When I fall

Chapter 4

By Iana

Author's notes:

Is anyone still reading this? *looks around* I hope so!

I hope everyone likes this chapter. It was very difficult for me to write it! Thanks for reading and don't forget: leave me a review, please; it feeds my muse! =)

Thanks a lot to all of you who took a couple minutes of your day to leave me a comment. I loved every single one of them, thanks for the love! =*

#BONES#

"And I wonder if I ever cross your mind; for me it happens all the time.

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now…"

#BONES#

Remembering….

Brennan nodded and her head felt like it was suspended from her body by a thousand balloons. Her extremities had no feeling whatsoever in them and her heart felt punched through. Booth never waited for her to talk. With a kiss on the cheek and a squeeze on her icy hand he left her behind, like so many had done before him and destroyed the foundation that would later bring her to her knees.

#BONES#

Present day

To Angela's surprise, Booth placed his head in his hands and cried. Not knowing exactly what to do now that her anger had been swiftly replaced by pity and sorrow, she just gaped at him. Jack was the one who ran over to comfort, placing a supportive arm around Booth's shoulders.

"It's going to be ok, man. You'll see." Jack said and wondered just how they had managed to make such a huge mess of things. A little more time was all that Booth needed. He was sure of that. All of them could see that Dr. Brennan was cracking; if Booth had only waited a little longer instead of hooking up with Hannah… It had been nice to have Dr. Brennan at their home, to chat over cups of hot chocolate and offer advice. And he wished Angela and him had made a bigger effort not to let Dr. Brennan shied away from them with such ease.

Booth raised his leaking eyes to Angela with such desperation that she suddenly wished, despite all her anger towards him, that she had delivered the news not so harshly. "Angela, please, tell me she'll be okay… Please!"

Angela sighed and walked towards him, kneeling down in front of his chair and sat on her ankles to get better leverage for the belly. She placed both hands on his knees and tried to urge her hormones to calm down so she could talk to him without wanting to rip his head off.

"Booth, I can't tell you that. The doctor said that physically, she'll get better; emotionally I don't know. What I don't understand is why you guys had to make such a mess of such a simple thing!"

Seeley rubbed his face with both hands on pondered on that. He felt like he hadn't taken one single right turn ever since the night he had declared his love for Bones and she had said no.

"Angela, I took a chance. She said no."

Angela smacked him on the side of the head.

"Of course she said no, you imbecile! Brennan is afraid of rejection; she's socially impaired and she has abandonment issues. It's a knee jerk for her to run from this type of emotion! Do you know how long it took me to become her best friend? She doesn't trust people easily and she sure as hell wasn't going to just jump in your arms and declare her undying love. Unconsciously she said no and tested you. And what did you do? You go of to Afghanistan and come back with Hannah!"

Booth gaped at her. Why did it make so much sense now that Angela was explaining it to him? Why couldn't he see it before?

"Angela, I…"

She raised a hand and pulled herself up gingerly because her legs were starting to go numb.

"Booth, we can talk more about this later. Right now, we need to go to the hospital because Brennan has probably woken up by now." She pushed a finger in his chest when he rose from the chair.

"You need to step up. Be the man I've always respected and don't let Hannah dictate your life. Brennan's been in your life for 7 years; Hannah for 7 minutes. And frankly, don't let her cross my path while I'm carrying this baby or I might just let her know exactly what I think about woman who pulls this kind of crap to hold a man."

She ranted and turned towards the door. Jack just looked at him sheepishly. Suddenly, she turned around again when they were walking towards the elevator and pressed her finger against his chest once more.

"Oh, and by the way: shame on you Seeley Booth, for letting yourself be manipulated like that. Shame on you!"

#BONES#

Bones opened her eyes slowly, almost painstakingly. Every single bone in her body hurt and she straightened her legs to get rid of the feeling that the joints had rusted. Her knees popped. Outside, the sun shone brightly, birds sang and the day was beautiful. All that Brennan could think though, was that she would be almost seven months pregnant if her body hadn't done such a poor job of nursing Booth's fetus. No, not fetus. Child, baby; her baby girl.

Her eyes filled and she closed them again, ready to go back to the sweet oblivion that sleep provided her. She didn't want to function anymore. She didn't have any reason to. She just wanted to forget.

#BONES#

Angela, Booth and Hodgins arrived at the hospital in contemplative silence. Booth was suffocated by so many feelings that when Hodgins parked the car he jumped out and gulped in a lungful of air to try and dislodge the awful lump in his throat.

They walked towards the reception area and Angela asked the nurse behind the counter to page Brennan's doctor so that Booth could speak to her. While they waited, she gave Sweets a call and after quickly biting his head off for not telling them about Brennan's miscarriage, hung up on him with a scowl.

"Men!"

Jack grimaced at the hormonal, womanly outburst and because he knew better, kept himself quiet. Booth was slumped on a chair, head on his hands and deep in thought while Angela wobbled from side to side in nervous energy. Jack made himself a mental note to give her a foot massage when they got home so they wouldn't swell too much.

Dr. Hawthorne arrived quickly, a smile on her pretty, Asian shaped face. Introductions made, she extended a hand for Booth to shake, instantly taking pity in the devastated looking man in front of her. "Mr. Booth, I'm really sorry about the whole situation. Let's sit down so we can talk for a minute."

The doctor guided them to a more private waiting room and after everyone was sitted, explained to Booth in details exactly what she had told Angela. Brennan's condition hadn't improved at all and it would be better if they could try to get in contact with her psychologist to see if maybe he could get some sort of reaction out of her.

"I already talked to Sweets, but I know he isn't going to be able to help, Dr. The only person in the world who can reach Brennan is Booth. If he can't, then well, I don't really know what we'll do because we're pretty much all she has. I can try to reach her father and her brother but I don't think it will help. She's not that close to them." Angela said.

Dr. Hawthorne frowned.

"Well, let's see what you can do then, Mr. Booth."

She got up and with a hand, signaled for them to follow her. On the way to Brennan's room, Dr. Hawthorne explained that it may be disturbing for them to see Brennan in that situation and in that condition but they must try to understand that she was emotionally disturbed and needed time to heal. Booth felt like he had suddenly started living someone else's life. He couldn't believe Bones had really tried to kill herself.

He tried to picture a world without her in it and the pain was so great he actually paused in the middle of the hallway, hand palmed against his chest in a futile attempt to get it to stop the painful racing. He had to make everything ok. He had to. There was no way he was going to let Bones try killing herself again.

He resumed walking slowly, creeped out by the glass rooms and padded cells. Unbidden, a thought of their only night, so many months ago came to his mind and he felt his eyes start to water. It had been beautiful. In a couple of hours, Bones had managed to show him everything she couldn't say. Her touch, her kiss, her body had molded and transformed him.

They arrived at Brennan's room and from outside they could see her, curled up in bed, back to them. The bed sheet covered her up to her chin and all they could really see was the mop of red-brownish hair. Booth's heart immediately jumped to his throat and he found himself opening the door and entering the room, leaving Dr. Hawthorne saying something he wasn't paying the least attention to.

The door closed softly behind him and vaguely he thought that at least he would have some sort of privacy, even if he knew they would be watching from behind the one-way glass. His feet were blocks of cement, his hands blocks of ice on the end of his arms. He had never felt so cold in his whole life. His mind was bombarded by thoughts of Thai dinners and laughs and closing cases and misplaced colloquialisms. He remembered her eyes and her moans and her sighs. He remembered the curves of her body and the way she tasted. And then he wondered: How had she looked, round and soft with his child nested inside of her? Was it a boy, or a girl? Had she named it? Had she buried it?

And the thought of a tiny casket brought him to his knees in the middle of the room.

#BONES#