The day was a cold and dark one, a week after that fateful September 11th that reshaped the town of Linn, Minnesota. The funeral was a dry one with very few people actually showing up to say good-bye to the boy, but Logan was there. Of course he was there.

What reason would he have not to be?

Carlos had held the gun to his head; he had threatened to take his life, but for some reason, he justified it with love. The brunette just couldn't entirely wrap his mind around that. How do you kill someone out of love?

But there were still a lot of questions left for Logan about why what happened, happened and why it all happened that day. It seemed insensitive of his best-friend; it seemed cruel and calculated to pick such an important day. Then again, the suicide note did explain some of it.

Dear Logan,

I'm not exactly sure how to start this letter because honestly, I've never really written anyone a letter, but I'm giving it my best shot. I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I hurt you and I'm sorry if I succeeded. I'm sorry if I failed and left you all alone. I'm sorry. But I can't do this anymore; I can't keep up with all this shit that life's been throwing at me. You don't understand what it's like to be me. It's easier for you; people like you more. No one likes me. Who could ever like me?

I wish I was never born with this; the thing that forces me to do what I have to do today. But I can't deny myself. And that's why I have to die. There's no other way that's clear to me around this and there's no salvation for me in the end. I could leave St. Mary's, but the treatment would be all the same because we've been imposed with a curse. A crushing, crushing curse. There was a time I didn't feel this way, but there also was a time I was happy. There was a time I believed I'd live forever.

I realize now that that's not going to happen any longer because I simply cannot take this life anymore and the crap it has to offer me. I just hope I don't hurt you in the process. But if I do, it's for our own good. You don't deserve the cruelty either. You're worth so much more than that.

I know that today was the wrong day to do this, but I just can't wait anymore. I guess I kind of chose this especially. I don't want to be forgotten. It's not a good reason for anything, but it's the only explanation I can leave you with why I'd do this on 9-11. Maybe what I've done will make people notice what I went through. To realize just how much words and blows hurt. I don't think I deserved that. Not for just being me, but I can't take it anymore. To prevent another me from happening. If it doesn't, it's still going to happen.

It's the only way left any longer.

I loved you,

Carlo

The letter ended here, some-what abruptly, some-what not, but it didn't make any of this any easier to handle for Logan.

Why? Why would Carlos choose that day of all the days in the whole fucking Calendar? The brunette didn't slightly believe that 'remembrance' excuse. But he didn't know if he didn't believe it because he knew the Latin boy well enough or because he just didn't want to.

How could someone be so selfish about a day so personal and painful for so many people? Logan couldn't comprehend it at all. Why pick that day of all the ones he could have picked. Even if he had waited till the next day, it would have been better. Anything would have been better. But it was too late for that now. It was too late for a lot things. Yet, he didn't have time for that at the moment because he was at the funeral.

The funeral of his best-friend in the world, Carlos Garcia. The funeral of the boy who attacked a local High School and tried to murder the students. The funeral of the boy who chose September eleventh as a day to hurt people. The funeral of the boy who was so hurt and damaged that his only way out was this.

And that was what hurt most of all for Logan about the current situation; that he was so damaged that he would kill himself rather than stay, even if it was just for the brunette. He knew it was a selfish pain, but that didn't make it any less real for him. He loved Carlos; he honestly loved him like his own brother, someone always there to confide too. The Latin boy knew his secrets; all his tiny little things that made him tick. And without him now, it was as if he had lost a part of himself.

It was hard for Logan to accept that so few people showed to the event; he thought that at least the hockey team would, but no, it was simply Carlos's parents, a few cousins, and himself. Maybe a crowd of twenty or so people, maybe less. The brunette couldn't see through his tear ridden eyes well enough to find out.

But he knew why people didn't come; this was a funeral for a psychopath. Someone who tried to harm children and teachers who were all innocent of any real wrong doing. That's why. Because it was the funeral for a murderer. Or at least a would be one.

Which made Logan cry even more because his friend was such an amazing person. He was lively and excited; energetic and ready. Even though all of the pain he went through on a daily basis, he still had energy to survive. To laugh at immature jokes and pull pranks at the most inappropriate times possible just cause he could.

So Logan wondered about what exactly made Carlos break; here had to be a missing piece to all of this that he just wasn't getting yet. With tears streaming down his face, he merely stood there and thought.

What could force such an incredible soul over the edge?

And then felt the pat on his shoulder.

"Um," the taller boy started, unsure of how to start the conversation, "Hi, my name is James. James Diamond. I was, well….."

"You were the b-boy who *sob* picked me up after Ca-Carlos da-da-died," just saying the Latin boy's name brought him to heavy tears now.

Because just hearing the taller boy's voice brought back the day too vividly for Logan; it made him feel the blood splatter again, the way life left his best friend. He could feel the strong arms lift him up again and he could see the bleeding blonde boy on the floor. He could hear the gun clatter; the hard smash to the floor that he could tell was Carlos body falling. That's why he was crying at the moment; cause the memories the bigger boy brought were just too much for him to handle.

"Yeah," replied the tanned teen that was still awkwardly standing behind him, "So … how are you doing."

"We're at a funeral *sob* Ja-Jake,"

"It's James."

"Sorry," Logan replied meagerly, desperately just wanting the other boy to go away.

"It's fine," James responded, finally stepping up to stand besides Logan while the Priest did his blessing, "But you never answered my question."

"I didn't tha-think I had too," the smaller boy said while starring forward, "I tha-tha-thought it wa-would be utterly ob-obvious *sob*."

"Oh Right," James whispered, realizing the state the smaller boy was in finally, "So, uh, how did you know Carlos."

Just hearing his name right now made Logan worse and in a particularly painful moment, he thrust himself into James's chest in tears, accidently balling the dark fabric of the jacket in his wake.

"I-I-I'm sa-sa-sorry," Logan said, again, to the taller boy, "I-I did-,"

"It's okay, it's okay," James cooed while wrapping his arms around the smaller boy who was sobbing and interrupting his muddled words, "its fine, but I have to admit, I've never really comforted someone before, so, so tell me I'm doing anything wrong."

The shakiness in James voice made the brunette giggle a little, but the flooding tears ruined that as soon as it came, "Ya-You're doing ja-just fine."

Logan didn't know why he was letting the bigger teen do this for him, but he couldn't say he didn't like it. He had some-what known who James was, but they had never actually talked before that time; everyone just knew James because of how incredibly good looking he was. You would have to be blind, deft, and dumb to have never heard of James Diamond, the crown jewel of Linn Minnesota. But besides that, he didn't know the boy that well. Which made the moment all the more bizarre.

The priest finally said the final blessing over the coffin before it was slowly lowered, but Logan no longer found the heart to watch anymore. He knew he should, it's what any good friend would have done, but he just couldn't; he wasn't ready to say his final good-bye. So he buried himself deeper into James, wanting to simply block out the rest of the world. And the taller boy noticed.

"Umm, kid," James finally got out, "why don't we go now. I don't think you can handle this."

Logan let out a small sound before the tanned teen wrapped his arm around the other boy's hip and walked him forward. Out of the green grass. Out of the glossy gray stones. Out of the horribly dreadful cemetery and into the parking lot till they finally found James's car. It was beautiful and shiny, but Logan had no idea what the hell kind of brand it was.

And it made him cry even worse when he thought about the fact that Carlos probably would have. He would have named the kind and the style and the year. And now he couldn't because he no longer existed.

"No, No, don't cry, it'll all be okay," James whispered to the brunette who was still hugging close to his side, "It's all gonna be okay, just calm down."

"I-I can't *sob* I ca-can't sta-stop," Logan cried out, squeezing the taller boy as tight as possible, "I da-don't wa-wa-want you to *sob* ta-take me ha-home."

"Okay," James responded, a little confused at why he'd say this, but not taking it to seriously, "then I'll take you to my house."

"Wha-What," the brunette tried to say, but ended up stuttering while quickly wiping tears away, "I-I-I just learned your na-name; Wha-Why do you wa-want me to ga-go home with you."

"Well, I'm not leaving you here and I sure as hell don't trust you to make it by yourself in your current state," James gestured to the smaller boy who's heaving chest was almost sending him to the ground, "I'm about the only thing between you and the gravel right now. So you're coming home with me. Now."

Logan just nodded as best he could while the bigger boy put him into the passenger seat carefully before swiftly shutting it and crossing the car to his side. The brunette watched him intently, not wanting to miss a moment, but for more reasons than the obvious. He was questioning James intentions in all this. Why would this gorgeous boy he'd just met care so much about him; no one was possibly this nice. Logan was smarter than that.

"So, kid," James started again, still not aware of the name of the boy next to him, "What grade are you in?"

"I'm in the sa-same grade as ya-you James," Logan replied while wiping away tears with his sleeve, "I-I'm the Ma-mathlete kid." The brunette always hated that nickname, but it was better than the other one. The one that was spray painted across Carlos's locker a week ago.

"Sorry, not sticking out to me," The tanned teen responded while gripping the wheel with strange intensity, "Anything else I might know you for."

Logan really didn't want to have to say it, he desperately just wanted the questioning to end; to mourn his friend the way he had originally intended, but he did anyway for some reason. "I-I'm the gay kid." He said it as quickly as possible without it becoming slurred so that he wouldn't have to watch James react. This was always the part where it all went down-hill; the moment the straight boy found out he was gay.

"Oh," James replied slowly, his obvious analyzation of the situation slowly frightening the smaller boy who was currently clutching his stomach.

"La-look, if you aren't com-comfortable, I can ga-go," Logan finally said when they came to red light, "I can fa-find my way ha-home from here. Pra-Promise."

"NO," the tanned boy yelped out on accident, "No, No, I don't want you to leave."

"I-I don't want to ma-make this uncomfo-fortable for you, I know how it ca-can be to sa-say you were out with the ga-gay kid," the brunette replied, hating the awful bite at the end of the statement because it shouldn't be so hard. And yet it was.

"Now why on Earth would that be," James said while continuing to stare forward, "what the hell does the fact that you're gay have to do with absolutely anything."

"Wa-well," Logan had never really thought about it like that, but James was right, what did that have to do with anything, "It's ja-just, every time a stra-straight guy finds out, there's always trouble."

"Thank god I'm not straight then," the taller boy replied, a smile curling his lips, "cause that could make this awkward." James climbed across the seat and planted a kiss on top of Logan's soiled cheeks. "Lighten up kid, I don't give a damn what you are, I'm just worried about you."

"So wa-will your parents have a pro-problem with me being over," the brunette said, still relishing the tiny kiss from before in a strange way.

"Ha," James let out before pulling in front of a mansion, "as if they gave a damn about anything I did." Immediately, he got out of the car and opened the door for the smaller teen while helping him walk again.

"I can da-do it James," Logan said, knowing good and well that if the tanned teen were to let go of him, he would topple onto the ground immediately, but to proud to admit it, "You da-don't have to ca-carry me."

"I insist," James replied with a smile on his face while he wrapped his arm around the smaller boy's hips, "but I could be doing this just to feel you up."

"Na-Not funny," Logan said while grabbing his hand, "I'll let you ga-go just for that statement."

"While it would be funny to see you swimming with the Koi in the pond, I'd prefer to not have to deal with cleaning it up, so why don't you just hold onto me and hold on."

"Okay," the brunette whined, giving up on any shred of independence up the stone steps, "I guess I'll let you wal-walk me."

"Good kid," James said with a grin, "but I just have one question; what exactly is your name."

Logan blushed red before returning to himself and responding, "La-Logan. Logan Mitchell." But it still wasn't the same with Carlos not by his side.

Author's Note: Crappy Chapter I know, and I'm not entirely sure where the story is going yet, but it's still a Kogan, not another Jagan. Well, I've never actually done an official Jagan, but I consider the first few chapters of LiM Jagan. Anyway, so this story is going to go on hiatus for a while, while I work on finishing it and in that time, I'll be posting sexy one-shots, so look out for that. Starting with a long awaited Jarlos. Review and tell me what you think about it all. Luv ya. Xoxo.