CHAPTER FIVE – Soldier in Wonderland

EPOV

Bright Light. That is what woke me this morning. Not the suffocating heat of the Afghanistan desert and not the shrill scream of a commanding officer demanding his unit to wake. It was quiet and so pleasurably cool. Opening my eyes I could see where the morning sun had started to creep across the bedroom floor from the space between the curtains. The rays came to rest upon the bed, shining so endearingly on my wife.

This was always a foreign moment for me. I had spent more time over the last eight years waking up to the faces of my unit, then to the beautiful face of my wife. She looked so peaceful when she was asleep. Like the stress of this life wasn't weighing on her. I wasn't as selfish as Bella made me out to be, in the moments when we would come to blows. I know this life is hard for the partners that are left behind. I also knew that I wasn't as appreciative of her as I should be.

For a soldier, you live in two worlds. One of war and one of family. It's not easy balancing the two. You always come up short with one of them. You always end up letting one down. And in most cases, it's your family life. Bella and the kids suffer for my dreams and passions.

There are two sides to me. The soldier, who needs to be in the thick of it, while standing by my men. The other, the husband and father. That man loves his wife. He loves his kids. But the call of the uniform is hard to ignore. Even when your family is hurting. Even when your the one doing the hurting.

I hurt Bella and the kids all the time. I'm not the husband that I wanted to be for Bella. I was not the father the kids deserved to have. And the pain of that knowledge sometimes knocked the wind out of me. I tried to be what they needed me to be within the short periods of time I was home. But it never came easy. Not when your dealing with images of death left over from tours and not when their lives continue on without you and you begin to not know where you fit in, in their world.

Bella's soft whimper let me know that she was waking up. When she rolled over and opened those soulful brown eyes of her's, my heart fluttered. She was so beautiful and I got to call her my wife. Not that sometimes I deserved to have that much of her.

"Hi ya, Soldier. How long have you been awake for?" she said, smiling and bending her back up and off the bed, stretching her tired body.

"Not long, I was just admiring the vision that is my wife" I said, gently moving a strand of soft brown hair that had fallen in her eyes.

Bella looked confused for a moment, as if she didn't know to respond to a loving compliment from me. Before we got married, I had been a romantic. Constantly making compliments and whispering sweet nothings to her. I told her many times a day, just how much I loved her. As the years have gone by, I have become rather neglectful of letting my wife know just how much she was loved. And she is loved.

Just as I was about to pull Bella to me for a good morning kiss and cuddle, the sound of little feet came from down the hall. It was always easy for me to tell the difference between the kids. Anthony was almost silent in his approach, choosing to be slow and cautious in his descent to our bedroom. I couldn't help but think that he would make a good soldier some day. A thought that would most likely get me killed, if Bella knew I had thought it. None of out children would join the army if Bella had anything to say about it.

Billie on the other hand, sped down the hall. Such a loud noise, for her small size. Just like her outlook on life, she came at us full steam ahead. I couldn't help but think in that moment, that she just might cause us some trouble in the future. Billie was full of life and didn't take crap from anyone.

The twins followed behind. I didn't know which, but one of them fell over. I had a feeling it was Matthew. He had unfortunately inherited his mothers clumsy gene.

They all knew that I was home. One of them must of gone downstairs and seen my duffel bag thrown at the front door and they had come back stairs and informed the others. I sat up in preparation for their arrival, relieved that Bella and I had thought ahead last night and thrown our clothes back on after our love making session. We had been caught out by the kids before and it was not a moment either of us had wanted to live through again.

Billie came bursting through the door first, Screaming "Daddy" at the top of her lungs. She launched herself off the floor and onto the bed, throwing herself into my arms. She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed as tightly as her little arms would allow.

"Hello, baby girl" I whispered into her ear, laughing at my little daughters enthusiasm.

I didn't play favorites with my children, but Billie and I held a special connection. I don't know whether it was because she was my only daughter or because I had seen some of Bella's pregnancy with her, but Billie and I just connected.

"Hi Daddy, I missed you" she said, curling herself up underneath my arm.

"I missed you too, Princess" I said, pulling her closer and kissing her on the top of her bronze curls.

I looked up and watched my twin sons come dashing in. One after the other they crawled up on the bed and sat down on the mattress in front of us. Both crawled over and gave me a kiss and cuddle and then returned to their previous perch.

"We missed ewwe" William said and Matthew just bobbed his head up and down in agreement. Their three year old punctuation, making the whole scene so cute and it melted my tough soldier heart.

Anthony was the last to enter. Anthony was the token eldest child. He was very protective of his younger siblings. Anthony was also very close to Bella. Whenever Bella and I fought, Anthony always took his mothers side. Just like Billie took mine. Anthony tended to feel the most distant with me, he took the longest to warm back up to me, after my time away on tours. I didn't like the fact that my son felt that he needed to distance himself from me, but Bella had once told me that she had done the same with her father. That it was just a coping mechanism. I didn't know if I was fine with it. After all I knew how well it worked for Bella and her fathers strained relationship. I didn't want my son to feel about me, the way Bella did about her father now.

Anthony slowly moved over to me. He looked nervous and his eyes kept drifting over to his mother. I looked down at Bella and watched her encourage him with her eyes and a slight lift of her mouth.

"Hey, Dad" he said, looking towards the floor and then raising his eyes to mine.

"Hey Anth, you've grown kiddo" I said, pulling him forward into a one arm hug, due to my other arm being utilized by my daughter.

Anthony just shyly smiled and moved over to the other side of the bed and sat down next to his mother. Bella pulled him underneath her arm and kissed the top of his head. She whispered something into his ear that I couldn't hear, but his mood improved after whatever she had said to him.

"How about you guys watch some TV together and I will go make some breakfast for us. How does pancakes sound?" Bella asked, getting up off the bed and wrapping her dressing down around her.

"Pancakes, Yeah" screamed the twins, as they dashed off the bed and followed their mother down to the kitchen.

I put the TV on and pulled Anthony over to my other side and watched some cartoons with me two eldest children.

About half and hour later, Bella called up to us and said that breakfast was ready. Anthony and Billie took off down the stairs and I followed. Half of me still felt that I shouldn't be here, that I should be with my unit. But I couldn't deny that I was enjoying the time I was spending with my family.

Bella was just placing the pancakes on the plate when I took my seat. I smacked her on the butt when she went to walk away. And she giggled. It was a sound I hadn't heard from her in awhile. And it sounded so good.

The kids continued to ask me questions about being away and if had been brave. They were telling me about what they had been doing during the time I had been gone.

Anthony had joined the baseball team and he had hit the winning run to take his team home. Billie had been taking piano lessons. She wanted to show me the new song that she had been learning to play.

The twins ran off to get some new artwork that they had done at kindergarten. My heart ached at having not been there to see my sons home run, or help Billie with her new song. It hurt to see that there were over 30 pictures that the boys showed me. Bella just watched the kids sharing their news with me. I told them how proud I was of them and that wished I could have seen it.

Then Anthony asked the dreaded question.

"So how long are you home for Dad" he said, looking between Bella and I.

"Two weeks" I said, watching Bella carefully. Best to get this over with.

Bella's forehead creased into a frown and she got up and collected the plates. She didn't say anything. She just moved over to the sink and started washing the dishes.

"Can't you stay longer, Daddy" Billie whimpered. Her little pink mouth pouted out.

It was so hard to say no to her.

"No Princess, Daddy has to return to his duty" I tried to explain, but it was getting harder and harder each time I had to tell them that I had to leave.

"why don't you kids go and play in the lounge room and daddy will be in, in a minute" I told them. I needed to speak with Bella. She hadn't looked at me since I told them that I wasn't staying. Billie ran out after her brothers. Anthony followed slowly after, looking towards his mother. He knew there was something wrong with her.

When I knew the kids were out of earshot, I walked over to stand behind Bella. I wrapped my arms around her and rested my chin on her shoulder.

"So, your not staying" she said, quietly, not looking at me.

" I can't, It's just a two week R and R. I need to go back and complete my tour." I explained, silently begging her to understand.

"Is this the way it is always going to be?", she asked, moving out of my arms and resting against the opposite bench. She crossed her arms over her chest and waited for me to answer.

She didn't look angry, she just looked tired, like she was out of fight and that scared me more than I cared to admit.

"Bella, you knew this when you married me. This is who I am. I need you to stand by me."

"I'm not happy anymore, Edward"

And what do you say to that.

Hey guys. I'm back.

I know it's been awhile, but things got crazy and I just couldn't find the time to write. However I have been writing things down and I have some future chapters planned out. So the next couple of chapters will flow, HOPEFULLY.

Please let me know if your enjoying it and review.

The more Reviews I get, the better I can write this.

Just quickly response to some of your guys reviews. You's expressed a concern with the Edward cheating storyline.

I just want you guys to remember, that Edward and Bella may separate for awhile, but I won't be breaking them up. It's like going against the law of the world to break Edward and Bella up. Just keep in mind that I have this all planned out.

So rest easy my favorite readers and keep those reviews coming!

Lots of love

Nicky88