Okay here is the next chapter. Not sure how many more chapters there will be thinking at least one more but I am having a lot of fun writing this story so who knows it may continue a bit longer. I hope you will like the latest installment let me know what you think.
I am trying to figure out how long this has been going on. How long they have been working on Jennifer. Watching helplessly I can feel myself having a panic attack, my chest is tightening, my breathing is nowhere near regular, I am feeling light headed and finally the events take its toll and I release the contents of my stomach all over poor Katie. She is still holding me when I hear "Call it. Time of death 3:13am."
"Compassionate and loving God, yours is the beauty of childhood and yours is the fullness of years. Comfort us in our sorrow, strengthen us with hope, and breathe peace into our troubled hearts. Assure us that the love we had was not in vain indeed make it a part of the store of goodness you are even now pouring out upon her in your eternal kingdom. Indeed help us to bless you for the gift you gave us in her, for the joy she gave all who knew her, for the memories that will abide with us, and for the assurance that she lives forever in the joy and peace of your presence. Guide us through this time of sadness with the light of your love and the strength of your compassion we ask it in the name of Christ Jesus. Amen. "
Standing here I hear the words that are being spoken though the events that lead to today are still so surreal. Standing here graveside is the ultimate reminder of how short life is and that it literally can change without a moment's notice. The last time my life, as I knew it, had made sense was when the whole team was gathered at the police station giving the profile. Than life turned upside down and we were not only an Agent down but a loved one as well.
Looking at the coffin that is being slowly lowered into the ground I can literally feel my heart hurt. God so many sad faces, so many people, whose lives will never be the same, including mine. Looking up I see her parents standing next to the priest who just performed the ceremony. They are standing so close, getting strength from one another, hopefully that strength will be enough to help them get through this tragedy. I see everyone slowly making their way towards them, offering them their condolences on their loss, at least, that is what I assume. I can't imagine what is like to bury your child. I can't imagine how they will go on, how can they, how can anyone who knew her.
Hotch is the first of the team to talk to her parents. Doing the boss thing and taking the lead. I really do appreciate him and his professionalism. Shaking her father's hand and giving her mother a hug, I see the sadness in his eyes. I wonder what goes through his mind. He has a child, he has Jack, I know he can feel their pain. Morgan and Garcia are next. Morgan looks his typical Morgan toughness. Firm hand shake a lowered head, you can even see the beads of sweat on his head. Garcia lacks her usual colorfulness. But I guess at a funeral that is what is expected of you. Her eyes have unshed tears. Morgan really is a good guy. I love how protective he is of her. He is good for her and she him. Reid looks awkward like always. You can literally see him try and decide if he should offer his hand or a hug. Luckily for him Rossi is right behind him giving him a pat on the back and walking him though the process of giving condolences.
Turning back to the coffin I can't help but think what she would think about all this. You can tell she was loved by how many people have shown up, so very loved. So many wonderful stories that were told really give you a glimpse of her life. The usual was said, she wouldn't want us to morn her death but celebrate her life but it is so much easier said than done. I wonder how anyone will be the same again. This case has affected us all to the core and no one, and I mean no one will walk away from this and not be changed. Looking up from the coffin I see her parents approach me.
"Agent Prentiss…"
"Please, Emily." Agent Prentiss really, this is definitely not the place for formalities, I mean she just buried her daughter. A daughter we couldn't save, I couldn't save.
"Emily. Thank you for everything you did for our daughter." Her father is thanking me for what. Why is he thanking me for not saving his baby girl?
"Sir, I was just doing my job, I wish we could have done more." What a stupid thing to say, of course we wish we could have done more, I wish I could have saved her. Shaking his hand I tell him we will stay in touch. What else can I say, what else can I offer. Nothing there is nothing else I can do.
After excusing myself I find my team. Rossi is the first to say something "I am getting to old for this. Been to way too many of these." No one else says anything. I guess there is really nothing else to say. We all have been to, too many of these, victims, family, friends and of course fellow Agents. Will it ever end, I know the answer but you can wish right. We all start towards the cars but when we get there I find I can't get in.
"Guys, I need some fresh air. Think I will walk back to the hotel." I really do need the air. It's been a long day and an even longer two weeks.
"I think I could use some air as well." Morgan the constant big brother.
"Thanks Morgan but I'll be fine on my own. I really need to clear my head. If you don't mind?" I knew he wouldn't mind, I knew he was mainly offering to keep an eye on me. He nodded, more in understanding then agreement.
"Let us know when your back. Depending on the time we can all meet up for dinner." Hotch always looking out for us all. "Okay, will do." Saying this I head off walking, not sure where I am going, but knowing I need a little time alone, away from good nature friends who are constantly asking how I am holding up.
Aimlessly walking I find myself at a park. Sitting on a bench I can finally reflect on the events of the last three weeks. The victims, all the victims their blood, on our hands, on my hands. The fact that we were always just one step behind the unsub. Always finding the victim as they were taking their last breaths. Not being able to catch this son-of-a-bitch until he had one of our own and like always reaching her just in time to see her bleeding out in front of us.
I find myself not only thinking about this case, though this case has made me question everything life has to offer, but about all our case past, present and future. Are we making a difference? Am I making a difference? Can I continue with all that has happened? If I continue how much will this job take from me? No idea how long I have been sitting here but it's getting colder. Wiping some tears from my eyes I know I need to head back, everyone will be worried about me. Reaching the hotel I pull out my phone to let Hotch know that I made it back, telling him that I want to change and maybe shower before we all get together for dinner.
Walking out of the elevator I let out a heavy sigh. Opening my door I throw I bag on the table by the door and kick my shoes off. Running my hand through my hair I head for the couch in the middle of the room, where I finally, completely collapse. Letting the tears fall that I have held in all day and for most of the last three weeks and once again breathing is difficult. I was so consumed in my thoughts and tears that I didn't realize I was no longer alone until I felt a pair of arms wrap around my neck and the sweetest lips placing a kiss on my head. Now a chin resting where the kiss was placed.
Reaching up I place my hand on the hands that are engulfing me in a warm embrace. I don't need to turn around I know exactly who it is. The only person who can possibly comfort me. "I don't know how they did it? How they managed to be so strong? I don't know how much more of this I can take? How much more we can take. This case…. We came so close…. God what would I have done…" I don't really know what it is I am trying to say.
As I desperately try to communicate what it is I want to say the hands that were offering me comfort and strength have now disappeared. The person belonging to the hands has left. With my head hung I place it in my hands when I feel one of my hands being pulled away and held so lovingly.
"I know what you want to say Em. Look at me." Turning to face the calming voice I am met with the most amazingly beautiful blue eyes. "You didn't lose me. You saved me." Said with such conviction but laced with love. I know she's right. I know we saved her but we came close to burying her just like we did today to, Sara Jennings, the last victim before Jay Jay.
With my eyes closed I begin thinking about the funeral but before my thoughts can completely go back to the events of earlier, I feel a hand gently brush my check, a thumb running across my cheek repeatedly trying to relax me. Realizing where my thoughts are headed I slowly open my eyes and again are met with the most beautiful, most caring, most loving blue eyes along with a smile that takes my breath away, but this time in a good way.
"I love you so much Jenn." Leaning forward our foreheads meet, "I love you too." All my attention is now that smile but more importantly those very red lips. Reaching my head up to cup her check I begin my decent on those lips, mere inches away I can feel her breath when I hear the most obtrusive noise, a knock at the door. Really now, the team I am assuming, god they have the worst timing known to man. Opening the door sure enough it's the team with take out. As we sit there I can't help but stare at her, the her with her head completely shaved, the her with a large incision on her head, the her I thought I would lose forever, the her I never thought I would get to tell I love you to, the her that just now said she loved me too.