The reception party could not be any more perfect, Howard thought, as his eyes surveyed the events taking place on the... freaking humongous church patio, when stood in proportion to the dingy-sized building. The stainlessly clear evening sky suggested not even the remotest chance of rain, and the sun hadn't been beating that hard all day, so it wasn't hot. God had been gracious to grant him such good tuxedo-wearing weather. Or else, having to stand in a humid, dusty sermon hall in such heavy clothing would have been a nightmare. Howard hated looking gross. But all was good now, the vows were said, the ceremony was over, and everyone was out here enjoying themselves. There was slow dance music playing from the speakers, food on the table, drinks by the bar, and pretty much everyone from Howard's and Bernadette's lives were there. Everything was in its proper place, and all in all, Howard deemed the reception a success.
Howard withdrew from his thoughts and focused back on Bernadette and the circle of friends they were entertaining. She was two months pregnant, and still looked beautiful. Her hair had been pulled back into an intentionally loose bun that allowed strands of golden locks to drape elegantly about her face. She wore her wedding gown as well as he thought she would. Though it was white and simple, it flattered her curves graciously. Holy hell, she had an awesome body, Howard thought, rolling his eyes down his bride's waistline. He bent down to give her a quick kiss, after dismissing the thought that his new wife probably wouldn't stay this beautiful forever. He was going to have a great time, Howard told himself, and he wasn't going to allow any bad thoughts to ruin this day. He just got laid, got married, and his fat mother hadn't managed to do anything embarrassing so far. Plus, he was going to have even more fun tonight.
"I still can't believe you'd be the first one of us to get married, Howard," Leonard said after a while in an almost sarcastic way, wearing his big, dumbass grin.
"Me neither," Howard chuckled, raising his half-empty wine glass in cheers.
Perhaps it took the physical click with Leonard's glass for it to click in Howard's head that everything was not as perfect as he had thought. No, something was wrong, but he felt too dumbfounded by his own happiness want to figure out what.
"Oh, I love this song, Howie." Bernadette chirped brightly, snatching Howard into reality again. "Let's go dance."
Slightly put off about being so suddenly interrupted, Howard mumbled, "Okay, dear," and allowed himself to be dragged away by a happy, prancing Bernadette.
They ran across the lawn and onto the building's large wooden deck which had been turned into a provisional bar and dance floor. Some slow song that Howard didn't care to recognize was being blasted from the speakers to which they were standing way too close. Howard put his hands on Bernadette's hips while she wrapped her arms around his neck, like they would have done at prom. Howard smirked at the thought that he was living his teenage dream in his late twenties.
Bernadette was looking as happy as he had been, all smiling and giggling for no real reason. The one glass of wine she had earlier was not sitting too well in her little catholic body. She kept floating to and fro to the music until Howard couldn't even hold her anymore. Howard sighed. When Bernadette drank, she became more elated, more fluttery. But all that drinking did to him was bring up issues that he had previously suppressed when sober. Damn it, all the things he didn't want to think about were crawling back up to his consciousness like bitter vomit. Issues that he had intentionally forgotten long ago were now attacking his mind like brokers during a stock market crash. Childhood disappointments, career failures, romantic hopelessness. Howard felt himself collapse onto the wooden floor, only to have his balance miraculously restored by his equally intoxicated, laughing wife.
... Where the hell is Raj?
Howard hated alcohol, and all the weird things it did to him.
"Hello Penny," came Raj's flirty, douchebag voice from where Howard believed the bar was. See, drinking may had made Bernadette a hopping bunny, Howard a self-loathing sack of shit, it made Raj the self-proclaimed King of Queens, much to Howard's disgust.
Howard couldn't remember exactly what Raj's pick up line had been, other than that it had been just bluntly sexual enough to have earned him a slap on the face if he had hit on Howard like that instead. However, Penny, as usual, replied with merely a dry laugh and a cutting remark. Drunken, horny Raj, of course, refused to take "no" for an answer, and continued to toss pointless line after pointless line at a nervously polite Penny who seemed ready to empty her martini glass on him anytime now.
That bastard, trying to get lucky with someone else when Howard was just standing three feet away. How much of a genius did Raj have to be to think that Penny could satisfy him, when Howard apparently couldn't? There was nothing Penny could do that he couldn't do better. Besides, she was too beautiful. She was way out of his league. Seeing him like that made Howard sick to his stomach, his coming on to Penny looked more awkward than an obese chick in low-rider jeans.
Howard was now too buzzed to admit, even to himself, that he wanted Raj all to himself. The sight before him made him rattle, shake uncontrollably in white-hot anger. He knew he had to do something, drastic, to save his own breath. He looked around, like a child lost in the woods, for an outlet, any outlet. He felt completely blind. The blood blasting in his ear made him not able to even hear his own crazy, nonsensical mutters. If Howard had a conscience at that time, he would have only blamed the alcohol, and nothing else, for his insanity.
Bernadette had been blissfully oblivious to everything that was going on until her husband dove down and stole from her a long, suffocating kiss. Mistaking his fury for newlywed passion, she returned the favour with all that she could muster, despite the fact that his kiss felt more like rape.
It was one of those rare rainy, chilly days in the smack middle of August, the kind of weather that disappointed the avid beach-lover as much as it relieved them of the blasting heat. Though Rajesh Koothrappali had chickened out of becoming an avid beach-lover decades ago, he still much preferred the sky to look a vivid, glassy blue as opposed to having to stare into a grey abyss swirling stalker-ishly above the cityscape. He had a tendency to subscribe to pathetic fallacy, and therefore, he was feeling as dreary as the cold, wet winds that were smacking his face. He smiled lazily, more at himself than the stupid weather.
He turned back to his kitchen table, where at its centre stood a silver, rather antique-looking candelabra. Raj sat three new candles snugly into its three branches, and lit them with a small cigarette lighter he took from his coat pocket. Raj was starting to feel warmer already, just from looking at those three starry flames twinkling cutely at him. The table also sat a bottle of aged red wine and a couple of glasses that Raj had placed across from each other. He nodded, satisfied with his setup, sat down, and took a sip from one arbitrarily chosen glass.
Raj enjoyed the finer things in life.
He looked across the table at the other glass of wine, standing alone. Whenever Raj drank by himself, he'd always fill another glass, not to drink, but just to have it right in front of him. Though such a ritual did not bring him companionship per se (people didn't spontaneously generate from thin air), but it did make him feel a little less abandoned,
Usually,
because even though he was a romantic at heart, illusions and fantasies could only compensate so much for his solitude. Back on Earth, in reality, he was still a lonely little man who lived in his tiny, one-bedroom apartment.
Though he didn't want to think about it, Raj often wondered if soul-mates really existed. Academia had taught him to be skeptical. But, Raj didn't know how he could bear live the rest of his life if he knew for sure that the the hope of someday finding true love was false. Self-deceit had been of vital importance to the evolutionary history of humankind, after all.
Raj couldn't help but envy his other friends who had found more substantial partners than the one night stands he had scored in the past. Howard was so lucky to had found Bernadette, who loved and cared about him enough to want to spend the rest of her life with him. He had finally found someone to whom he could whisper his whole heart, upon whom he could lavish all of his pent-up passion.
They must be having the time of their lives on their honeymoon right now, or at least Raj hoped they would.
Raj missed Howard right now as much as he said he would. But he supposed that he had really been missing him for a long time, ever since Howard began dating Bernadette. They used to be together so much more often. They were inseparable, like Siamese twins. Raj was truly happy for his friend's new-found relationship, but when one had shared such a profound connection with another person for years, having to suddenly be apart from them was painful. They could only manage to see each other a few times a week anymore, if that. And because Howard was no longer single, they couldn't really go anywhere, lest to arouse suspicion. They could only stay in Raj's flat, watch a few movies, maybe fuck around a little. But it was enough.
No one else could understand the true nature of their relationship, which was why it had been kept a secret for all this time. Then again, Raj didn't know exactly what their lying together naked and sweaty on his single bed, precluded about their relationship either. But, not everything in this world had to be approached with precision, nor regimentally. Sometimes, beauty laid in uncertainty. He and Howard had only ever done what felt natural to them, and everything else just fell into place from then on.
The ideal storybook ending to all of this would have been Howard returning to Raj to save him from his lovelorn self, and they would have lived happily ever after. Yay. But he knew, sadly, that Howard was not to come back for another week. Damn it. Raj let his head fall with a loud, painful, yet sobering smack before shooting another gulp from the bottle he now held. He didn't know what happened to his glass.
So, when Howard did eventually come into Raj's apartment that night, he received quite an enthusiastic, drunken welcome. Raj hopped up from his chair, dashed over as quickly as his lethargic legs could oscillate back and forth, and kissed the life out of him. Raj didn't care that he looked like a fool, he was just too glad that his episode of hopeless romance ended happily. Besides, it was Howard, and he had seen him do a lot worse.
Nothing had changed between them, despite Howard's new status. They spoke and acted around each other as if it hadn't happened at all. Neither of them wanted anything to be different. What they had was special, almost sacred, and Raj thought that their intentional innocence of surrounding issues only made it even more so. Howard grabbed Raj's hands, leaned over, and gave him one simple kiss, setting off what felt like a whole jar of butterflies in his tummy. Raj could not remember the last time he felt this excited about anything.
They eventually got sleepy and crashed on the couch, after an hour or two of shenanigans, of course. Raj laid on top of Howard, trying to snuggle even more closely with his life-sized, quasi-anorexic version of a teddy bear. It felt like they had not left the couch at all, that no time had passed since their last meeting. But Raj supposed that the moments spent with someone who meant everything to him were, in essence, timeless.
Howard turned to give Raj another, longer kiss on the forehead before whispering, "You know, I could only think of you when I was with Bernie."
Raj grinned against Howard's bare, pale shoulder. He wanted to believe, and therefore chose to believe that Howard felt the same way.
Howard helped himself to the second glass of wine that had otherwise been left untouched.
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