A/N~ 'sup, its Penguin Girl.

First off: I. DON'T. FREAKING. OWN. HETALIA! Why can't they see that?

If I owned it, Prussia would still be a nation and probably half of the rest of Asia would be characters. Yeah, I have enough OC's like that to make your ears rot.

Second: This story helps me pent my anger.

Well. To make up for all the blabbering I did last chapter, I'm just going to shut up and let Russia-san start the plot.

Vodka! Vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka vodka~!

I love vodka. It's soothing to the soul. It makes me forget about the fact the Soviet Union fell…. Shit. Now I'm depressed again.

"Goddammit…"

Huh? I turned around. Oh, it was America. Acting like a teenage girl who just got dumped. "America, what is wrong?"

He slammed his head on the table. "Shut up…."

Okay then. Da, he was depressed. "Alfred, are you okay?"

He jumped up, as if he just noticed me. "Russia?" he began. "Why the hell are you here?"

I shrugged. "Want some vodka?" After all, vodka helped me through my problems.

He muttered something about shutting up for one minute. "Whatever, man." He grabbed the bottle (how rude!) and started chugging it down. He let out a loud 'ah.'

Told you so. Vodka is wonderful.

And so I drank alongside America.

2.5 HOURS LATER….

"…" America hiccupped/slurred while falling off a chair.

О мой Бог, America was drunk off vodka. He was never drunk off vodka. Ever. Russia ran through all the various substances the nation usually drank before he got wasted.

Beer, moonshine, beer, whiskey, beer, bourbon, beer, tequila, beer…nyet, no vodka. And he had known the country since he was born.

On the other hand, Russia had twice as much and probably could drive a car without killing someone.

Russia was amazing like that.

"So…Russia," he began. "How did it feel to be like uber-powerful and stuff? You know, like back in the Soviet days."

"What?" Russia replied. "Uh…it was-"

"'Cause I was thinking about beating the crap out of the rest of the world and trying that for myself. You know, to like, get revenge on England and crap."

"Really?" Russia smiled. He could totally use this to his advantage. "Well then…how about an alliance?"

America hiccupped. "What're you talking 'bout, commie?"

Note to self: don't ever let America near my stash of vodka, for the sake of the world.

"We invade a lot of countries, and you won't bomb me and I won't bomb you."

America smiled a half-wasted grin. "Eh, whatevs. At least that's one less country to worry about killing me."

"Great," Russia said. Might as well take advantage of drunken America while he can.

"And so, like, then I saw England and…" Promptly, America got knocked out.

THE NEXT MORNING…

Urgh…what the hell happened? I felt dizzy and sick.

Well, you got drunk, complained about England-

"Holy crap, did I say anything about…you know…"

Not really. You passed out just before you got to the plot twist.

"Thank God…." Right then, the phone began to ring. I picked the phone up.

"What the fuck do you want?" It was fucking England.

Oh, yeah, didn't you use to be-

"Shut up, now. Anyway, err, England, what the hell's your problem?"

"Just wanted to say there's an emergency meeting today in three hours at my place."

What the fuck? "Dude…there is no fucking way I'm going to get on a plane for a stupid old meeting."

"But, America," England's voice sounded tense. "There may be another war."

I bolted up. "Yousaywhatnow? Who? Where? Why? Will I have to help you?" I really didn't want to help him. He always needs my help.

Um, about the war thingy….

What is it now?

"Its Russia. He just invaded Turkey." England seemed like he was really stressing out.

"What the hell? You're calling me about something Russia did? He always-"

"No, Alfred," England said. "We think he's trying to rebuild the USSR."

"THAT DAMNED COMMUNIST! WHERE THE HELL DID I PUT THE BUTTON FOR MY NUKES? I SWEAR THAT-"

"America ,shut up!" England yelled at me. Bastard. "We don't know yet if that's true. Right now we're just going to discuss about it."

"Oh. Okay. So, like, 9 o' clock, right?"

"Yeah."

"Bye."

Of course the damned communist would do something like that! I swore, when I get my hands on that bastard, he's gonna-

Hello? Are you listening?

Oh. Voice. "'Sup?"

Well, um, about Russia…

"What about him? God, this better be good, 'cause I don't want to waste my time talking to a figment of my imagination."

You…can't help Britain fight against him.

"Psh. Why not? And since when do you have any control over who I fight with?"

Actually…it's you. You made an alliance with Russia

Holy. Fucking. Crap. "WHEN THE FUCK DID I DO THAT?"

When you were drunk. Last night. You totally asked him if you could blow up the entire world.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU MAKE ME SAY?"

Nothing. I actually stayed quiet I was originally going to advise you to kill Ivan, but when you brought up world domination… However, I am surprised that you had the guts to ask. Finally, some sense was knocked into you.

"Holy shit, I am so calling Russia, and if I find out you're toying with me, I will find a way to surgically remove you from my body." Dammit, why the hell did he get stuck with that frigging voice? It couldn't of been just the Cold War…Well, maybe it was an aftereffect of that… no, I shouldn't think of such things. I searched for Russia's number in my cell. Ah, there it is. I dialed it.

"… Alfred? Is that you? Well, who would have guessed-"

"Hey…are we in an alliance?" I said, scared for the answer.

"Huh? Of course, America. Don't you remember?"

Fuck.

I started banging my head against the table. "Shit…"

Told you so.

Shut the fuck up…

"America," Russia's sinister voice said. Well , it sounded innocent and naïve, but I knew he was being all creepy and stuff on the other line. "Is this about you wanting to arrange a meeting about how we conquer the nations?"

I jumped. "What? No! Why are we in an alliance anyway? Its so stupid."

But, America, think: you can get revenge on England and Japan and all of the other nations. You could show England what its like to be a colony, you should-

Stop preaching up my ass. "Yeah…uh, I think we need to talk in person, just to get our stories straight and crap."

"Okay then, America."

I hung up the phone. Damned communist…

You know, he could help you. With someone as strong as him on your side, it should be easy to beat the holy hell out of Britain and the others.

Screw this world. Screw Russia. Screw England and Japan.

Screw alcohol.

This has got to be the longest chapter I have ever written for anything. * Checks word count* 1,557-ish? That's about as long as the first 4 chapters of Let's All Eat at McDonalds…

I love Voice. I just do. Personal opinion.

For those of you who care, there is a backstory to how America got the voice, why America hates England, what happened that he doesn't want to talk about, and how they all fit together. However, I do not know how to put it in the story without disrupting the flow of the story.

Please R&R!

(Done while listening to "Get out Alive" by Three Days Grace…wait, how is that relevant? I see a lot of people on both here and dA alike that say what music they listen to while working. It helps no one. Although I highly enjoy that song and believe it suits this story. I'm just gonna shut up now.)