When I fall

Chapter 8

By Iana

#BONES#

Oh, I miss you. I miss being overwhelmed by you.

And I need rescue, I think I'm fading away. But I keep thinking that you'll wake me up with a whisper in my ear. And I keep hoping that you'll sneak in my room.

So I wait. And I wait. And I run old scenes through my tired head; of the days that we laid by the school and said forever. Was that the best I'll ever be?

#BONES#

Remembering…

She had became quite insane after that, something about not letting him just dismiss her and the time she had invested in their relationship. He turned towards the bathroom, muttering something about taking a shower and going back to the hospital when she stopped him dead on his tracks with a single sentence.

#BONES#

End of April

Brennan felt detached from her body. Everything was a Herculean effort these days. Just getting up from the bed took her forever. She was sleeping poorly; woke up in ungodly hours with the sound of a baby crying and stumbled halfway towards the nursery before she remembered there was no baby.

She threw herself into work, arriving at the lab as early as she could without drawing suspicious looks from Angela and Cam and leaving as late as she could. The Limbo had become almost like a second house to her.

Without Booth to control her hours and eating patterns; to make sure she was happy and fed, she was just wasting away. The only person who knew about everything was Sweets. Incredibly or not, he was the first one she had called. The hospital made sure that she was getting psychological help before releasing her; after all, she had been unresponsive for two days after the miscarriage.

He had been incredibly empathetic. He had actually cried on their first session and was sworn to secrecy that he wouldn't tell anyone about what was going on. He couldn't even hint to Angela or anyone else that something was wrong. It had been the only way Bones would agree to keep their weekly session. After the first couple of weeks, he had changed it to 2 days a week and they just talked about nothing important until she was prepared to share something emotionally relevant to him.

It was like pulling teeth but Lance didn't mind. He liked Dr. Brennan a lot and he felt awful about her predicament. He just wished Booth could help.

He had prescribed her some sleeping pills because she had confided on him that the baby crying kept her awake half the night. It had worried him deeply and he wondered for a while if maybe it wasn't the time to contact Booth and ask for his help because he wasn't sure Dr. Brennan was improving at all. And Sweets knew that with a loss like that, you need people you loved to support you, otherwise it was that much easy to fall into a pit of despair.

But he didn't call Booth. Or told Angela.

So when Brennan finally snapped, she was alone at the lab. The pills had helped her sleep for almost a week but that day marked the first month of the loss of her baby. She kept feeling fluttering movements in her belly and listened to the cry of a baby for hours. The work at the lab had helped until everyone left and the lights went out. It reminded her of how solitude was a constant presence in her life and how for 5 months she had nursed the idea of never being alone again.

She was tired and achy and she decided that she could just sleep on her office instead of going home because she was just really weary of going home and facing the empty nursery. So, she took a pill and curled on the couch. After almost an hour whit her eyes stubbornly opened, she thought that maybe an extra pill would make her sleep through the whole night and she was going to wake up better. But the first two pills didn't help, so she took two more; but they didn't work either.

By then she was desperate to catch a couple of hours of sleep, but every time she closed her eyes she would get a sudden image of the perfect, although unnaturally bluish face of her baby girl and her eyes popped open again.

Slightly drowsy but unable to really sleep she kept taking one pill after the other until she felt her eyes so, so heavy and her mind muddled.

She never realized the bottle was now empty.

#BONES#

Booth turned around slowly to face Hannah. A thousand death sentences ran through his mind. The worst being: I'm pregnant. But what came out of her mouth was much, much, worse and he felt like for the first time in his life, punching a woman in the face.

"I knew."

"You knew? What did you know exactly?"

Hannah immediately regretted speaking up. Booth's eyes were dark and dangerous because he already suspected her answer, even though he didn't want to believe.

"I knew Temperance was in the hospital. And I knew she was pregnant."

He stared at her and locked his jaw with such force his teeth ached. Hannah, knowing that there was no way she was getting away without an explanation, begun to talk, hoping to make him understand.

"The hospital called a month ago, saying they had a Temperance Brennan; that she had miscarried and was calling for you. I told them I'd give you the message. I planned to, Seeley, I swear! But it was our anniversary and you came home in such a happy mood that day, you had flowers, I had the dinner ready I…"

"You selfish, ungrateful bitch!"

Booth whispered, but he could've yelled all the same. She flinched at the hate in his voice and knew at that moment they were over for good. Hannah knew that love was irrational and sometimes selfish; but she also knew she had stepped over a thousand boundaries. Some of them invisible ones she couldn't even begin to understand.

"Seeley…"

"No! I don't want to hear it. How could you?"

"I'm tired being second best! You always run to her first. I wanted to be the important one once for all!"

He sent her another dirty look.

"You'll always be second best to me next to Bones. Leave the keys under the mat when you leave. Today."

Booth turned his back and walked towards the bathroom, not bothered at the least with the sound of sobs behind him.

#BONES#

A.N: Had a sudden inspiration for this chapter and typed away like crazy! Please forgive me for any spelling and/or grammatical errors. (Anyone interested in beta-ing this?)

Thanks a lot for all the reviews! =)