Author's Notes: Inspired by an instant messaging conversation I had with my friend and beta reader SpiritAdept. He was kind enough to write Snow's actions and dialogue for me so this is the genuine male mind when it comes to Snow here! Explanation for the following insanity is at the end.
Getting used to working for every little scrap of anything on Pulse was probably the biggest adjustment for the former Cocoon citizens. Having to work the land and raise their own animals for food without fal'Cie assistance was more than a few people could bear. They just wanted to give up and die.
But two determined if somewhat crazy individuals still held out hope. After lending out all the powered farming equipment they could scavenge from both Cocoon and Pulse, all that was left was the truly ancient. A simple metal plow to break the earth and start their very long journey learning to survive without their fal'Cie masters as "strays".
Little did they know that innocent looking, if slightly rusted, piece of ancient agriculture was about to unleash horror on poor Snow Villier's mind.
Mid-Afternoon, Farron Residence
Lightning fell the ground with a huff and looked up at Snow, obviously annoyed. "Look Snow, I really don't think Serah wants you plowing me." Somehow she still managed to keep her tone ridiculously deadpan. She'd fallen in the most awkward of ways, legs almost straddling the triangular blade. What else could she do but take it in stride?
Snow let out a snerk, amused by the subtle innuendo of his soon to be sister in law. Her having a sense of humor was still very new to him. "Hey, after watching you do all those fancy flips on Cocoon I thought the threat of a slow moving plow would be nothing to you."
"Well your driving leaves much to be desired. Now you going to be a gentleman and help me up?" Lightning retorted and thrust out a hand. If he was going to make fun of her she was going to make him help her at least.
"Of course." Snow stepped forward and offered a hand, pulling Lightning up once she accepted it. The awkward silence of Lightning's annoyance was settling in, much to Snow's displeasure. "So...normally you sound much more bothered when you say things about me and your sister, starting to come to terms with things a bit?"
It was a hastily blurted out comment, a hail mary effort to delay the awkward moment that was ensuing
"Maybe," Lightning replied simply, her hands clapping against her shorts to remove the accumulated dirt. "She can make her own decisions. And you're not the worst choice she could have made." It was about as close to a compliment as Lightning got when she was in one of her moods. Snow fortunately, had an understanding with that by this point.
He let out a small, amused laugh in response. "Wow, if I didn't know better, that almost sounded like a compliment. Nice to see you accepting that you're sister's all grown up now."
"Well if I didn't I'd probably have to babysit you too," Lightning countered with a wry grin. "And sorry but I'm just not up to that," she continued airily.
"Heh, I would hope not. It'd be tough to get any privacy with you hovering over her back the whole time." Snow returned the grin with one of his own. It sounded like Lightning had issued another challenge of wits, and Snow full-heartedly accepted. "That privacy is kind of important you know, some of us have a few needs and desires. Not all of use can just shrug off the whole thing like nothing."
"And what was that last part supposed to mean?" Lightning demanded, crossing her arms while leveling a glare at the taller man. Whatever he was implying, and she had a good idea of what he was getting at, she was sure she didn't like it.
Snow mimicked her arm positions, as juvenile as it was. "Oh come on, don't act like you don't know. In all the time I've known you, I haven't seen you so much as bat an eye at a guy. I've seen Serah do it, even Fang and Vanille once or twice, but I've never seen you do it."
"Maybe I'm just a private person and don't go chasing after boys like a giggling school girl," Lightning retorted, squinting her eyes at Snow. Why would he bring that up? She didn't have to run around flaunting her sexuality. Unless... "You aren't implying that you think I'm a lesbian are you?" she asked, her voice low and glare crossing into dangerous now.
"Heh heh..." Snow let Lightning's last question die in the air. He's seen that glare before; people normally end up dead after it. "I'm just saying that everyone I know does it. Hell, even I did, before I met Serah that is. We're humans we have...well...you know...desires..."
By the Maker was this getting awkward. Couldn't stop now though, already dug a hole too deep. "It's just sometimes the lack of looking around makes others think that you...um...don't have those kinds of desires..."
"We'll you and those others are wrong," Lightning spat as she looked about the mess of their work. "And you suck at gardening." The last comment was likely just an insult to soothe her wounded ego. Her back turned to the offending giant, she leaned over and grabbed the hose...only to find it wasn't connected to the faucet. She let out an annoyed sigh before trying to find something constructive to do before she self-destructed on Snow.
Snow's mouth hung open for a brief moment, stunned by Lightning's words. He couldn't decide what was stranger, the fact that Lightning did...um...have desires, that she was upset by the idea of people thinking otherwise, or that she actually blurted this all out to him of all people. Seeing her upset though kick started the little 'hero helper' inside of him. He had to make her feel better somehow.
"Well uh...uh, hey I mean. It's not a bad thing to be so...strong willed, you know? Just means you're not going to get distracted by silly stuff like this...right?"
"Damn straight," Lightning muttered, eyes settling on a stray shovel. "Besides, you have no idea what it's like to be a woman. You think men have it bad? Try stepping into my shoes for a week. And I'm not talking about PMS or bleeding for a week."
Oh god, oh god, this was bad. Snow had no experience with this, he had no idea what to say. "I uh...heh, ah...think I'll um, pass on that. I'll believe you when you say you have it bad." A great deal of Snow wanted this to stop, right away with all due haste. Unfortunately, there was a very tiny, very male, side of him which was getting curious. The chance to learn something like this about Lightning was too tempting to pass up.
"But uh...out of curiosity...how um...bad are we talking about?'
"Bad. Not just 'I want to jump his bones' bad. Bad like you have stupid hormones in the mix," Lightning explained as she grabbed the shovel. Finally she found something to vent her anger on that wasn't Snow.
"One minute you look at someone's kid and you're thinking 'Oh how cute! I want one! Can I have one?'" Lightning managed to sound eerily like Serah as she emoted the female dilemma.
"Next second," she shoved the blade into what was supposed to become a flower bed, her voice the callous no nonsense again. "You're thinking 'Just rip everything out, I never want to think about having children again.' Then two days later, guess what you're thinking? And the worst part is when you're thinking children are the greatest thing in the world, even the biggest jackass on Pulse and Cocoon looks attractive!" Lightning smirked as she worked, risking an aside glance at her soon to be brother in law. It looked like she might possibly be enjoying her mental assault on Snow.
Snow began to back away slowly, his eyes shut and his head reeling with the new found knowledge of girls. Too much knowledge, he decided. "Okay...wow...that...that was something...I think I'm going to go uh...take a little break for a while. Let you cool off after the whole plow thing. Sorry about that, you know."
"What? Giving up so soon?" Lightning taunted. So this was how you got him to go away... "I'm perfectly fine. Just proving I'm human just like you."
Author's Notes Addendum: For those of you that are male and reading this, yes that is a a real dilemma for a lot of women in their twenties. I'm 24 and the majority of my friends in my same age group swing back and forth between the two extremes quite often. Even my sister who is absolutely terrified of children. It suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks.
For a bit of background, I don't come off as the most romantically or sexually invested person unless you're my sister and can read me like a book. SpiritAdept and I were having a philosophical conversation about love and sexuality when I made a comment that got a response along the lines of this:
SpiritAdept: "Wait...so let me get this straight...you actually really DO get urges for that kind of stuff?" Me: "What? I'm human!"
And so after much laughing I thought "Ha, I bet this has come up for Lightning before. People probably think she's asexual too...I should write this. SpiritAdept should help me." And he obliged my insanity.