Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of the songs used in this Fanfic.
A/N: All songs are by The Rasmus. This is a SongFic. Yaoi, LXLight.
All italized words are lyrics of the song. BTW, the plot of this FanFic are quite in different order.
Enjoy!
Song 3:
In the shadows
As days passed, the percentage of the possibility of Light being Kira increased. Without having evidences, just conclusion and theories, L can't seem to settle down.
'No sleep, no sleep until I'm done with finding the answer,
Won't stop, won't stop until I find the cure for this cancer.'
"Ryuuzaki…" Light said as he entered L's room and kissed him. "…is everything alright?"
"Yes, my dear Light-kun." He kissed back.
Light ended asleep after he and L had sex, but L was still awake. He is starting to doubt himself if whether he can win the battle between him and Kira. And there was always the thought that Kira may be his lover.
'Sometimes, I just feel like going down and so disconnected.'
Light woke up alone. He wondered where L went. He never leaves him when they do it. He found him sitting his chair with his usual posture and habit, staring deeply on the screen.
Light took a peek at what L was watching. It made him blush a little. L was watching the videos of the time their house was secretly under surveillance. And L was focused on Light's videos. But a sudden, horrible, moment-breaking thought got him.
'Somehow, I know that I am haunted to be wanted.'
Maybe L is just saying those three romantic words to catch him off-guard.
But no matter what, no matter what, he thought, he still has faith in their love after all, it was what he wanted, a male lover.
'I've been watching, I've been waiting
In the shadows, for my time.
I've been searching, I've been living,
For tomorrow all my life.'
L was becoming furious with himself. Everything seems to fit perfectly but somehow it always falls apart. Like if you just finished a puzzle and you wanted to show it to your mother, but when you lifted the puzzle board, all the pieces falls.
The case is the puzzle, the world is your mother and the evidence is the glue to prove that you really finished the puzzle. But there was no evidence.
All he needs is either a confession or the knowledge of the medium he uses to kill.
But even if he was successful, it would then crush him down. He wants an evidence to capture Light but he doesn't want it to save his Light.
And another thought crossed his mind. 'Saving Light could be dangerous.' And dangerous can lead to fragile matters for him. It would be as if choosing between his life and Light's.
'They say, that I must learn kill before I can feel safe.
But I rather kill myself that turn into their slave.'
That was the risk he was willing to do. If he can.
"You know Light-kun, I still have my suspicions on you." L said to Light while cuddling him.
"I know, Ryuuzaki." Light replied. Knowing that fact really hurt him deep inside.
'Sometimes, I feel that I should go and play with the thunder.'
Some people would rather die than to endure the pain caused by love.
Light doesn't want to believe that. He has faith in love.
After a week, Soichiro reported six deaths to L.
"Ryuuzaki, this is urgent. We were reported six deaths this morning."
"I understand."
"It was said that three of victims acted strangely before they died."
"Strangely? How?"
"One drew a symbol of some kind using his blood, the other wrote a note, and the last, well it was just weird."
"Could you please send me the pictures?"
"Of course."
L thought he was being mocked. Especially when he read the note. He found out that if you take out the first letter of each line, it would make the sentence: 'L, do you know that shinigamis only eat apples?'
This fact doesn't have anything to do with his and Light's personal relationship.
"This is an experiment by Kira and must not be taken lightly."L announced.
'Somehow, I just don't wanna stay and wait for a wonder.'
This battle, between him and Kira seems like to take another fragile step.
This love, between him and Light seems like to take another pain in.
These things, they're just making him crazy. But he mustn't and he won't, he is L after all.
'When can I say that I can stop this?' L thought.
'I've been watching, I've been waiting
In the shadows, for my time.
I've been searching, I've been living,
For tomorrow all my life.'
Light secretly watched L. His L looked worried. He thought that maybe his experiments made him like that. Without really saying sorry like, 'I'm sorry L if I made things a little hard for you as Kira…', he thought that at least he could do something about it.
Light went towards L and hugged him. "Ryuuzaki, would you be with me tonight?"
"Why? Is there something wrong?" L asked.
"Well, there is." L was surprised.
"What is it then?"
"I miss you." It soothed L a little and he agreed to Light's request.
'Ryuuzaki…" Light started to say before he lets the person next to him sleep,"… is there something bothering you lately? I mean this is the first sex we had all week."
"I knew it, Light-kun, you did this for me."
"Well, I was worried and it's true that I miss you,"
"Thank you."
Light felt a little bit guilt-free. If only he didn't need to do those experiments. L was just taking things more 'cautiously'.
After another more week, L found out that all the FBI agents he asked to send to Japan all died. It is definitely Kira.
L is just caught up in loving his enemy. Whenever he found a hole that leads to evidences, Light's image would just appear in his mind and then he would reconsider this.
It's definitely hard.
'Lately, I've been walking, walking in circles
Watching, waiting for something.'
In these situations, when everything just seems to be a headache for him, the only thing that he wants is Light's arms wrapped around him.
It's like L is a teenager that is experiencing difficult love, like the ones he read in mangas.
'Feel me, touch me, heal me,
Come take me higher.'
L must never give up, both on the case and on his love. He must be strong. But deep inside, he knows that only one of those things will win, and this is the hardest thing for him.