Sort of a short chapter, and a warning, there's a bit of self harm at the end.

Derek sat silently on the porch of his house, flipping through one of the books that was in Stiles' backpack. It seemed like the kid had taken every werewolf mythology from the library. He set another sticky footnote by a paragraph, writing out "First half; half true" then wrote what was false. He'd done this with two books since last night, using phrases like "all of this. no." and "this is totally false" and his personal favorite "utter bullshit". Those books were old and thick, and he'd marked the things Stiles specified he wanted to know. He turned the next page, then looked up at hearing rustling leaves, and a break of a twig. He heard a heartbeat, and saw Scott emerge from the woods. Great.

"You're getting better, but granted I was distracted." He said, sounding bored, turning back to the book on his leg.

"What are you doing with Stiles? I know he doesn't know you're Ben." The young wolf got right to the point, walking up to the house, fully intent on figuring out the other wolf's angle.

"What's it to you?" Derek retorted, writing down another note for the teen in question.

"He's my best friend. I have a right to know what you're doing to him. So, tell me. We can get to the whole 'you can shift into an animal' thing later." Scott said, stopping right before the steps, noticing his best friend's backpack propped up next to Derek, "And what are you doing with his bag? Why'd you take it?"

"Well, if you must know, I'm not doing anything to him. And his backpack was on the ground, I didn't take it." The older wolf told him, seeing how frustrated he made Scott at telling him almost nothing.

"Derek, I'm serious. Why are you doing this to him? He hardly talks to me unless it's about werewolves. And when he didn't, it was in front of you. Why do I have to find things out this way?" The lacrosse player ranted, missing when his best friend would talk his ear off.

"He trusts me." He shrugged, flipping the page of the book, setting down another note against the old paper and writing how much the book had wrong.

"No, he trusts Ben; the mutt that wandered in. Out of every house, it was Stiles'. He doesn't see how sketchy this all is just yet. What are you getting from this?"

"Useful information." Derek worded it so his heart wouldn't give him away. He was gathering information, and maybe most of it was for his own personal gain, but he was also helping out Stiles. He'd already convinced himself that this wasn't a bad idea, and he wasn't going back on that.

"What kind of useful information?"

"The kind I need." He said, feeling annoyed, wishing Scott would just take the hint that he wasn't going to talk.

"God, Derek. Just stay away from my best friend, okay? No more Ben coming around and stalking Stiles." He told him sternly, watching the older werewolf turn the page on the book he was reading, looking like he was blocking him out, ignoring him. He scoffed, walking away, getting to the edge of the woods before whispering, "Stiles wouldn't want you anyway."

He felt himself being pulled back in an instant, shoved into the nearest tree, strong hands turning him around and pressing his back painfully against the bark. Scott looked up at an angry, and... upset? Derek, hands shaking from where they were gripping the front of his shirt.

"What do you mean, he wouldn't want me?" Derek pressed him against the bark harder for emphasis, thinking maybe Stiles had told him something.

"I mean... I hear things." Scott informed vaguely, remembering when he last overheard one of his mother's phone calls, making his heart tell the truth. He saw the older wolf's eyes flash; not with anger, or to give the fact that he was going to shift, but with sadness and an insecure feeling hit him, shocking him when he realized it was from Derek.

"W-What did you hear?"

"Something with the words 'not attracted' and 'gay guy'." He recalled the time him and Stiles had had yet another conversation between class about if Danny found him attractive.

"No. He said he liked me. He has a crush on me. He's attracted to me. He has to like me." Derek thought out loud, not being able to hold it in, his eyes downcasting as he tried to put it together logically. Had he missed something?

"Wha...S-Stiles is gay? Why... Why didn't he tell me?" The lacrosse player thought he'd get out that the other wolf was gay, not his best friend. The hands loosened on his shirt.

"Because he was scared to tell you, you dick. He knew you'd have questions, and he wouldn't know how to answer." The taller teen mumbled with a hard expression on his face, stopping himself before he went on, looking up at the other teen, "You can't tell him I told you. Seriously, I'll kill you."

"And don't tell him, but I was lying to you." Scott spat back, the realization of his best friend going to Derek Hale instead washing over him, making him feel hurt in the deepest ways, that it physically hurt in his chest.

Now Derek was angry, he'd messed up because of his feelings again, "You know what? I'll kill you, McCall! I'll fucking do it!"

"No, you won't," The young wolf pushed him away, eyes flashing gold, "Because that would make Stiles upset."

The older teen clenched his fists and just watched the teen walk away, knowing he was right. He couldn't hurt Scott because of Stiles. As soon as the other wolf got far enough away, he ran back into his house, putting more holes in the walls, screaming at the top of his lungs like he was in pain. And he honestly was. He broke the mantel piece, feeling one of his knuckles break, anger starting to die into depression. He dropped to his knees and pulled at his hair, cry mixing with a groan, thinking if Scott had been right, his whole world would have collapsed around him all over again.

He looked to the mirror propped against the old chest a few feet away, and saw himself in it. He'd been in this exact spot after the fire had been put out, police gone, and he was the only one left. He leaned forward and landed a blow to the mirror, it shattering, making his knuckles bleed from the force, letting his hands fall onto the shards and press down. He'd have to stay human for Stiles, not be a monster. Why would anyone want a monster like him, anyway?