truth and the other part was waiting for Neji to say 'just kidding.' Sasuke knew that his future with Neji depended on his response; so he didn't want to be the one to voluntarily make that future, whatever it might be.

Nevertheless, it was apparent that Neji wasn't going to say anything since he was the one waiting for a response. Thus Sasuke decided to say something even if it was off topic; he just wanted to escape. Call him a coward, but he was not ready to face whatever was to happen if he responded to Neji's umm… confession.

Just when his body along with his tongue recalled their purpose, Sasuke's phone rang loudly; drowning the loud smothering silence between them as if it were a gong announcing that the responding time was up.

Sasuke fumbled through his trousers' pockets for the ringing device. His brain was still in a muddle to recall exactly which pocket he had put it earlier. And his hands felt numb; so out of his control that he congratulated himself for managing to keep the phone in his hands without dropping it as he lifted it to his ear. He didn't even check the caller ID as he habitually did.

"I… I... ah, hello?" he stammered into the phone unsurely.

"Young master?" the voice on the other end queried.

"Yes it's me." Sasuke answered clearly this time. He heard a sigh from the other end and he guessed that he had worried his driver when he had sounded so out of character. Before the driver could state the obvious, Sasuke realised a window for an escape from the situation at hand and he quickly grabbed his school bag and he made for the door.

"I have to go." He said hastily all the while opening the door, and leaving no room for Neji to reply.

"Right." Neji said dejectedly to the closed door as he felt his knees give out and he slid to the floor unceremoniously; his elegance gone. He felt his eyes sting and his throat felt dry. The way Sasuke had left the room, the response was as good as a "no"

Maybe it was for the best…?

If so, why was it becoming so hard for him to breathe? And why did he feel so weak? And helpless?

Even so, Neji had to admit to himself that what he was feeling right then was a lot better than what he had been feeling the moment he had confessed and had waited so painfully for Sasuke's response; it had been the longest and the most agonizing moment of his life.

Sasuke had barely heard the whispered 'right' from behind the closed door. He had felt his heart sink at the tone of Neji's voice; Neji was a proud guy. Which made it more convincing that Neji was certainly serious about what he had said. Yet Sasuke was still having a hard time trusting Neji's words; they were still strangers and they hadn't quite started on good terms. And as far as his experience with love goes, Sasuke couldn't recall anyone loving him voluntarily without ulterior motives. And all because of his family's worth; the same family that didn't even entertain his existence.

But, could it be that Neji was different from the others? Despite the nagging screams in his head for him to go back in there, Sasuke had pushed himself off the door he had been leaning on to compose himself before meeting his driver.

He had quickly walked towards the car and had given a quick nod as a greeting to his driver as he got into the car silently. Sasuke had glanced out the window as if he would have seen Neji calling out to him to stop.

Why was Neji not calling out to him?

Damn it Neji, where are you? Sasuke's mind had screamed.

Sasuke walked out of the car as the driver held the door for him. He breathed a sigh of relief when he remembered that his brother was still on a business trip; he didn't really want to be confronted on why he looked a mess. Even though to anyone, Sasuke looked as normal as ever, Itachi would easily read through the cool mask that covered the turmoil Sasuke was in.

Sasuke hated to trouble or disappoint his brother; Itachi was and will always be his idol. Sasuke wanted to be just like his brother. Itachi had always looked out for him. He had always shielded him from his father.

As a child, Sasuke had always been ignored by his father. His mother wasn't much of a shield for Sasuke from his father. Itachi was the only one who paid attention to him. So Sasuke grew attached to his brother. And Itachi made sure to spend more time with his little brother to make up for the lack of attention from their parents to Sasuke.

When their parents noticed this, they decided to ship Sasuke off to a boarding school; they didn't want him disturbing Itachi's studies to become the pride of the Uchihas. The perfect child.

Sending Sasuke to boarding school was their only solution because they knew that Itachi wouldn't listen to them if they were to tell him not to spend time with his little brother.

However when they informed Itachi about their decision to send Sasuke away, Itachi objected and he threatened to leave as well.

"Why are you doing this? Can't you see that he is just a kid?" Itachi had yelled at his father. Forget about respect, he was not going to let them run his and Sasuke's life like that.

"I can see, and that is why it will be good for him and you. You need to focus on your studies. Remember you are the heir of this family and I will not tolerate failure in this house." His father had said firmly.

"Well then, if that is so. If Sasuke is going to boarding School, I would like to go with him." Itachi stood his ground. He held his gaze with his father's.

When his father said nothing to that, Itachi dismissed himself from the room. When he opened the door, he came face to face with the little Sasuke.

"Little brother?" he was surprised; he had thought that his little brother had gone to bed.

In response, Sasuke began running away. Itachi quickly run after him.

"Little brother!" Itachi had called after him. But Sasuke had kept on running across the hall towards his bedroom.

"Sasuke stop it." He commanded.

Sasuke stopped. He knew better; his brother never used his name unless he was serious. However he didn't turn around to face his brother.

Itachi walked up to Sasuke and carried him to his room. He sat him on the bed and knelt in front of him. Sasuke refused to make eye contact with his brother; he didn't want his brother to see him cry. That was so not cool. He wanted to be just like his brother and crying was not one of the things that his brother would do.

"Sasuke, did you hear everything?" asked Itachi trying to find where to begin. He received a nod from Sasuke.

"Brother, does father hate me? Did I do something wrong?"

"Listen here Sasuke, you didn't do anything wrong-"

"But father wants to send me away…"

"Sasuke, look at me." Sasuke looked up at his brother.

"I want you to know that I will not let them send you away okay. Trust me."

"Yes."

"Good. Now go to sleep, I will see you in the morning." Sasuke went under the covers and Itachi walked out of the room to his own room.

With much of Itachi's threats to their parents, the talk about sending Sasuke to boarding school had been dropped. However, that didn't mean that the idea was liberated, their father was just waiting for the perfect moment; an opportunity that Sasuke or Itachi would slip up and give him reason to separate them.

Unfortunately for their father and fortunately for Itachi and Sasuke, no slip up to give their father an opportunity to have his way ever came. And Itachi's time to take over the business was nearing.

However, Itachi told their father, "I will take over if I have my own workers; I want to build my own team." Itachi just wanted a few young people he could relate to and trust to work for him; he didn't trust some of his father's people. So he decided to look for his team at a public school that the Uchihas funded. It was the second semester of senior high school when Itachi joined the school.

Unfortunately before the semester came to an end there was misfortune in the Uchiha house hold; Itachi and Sasuke's parents were found dead in their holiday villa. The killer was later discovered as Yakushi Kabuto one of the people Itachi had befriended upon joining the public high school. The young man was working for Orochimaru; a well-known scientist. Apparently Itachi and Sasuke's parents had been sponsoring Orochimaru on his project which was unspecified to the Uchihas. So when they found out that the project was human experiments, they tried to back out.

Orochimaru couldn't risk exposure and he needed the money; and that's where Kabuto comes in; befriending Itachi, earning his trust that Itachi would share everything about his family.

Sasuke knew that his brother blamed himself for their parent's death; If only he hadn't trusted Kabuto, then maybe things would have turned out different. But Sasuke didn't blame his brother for it.

And Itachi had been right not to trust some of his father's workers from the beginning. After the funeral. No. in the midst of the mourning they had begun devising plans on how to deceive Itachi into giving them ownership to the business. With the reasoning that Itachi was too young to take over the company. Fortunately Itachi had been fully trained to run the business and he was a prodigy. Besides that, nobody could delude him after what he had experienced.

Their parents had severed all ties with the other Uchihas. So the only relatives they had were each other.

At the age of eighteen, while Sasuke was thirteen, Itachi took over the business and a year later Orochimaru and Kabuto were arrested for murder. And when they found them in their hide out; a lab, they discovered the human experiments and extended their period in jail.

Since then, Itachi couldn't just trust anyone; he developed the mentality that everyone who tried to get close to him had an ulterior motive.

As for Sasuke, life at his private high school became chaotic as everyone started treating him differently; even people he'd considered his friends were distancing themselves from him. Both the students and the teachers pitied him; And Sasuke hated that. There were times when he could hear whispers about his family; Shameless people would even question about his parents death to his face. One of the questions he became tired of was "how is it like to lose both your parents at the same time suddenly and at such a young age?"

Sasuke had tried to endure the situation at school. So he didn't tell Itachi about it; he didn't want to cause his brother any trouble. It was bad enough that Itachi had to juggle the family business and play father to him. Sasuke felt guilty. All he wanted was for one day, to repay his brother for looking after him while their parents ignored him. But it seemed that now in place of repaying his brother, he had become an even bigger burden to him; Itachi needed to only concentrate on the business, not on Sasuke too.

One day when Sasuke came back from school, Itachi had welcomed him at the door. He had led him to his home office. Sasuke was scared; he didn't know what he had done wrong. But his brother's expression was of anger and something that Sasuke couldn't put his finger on.

Sasuke had sat nervously on a one sitter sofa while Itachi had sat on a two sitter sofa in front of him with a coffee table in-between them.

"Sasuke," Itachi had begun and that had snapped Sasuke into attention since his brother had addressed him by name instead of the usual "little brother".

"How is life at school?"

Crap right to the point brother. Thought Sasuke, at this point, he knew his brother had gotten wind of his school situation.

"Fine." He responded shortly and looking anywhere but at his brother.

Itachi growled.

"Damn it Sasuke. Why didn't you tell me about it? Why? Let me guess, you didn't want to trouble me? Is that it Sasuke? Don't you think not telling me is what troubles me the most?"

Sasuke just hanged his head in shame; he had been trying to lift some of the burdens on his brother but it seems that he had just made matters worse.

"Talk to me Sasuke."

Sasuke didn't say anything. Afraid to say anything he would regret.

"Sasuke I think you should go to boarding school." It wasn't a suggestion nor was it put up for opinions; Itachi had already made arrangements.

So Sasuke had ended up going to boarding school overseas for his first year in high school; he understood that his brother was just trying to protect him. However he couldn't help but smile in irony at the situation. Isn't this what he and his brother had worked hard to prevent?

Father would have been happy to know that his wish finally came true.

Two years later, after hard work to convince his brother that he was going to be okay, Sasuke came back to live in Japan with his brother. And thus he began his senior year at the school that Itachi had gone to briefly.

Sasuke leaned on his folded arms leaning on his desk and gazing into the black screen of his laptop as if asking for answers. Maybe he shouldn't have celebrated that his brother was away because he was the only person Sasuke would have confided in.

After what seemed like a decade of wishing that his brother was home, Sasuke dragged himself to his red, velvet, canopy bed. Just when he was settling into the silk sheets, there was a hesitant knock on his bedroom door. Sasuke groaned; he had told the maids not to disturb him. Could that knock be important?

Maybe brother is home. No. Itachi would have come in without knocking.

Sasuke debated with himself whether to answer or feign to be sleep. However, he really wanted to know what the knock was for if it wasn't Itachi. So his curiosity won him over and he responded with,

"What is it?"

"You have a visitor young master…" a nervous young lady's voice said from outside the door.

Sasuke ignored the honorific, he knew that the person behind the door was one of the newer maids and she was still not familiar with him to address him by his name; not his stature.

"I will be there." He said as he got out of the bed to meet whoever decided that visiting him at this hour was acceptable…. Wait.

What time is it anyway? He glanced to his bedside table and the clock read 12:00 am. Damn. How long had he been staring into space since he'd come home from school? Or had he fallen asleep? He was still in his school uniform.

Well, he vaguely remembered seeing what time it was when he'd answered the phone earlier. It had been something five pm.

Sasuke also remembered how that phone call had helped him escape from the situation with Neji. Speaking of whom, Sasuke knew he hadn't escaped the situation, because if he had, he wouldn't have wasted so much time of doing nothing but thinking about it.

Neji… the name made Sasuke's heart pound furiously. Damn it! Why was Neji's name making him feel like this suddenly?

To distract his mind from wandering back to that name along with a sad face, Sasuke called out to the maid who he knew would still be there without his dismissal.

"Do you know who the visitor is?"

"No young master, but he insisted that he see you tonight without fail…"

"Huh? Without fail?" Sasuke echoed.

"Yes young master."

Who can it be? I hope it's not one of brother's lovers. No. brother has never brought any of his lovers home. Maybe it's that Narrator guy who brother has been crazed over. No. that guy disappeared off the face of the earth two years ago. Maybe it's a stalker…

"Is he young… old or?" Sasuke persisted; he wasn't just going to meet his visitor without knowing who it was first.

"I have not seen him young master, but apparently he insisted that he is a friend from school."

"Huh? Friend from school?" Sasuke couldn't remember a friend from school who would visit him at midnight…

God no! Could it be…? Sasuke didn't even want to finish that thought. Instead, he rushed to the security room; where live videos from some parts of the mansion, including the main gate were being transmitted. Sasuke froze upon looking on the screen of the main gate video.

There, on the screen like he had feared was Neji's face on a close up image. His eyes seemed like they could see Sasuke's soul through the camera and paralysing him on the spot.

Sasuke felt conflicted; simultaneously he felt like rushing out there and punching Neji in the gut like he'd done the first time they had met for making him feel so helpless and crying with happiness for seeing Neji again. After the way Sasuke had left the room, he had been sure that Neji would not want to associate with him again. So, Neji was serious after all; if visiting him after midnight was any sigh of a serious man.

His body relaxed and he joyously called into intercom connected to the gate man's earphones.

"Let him through." And he practically run to the front door to meet his visitor and attracting surprised? Horrified? Stares from the people around the house who had never seen him run about in joy like a little boy. Not even when he had been little. Never. Each one carrying on with their respective jobs upon convincing themselves that it was just wishful thinking.

Meanwhile, Sasuke reached the front door and when he was about to open, something hit him.

What if Neji was here to just mock apologize for his actions and say that it was just his revenge? But couldn't that have waited until the next day at school? The giddiness dissipated from his body and he felt lost.

With trembling hands Sasuke opened the door.

TBC