Sorry it's been so long since I updated...Exams, six months of work, a trip to Japan (where I'm writing this from)...yeah...that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it! Has everyone read the final FMA chapter? OMG! So beautiful! It annoys me how they didn't really explain Hawkeye's tattoo in detail though...ah well! Please enjoy chapter 5!

"LUUUUUNNNNNCCCCHHHHH TIIIIIIIIIIIIME!" The colonel sang from his desk, stretching his arms around his head.

"But, colonel, you haven't done any work all morning!" Havoc muttered across the room from where he sat at his own desk.

"Quiet Havoc!" Mustang hissed. "We have to sneak out under the pretence of going to lunch or Hawkeye will catch us with her 'I'm just walking across the room, honest' attack!"

"Say what?" Havoc leant over his papers in confusion.

"If we leave before the lieutenant gets back we won't be bewitched into staring at her instead of working!" Mustang growled, slamming his fist on the desk.

"Excellent plan, sir!" Havoc fumbled for his jacket and the pair of them stood, ready to rush for the exit. However, their passage was blocked by a shrimp in a bright red coat.

"Hey Colonel, committed any perverted acts lately or are you just concentrating on continuing your string of uselessness?" Edward smirked up at Mustang. He was standing in the doorway, grinning with satisfaction at his own quirky comment with no idea how close his guess had been. Al tottered nervously behind him, wondering if this time, his hot-tempered brother had gone too far.

"Fullmetal!" Roy bellowed, about to scold him for insulting a superior officer but a sudden thought crossed his mind...

The Colonel was rather enjoying the miniskirt parade but knew it had to end...but how? He certainly couldn't do it himself. No, he didn't have the self control to stop the absurdity! He was too enthralled by it! But...if the Fullmetal brat could work out what was going on behind the scenes, perhaps they could end this peacefully...yes...Edward always had been good at sneaking around where he's not supposed to. The answer to their problem had walked willingly through the door!

"Fullmetal," Mustang said again, this time more thoughtfully, "I will overlook your insult for the moment. I have a mission for you, and it's very important!" Edward looked up at the colonel, one eyebrow raised cynically.

"Alright, let's hear it," he scowled, not expecting it to be anything short of several hours' research in the second branch of the military library.

"Did you notice anything odd, walking into the military H.Q today?" Mustang asked mysteriously.

"Not particularly..." Edward replied, unsure whether he ought to have noticed something. "What about you, Al?"

"I don't think so," Al replied simply. "Nothing out of the ordinary, anyway," Havoc , who had been standing silently beside the colonel, let out a hacking cough.

"Nothing? You guys have noticed nothing? I thought you were supposed to be hot-blooded teenage boys!" he turned weakly to Mustang, "It's so unfair! I wish I could go around with my eyes closed to the wonders of the world like they do, but I just can't! Puberty came so early for me! I was eight for freaks' sake! Eight, Colonel!"

"Control your hormones Havoc! You're not a teenager anymore!" Mustang snapped in frustration.

"What the hell are the two of you talking about?" Edward asked, glancing between both of the 'adults'.

"Come to lunch with us Fullmetal, you too Alphonse. We'll explain everything," Mustang replied gravely, and let the brothers off on a rather amusing mission briefing...

Maria Ross wasn't usually the type of person to participate in this kind of thing, but Hawkeye's steadfast determination had coaxed her into it. Sergeant Ross stood in front of the women's bathroom mirror, looking at her reflection doubtfully. She just didn't have the figure to pull this off. It was already for insanely slender Sheska, or Hawkeye with her brilliant curves...but Maria just felt...frumpy.

"Lieutenant, I'm not sure I can go out looking like this," she told Riza half-heartedly.

"What's the problem? You brought the skirt, just wear it. You look fine," Hawkeye told her monotonously. "You're not worried about Brosh making fun of you, are you?" the lieutenant asked pertinently. Maria flushed crimson.

"I hadn't been thinking about it until you just said it!" she growled, not disrespectfully. "I'm going to be a laughing stock!" she moaned, placing her hands on the sink and bowing her head with humiliation.

"Don't worry so much," Hawkeye said comfortingly, "It's not going to be for long. And besides, If anyone laughs at you, I'll shoot them," the lieutenant said this with such seriousness that Ross was afraid that she meant every word.

"I'm sure that won't be necessary," Ross cringed.

"Good, well. Break time is over, let's go and chide the colonel into getting some work done. His facial expressions today are most amusing when he attempts to concentrate," Maria followed the confident lieutenant from the restroom, looking around her nervously.

"So, Lt. Hawkeye, why is it only yourself, me and Sheska you've permitted to actually talk to the male members of staff today?" she asked timidly; Hawkeye was still a dominating figure, even when lightly clad.

"I would have thought it was obvious," she replied tonelessly, "Sheska concentrates so hard on work she won't talk enough for the male staff to get any coherent answers from her, yourself because I trust you to act normal even when faced with abnormal surroundings and myself..."

"Yes?"

"Well, I'm the only one who can make the colonel change his mind. 'Man's Army' eh? We'll see, sir. We'll see,"...

To be continued!

Please review! Even if you think it was crappy! Constructive criticism is gooood!