That first night at Firefly House I ruined everything. I was beginning to think that it was a mistake to bring this woman along. I was starting to lose sight of my goal of tracking down Kanbei and challenging him. I had decided to ask Shichiroji about Kanbei's whereabouts the day after that disastrous first night. It all started with that damn look she gave me at dinner that caused me to leave in the first place. Of course she followed me to our room and ended up sitting beside me on the floor. I heard someone approaching and knew immediately it was the female owner due to the quick, quiet footsteps. So I laid my head over in Amaya's lap. The other woman came in and gave my traveling partner the money we had paid, claiming that Shichiroji wouldn't allow us to pay since he and I knew each other back in Kanna. As if I needed his help.

I felt Amaya's fingers combing through my hair and it was oddly relaxing. Truth be told, I wanted her. Desired her, even, but I knew I could never call her my own. My mind and my heart wouldn't let me. I was surprised when I felt her lean over me as I lied there with my eyes closed. She wanted to kiss me again, I could feel it. Her curiosity was getting the best of her and I knew she had started to wonder if she had feelings for me. Then she started to laugh, which was something I wasn't expecting so I sat up and inquired about what was so funny. When she used my words to describe how I had kissed her the night before, I couldn't hold back. I longed for her to know I wanted her so I ended up kissing her again. When her hand fell upon my cheek, her soft skin touching my worn face, I had to force myself not to take her right then. When the kiss was over I saw her face turn rather red. She wanted me too.

As I mentioned the fact we would begin her training the next day, I stood and went over to the futon. When I started undressing she looked away. Was she really embarrassed that easily?

When she finally did get up the courage to look at me again, her eyes rest only on the scars that covered my upper body. She seemed to be in a trance-like state as she came closer to me. I wanted her to make the first move because I surely didn't want her to think I planned to take advantage of her. However, thoughts of her whispering my name in the darkness filled my mind and I was finding it more difficult to think clearly. Here is where I really started to screw up. I made the mistake of letting my guard down.

I couldn't control my heart rate when her hands began tracing along my scars, and I knew she felt it. Her arms rested on my shoulders and I placed my hands on her delicate waist, causing the two of us to come slightly closer together. She stretched up and kissed me briefly before pulling away and looking at me with the most intense look she had ever given me.

I was so close to giving in, so close to making her mine, but when she asked me what I was thinking is when I came back to my senses. I wasn't completely sure what stopped me. What exactly it was that stood between me and this woman I had wanted since the first day I met her. I let go of her and stepped away making sure I put my guard back up. I had to do all I could not to let my weakened knees get the best of me as I all but fell onto the firm mattress. A moment passed before I felt her lie beside me and she was making sure to keep her distance.

I closed my eyes and awaited sleep, but when I heard her crying I felt something. Something foreign to me. My chest ached knowing that she was upset. And despite my uncertainty I placed an arm over her and pulled her against me. I couldn't take the sound of her crying, just the thought of it made my chest ache again. Amaya fell asleep rather quickly, but her scent and the way she felt pressed against me kept me awake for hours. I was awake when she was trembling in her sleep, and I had to stroke her stomach and sides to calm her again. I was awake when the rain started to fall outside. I was awake when the tiniest bit of light began shining through the window.

I finally found sleep when I broke down and came to terms with the fact that I loved her. For once I had found some kind of peace.