Chapter Eleven – Losing Battle

BPOV

I felt light. Like a crushing weight had been sitting on my chest and for the first time in eight years, I could really breathe. Last night was a step towards change. It wasn't a huge step, but a step none the less. Edward was trying. It was something I had been waiting for our entire marriage. The warm heat streaming in from the slits in the curtain landed on my face and I closed my eyes and allowed the morning rays to heat my skin. A brand new day, a fresh start for my family and my marriage.

I tried to turn and face my husband, but I was held in my position. Caged by hard, warm muscle. Edward's arms locked me within his embrace as he continued to slumber away the remaining morning hours. My body was pleasurably sore and a tingle raced down my spine when I remembered our night together. Last night was magical, a fantasy land of fire and pleasure. Edward had never taken me that way before. Rough and desperate. Emotion and neediness poured out of us, as we clung to one another. Last night was a desperate need to reconnect and it took possession of our bodies as we made love over and over, into the early hours of the morning.

I wasn't naïve to think that last night would be an automatic fix to our marriage. But it was a step in the right direction. We actually confronted the problem last night and not just placed a band aid over the issues, one that was temporary and would always be ripped off. We always found ourselves back at the same place. Unable to meet the other. Edward always thought that if he closed his eyes or took a mission, which would take him away from our home, everything would right itself by the time he came home. That I would have come to my senses, given in and life would be right again.

Edward's arms tightened around me, bringing me closer to his body. He drew his knees up and spooned my body inside the cradle of his. Lifting one hand he swept my messy hair away from neck and shoulder. His warm breath on my shoulder, sent fire racing down my body and even after the previous night of love making, my over sensitive body wanted more. Greedily I turned my body around in his embrace and snuggled further into his chest. Edward's masculine scent invaded my senses and I nuzzled closer to draw more of it into my lungs.

"I love you, you know that right?" he asked, dropping his head to nuzzle my shoulder.

"I know. I love you too" It was a half truth. On some level I knew he still loved me. I just didn't know if he loved me more than the army. Part of the reason I never gave him an ultimatum, the army or me, was because I honestly didn't know if I was the choice he'd make. That doubt had made my heart bleed on more than one occasion.

Edward hadn't opened his eyes yet, but his face bent in search of my lips. I raised them up to meet his, but before our kiss could go any further, the sounds of our children, informed us that they were awake and would soon come searching for their parents. Edward sighed, gently kissed me once more and got up and padded into the bathroom adjoining our room.

Two Weeks Later….

Edward had kept his promise of being better at being husband and a father. He took us out to dinner, to parks and picnics. He enjoyed playing miniature golf with the kids. Edward spent the day with Anthony, teaching him some new techniques for little league. By the end of the day, the rift between the two barely existed. He spent hour after hour on the piano, playing with Billie. Helping to improve her skills for her upcoming recital. He helped Matthew read and played the wii with William.

Our nights were spent cuddling on the couch, watching movies or making love whenever the chance presented itself. It was the way things were meant to be. The way I had envisioned our life together being like. Edward was more like the man that I had married. Instead of the army camouflaged shell that had been living in my house for the past eight years.

Edward had changed after his first tour. Returning to me a different man and I still didn't know what happened for him to change so drastically. Being a part of the army my whole life, I had seen the change in a lot of men and women over the years. I knew that after that first tour, he would be forever changed. After seeing death and war, how could you not be affected by it? Edward had returned home distant and angry. He woke most nights in sweats and panting for air. For awhile I asked what his dreams were about, maybe then I could find some way to comfort him, but he would brush me off, by telling me he couldn't remember or escaping to check on Anthony.

After awhile he got better, but he wasn't the same Edward again. War had hardened him and the soft, sweet Edward was rarely seen again after that. Edward had never been abusive or cruel to me, but as time went by, the more fights occurred and the distance between us grew. The last two weeks had shown me that my sweet and attentive Edward still lived in him; he was just buried underneath years of death and fighting.

Right now, he was downstairs making dinner and our children were attempting to lend a hand. But from the giggles and hushes, I didn't know if much was getting accomplished. I stared down at the stick in my hand. Two pink lines glaring at me as I tried to process the news. Like most of our children, we hadn't planned this. We were just starting to fix our marriage, another child to join our already made family of four, would only make things harder.

I was still sitting on the edge of the bath, when Edward entered, obviously curious at why I was taking so long. His eyes immediately went to my hands. His mouth opened and closed, as he processed what I was staring at and why I looked so pale.

"Are you?" he asked, coming over and sitting next to me.

"Yes" I answered, afraid to look at his face and see his reaction.

"How? I haven't been back that long" Edward stated. Trying to work the math out in his head.

"Long enough, obviously" I answered haughtily. Not sure I liked the sound of what he was implying.

"I wasn't accusing you of anything, Bella, I'm just shocked" he explained, while wrapping his arm around me and bringing me closer to his body.

"Join the club", I stated simply, still unable to take my eyes off the two pink lines on the pregnancy test.

"We should make an appointment with a doctor. First we need to be sure and than we need make sure everything is okay" Edward jumped into action and before I knew it, he was making an appointment to see a doctor for tomorrow.

I was still in the same spot before he left to grab the phone and make the appointment. Edward came over and dropped to his knees in front of me. He bent his head, trying to catch my eyes and I refused his attempts. After a few try's, he tipped my head up with his fingers underneath my chin.

"We'll work it out, Bella. We always said we wanted a big family and that hasn't changed. It's just happening sooner than we planned" he spoke softly, running his thumb along my cheek bone.

"But things were just starting to get better. This is just going to make things harder" I said, afraid that this news was going set back the progress we had made.

"Sure it'll be harder, but we'll find a way to make it work" he hugged me than and I tried to absorb his love and strength into myself and hold it there as long as I could.

The next day came sooner, rather than later and I now found myself sitting next to my husband in the base doctor's clinic waiting for my name to be called. My jumping knee, a testament to my nerves, so much so, Edward's hand had frequently moved to hold it still. I glanced over to take a quick peek at my husband and his face looked worry free. Besides that tension filled moment when he found out I was pregnant, he had become fine with it all. I on the other hand, was the one who seemed unable to accept it.

I had wanted more children in the past, but it just seemed like the wrong time to be bringing another child into our lives. Things were hard enough with the four that we already had and we had only begun sorting out the disaster that was our marriage. But it seemed life was out to get me and make things as hard on me as it possibly could. Fate was laughing at me as we speak.

My name was called and Edward followed me in. The nurse took my blood and urine and we were sent to wait in the doctors office. I had been through this before and after four kids I think I could do the tests myself. Edward was silent through the whole thing, but his hand hadn't left mine since we had entered the doctor's clinic. Edward had only been to a few doctor's visits with me over the years. Once with Anthony, a few times with Billie and since I didn't find out I was pregnant with the twins until after Edward had already deployed, he never attended the doctor's for them. This was virtually a new experience for him.

I watched him from the corner of my eye, expecting him to freak out at some stage. He had been too level headed about it all; since we found out we were pregnant. Sometimes I thought he seemed happy about it. I would love my child either way, but I just couldn't bring myself to be happy about the timing. Just as I was about to ask him how he was really handling everything, the office door opened and a short, brunette woman walked in.

"Good morning, Mr and Mrs Cullen. I'm Dr. Angela Cheney" she said offering her hand to me and than Edward. We both shook her hand and introduced ourselves by our first names.

"Well, I've looked over your test results and you are indeed pregnant. But you levels are showing that you're not very far along. Only a couple of weeks in. Does that sound about right?" she asked, looking over her glasses at us and waiting for one of us to answer.

"Yes it sounds about right. Edward has only been back a couple of weeks and the only reason I noticed I was pregnant was because I had just had my period before Edward got home and I noticed on the calendar yesterday that I was a week late in getting it again. I'm usually very regular with them" I answered, watching my husband from the corner of my eye, squirm from the intimate questions and answers.

"Okay, well according to your medical record you already have four children, so you know the procedure, the dos and don'ts" Dr. Cheney asked, shuffling the papers around on her desk.

"Yes, I'm an expert by now" I answered, nodding my head in agreement.

"Okay, I'll write a prescription for prenatal vitamins and make an appointment for a month's time, to check your progress. Does that sound alright to the both of you?" Dr Cheney stated, handing over my prescription and waited for a confirmation.

"It will be for me, but Edward will be back in Afghanistan then and won't be able to make it to the doctor's appointment" I explained. Edward's hand tightened around my fingers.

"I see. Will Edward be deployed for the entire pregnancy?" Angela asked, shifting her eyes between me and Edward.

Before I could answer, Edward did.

"No, Mame'. I should be back for the last couple months of Bella's pregnancy" Edward stated. I didn't know if it was said more for the doctor or me.

After the doctor had asked a few more questions and gave me my next appointment time. I walked out of the clinic feeling a little better about things. I was finally allowing myself to believe Edward. We would work it out. Edward still had a few more weeks R and R before he had to return overseas, but even then he only had a few more months left on his deployment. Things would change after that and Edward would take that recruiting assignment and I'd have my husband back. Edward had sworn to me that things would change.

But I should have known better.

Later that night, while I put the kids to bed, I heard Edward's cell phone ring in our bedroom. From the way he addressed the person on the other line, I assumed it was one of his commanders, but before I could hear anymore, Edward closed the bedroom door. Turning off the twin's bedroom light, I crossed the hall and stopped at our bedroom door.

My heart sank at what I heard.

"Of course sir, I shall be ready in ten" Edward spoke to the person on his cell.

"I'm happy to do the extra couple of months on top of my deployment. Nothing's more important than my unit. See you soon sir" he finished his call, and I could hear our draws opening and closing, as he obviously packed to leave.

I pushed the door open and watched as he threw clothes into his duffle bag. He still hadn't noticed me yet, unaware that I had heard the whole phone call.

"So your leaving?" it really wasn't even a question, I already knew he would go.

Edward stopped packing and looked up at me. After just staring at me for awhile, he resumed his packing.

"One of my men was injured, and were down men as it is. I have to get back. The boys need me. My deployment may be longer than we thought. I'm sorry Bella, I have no choice" Edward explained, not looking at me as he said it.

I'm blood boiled at the obvious lie.

"Don't bullshit me Edward; I was standing at the door. I heard every word you said. Your happy to do the extra time over there, I even bet you volunteered to stay behind" I hissed out, trying not to raise my voice and wake the kids.

Edward just stared at, unable to dispute me, as he realised I had trapped him in a lie.

"Bella…." He moaned, and tried to move forward and draw me into his arms.

I pushed him away, anger and hurt coursing through my body, as the blood rushed to my ears. I could hear my own heart beating; I was worked up that much.

"Congratulations Edward, this must be some new record for you. Not even two weeks, before you already broke your promises. After all the promises you have broken in the past, I was stupid to believe you again" I angrily whispered at him, trying to keep as much distance between us as possible.

"Don't start Bella. I'm tired of having this same fight with you every time I leave. You married a soldier and this is the way our lives are. It changes at the drop of hat" he snarled, swinging his duffle bag over his shoulder and heading towards the door.

"I'll be home in a couple of months, six at the most. Well discuss this then" he said walking past me.

"Yeah, well, we might not be here when you get back" I announced, sucking a breath in and fighting my tears back. My heart pleaded for him to understand. For that statement to shock him.

Edward jolted to a stop after my pain filled statement. He turned around and stared at me in shock. It was the first time in our eight years of marriage that I had ever threatened to leave him. I watched the different myriad of emotions flicker across his face as he tried to decide what to do. And then his mouth drew into a frown and his eyes hardened and he turned around and walked out without another word.

I collapsed to the floor and my tears came hard and fast. He didn't choose me and my heart shattered at the knowledge.

The unit and the Army came first.

They always would.

Hey guys,

Here's the next chapter.

Sorry it's taken so long, we've been short staffed at work and I've had to put in a lot more hours. So I just haven't found the time to sit down and type.

There's also another chapter up for the Into The Wild, so check it out.

I am currently in the middle of writing the first chapter to another story I'm going to writing. I know I said I was only going to write one story at a time, but these storied keep popping into my head and I don't want to lose them.

My third story will be called 'The Vampire Kingdom".

Now I know this type of storyline has been done before and I really enjoy some of the ones that are up. But my take on things is slightly different.

Story summary

The story is told in the future, where vampires and humans had gone to war and the vampires won. The Cullen's are one of the ruling families. The story will start at a ball where Prince Edward would be looking for his mate and all the unmated females in the area have been asked to attend. Of course our Bella will be there and my story will continue on from there.

Thanks so much for your support guys and review.

Reviews make me very happy.

Love

Nickyw88