For Better or Worse

Part 9

Reading guide

Italic - thoughts

"Normal speech"

'Quoted speech, words etc.

Sasuke took a few deep, calming breaths. What the hell? This was becoming ridiculous; Sasuke loved Neji and it was more than apparent that Neji loved him; in simple terms, their love was mutual. So what the hell was the problem?

Miscommunication and indecisiveness that was what, which had led to mistrusts and pretty much accumulated into this. Now what? Just because he knew that Neji loved him too didn't mean he could just get rid of all the mistrusts and the pain, and rekindle their relationship? He guessed he could, Right?

Sasuke didn't place the blame on Neji. Because frankly, Sasuke had put pressure on Neji, he had given Neji an ultimatum in a situation that had been difficult for him; Sasuke understood that. But back then, he had been too consumed with rejection, jealousy and the conflicting feelings he had just been discovering about how he felt about Neji. Most of all, the ending of their high school and knowing that they would be going their separate ways had made him desperate to act on what he had been feeling.

The one thing he hadn't thought about had been how Neji had been feeling about the whole situation. And that made him feel like the world's biggest jerk. He had been selfish and he understood that now.

Nonetheless, what he had felt then was justified; anyone would have felt that way considering the circumstances. Going overseas on the same night had been impulsive, but Sasuke had felt like if he couldn't have Neji, then there was nothing for him, in Japan; he couldn't stay in Japan knowing that the person he loved was married and lived just an hour away from him, he couldn't take that. He had the means to leave the country, so why not?

So on that night, the moment Neji had walked away from him in the room, Sasuke had called his brother and had begged him to take him away from the country to anywhere, as long as it wasn't Japan. Itachi had taken him to the airport and had sent him to England with a few calls here and there. With that sorted, Sasuke had decided to stay in England despite his brother's insistence for him to go back to Japan. After a while, Itachi gave up and just hoped that his brother would come back on his own; when he is ready.

During all that, time, Itachi had made a few none so too 'inconspicuous' offers to make Neji pay, and Sasuke had firmly declined the offers; just because Neji had hurt him didn't mean he himself wanted to hurt Neji; he couldn't stand it.

To think less about Neji, Sasuke had buried himself in his studies, and after, four years, he had felt that he was ready to let the past be the past; meaning it didn't hurt anymore thinking about Neji. At least that's what he had convinced himself if you consider the turn of the events, now.

Okay, time to do something about the situation before his ass got numb sitting on the floor.

"Say, Neji."

"Hmm?"

"Can, we sit somewhere comfortable? I'm going a little numb sitting here on the floor."

"What? You don't like leaning onto my chest?" there was laughter in the question and Sasuke had to smile, at least, they both had calmed down from the water works.

"I could lean on you however you want, as long as I won't go numb. Is that okay with you?"

"Fine. Come with me." Neji whined playfully. After getting up, he led Sasuke to his sofa. Then he pulled him to him and sat him between his legs.

"So, hungry?"

"Yeah" Sasuke answered unsurely; he hadn't been eating properly the past week or so, but food had been the last thing on his mind. However, now that Neji mentioned it, he was kinder hungry. No very hungry.

"Okay then, I will call for takeout, I haven't been to the grocery in a while and I don't even want to know how the fridge is." Neji said as he reached form his mobile in his trousers' pocket.

"That's lazy." Sasuke reprimanded him.

"Well, do you want to start looking for food now?"

"No"

"Takeout, it is."

When Neji finished, making the call, Sasuke figured it was time that he sorted, his part of their situation since Neji had done so earlier.

"Neji, I am sorry."

"Huh?"

"I said, I'm sorry, for all that I have done, I know you are thinking, I shouldn't be sorry because it's your entire fault, but that's not true, I had acted rashly, like a kid. I didn't even think things through, before making a decision. I couldn't have what I had wanted, so like a kid I had acted, like that. We should have talked. Do you realise that, since my brother had talked to us, we hadn't talked about our relationship at all, until that day. To be honest, I didn't think we needed to talk, but now, I think we should have talked. Maybe it wouldn't have changed a lot, but we both would have known where we stood."

"Sasuke, i-"

"Look, Neji, me too, I have always loved you. Even when I had known that you had a fiancée, I still wanted you. Maybe that's why I never tried talking to you about our relationship and my feelings, because then, it would all become real, and the reality was that with a fiancée in the picture, there was no hope for us two. Even, so, I loved you and I still do. The past weeks, I have been angry and confused because, after four years, with just a smile, you make me want to cling to you like a kid."

Wow, this is huge, Sasuke, saying his feelings plainly like this. That's new and I will be damned if I don't like it. I love it. But I have to tell Sasuke the truth, or else this relationship will go nowhere like before.

Neji turned Sasuke's head and kissed him deeply. He felt like crying again. Dammit it, he was acting like a little girl. But he didn't care.

There was a knock on the door.

"Shit, what the hell?" Neji had forgotten about the food. What timing.

Neji leaned against the bed's headboard. Again, Sasuke was leaning on his chest.

They had eaten the meal in silence. But their eyes had met across the table occasionally making them both smile sheepishly like love struck teens.

After, the meal, Neji had led Sasuke, to his room. He had taken, Sasuke's suit jacket and the tie off, then he had taken his own Jacket and tie off. He had then climbed on the bed and beckoned Sasuke to come up. Sasuke had done so. But in place of doing what any newly rekindled couple would do, upon hitting the bed, Neji just held Sasuke to his chest. Before they went any further, Neji felt that he had to tell Sasuke the truth, otherwise he would be feeling guilty throughout the whole thing. As if he hadn't been feeling that way since that day, four years ago.

Sasuke was content doing nothing with Neji. Not that he didn't want to. Dear god he wanted to! His pants were becoming tighter and tighter every time Neji's fingers glided up and down his stomach. But he could hold out. He had sensed that Neji wanted to say something; he had looked a little guilty during the meal and his body had been tense throughout.

He was content. That is until Neji interrupted the silence.

" Sasuke, there is something I need to tell you."

"What is it?"

"I don't know where to start, but I feel that I owe you an explanation why I never went after you, even when I had known where to find you. Before you think I am a stalker, your brother had told me, after, well, making sure that I had been graced with a few threats here and there and of course a kick to the stomach. I don't blame him, I deserved it. if I could, I would have done it myself, you know, kick my stomach-"

"What the hell are you talking about? My brother kicked you and threatened you? After telling me he won't do anything to you? I can't believe this! How could he? After I told him not to hurt you! I am so going to kiss his ass, that bastard of a brother." Sasuke fumed in Neji's arms.

Dejectedly, Sasuke added, "I guess I should believe he could do that. My brother is not one not to have his way. And if I talk to him, he will just tell me he was following through the promise he had made to you not to hurt me. Or else. But come on! Does he still think I'm five or something?"

" Sasuke, it doesn't matter. Besides, that's not what I need to tell you?" Neji tried to calm Sasuke down.

"What, now, you are going to tell me that indeed you did marry?" Sasuke snapped. He wasn't mad at Neji but his brother, and Neji knew that. However, he didn't think that would be the case after Sasuke hears what he had to say.

"Indeed, I did marry her." The hasty way that Sasuke pulled away from his arms was a little painful, even though he had expected a similar reaction from Sasuke. Neji couldn't blame him, while Sasuke had been suffering, he had married like Sasuke had said that night.

But he had a valid reason for that. Neji only hoped that Sasuke would see it as such after hearing the rest of it.

Sasuke was looking at him with such sorrow, his eyes were clear, that Neji had betrayed him. But with courage, he faced Neji and said,

"And now? Are you still married?" the question was asked in a way that was clear that Sasuke didn't want to know. But Neji was determined to let the truth out in the open. Whatever the end results, that depended on Sasuke.

"No, I am not married. And before you ask any questions, let me tell you the whole thing, please just hear me out."

"Fine, go." Sasuke was brooding.

"Well, first off, I couldn't go after you because, I was married, but, that's not the main reason. I guess I should start from the start, and don't interrupt me until I finish. That night Sasuke, she had seen us… Tenten had seen us in the council room. She hadn't said anything to me after I had gone back to the dance, and she hadn't said anything until a few days before our wedding. I had called her to talk about stopping the wedding, even if it meant risking it all. I couldn't go through with the wedding and I couldn't do it knowing that I wanted you, and I didn't want to pretend to be attracted to her, soon or later, my uncle and her parents would have noticed the lack of an heir."

"But she had refused, she said that she wasn't ready yet, but the wedding was in less than a week, if we were going to do something, it had to be then, but she had refused. Then, she had told me that she knew, she said, she had seen us at the prom. But she wasn't going to tell my uncle, and that she didn't want to be responsible for starting quarrels between the Hyuugas and the Uchihas. But she was not afraid to do so, if I refused her, apparently her dad would cut her off if she didn't marry me. She told me that she didn't care if I slept with men as long as I married her and pretended to love her."

"Not knowing what to do, I had talked to my cousin, Hinata, you know her. She was the only one who already knew because I had told her. You must understand, you have Itachi to talk to about things like this, and the only one I trust in my family is my cousin, I know she wouldn't betray me. And Hinata had promised that she would keep the secret if it killed her. And I knew that, and also, her royalty is what had made me hate myself for involving her. So not to get her in trouble since her dad already disliked her, I decided to go through with the wedding, well, at least until I find a way out of it without getting my cousin in trouble."

The other reason Neji wasn't saying was that, he had felt abandoned when Sasuke had just up and left without talking to him properly. Neji had been ready to abandon his uncle's dreams for the future for him to be with Sasuke. Only to find out that Sasuke had left the country. Feeling angry and helpless, Neji had felt like going through with the wedding wasn't such a bad idea if Sasuke wanted him to, right? By leaving the country Sasuke had pretty much given the sign that they were over and Neji could do whatever the hell he wanted.

And so, the wedding had gone on. On the wedding night, since their wedding had been traditional, they weren't expected to do what western cultures do on the wedding night. So that one had been easy to avoid. but hey still shared the bed since an heir was expected.

A few days later however, Neji had woken up suddenly, breathing hard, as if he'd had a nightmare. To some, it might not have been so, but to Neji, it had been a nightmare, he had dreamt that Sasuke had come back, only to find that Neji was married, Sasuke had walked away from him, in spite of Neji's desperate calls for him to wait.

What Neji hadn't realised was that, he had been crying in his sleep and there were tears on his face, which Tenten had noticed; she had witnessed his writhing in agony in his sleep.

Trying to comfort him, the only way she knew how, she had kissed him. In his dazed state, Neji hadn't pushed her away.

Sasuke didn't want him, at least there was someone who wanted him. So he was not going to push them away.

Without realising it, Neji had found himself on his back, that someone had straddled his hips. Dazedly, Neji had let that someone strip him of his pyjama bottoms and undo his pyjama top buttons.

Then there was a hand wrapping around his soft member. He had noticed the difference ; this hand was soft and small, whereas Sasuke's was bigger and muscular, and also sure of what it was doing.

Neji's member had responded from being touched. But he found that he was getting harder by thinking that it was Sasuke touching him.

"Think of me as Sasuke." The voice of that someone, had encouraged him and Neji had listened. His mind was long gone into Sasuke la la land that whatever had happened, Neji had believed it had been just a dream.

But alas! He had realised the truth the hard way…

"What? You had sex with her? How could you?" Sasuke exclaimed. His face showed all the hurt he felt. Neji had cheated on him! But they hadn't been together! Still Sasuke felt the sting in his chest. Neji claimed that he loved him, how could he do that if he really loved Sasuke? Even though he had imagined Tenten to be Sasuke.

"Sasuke, I am sorry, believe me, if I could go back in time, there are a lot of things I would change. Because that one time, even though I hadn't been very much aware of it, there had been consequences. After that, I couldn't have backed out of the marriage, that one time had made it official that escape was impossible even if I wanted to. But nine months and half later, she was the one who had left." Neji said, but there was something he couldn't say; how was Sasuke going to react?

"What are you trying to say? That you had fallen in love with her because of that one time?"

"No!" exclaimed Neji.

"Then what? I don't think I understand." Sasuke pleaded for Neji to be just playing a joke with him. He didn't want to think about why Neji had stayed in the marriage even though he had an idea why.

"Sasuke, what I am trying to say is that I have a son."

TBC