Chapter Four – Hello, Soldier
What do you say to someone after you haven't seen them for 14 months? Where do you start? My mind flickered back to just before Edward left for his latest tour. The screaming and the harsh words that were directed at each other. Edward's eyes looked sad for a moment and his mouth was drawn down in a frown. Was he remembering too? Or has he already forgotten about it, like the hundreds of other times that I voiced my opinions on how unhappy I had become with out current lifestyle.
He hadn't changed. He was still the same Edward. Well, physically anyway. I can't say the same thing about him emotionally and mentally, anymore. But he was unharmed at least. My eyes and hands searching for any new marks or scars that would be some clue as to what he had been doing over there for the last 14 months. I had better luck this way of figuring it out, then I would with it coming from him. Most likely it was something that he couldn't or wouldn't talk about with me. But all I could see and feel were the already existing scars that scattered his body and my body relaxed slightly. Letting go of the tension I didn't know I was holding in. That, or I was so used to feeling that way, I couldn't tell the difference anymore.
He was still as handsome as the day I met him. Better in some ways. More mature. More like a man, rather than the boy who used to bring flowers to my door everyday when he came to pick me up for school. Back then his hair was longer and his bronze bangs hung over his eyes. Now it was replaced by the army regulation crew cut. I missed running my fingers through it's thick strands, playing with the the wisps at the back of his neck.
He brought his finger up, to trace just under my eyes and I fought the urge not to close them. I was afraid if I did, he would disappear and this would have all just been a delusion, drummed up by my lonely heart. His eyes creased in concern. That was one thing that had never changed with Edward. He always worried. Sometimes about the smallest things and lately, the wrong things.
"You look tired, Love", he whispered in that velvet voice of his. He slid my body closer to his, so that we were pressed together from breast to hip. He tangled his legs with mine and the hair on his legs tickled me. A seductive tingle ran down my spine and sunk into the pit of my stomach.
Tired! I wanted to say that I was tired in so many ways. Tired of worrying about him, worrying about the kids. I was tired of the loneliness, that wrapped around me every night. I was tired of always coming last. Last to Edward, Last in Life. But most of all I was tired of doing everything on my own. Working, The house (Inside and Out), the cars and the kids. I was even responsible for my own pleasure these days. Making do with my own touch, instead of his rough one.
I was just plain tired and I was beginning to run out of fight. Sometimes I wondered what it was that I was fighting for now. Doubts ran through my mind like poison. Did he want to be in this marriage anymore? Sometimes it felt like he didn't.
"The kids haven't been sleeping well lately and I've been doing more hours at the library" I explained to him. It wasn't an entire lie. I could tell him about the things that I had just thought, but that would just lead to a fight and right now I just wanted to enjoy having him home. Plus, the kids really haven't been sleeping, choosing to spend their nights in my bed over the last couple of weeks. And I had been doing more hours at the library, due to the nasty flu bug that had been going around post. The very one that had driven my kids to take up residency in my bed. Well, for the boys at least, Billie was a different story.
I watched the concern turn into panic on his face. Just like I knew he would. Edward always jumps to the worst conclusion. " Why haven't the kids been sleeping? Is something wrong?" he asked, his body twisting slightly, as if he was going to get out of the bed and check on them.
I tightened my hold on him and brought my hand up to run along his unshaven jaw, in an attempt to sooth him. "No, nothing like that. Anthony and the twins have been sick with the flu and have been up most nights throwing up and Billie has been having nightmares lately". I explained, cringing internally at the memory of my tiny daughters screams and cries.
Edward's forehead cringed in confusion. "Nightmares? What about?" he asked. I didn't know if I should tell him. Most likely Billie would tell him herself. She was a daddy's girl after all, even with all the times Edward was gone, they had a surprisingly close relationship. The complete opposite of my relationship with my father. I knew this information would hurt him. But I thought he should know.
"Some kid from her school, his father was killed in Iraq and now she's scared that the same thing is going to happen to you." I could understand my daughters fears. They were the same as mine. I too had those very same nightmares. I looked away from Edward, having felt my eyes begin to tear up. The last thing I wanted was to start crying in front of him.
"You may need to have a talk with her about it" I said to him, pulling myself together and locking my eyes back on his face. He looked confused. And I knew what he was already thinking without him having to say it. He was wondering why I hadn't handled it. And he didn't fail me.
"You didn't say anything to her?" he asked, with a slight edge to his voice.
I felt a swell of anger inside me. How dare he! Of course I said something. I wouldn't let our daughter suffer without finding a way to try and take the pain away. This was one of things that was getting under my skin of late. I'm always the one that needs to take care of things. Out of all the things he could of said at that moment, he automatically asked me if I had fixed it. And I tried to fix it. But Billie didn't want my reassurances, she wanted Edwards.
"I did to a certain extent, but there's only so much I can say, I think she needs to hear it from you" I couldn't keep the irritation I felt out of my voice. Edward needed to be the one to explain this to her. He needed to step up a play the parent on this one. And I was not going to make an excuse for him this time.
"I'll speak with her about it in the morning, but until then I want to spend some worry free time with my wife" he said, grinning. His hand slid down my side and under my singlet, grazing the skin of my lower back. He rolled me over and I cradled his body between my thighs. It had been so long since I felt the weight of him, felt his warmth surround me. And it felt so good. But I was scared we were falling back into old habits, where we substituted sex for words. I tried to push him away and I opened my mouth to tell him that we needed to talk before we were intimate again. We needed common ground first. But Edward's fingers over my lips silenced me.
"Shh, Love. Not now, there will be plenty of time in the morning for talking. Right now I just want to feel you" he ordered, his eyes capturing mine. And I got lost in a sea of green. Edward's lips touched mine and I let that old heat consume me.
Things were no where near better. And there was still so much we need to talk about. But right now, with my husband home, warm and alive. I just needed to remember that point right now. He was safe. So for a few hours I let him take me to heaven and soar above those ecstasy enriched clouds. But as he slumbered next to me peacefully, I worried what tomorrow would bring.
Hey guys.
I hoped you like this chapter. I pulled it out of me in two hours.
I wanted to say thank you to all those people who have reviewed. It pushed me to get another chapter out of me faster than I had originally intended.
But if you guys want me to keep on going at this pace. I need some more reviews. If you guys can get me to 15 reviews this week, I'll get another chapter to you by Sunday.
I told you guys in my last chapter, that I wanted you guys to feel a part of the story, so let me know your ideas. But for now I will give you a sneak preview of the outline I have currently in my head.
Just to be clear from the start, I will not be breaking Edward and Bella up but they will have their moments where they are close to it. Also some of the chapters will go over the same stuff that was in the previous chapter, but one will be Edward's POV and the other Bella's POV. I wanted to do it this way so you constantly know what's going on in each of there heads
Edward may or may not have an affair
Edward and Bella may or may not attend marriage counseling
Edward and Bella may or may not have more kids
Edward and Bella may our may not separate for a short while
Edward may or may not have a break down
Edward may or may not be jealous of Bella's relationship with Jake
Now these are currently some of the concepts in my head for The Battle Rages On and they are not in order. If you like or hate one of them let me know. If you want to add something, do let me know too!
Okay my lovelies, signing off for now. Please review.