Chapter 3-Exposure

I sleep in Jonas's bed comfortably for the rest of the night, exhausted from the whole day. Before drifting to sleep, Jonas snuggled closer and his last thought went through me like a lullaby. We didn't say another word, neither of us.
He wasn't lying next to me when I woke up so I wasn't sure if he had slept with me all night. Probably not. It was unlike Jonas to even express the feelings he had last night so I really doubt he did something like staying in bed with me. I was confused as to whether I would have wanted that. My heart,my body was telling me yes.
I heard the shower running in the other room, on the other side of this wall,and just as quickly as I noticed it it turned off. Obviously it was Jonas since it was his personal bathroom but I still kind of hoped I was imagining the noise. Minutes later though, the door left of me opened,released a cloud of smoke. He stepped out with only a towel on and I tried to stay noticed my staring all too quickly though and recoiled a little so that he was half inside the bathroom. "You've been up a while?," he asked,blushing slightly even though if he didn't notice like he had, he would be exposing much more. I shook my head and he smiled.
"Can you give me some privacy?," he asks almost apologetically. I give him a calming look to show him that it was no big deal and slowly climb out of the covers.
He steps slightly out from the bathroom and makes a wide motion with his hands like flailing.
"Oh,no,no. I mean just like,you know, look the other way," he says in a rush. I smile in my mind just at the thought of him not wanting me to leave.
I turn my body towards the entrance of this room and I hear a shuffling of feet come across the carpet. A soft sound like something dropping echoes around the room, making it louder than it really is. His towel, I think. I was in a room with a fully naked guy who was also my master. Just great.
He started to hum then, a a familiar tune and it filled the room with song like a radio would. I felt comfortable tapping my foot and thinking of the lyrics in my mind, but I still felt like this was wrong. It was wrong. How couldn't it be? He said he loved me, well not verbally but it was still not right. I hadn't done anything to stop him so I was committing the crime just as much as he was. I hadn't even told him I loved him back. Shouldn't I have?
Suddenly he appears in front of me, without a shirt. All I could do was stare and ask myself why he was doing this to me? Besides being extremely white, he looked normal. That's what I really wanted him to be, just like me. If we weren't herr and he wasn't who he was, we could be together. We wouldn't have to keep secrets or lie to each other or anyone else. That's what I can only hope for.
I break out of my reveries, my thoughts, my dreams when he starts to speak.
"Which one should I wear?," he questions, holding a usual collared white shirt and a dark blue pull over. Never before had he asked me that and frankly I didn't think he cared. He had on beige dress pants instead of his usual black ones and I wondered what had gotten into him.
I didn't think too much about which one he should wear since I always thought he looked good in blue.
"That one," I told him, pointing at the pull over and he walked over to the long cabinet. He started humming again but not for long since he only had to put on a plain white shirt and the dark blue pull over.
When he came in front of me again, my mouth went slightly a gape. He smiled and I quickly closed my mouth, making it a straight line like before. In something so normal he looked completely opposite of that. Off the hanger, the pull over was tight fitting and on somebody like Jonas, it fit perfectly over every muscle. In which he had a lot of.
"Why don't we both stop thinking about how I look and go get you ready?" His smile was still plastered on his face as he offered his hand. I took it, not hesitating one bit like I should have, and stood up. I was still in the clothes from the night before and I felt disgusting. My jeans were stiff and my top wasn't on correctly. I must of looked like a mess.
He stared at me, examining what I was looking at and watching each of my expressions. I quickly teared my eyes away from myself and felt my face brighten. his eyes narrowed, the dark crimson looked dangerous and fierce at this moment. I wasn't afraid though because his lips twitched in a slight grin. He rubbed his lips like he was trying to memorize what a smile felt like and all the while he didn't notice I was watching.
This is what life is supposed to feel like, he thought. Ever since that one night, when he had told me he loved me, his thoughts flooded through me without me trying. The connection was stronger, many strings threaded together, but he still acted as though nothing had happened. I didn't understand it.
"Shall we," he says, extending his arm. I come back into my mind again and lace my arm through his. I had always wanted a regular relationship filled with love, trust and complete passion but since dating at fourteen, none of that seemed to work out. Now that I was as far away from normal as can be, that would never happen. Nothing would ever work out.
We walked out the black door that signaled my last time in this room and he took the few extra seconds to lock it. Jonas had never locked his door while I was in his presence and I always thought he never did. When he reached up to put his key on top of the threshold, he looked at me from the corner of his eye to make sure I was watching. i smiled.
He pulled me along, our arms folded perfectly into each others. It seemed perfect but it wasn't quite enough for me. I leaned in closer and just when I though he would never pull away, he does. His face scrunched up to a scowl and I couldn't help but cross my arms across my chest. I wouldn't let him touch me again.
"Nina," he whispered, staring ahead. I glanced over, compelled by his voice alone, and noticed that he no longer seemed distant.
"I was tempted, Nina. It's too hard too resist at times," he explains, his face smooth from worry. For some reason, I don't need his explanation. I don't care why he pulled away. I shouldn't be so dumb as to care if he loves me or not; it shouldn't change anything.
I nod as we move down the hall towards my room. Jonas makes a slight attempt to catch my eyes but I stare ahead, looking at nothing.
We reach my door, walking slower like the end of a roller coaster ride. Wasn't that how the past few days have gone? More downs then up but quite similar. I hated to leave this way.
Jonas backed his body to the wall, resting his one foot flatly against it.
"I thought that we should go out today," he said plainly. Outside? Coming here I didn't know where I was and being here I didn't know either. I could be half way across the world for all I knew.
"Really?," I asked awestruck. I was pretty sure going anywhere out of here was against the laws but I doubt Jonas cared. Now I know he would do practically anything for me.
"Yeah," he answered casually, raking his fingers through his dark brown hair. It falls back to the exact place it was before, looking completely perfect. "If you want to I mean," he adds quickly.
I nod my head and turn the knob, wlking so fast that I nearly bump into the still closed door.
"I thought that you would like to...get things." When he is lost of words, I can't help but smile, finding it cute when he stutters.
I walk over to my small dresser that not only holds my very few clothes I have but has a mirror attached to the top of it also.
My natural black hair flows messily down to the middle of my back. The waves today actually seem tamed and sort of-cute. My green eyes are wide and heavily lashed as usual. For being in a stranger's bed for the night, I actually seemed less of a mess than I had thought. In fact, I had slept well last night without any nightmares. Since coming here, nightmares were relentlessly flooding my thoughts when I would finally fall asleep.
Last night was different though, in more ways than one and it would never happen again. Hadn't I gone through this before? I knew that things would never change but I let myself fall too fast, too quick. It was all because of those three words that taunted me into believing that they were true. Why did I take his bait? I could have just left it how it was. A petty crush. But that wasn't what it was. Was it? I loved him more than a crush would allow. I wanted him so much that him biting me, feeding from me seemed okay, almost normal. He might have thought that he loved me but he wasn't showing it. If he though he was expressing his love to me then he a weird way of showing it.
"It's cold. Wear that," he says, pulling a brown turtleneck out from the second drawer. I didn't wear that piece of clothing for a reason. It was my brother's favorite. He used to pick me up and twirl me around, even in my teenage years. I would laugh so hard that breathing became hard to do and we would both lay laughing on the ground. He kissed me on the forehead the last time he did that and then he was gone. I guess he knew that that would be a good enough good-bye.
With a single tear rolling down my cheek, I took the sweater. I turned around but Jonas grabbed my wrist.
"There's no need for crying anymore," he whispers and lets me go. I nearly fumble to the dressing room. Not only because I was pulling when he let me go but the tear turned into a stream all across my face. I felt his eyes watch me as I nearly ran away.
Once I was alone in the tiny space of the dressing room, I noticed I was without new pants to wear with the brown turtleneck. I couldn't go back out there. I wanted to stay in this place for as long as forever was.
I heard a knock on the door and I quickly wiped away the remaining tears.
"Getting dressed," I cried out, tugging off the shirt that I had slept in.
"Without pants." Jonas then opened the door and stood there with a pair of dark denim jeans. He stretched his arm out, waiting for me to take it. i noticed he was staring at me, not my eyes. The sequined shirt laid at me feet in a tidy pile and I beat myself up inside for doing something like this.
I quickly took the jeans and pull it close to me.
"I-I should go now," he says, backing away slowly. I nod, a tight expression on my face. He closes the door but not before looking at me one more time.

I never felt more exposed.