"What in the hell is going on out here?"

A tall, shady looking man comes out from the back room of Hardly Hentai. He puts his finger to his lips tapping it in a melodic rhythm to the soft porno music playing in the background. He's wearing a red and blue baseball cap, black denim jeans and a t-shirt shamefully advertising his store.

Nanao turns around still trying to take control of the situation. Keigo looks at the man stunned; this is not what he needed. As his eyes lock on the store owner Keigo winces in confusion, the man actually looks familiar to him. Probably from some 11 o'clock news program profiling Karakura Town's Most Wanted.

"These two claim to be employees of your store, is this true?"

The shady looking man lifts his hat scratching his shining black hair. He has a mullet living up to his expectations of sketchiness. He looks them over, his hand stroking his chin mulling over whether he's going to pretend he knows them or not.

Unexpectedly, he doesn't have to pretend.

"Yes, Keigo's my lead man on the floor and this place's taxes stay in line only cause of Mizuiro"

At this point most of the Women's Association members have congregated beside the two high school boys. Rangiku and Youruichi have momentarily disappeared. Keigo looking relieved covertly wipes the beads of sweat that have formed on his brow.

"Now, it's not every day we get such lovely customers, so I can see why these boys might be unable to handle themselves, however I am a man. And no amount of-"

Before he could finish his proclamation of manhood Rangiku and Youruichi came out from hiding, hiding nothing at all. In what looked like three carefully placed stickers and two packs of dental floss the two women showed off everything they had to offer.

"Wh-what are you two doing?"

Nanao swung at them both wildly with her clipboard. Missing them both clearly as they flashstepped out of the way, she fell face first onto the ground behind them. Captain Unohana's usual sly grin grew into a full-fledged smile as she looked at the arts & crafts project for adulterers.

"Oh Youruichi, where did you find those outfits?"

"C-captain, you cannot be serious!"

Isane fainted into her sister's arms. Kiyone nearly fell onto her back due to their size difference. She set her down on the leopard print chaise lounge in the back near the change rooms. She began waving a leather miniskirt to cool her down and the small draft it made blew her silver braid to and fro.

Nanao laid face down attempting to get up for round two with two souls reaping all the benefits of their busts and bodies.

"Lemme help you"

Hinamori and Keigo bend over in unison to help Nanao up, each grabbing an opposite arm they help her up onto her feet. Keigo was a lot like his Ichigo in a sense. Even when he was fighting a losing battle, in his case flirting with women, he still found the strength to continue.

"We worked together better that time"

"Yeah"

Momo blushes timidly and smiles at Keigo, the awkwardness would be over between them. For the next four seconds. Keigo returns the smile and goes for a high five, which Hinamori was not expecting. Turning late to respond to his gesture their hands miss. His hand colliding with her right breast.

"C-captain Hitsugaya?"

"WHAT?"

"S-sorry sir, it-it's just you're r-releasing a- a lot of your spiritual pressure and, you.. you've frozen the whole right side of the dining hall."

Captain Hitsugaya looked in the subordinate's direction he grabbed his glass of water to drink from it. It was completely frozen solid.

"If you'll excuse me"

The Captain stormed out of Squad Ten's dining hall failing to suppress his spiritual pressure. His men wailed in discontent as the left side of the place formed the second half of Hitsugaya's ice castle of pissed off jealousy.

"I am I am , SO sorry!"

Nanao now had an easier target for her clipboard. She preferred it over her zanpaktou. Its multipurpose functionality meant it was at her side more than anyone or anything. Poor, poor Captain Kyouraku.

One hard hit to the head had Keigo down on the ground.

"Well now look what you've done Mr. Asano"

Mizuiro stepped over his friend's body so he could attend to Isane.

"Is she going to be alright?"

"I think so, she just gets so worked up over Captain Unohana's decisions sometimes"

"Well maybe we can take her outside for some fresh air?"

"Good idea!"

Kiyone and Mizuiro put Isane's arms around each one of their shoulders. Unnoticed, they take her outside to the fresh and warm air of a summer day in Karakura Town.

"So Mr. Owner, how does this look?"

Rangiku stretched out her arms and legs striking a pose worthy enough to be placed beside the word "sexy" in the dictionary. Youruichi did the same, the two of them stood side by side like a salt and pepper shaker straight from an assembly of every wet dream in the history of teenage boydom.

A camera flash came from the change room. But both women were too focused on their current target.

The owner's face was red enough to pass for a stop sign, but he certainly wanted things to keep going.

"I.. I see you found our most..*gulp*.. provocative items, I didn't think those were even out on display anymore.. complaints of degrading women"

"Well, I for one don't feel mortified.. what about you Rangiku?"

"I'm a bit cold, hopefully it won't show, stiffness is so unattractive"

"It's hard to get rid of too"

"Well, let's knock on wood and hope it doesn't happen"

A tightening. A sudden tightening in the store owner's already too tight jeans. His eyes couldn't find a safe spot to land on Rangiku and Youruici's exposed bodies. His mind raced as he tried to undo what had been done.

Grandma, Grandma in a bikini, Grandma naked, Grandma-

SHIT these women are old enough to be my grandmothers, why did today have to be the day that the Soul Reapers show up?

"If you'll excuse me ladies"

The store owner raced back into his office which was little bigger than three washroom stalls. He switched the sign hanging on the inside of the door behind the glass to "Occupied" and shut the blinds. Although, the Women's Association wasn't going anywhere, especially not before their final member arrived.

"I'm sure Rukia and Kiyone will have a fun time on their trip to the world of the living, don't you Lieutenant Abarai?"

"Are they visiting Ichigo?"

"No, the rumour is, and keep in mind it's only a rumour, that they are visiting a lingerie store"

"Rukia.. Rukia Kuchiki is going lingerie shopping, WITH ICHIGO.. Ichigo Kurosaki?"

"Well, I don't imagine the substitute soul reaper would accompany them, but it is located in the down town strip of Karakura Town, he might just tag along"

A glassy look passed over Renji's eyes.

"Lieutenant Abarai?"

A montage. A montage of bright coloured images swarmed into his head. There was Rukia dressing up in all kinds of inappropriate clothing, and with who? Not the guy she's known since her childhood, not her longtime classmate from the soul reaper academy, not even the one who learned Bankai just so he could defeat her brother. Attempt counts for something after all. No, it would be the ginger Casanova, taking Rukia by the hand and escorting her into some candlelight room, with rose petals, and music and..

"My, my someone is looking awfully troubled"

Captain Ukitake and Renji sat on a bench beneath a monstrous willow tree. Its streamer-like branches fluttered in the light soothing breeze, the scene was calm. The mood was escalating. The two had been discussing unimportant matters but now Captain Ukitake felt as though he made a mistake somewhere along the way.

"Have I said something to upset you, Lieutenant?"

"I'll kill him"

"Now there's no need to get hostile, it was only a rumour, a-"

"Disgrace! An Outrage! How can the Thirteen Court Guard Squads stand for a complete humiliation of their supposed honourable members? "

Renji was on his feet, he was pacing, he was furious. He was thinking of a plan to retrieve Rukia, without making himself seem too overprotective of course. But how? How could he pull it off?

"Haha, why Lieutenant if I didn't know any better I'd think I was talking to your Captain"

Bingo.