Disclaimer: I do not own FMA or the characters! For those of you who are interested, Roy's song is in the back of vol. 12 of the Manga, I thought it was fitting so used it to start the chapter...Enjoy!

"Snap snap, snap snap my fingers

Snap snap, snap snap my fingers

Who's the man that's gonna be president of all the land?

The Flame alchemist!

My dream is to have a miniskirt harem.

Who's that hot dude, standing in front of a mirror, snapping his fingers?

Striking a pose?

Uh-huh that's me, the Flame alchemist!

I'm gonna light your heart on fire baby (sizzle)

My heart is a raging inferno, oh yeah (disco inferno!)

And tonight baby, it's burning hotter than ever (like a flamethrower!)

Snap, crackle, pop baby. It's my burning love (Oh yeah!)

My love's gone and burned up all the oxygen in the room. (Thermodynamics!)

This one goes out to you, the girl in the mirage. (An illusion baby!)

You know who I am?

I'm Roy Mustang (Then that's alright!)

I'm a colonel baby.

And this colonel's about to pop! (You mean "Kernel"?)

You like breasts huh? Well I'm a thigh man!

Well forget about it!"

"Dare we disturb him, Lieutenant?" Sergeant Brosh and Lieutenant Havoc were peering around the door of Mustang's office and were startled to say the least when they found him not only jumping on his desk, but singing a rather catchy tune, apparently made up on the spot. Havoc tried with all his might to suppress a grin. Tried, but failed. This was the happiest he'd ever seen his superior and it was pretty amusing to watch.

"Yeah, I guess he's gotta snap out of it at some point." Havoc cleared his throat loudly behind the door. Mustang's singing stopped. There was a small clatter, and silence. Havoc knocked twice.

"Come in." The booming voice of the colonel said from the other side.

"Good morning sir." Havoc walked in to find Roy sat neatly behind his desk, pile of papers in front of him, pen in hand. He may not get much work done, but he sure was quick, Havoc would allow him that. "There seems to be a few communication problems floating around, sir."

"Do we know the cause yet, Second lieutenant?" Mustang asked importantly.

"Yes sir. The women's legs sir."

"I see." The colonel nodded as if he had suspected such, and as if it was a perfectly normal situation that needed dealing with quickly. "Well, I don't see how there's anything we can do. Good day gentlemen!" Brosh and Havoc looked on in shock. He wasn't going to do anything?!

"But sir! The only people getting any work done are the women! The men are all lolling about looking at...err...up...well...How do I put this?" Brosh flushed, looking at his superior for help.

"I'm as happy as you are to see the ladies realising their full potential, sir. But we can't let them do all this work alone." Havoc grinned. Although he preferred the chest area, he wasn't going to complain directly about a bunch of miniskirts.

"Hmm. I'll ask Lt. Hawkeye what she thinks when she gets here. You haven't seen her have you? She was supposed to be here half an hour ago. If anyone can sort out the female staff, it's her."

"You...haven't seen Hawkeye this morning sir?" Brosh gulped, wondering whether he should have said anything at all.

"No. Why?" The colonel asked suspiciously.

"Well, maybe you should go to the mess hall, sir." Havoc had seen too. The colonel eyes his two men curiously. What did they know that he didn't?

"Enough! Havoc, Brosh! You will accompany me to the mess hall immediately!"

"YES SIR!" The two sprung to attention and followed Mustang from the room.

It took them two hours, thirty seven minutes and forty six seconds to walk down to the mess hall.

"I just want to check Lt. Hawkeye's not in this office." Mustang would say, emerging from it ten minutes later with a fresh nosebleed. "And what about the research files office? I wonder how Sheska's doing..?"

"Is he perving on every woman in this army?" Brosh asked Havoc, losing more and more respect for Mustang the longer it took him to carry on walking. Finally, they reached the mess hall. It was packed with officers. Leaflets lay strewn atop all the tables, Mustang picked one up, curiosity getting the better of him.

" 'It's a woman's army'...?" He read aloud. " ' Don't stand for the men taking all the good careers, if you want to move up the ranks, roll up your stockings!'...What is this crap?" Havoc shrugged.

"Female propaganda, sir?"

" 'Too long have we waited for promotions! Its time they pay up in money, or blood!' So they want a pay rise? This is hardly the way to achieve such a thing!" Mustang was beside himself with laughter. "But if we promote them, they'll go back to wearing trousers like the rest of us! Not a chance!" He chuckled. "Nope. I quite like the way things are." He smiled viciously. "Ladies, do your worst!"

Please leave me a review, good or bad I'm not fussy! :D