Disclaimer: I do NOT own Naruto; Masashi Kishimoto does!
Warning: More spoilers for the Invasion of Pain arc ahead!
The Crying Kamui
Chapter 1
3 years ago...
Obito... Rin...
"Whatever the village may say... You are a great Jounin. I'm about to die... But I will become your eyes and see the future for you."
Obito, Kakashi thought as the memory of those words flowed through him. Here, in this vast unending space, caught between the living world and the world of the dead, he could see his reflection on the pool before him with Obito's eye gazing at him.
It seems this is as far as I go... I can no longer be your eyes for the future.
The image on the pool changed to show the young Konoha 12 with Sasuke included. Bittersweet memories filled him as he lamented the fact that he would no longer be able to see their growth – or in Sasuke's case, his salvation.
The image disappeared and he could feel himself sinking deeper.
I wasn't able to protect Rin... I keep on breaking my promises to you... Then I broke your cardinal rule.
He felt hands grasp his own ones and pull him upright. To his shock, it was Obito and Rin – and behind them was Minato-sensei. They were smiling at him but those smiles only made him feel dirtier than he already did.
I killed a teammate in order to protect Konoha... I am worse than the lowliest trash... I don't think I have the right to ask for your forgiveness Obito... Rin... Sensei...
But their smiles refused to fade even as they left him one by one. Kakashi couldn't make himself to plead with them to come back...
...He had no right.
I don't think I'll ever be able to join you...
Yet he slowly began walking forward towards the direction where his former teammates disappeared to. A soft glow suddenly caught his attention and the sound of firewood crackling reached his ears. He looked up and saw a lone figure sitting in front of a fire with his back turned to Kakashi.
"Kakashi, is that you?"
Kakashi's eyes widened in disbelief as the familiar voice flowed to him. Then remembering where he was – and what had happened to land him here – a small self-deprecating smile touched his lips as he thought about the perfect timing of this meeting.
"So this is where you were," he replied and then approached the man before sitting next to him on a piece of log.
"Will you tell me your story?"
"Sure," Kakashi replied, his eyes becoming distant as he searched through his memories. "It's a really long story so I want to take my time."
The man finally faced him. Kakashi couldn't remember the last time he saw a smile on that face.
"Yeah, that's fine," the man said as his smile widened fractionally. "Take your time and tell me everything."
Kakashi couldn't help but smile back.
"Well... Father..."
"I know this isn't the right time... But I need to ask you something. I learned to pick up on natural energy but there's something I don't get...
"I can feel everyone's chakra..."
The pause was heavy and took a moment... Because Naruto wasn't sure if he truly wanted to hear the answer to the question he was about to ask...
"Is Kakashi-sensei on a mission outside the village?"
Tsunade said nothing and that was all the answer Naruto needed.
"I see..." Another weighted pause. "And Iruka-sensei?"
The same wordless answer.
So it was like this...
All three of Naruto's beloved and precious senseis would be killed by a single man...
"...Then he smiled at me and said, 'thank you'. Why? Why would he say something like that when I killed him?"
It was a rhetorical question. Kakashi didn't really expect his father to answer it. After all, how would one answer such a question? What answer can one give to such a question?
"He thanked you because he knew that what you were about to do to protect your village would cause you a world of pain."
Kakashi's head snapped up as he turned wide eyes to his father. The White Fang of Konoha's eyes held neither condemnation nor disgust. In fact, they shone with pride – and sadness. But sadness for him... for what Kakashi was going through.
"That brave and courageous man thanked you because he knew that your actions would open up a dark and lonely path in front of you... Yet you still did what you did to save lives. You could have chosen to take the easy way out and stopped yourself from using your Kamui in order to avoid sacrificing a comrade. But if you had done that, the enemy would have killed him, then you... Then countless more others if it had the ability to keep on reviving.
"But you took the hard choice. And don't forget, son...
"You died for your choice as well."
Silence reigned once more but it wasn't as heavy as it was before. Sakumo's words offered some balm to Kakashi's bleeding wounds. Those words were enough to at least push him towards acceptance – that he truly had no choice. But he still wasn't wholly comforted... That might be impossible.
"Who would have thought that you and I would die so early? Not as early as your poor mother, though." Kakashi just nodded.
"Father, I've always wanted to ask you something..."
"Hmm?"
"Why did you, the Konoha White Fang, choose to abandon the village's code in order to save your comrades? If you had not done so, no one would have condemned you and you wouldn't have been so miserable. You were greatly respected but after what you did, you became hated. You were the butt of all the jokes..."
Kakashi remembered the frustration, helplessness and shame that his younger self had felt. "It made me so bitter."
"I see... You took it pretty hard, huh?"
Kakashi nodded. "Yeah..."
"You are stronger than I am, Kakashi," Sakumo said quietly with his eyes closed. Then a small sad smile appeared on his lips. "I didn't heed my own teammates' pleas to leave them and complete the mission for Konoha's sake. We lost so many that would have been saved if I had stuck to the code because I didn't make the choice you made."
Kakashi shook his head as he kept his gaze on the bright fire. He remembered what he told himself after Obito's death. What had he learned from his best friend all those years ago? If was ever given the chance to speak with his father in the next life, then he would say...
"I am not stronger than you, Father. Regardless of the outcome, I know you did the best you could. I can see that now and I have grown enough - and gone through enough - to understand you. You broke the code for everyone's sake. I am proud of you."
Sakumo gave his son a startled look. He wondered if Kakashi knew how much his words meant to him...
But knowing what his son had just been through... Knowing the cause of his son's death...
Yes, Kakashi must know how much those words meant to his father.
"Thank you."
Kakashi's voice shook slightly as he added, "I hope you can forgive your son for not being able to follow in your footsteps."
Without warning, a ray of light pierced Kakashi and engulfed him. He gasped out as an unknown force started tugging on him.
"What's happening?" he asked wildly as he grabbed at his chest. But whatever was pulling at him was invisible to him.
His father was calm as he regarded his struggling son.
"It looks like it's not your time yet; you still have things you need to do."
Kakashi held his hand out, reaching for Sakumo. "Father..."
Sakumo smiled. "I'm glad I was able to speak with you. Thank you for forgiving me... And Kakashi, there's no reason for you to ask for my forgiveness. I am very proud of you – more than words could say.
"Kakashi... Do not make the mistakes I made. Do not choose death as a way out of your suffering. If you ever feel like ending your life like I did that day you found me on the floor of our house, think of the lives that have been sacrificed to save yours. Do not waste their efforts or you'll be spitting on their memory.
"Remember the words of that young man who thanked you."
Kakashi felt a sting in his right eye as Iruka's smile flashed in his face. Iruka...
The light intensified until Kakashi could barely see the details of his father's face.
"Now I can move on and I'll finally be able to see your mother again."
Kakashi blinked and when he opened his right eye, the first thing he saw was a clear blue sky...
...The clear blue sky of the living world!
But that was impossible!
He quickly sat up and he was shocked to find that his muscles protested at the abrupt movement. How could they hurt if he was dead?
The only possible answer hit him.
He was alive.
"Kakashi too?"
"Kakashi-sensei!"
It was only then that Kakashi realized he was surrounded by Akimichi Chouza, his son, Akimichi Chouji, and Tsunade's summon, Katsuyu.
"What's happening?" Kakashi asked as he curled his fingers, testing how well he could move.
His injuries from the earlier fight were almost completely healed.
Chouji was crying beside him. "Thank goodness! I'm so glad you're all right, Kakashi-sensei!"
"I will explain everything," Katsuyu offered in her polite voice.
So she told him everything... About Naruto's arrival... About his fight with the five remaining Paths of Pain... About how Naruto took every single Pain down until only the Deva Path remained... Then how Naruto transformed into the Kyuubi in rage at the fall of Hinata at the hands of the Deva Path...
She told him about how Naruto was able to return to his usual self on his own... About Naruto finally defeating the Deva Path and searching for the true Pain – Nagato. Then she informed him that Naruto was able to persuade Nagato, Jiraiya's old student, to believe in him...
Then how Nagato brought all the villagers who had died in the attack back to life using an incredibly powerful technique called Outer Path: Samsara of Heavenly Life Technique.
Overwhelming hope filled him as he urgently looked around, trying to find a familiar bob of dark hair... trying to find that nose with a scar across of it... trying to find that face that could be angry at one moment then sheepish at the next then cheeky at times...
But...
"Iruka," Kakashi said anxiously. "Where's Iruka? Where is he?" His voice kept on rising frantically with each word.
He must be alive!
"You were the only one here, Kakashi-sensei," Chouji said with a frown. "Iruka-sensei wasn't here with you."
Then... Why...?
Kakashi's eye widened when a horrible thought struck him.
What if Nagato's technique only worked while the physical body was still present?
Or what if Nagato's technique only worked on those he himself had killed?
Iruka's body wasn't here anymore because of Kamui... And it wasn't Nagato who killed Iruka...
It was Kakashi.
As more and more joyful voices filled the air with every new life that was brought back from the dead, Kakashi continued to feel more and more numb.
Kakashi was alive...
...Iruka was still dead.
Hatake Kakashi, the Copy Nin, wielder of the Sharingan, master of a thousand jutsu, was unable to celebrate with the rest of the village. As soon as he was able to get up, he wore his hitai-ate, which suddenly seemed so heavy with his crime. He then searched for Naruto so that he could tell the young man all that had happened.
But when he saw Naruto's tired figure leaning on a tree bark as he tried to catch his breath, Kakashi realized that his news could wait. So he caught his former student when he stumbled and carried him on his back to Konoha where he received a hero's welcome. All the villagers had been eagerly waiting for Naruto's return. They had showered him with praises, with their gratitude and with their admiration. Kakashi allowed Naruto to have his moment of glory as he was finally acknowledged by the entire village. The village's children all wanted to be like him.
And as the villagers tossed Naruto in the air in celebration, Kakashi could only think of one thing...
...If only Iruka were here to see all this...
Present time – 3 years after the attack of Pain...
As Kakashi looked down on Iruka's name engraved on the Memorial Stone, he remembered Naruto's reaction to Kakashi's news. The Jounin had expected to be hit, punched, kicked, beaten, cursed at or spat on. But Naruto just became quiet and walked away.
He could still remember how later on, Naruto had approached him of his own volition. His words to Kakashi were destined to haunt the Jounin forever.
"I've already lost two of my senseis and I'm not about to lose the last... especially while he's still alive.
"Besides, I can tell by the look in your eyes, Kakashi-sensei... What you did hurt you so much that you're punishing yourself when you don't have to. I don't need to add to that."
Just like that, Naruto had forgiven him. Also, unlike what he expected, the village didn't blame him. Granted, they did not exactly thank Kakashi for what he had done; Iruka's absence created a huge hole in Konoha... especially among the younger generation. But unlike the time of Hatake Sakumo, when the villagers would easily point fingers at their chosen scapegoat, Kakashi was spared that condemnation and isolation. Naruto had truly changed the hearts of the citizens of Konoha and when they saw that Naruto was in peace with Kakashi, they followed his example. In fact, their forgiveness was so great that, when Kakashi had been nominated for the position of Rokudaime Hokage, the village had been prepared to accept him. Thankfully, Tsunade-hime had woken up from her coma.
But their lack of hatred did not alleviate the pain of the guilt and loss that Kakashi felt. As with Obito, Rin and his Sensei, Iruka's death by his hand had changed him irrevocably. He donned on the ANBU mask once more and threw himself at every dangerous and deadly mission he can get his hands on... And for three years, Tsunade allowed it despite his fatalistic outlook on life. Kakashi was still becoming stronger after all and he seemed to view the success of his missions as some form of compensation for the loss of Iruka...
Despite Uchiha Madara's announcement of his great plan shortly after Pain's attack on Konoha, he has not made any great move towards the fulfilment his plan. A huge blow was the fact that Kabuto, who had integrated a piece of Orochimaru within him, had joined forces with Madara. There were intense battles, yes, but none as great as Pain's attack on Konoha. It was as though they were biding their time. Still, as a precaution and for the sake of readiness, the shinobi alliance still existed. However, lately, it seemed that the battles were becoming fiercer and fiercer...
These battles were mounting up to something; everyone knew it.
But as to what that something is... That was the question.
There was no give away for her approach but Kakashi immediately sensed Yugao's presence anyway.
"Kakashi-senpai," she spoke from where she knelt respectfully. If he had been in his ANBU garb, she would have addressed him as "Hound-taichou". "Tsunade-sama wishes to see you."
"I'll be there," Kakashi replied and Yugao departed. He took one last look at the names of the ones who had made the greatest impact on his life thus far then went off to meet with the Godaime.
See you later Obito, Rin, Sensei...
...Iruka...
How should she go about this?
"Konan told me that Amegakure will pursue Yahiko and Nagato's dreams with me. Regardless of the past, the Village Hidden in the Rain is now an ally of Konoha."
Those were Naruto's words when Tsunade had hesitated about allowing a team of Ame shinobi to enter the gates of Konoha to learn more about their allies. Naruto was right. In this war, it was better to build friendships than to reject them at the risk of creating more enemies.
Sunagakure, Kumogakure, Kirigakure, Iwagakure, Takigakure and Amegakure... These villages were the official allies of Konoha. Although Amegakure redeemed itself in the eyes of the citizens of Konohagakure after Nagato's life-giving jutsu three years ago, one particular shinobi still couldn't handle the sight of their insignia...
...And she was about to send that particular shinobi to rendezvous with a team from Rain.
The last time Hatake Kakashi had been teamed up with Ame nin, their mission almost failed since he had ignored the existence of those shinobi. She could only imagine what his reaction would be when she tells him that she needs him to escort the shinobi he'd rather completely forget about through the gates of Konoha.
He is going to hate me, Tsunade thought with a deep sigh. She was truly too old for this. But despite all their confidence in Naruto, his future was still shaky enough that appointing him as Hokage at this particular time might do the village greater damage. He was also constantly away from the village and out in the front lines. After he had finally gained some control of the Kyuubi's chakra, the alliance agreed that instead of being hidden at all times Naruto could fight in the battlefield every now and then...
...which eventually turned into more often than not.
A familiar surge of chakra alerted her to the arrival of the one she honestly didn't want to face right now. Unfortunately, she might as well get it over and done with so that she could return to the sweet comfort of the premium sake waiting just inside her drawer.
"You summoned me, Tsunade-sama?"
Tsunade eyed one of the strongest of her elite. Hatake Kakashi had always emanated an air of aloofness and the lack of concern of what others thought of him. He always had that slouched figure, unkempt hair and that atrocious orange book his masked face was constantly buried in. He still looked the same as three years ago only his gravity-defying hair seemed to have lost its life. The silver hair no longer poofed up but hung limp around his face and on his hitai-ate, hiding the Konoha symbol from view. He obviously didn't care about the state of his hair, including the fact that an enemy's kunai had shortened some strands on the right side of his face, making the hair there slightly shorter compared to the left.
But Tsunade had learned long ago that no matter what she said, he only ignored her commands that he fix himself up...
...in more ways than one.
It was as though Kakashi's hair reflected the tormented emotional and psychological state he was buried in.
"I have a mission for you," Tsunade announced.
Kakashi just kept staring at her with his right eye, waiting for her to give him the details. It wasn't like Tsunade to hesitate from telling him what was required of him.
Suspicion suddenly curled in his gut.
"As you know, the shinobi force of Amegakure is not as impressive as ours-"
As soon as the word 'Amegakure' had left her lips, Kakashi had already begun shaking his head in protest.
"No."
"Kakashi-"
"NO!"
Tsunade stopped and studied the tense man before her. His whole form was as taut as a coiled spring, ready to strike if necessary.
She didn't realize he would react this strongly.
But she had to press him.
With a war about to get really ugly just around the corner, Kakashi would have no choice but to work with shinobi from other villages – including Amegakure. Therefore, she would rather get him to interact with Amegakure nin in a controlled environment instead of out in the battlefield where his personal issues might endanger his comrades and allies.
So she hardened her features and steeled her voice.
"Hatake Kakashi, you are to enter the Land of Rain and meet them at the border of Amegakure. You will then escort them to Konoha, where they will learn more about our village in terms of how we work together and treat our comrades and allies."
"No."
"Kakashi," Tsunade barked as she got on her feet. "This team is one of the strongest and most influential in Amegakure. If they see and learn how to appreciate the way we work, they can easily teach the other shinobi in their village about our will of fire. Amegakure's population is mainly composed of refugees from the previous war. Therefore, they learned the hard way to only look out for themselves. Allies who think nothing of us would be detrimental to us in this current war."
"Then we shouldn't ally with them."
Tsunade hissed in frustration. "If that were possible, I would have chosen that road as well. But we need all the help we can get. Amegakure may have a tiny population compared to the Five Great Shinobi Villages but they have a number of talented shinobi. Also, the last thing we need is for them to ally with Madara once more."
Intellectually, Kakashi knew what she was trying to say – and he even agreed to her. But he still couldn't let go of his grudge against Rain... at least not yet. He might eventually as with the Iwa nin after Obito's death years ago.
But not right now.
"Why me?" Kakashi finally whispered. Why him when she knew how he felt about Amegakure?
Tsunade finally allowed a small yet sad smile to grace her lips.
"Because I can no longer just stand idly by and watch you wither away."
A/N: I shall stop there for now! I found this chapter very difficult to write and I'm not sure if I wrote it well enough. And again, I changed a number of things with the original... Firstly, the interaction between Kakashi and Sakumo... Then the Outer Path: Samsara of Heavenly Life Technique. I know that this jutsu can bring back the recent dead regardless of who killed them but I needed to change it to fit with the plot. But as I said before, this is a FANfiction so there 'ya go!
I know I'm being evil to Kakashi in this fic... How I thought about this story started with the question:
What happens to the people who get sucked into wherever by Kamui?
So I began plotting and plotting then I thought... Well, to explore this question, I must chuck someone into the Kamui technique! Oooh... What about a loveable someone for great impact? Then... What about someone who'll fill Kakashi with such guilt? Oooh... What about... IRUKA? BUWAHAHAHA!
Ahem-ahem... *sigh*... *wipes tears of despicable mirth away* Oh gosh, I can be so sadistic...
Anyway! Thanks to my kind reviewers and readers. Thanks to those who added this story to their Favourites or Alerts list! Also thanks to those who added me as a Favourite Author! *blushes*
Imperial Dragon – This chapter is dedicated to YOU, my very first reviewer for this story! Yeah... I'm so evil to Kakashi in this fic... Ah, I'm such a sucker for drama... Seriously, I can probably be a South American (or Filipino) soap opera writer... Thanks for your comment! =)
Prescripto13 – Ahaha! Thanks! I'm surprised no one's cursing me yet for killing off two such loveable creatures... Ah, but I only got that from Masashi Kishimoto so there! LOL! Thanks for your continuous support! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
eve - *blushes* Aww, thanks... I'm hoping that 'wow' is a good 'wow'? It's not a 'wow, you're so evil' or a 'wow, you must lack humanity to write something like this'? HAHA! Just kidding!
The-Lady-Smaell – Hi Milady! =) Yes! YES! I KILLED IRUKA! I killed Kakashi too! But the mangaka killed him first so I think I should be excused from that... =P I'm really glad you enjoyed the prologue. I think this chapter sort-of could've been in the prologue as well but I thought it would be much more dramatic if I stopped where I stopped. I had to invest a lot of effort into going back to the manga (and anime) to make sure I got as much detail as possible. I obviously added some things in and took some things out. Now I want to know what your reaction is for the ending of THIS chapter! As always, I get very flattered with your comments, which always brings a smile to my face. Thank you very much, Milady! =D
Again, please drop a comment or two to make this writer very happy!
Ceil Scheherazade