Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.
A/N: They are probably going to be short chapters, but it's not like this is serious subject matter, lol.
Day 1
Light and L... possibly... may have grown a little too attached to the bag of flour.
For two of the most brilliant human beings in existence, one would think that they would be able to distinguish between inanimate baking ingredients and a child.
One would think.
As it stood, Light was gently cradling it, looking both amused and annoyed, which was pretty much his neutral expression, when L peered over his shoulder with his thumb to his lip.
Tilting his head in thought, he wondered, "What shall we name it, Light-kun?"
"Hatori," Light decided randomly.
"Ah, so he is male?"
"Obviously."
"And Japanese?"
"Can't you tell?"
"May I hold him, Light-kun?"
Light stared at him suspiciously for a moment, then moved to pass Hatori over, figuring such an experienced person must have handled a child before. "Don't hold him like that, idiot!" he yelled accusingly when L reached for the flour with two fingers.
"Why not?"
"You'll hurt him!"
L's eyes widened and he adjusted his arms to match how Light had been holding the flour a moment earlier.
Light eyed him until he was sure that L was going to hold Hatori properly, then handed it over.
L cradled the flour, looking down at it lovingly and petting the side of its face with one long finger. "Greetings, Tori-chan," he said kindly.
"Don't call him Tori; it sounds like a girl's name," Light scolded. "Do you want him to grow up gay?"
L thought, then conceded. "Hat-chan," he said with a note of finality. Then to Light, "Are you saying you would no longer love him if he were gay?"
"Of course I'd still love him!"
"Because that would be a bit like the pot calling the kettle black, don't you agree?"
"...What the hell does that mean?"
"It's an English idiom. Don't swear in front of Hatori."
"It's a stupid idiom."
L shrugged and, balancing the flour on one thrust-out hip, he fumbled around in his pocket. After a moment, he pulled out a pen.
On top of the bag, L began to write 'H-'
Light smacked his hand away. "Why are you writing on our child?" he demanded, horrified.
"It is a name tag," L explained calmly. "The importance of knowing one's name is not something that you, Light-kun, as a person who grew up with parents, can be fairly expected to understand. I, for example, do not know the name my parents gave me. What if something happens to us while he is so small? How can Hat-chan ever be expected to remember his name?"
This shut Light up. "Okay," he sighed. "Write his name on him."
L paused, then frowned at his work. "Whose last name is he taking?"
"I don't know. Yours?" Light suggested idly.
"You are just trying to find out my last name so you can kill me. Kira."
"Don't call me Kira in front of Hatori!"
"Don't you think he has the right to know?"
"But I'm not Kira!"
"If you won't confess for me, then maybe you should confess for Hatori's sake. Imagine growing up to find out that your parent is Kira. It would be better for him to know from the start. We will visit you in prison."
"I'm not Kira!"
"Lying to me is one thing, but lying to him?"
"Stop yelling, you're upsetting Hatori!"
"You are the only one yelling, Light-kun."
"We'll discuss this later!"
"Fine."
"Fine!"
They were silent for a moment.
"So whose last name is he taking?" L asked again.
Light snatched the pen out of L's hand and wrote 'Yagami.''