When I fall

Chapter 10

By Iana

#BONES#

"I thought I knew but this doesn't fell right without you. I tried so hard to push away your heart when I should've let it through. I miss your voice; anything else that I hear is just noise."

#BONES#

Remembering…

"That's a beautiful name, Bones. She was a lucky little girl to have you as her mother."

Brennan looked up in surprise and gave him a watery smile. If felt incredibly odd on her face because it stretched muscles she hadn't used for a while.

"Her name was Matilda Parker Brennan Booth. She'd be lucky to have you as her father as well, Booth."

This time, he was the one who burst into tears and she was the one who hugged him, beginning to heal his new wounds and her old ones.

#BONES#

"Dr. Brennan, I'm really sorry." Sweets was a wreck. His eyes were red-rimmed and had shadows underneath; he looked hunted. He would never be able to make her understand what he had felt when he found out she was in the hospital for attempted suicide.

He felt inadequate in a thousand ways, especially because all he ever wanted, ever since he had met Brennan and Booth was for them to get together. And he felt that most of what had happened was his fault. Maybe if he hadn't meddled and kept himself like a silent observer, they'd have figured it out for themselves and Dr. Brennan would be much more comfortable accepting Booth's love than she'd been. But he had screwed up. He had been unable to manage the situation and he had also potentially put her in danger. Sweets knew she felt that the loss of Matilda was another abandonment and that he should've contacted Booth as soon as he got the call from the hospital.

"Don't be ridiculous, Sweets. You had no participation in this event. Actually, neither did I because I never intended to kill myself. I only wanted to fall asleep and those pills weren't working."

The boy looked so devastated that Brennan did something she rarely did. She reached out. His head snapped up when she placed a hand on his and squeezed. "Thank you, Lance. I know I wasn't the easiest patient but honestly, you did help me. It was nice to have someone to talk to, even if I felt unable to reach Booth at the time, those sessions we had were successful in releasing in me those emotions and I'm grateful to you for listening and being a friend."

He all but burst into tears. Brennan looked uncomfortable for a moment but with a sigh, placed a hand on his head, which rested close to her hip, and soothed, awkwardly. Motherhood, although brief, had softened her and made her more emphatic towards other people. If Matilda had lived long enough, Brennan realized the little girl would change her to a complete different person and would probably make her mother a much less alienated person.

"Sweetie!" Angela wobbled from the door in the penguin walk women got after the seventh month and made Brennan smile. For that she had her analytic mind to thank. She in no ways related Angela's baby to hers because analytically, she knew they were completely different. She did feel nostalgia but it was nice to not feel suffocated by the thought that Angela would be having a healthy baby in a couple of weeks and she had lost hers. Especially since she had been informed she'd be its godmother.

"Angela!" Sweets regained his composure then, his wet cheeks blushing profusely as he raised his head abruptly and ran his palms over his face.

The pregnant artist pretended she hadn't noticed it, though and enveloped Brennan in a long, albeit awkward due to the size of her belly, hug and promptly burst into relieved tears. When Booth had called to tell them Brennan was much better and was now off the I.V and even eating, Angela hadn't believed it.

She knew how Brennan was and that in those years working together, Angela had realized that her friend had became even more closed up and alienated. When she looked back to that first case together and how easy going Brennan still was, how she laughed and joked and even went out on dates, Angela realized that loving Booth had been a turning point for her friend. And that because it was so hard for Brennan to realize love didn't necessarily mean you were going to get hurt, it was exactly what had happened.

Everything she had fought so hard to prevent: loosing Booth as a friend had happened, even if she hadn't actually lost him. Angela thought that he had simply been misplaced for a while.

"What the hell?" Booth got in the room, a huge bouquet of blood red roses on his arms and the cutest teddy bear Angela had ever seen. It was big, almost the length of his arm, a warm mocha color. His left arm was bandaged as well as his head and he had a sad expression. A heart on his good arm said: "I need a get well hug".

"Booth!" Angela left Brennan's side to wobble towards the confused agent and give him a long hug. Bones was blushing a millions shades of red and Sweets was still trying to control himself.

Booth hugged the pregnant artist as best as he could but his eyes locked with Brennan's over Angela's shoulder and he smiled at her. Bones' eyes watered and he finally stepped back from Angela to cross the room.

"Hey." Sweets and Angela were promptly forgotten as they looked at each other. Brennan was getting much better and in only three days she'd been eating and even talked to the doctor despite refusing to talk to the hospital psychiatrist, saying she'd rather keep her sessions with Sweets.

"Hey." He handed her the roses and Brennan took the bouquet, bringing them to her face in a very common gesture among women all over the world. The blood red roses were the most beautiful ones she'd ever seen, most of them opened to their fullest and a few peeking buds. Did she dare think that those red roses meant love and passion?

Feeling awkward and still a bit overwhelmed, Brennan buried her face in the roses again and avoided Booth's eyes. She was feeling as if she could burst from a happiness that knew no bounds and at the same time heavy with dread because even though they had talked a little she still had no idea where they stood as a couple; hell, even as friends and she didn't know if she was going to be able to take another chance with her heart.

"I brought this little guy to keep you company until you can go home." Booth cupped the bear under its arms with both hands to face Bones and wiggled it from side to side.

Brennan placed the roses next to her on the bed and reached for the cute stuffed animal. Its fur was soft and smelled like baby powder. Like she'd done with the roses, Brennan buried her face in the fur and like a wave she suddenly found herself overwhelmed by so many emotions that one minute she wanted to giggle and now she was crying.

"Bones? What's wrong? You didn't like it; I'll get it back and…" Booth panicked, reaching for the bear. Bones pulled it back and hugged it tighter to her chest, wetting the bandage on its head with her tears.

"I just… Booth…" Feeling like someone had just knocked him over the head; Booth looked around to ask for Angela's help only to find that she had left with Sweets, probably to give the two of them some privacy.

"Bones, c'mon, don't cry…" He whispered and sat down gingerly on the bead, pulling her on a tight embrace.

"I…I…" She tried to talk but the hiccups would let her. Brennan didn't think she'd be able to convey in words what she was feeling at the moment. No amount of words placed together to form an analytical explanation would be able to convey to Booth how hurt she felt that he'd dismissed 7 years of friendship and partnership so easily. How happy she was that he was back; that she got to hug him like this again and breathe into his scent. How sad she was that Matilda hadn't lived so her father could spoil her silly. How unsure she felt about their current situation.

"Bones, c'mon, look at me." Booth grabbed her face in both hands and titled it up so he could stare into her eyes. Bones confused the hell out of him but it didn't mean he wouldn't try to understand her in anyway he could.

"I love you. You are everything to me and I'm sorry I was a stupid, proud ass who was too late to realize that you loved me to even though you were afraid. I love Matilda as I love Parker and I want to make dozens of other babies with you if you'd let me. I NEED you in my life and I hope someday you'll forgive me and let me love you with all those details I've always wanted to."

Brennan sighed brokenly and raised a hand to place on top of his. Her eyes closed and she rubbed her face against his palm, trying to think of something to say that would pass her swollen tongue and dry throat.

"Booth, I know I'm socially impaired and that it's difficult for me to talk about love and understand emotions because to me, those aren't feelings I can document and prove as something other than hormonal explosions, but…"

He placed his thumb on her lips to silence her and placed his forehead against hers.

"Bones, love is the victory of imagination over intelligence and that's the way I love you; without understanding any of it, but imagining everything. Just… let me love you, Temperance."

She nodded ever so softly and felt her heart soar in one of those thousand emotions she couldn't explain, when he closed his mouth over hers.

#BONES#