TRYING TO PUSH THE PAST AWAY
BOOK TWO
DISCLAIMER: I do not own „Lord Of The Rings". Whole recognizable belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien. Written only for fun, no money made.
WARNINGS: None for this chapter.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Here is, next chapter with lots of Elrond and a pinch of angst just to make it spicy. Blessings to you all in this special time of year. And, well, please review!
Due to some accident, some italics speech appeared glued together. Now I corrected it. Thanks all people who noticed, but I didn't put the words this way, the site did.^^
Chapter 3 : LIES AND FAULTS
/*/
After a hurried sneak in back to their rooms at dawn, the four friends lay in their beds nicely, only to get up an hour later. Verién was emanating with pure happiness and acted like a happy little idiot, dancing through the corridors, humming while working with Neremiel, sighing and staring at the horizon, in her free time playing violin, smiling to everyone in range and being extremely, annoyingly kind and helpful. Legolas was looking at her and knew if she won't stop this, Elladan, Elrohir and himself would no longer need to keep the secret about Galinhorn, as they promised her yesterday. She would reveal it by herself to the whole of Imladris, Lord Elrond included.
On the other side of the palace the twins were having a hangover. When they learned that the council session had been postponed, they felt free to stay abed until midday. They refused to eat because of the nausea and tried really hard not to let their father see them, because obvious marks of drinking and lack of sleep appeared all over their faces, impossible to misjudge. Only Legolas looked normally, but even he could not work without suspicious yawning.
Soon after lunch Erestor got involved in tracing the whole conspiracy, though, and the truth simply had to resurface. He was informed about the stable door left open and the muddy stains on Elrohir's horse, while the boys from the stables were pretty sure they combed and cleaned the animal yesterday afternoon. Erestor quickly connected the muddy horse with the twins' obvious signs of hangover and become highly suspicious about Verién's merry mood. He decided to keep it for himself, not to cause them any trouble.
But when a bit later he found a red ribbon on the floor in the kitchen, he could not stop himself and went upstairs to interrupt Elrond and Glorfindel with their work. He simply had to ask; it was just his nature.
"My Lord, Glorfindel, did any of you order the twins to ride somewhere yesterday evening?" he asked when granted entrance.
"I know nothing of this," Elrond replied and Glorfindel shook his head innocently. "Why?"
"Because Elrohir's horse is strangely muddied, the stable door were left open and both your sons seem to have a hangover," Erestor said and frowned. "I also found this near the window sill in the kitchen's wing. I could swear Verién is wearing a similar ribbon in her hair today."
Elrond examined the ribbon and clenched his jaw tight.
"Could you bring them here, Erestor?" he asked in a dangerously low voice. "Oh, and Legolas as well. I feel he may have something in common with it."
Glorfindel knew this frown and this tone of voice. He quickly recognized it was time for him to vanish, because the room would in a minute become a polygon.
"I… just realized I have something very important to do," he said and ran out of the room. Elrond waited, drumming his fingers on the table, waiting for his sons, niece and their friend to come. Soon they appeared, entered the room and stood silently in front of the Elf Lord. Erestor closed the door behind him.
Elladan and Elrohir already knew a disaster would come. Legolas was suspecting it. Verién still had a glimmer of hope to avoid the consequences. They all stood perfectly still, and the room was very quiet. Elrond stretched his long legs in front of him and folded his hands on his lap, fingers touching. He was not looking at them, only staring towards the window.
"Tell me, dear children," he begun very slowly and calm as far, but they cringed inside. "Where have you been yesterday night?"
Elrohir cursed noiselessly. Elladan shut his eyes closed and swallowed before speaking.
"Nowhere, Adar. We were in the palace whole night." His voice came out so thin that his brother shot him a glance in which amusement was mixing with pity.
"And in addition you are lying." Elrond frowned, still staring at the window. "It wasn't that hard to predict that the mud will inevitably leave stains of your horses. If you do not know that, I seriously doubt in your ranger skills and will have to reconsider allowing you to go with the soldiers for another orc hunt, I think."
Shocked silence and terrified looks answered him. Elrond still refused to look at them.
"So you two are guilty. Verién, show me your braid." Elrond demanded. Elladan, who was standing closer, pulled one of the ribbon's ends and untangled it from the braid. Verién swung her hair over her shoulder and laid it on her breast for Elrond to see.
"Elladan, give me the ribbon you have just taken off her braid." Elrond said and the twin shuddered, but came closer and laid the ribbon on the desk.
"So Verién was with you. Legolas," Elrond grinned evilly and the fair Elf felt he is panicking quickly. "I suppose you were with my sons and my niece, weren't you?"
"He didn't come with us," said the twins and Verién in unison, and they did manage to sound really believable. Legolas dared to raise his eyes from the floor and glance at them.
"He did not come with you where?" Elrond asked, glancing at them.
The three exchanged looks. Legolas returned to staring at the floor.
"He did not come with us to the inn in the town nearby, to the dancing," Elrohir said, sighing and scratching his head in defeat. "We tried to convince him the whole day, but he disagreed."
Lord Elrond fell silent and only regarded his children in an angry silence. Legolas writhed in his spot. One part of him desperately wanted Elrond to believe the lie, because he feared the consequences dearly. In the same time, his other half screamed in protest. Elrond was his Master. That alone demanded obedience and truthfulness. He wouldn't be that concerned with it if Elrond was a cruel owner Legolas had been so used to; only Elrond wasn't. He has done so much for him, he even agreed to teach him, and Legolas repaid him by such an obvious disobedience. He felt that lying to Elrond is even worse than disobeying him. Besides, his friends would be punished in his stead, what seemed more than unfair. No, Legolas couldn't agree.
"Is that true, Legolas? You stayed in the palace?" Elrond asked, looking at him directly. These grey eyes demanded a truthful answer. Legolas felt Verién and Elrohir stepping on his feet or kicking him in the ankles, urging him to admit the story, but he simply could not. And even if he knew he would be punished strictly, he held Elrond's gaze and feeling completely lost, guilty and unworthy spoke up.
"No, my Lord, it's not true. I came with them willingly. It is my fault as well," he said. The twins shook their heads and cursed identically, and Verién moaned.
"Legolas, only you could do that," she said quietly, but not quiet enough. Elrond lost his patience.
"You want to tell me that you left the palace through the kitchen's window in the middle of the night, sneaked out of Imladris and went to thedancing?" He stormed. "I did not suspect my own sons would be irresponsible and immature enough to do such a thing! You didn't tell anyone where would you be and until which hour! If something had happened, how we were supposed to help you, how to find you, while we had no idea where have you been? And who it was who arrived from Lothorien lately and delivered March Warden's report, in which he says that groups of orcs are heading in Imladris' direction? You were unarmed and drunk, and it wouldn't be difficult for a brainless troll to slain all of you! How could you endanger a girl? How could you put Legolas in this situation, he does not know how to defend himself, and he wouldn't refuse you, he follows you everywhere! How could you not think about a crowd of drunk humans, thieves, murders, bandits! Is it such a pleasure to dance with drunkards? Only that kind of people stay in the inn until dawn, and you returned when the sun was already quite high on the sky! Was it really such a great fun to get drunk and fell asleep under the table on the filthy floor? And after awakening realize your goods were stolen?"
The twins cringed at every sound. They had a terrible headache.
"Adar… please…"
"…not so loud…"
"It is only your fault that you have a hangover!" Elrond yelled.
If Legolas could, he would certainly hide beneath the table and never, ever come up. Valar, he was so sorry, so guilty, so ashamed. Elrond paced through his chamber like a great cat, glancing at them from time to time and going on with the tirade, and the worst thing was that he was completely right.
"I'm greatly disappointed. You acted like immature elflings. You are my family, did you not think that whatever you do reflects back on me? Well, thank you, really, for putting me in this situation. On top of all the trouble I have recently the only people I could expect support from are behaving like children. Seemingly that is exactly what you are still."
Elrond stopped in front of the window and massaged his brow.
"I thought I could trust you with helping me, but apparently all you can be trusted with is cleaning up after yourselves. Go and brush the horses. The grooms have other work to do than to serve princelings."
They all nodded. The twins muttered silent 'yes, Adar', and bowed their heads.
"Off you go. And I better not see you for the rest of the day. Tell Glorfindel that I wait for him."
The four friends were a little shocked to find Erestor and Glorfindel using a glass to hear better what was happening in the room. Not that they really needed it when Elrond was shouting, but Glorfindel was still clinging to the bottom side with his ear, pressing the open side of the glass to the wall.
"I've heard" he said only and patted Legolas' arm. The Elf looked really bad. He bowed his head to him and run down the stairs; he wanted to be alone, to calm himself without his friends' comforting looks. He appreciated them, but needed to cope with this himself. He has just disobeyed, offended and angered greatly his Master Elrond, his savior and the most kind Lord he ever met, while he had so many times before promised himself he would never do that.
/*/
Legolas has ended his tasks for the day and was doing his best to hide. He wished to be left alone with his misery, even if he knew that the twins and Verién are searching for him in the whole palace. He went to the gardens, and hid on the vegetable grounds behind the pumpkins. He sat on the ground and embraced his legs with his arms. He felt sick.
He thought about the whole night in the inn. He was really having fun. There was dancing, music, food, beer and new people who were all kind and merry. He felt really good there. It was the first time he has ever been on the dancing, the first time he saw a real inn: a place meant to be having fun in, where anybody could come and eat or drink and be happy with others, who came for the same purpose.
There was a while, one sweet while, a brief moment. Elladan was drunk, Elrohir rather dazed, Verién was nowhere to be seen. And he, Legolas, was sitting at the table with bandits and his drunk friends and one thought struck his mind: he could simply rise, turn on a heel and walk out of the inn, then take a horse and ride away. He felt completely free to do it, as if he had never been a slave before. He felt as if he was absolutely normal, totally free, unguarded, allowed to do it.
Of course, he did not want to ride away. But this realization was such a wonderful experience that he couldn't help a wide smile. He had closed his eyes then and dried his tankard, and started to talk with the bandits totally at ease. No one rejected him because he was different. He felt like an equal among the bandits, a few frivolous prostitutes and drunk twins. For once in his life he felt he was normal. As if his past never existed. As if nothing had happened. As if he had normal memories of a mother and a father, and a home, and maybe a little brother, like Neremiel. Like he had had a normal childhood and his parents were waiting for him at home.
This one precious feeling was enchanting, but it was not real. It was only a faint illusion. And for this one nonexistent, invisible, unworthy illusion he ruined everything. He disrespected Elrond. He could not find the words to describe how guilty and sorry he felt. Afterallhehaddoneforme… afterallthisI'mdisobeyinghim.I'mnotworththemercyheshowsme.Ideservedbeingbeatenandturnedoutfromthisbrightplace.IdeservecomingbacktothedungeoninMirkwood.Ideserveallthat, Legolas thought and buried his face in his hands, curling in a little ball on the ground.
"Oh, Valar. Legolas, please," a voice suddenly appeared. It was Verién.
She sighed and sat next to him. The twins followed her example and surrounded the pitiful figure on the ground to embrace and comfort him.
"Look, it is not the first time Adar is mad at us, not the last! He simply needs some time to calm down. As you saw, he is overreacting pretty much and he's really keen on making others feel guilty for what they had done," Elrohir said to Legolas, pulling him to a sitting position.
"Don't let his words make you despair. Personally I think that after two thousand something years of obedience you should be allowed one disobedient night." Elladan assured, patting the dirt off Legolas' back. Verién simply opened her arms and the fair Elf leaned to her for a hug.
"I have to apologize," he mumbled.
"I suggest to wait with apologizing until tomorrow. For now he is far too angry. But yes, we will have to apologize him, boys," Verién sighed. "It was very stupid of us to leave the evidence and make him worried. We should have cleaned better."
"No one paid attention, we were home and safe and we just let our guard down," Elladan sighed. "He was right about that. We should be more attentive. We should guard each other's back and never forget about ranger skills."
"Yes… he was right about that." Elrohir muttered unhappily. "We became too complacent."
"Wait… you are… sorry that he found out the truth… and not that you disobeyed him?" Legolas asked.
The three smiled mischievously.
"That is correct. We are old enough to defend ourselves should anything happen and old enough to decide how and where we want to have fun. That includes also assessing the place and people as safe to do so. Moreover, we are younger and more spirited than a domesticated Lord. What looks like good fun for us, does not appeal to Ada and the other way round. We do not regret that we want to live and use our freedom. But we knew he wouldn't like this and be worried sick. We acted irresponsibly and foolishly by letting him find out." Elrohir explained. "Do you understand?"
"Yes…" Legolas sighed. "But…"
"Please, drop that slave perspective." Verién added patiently. "Look: uncle has just counted you among his children." She smiled. "You are not his son, nor are you fostered, so he could barely order you to go to your room. But you are under his protection, so he chose to reprimand you with his own sons."
Legolas' eyes widened. He never thought about it like that.
"Adar never angers for long. He only yells a lot. You'll see, he will calm down and everything will be fine again," Elladan said.
"I will never, ever disobey him again," Legolas whispered. "I feel awful. In fact… I was never sorry when apologizing my Master before… Most of my punishments were a beating because of an imaginary crime. But now…"
Ifeelsoashamed,sodegradedbymyownidiocyasneverbefore,he ended in his thoughts.
"Oh, you are overreacting too" Verién smiled, but stroked his head with compassion.
"No… he is just sensitive," Elrohir corrected his sister. "But really, Adar had been going crazy in the past sometimes. This was just an unpleasant monologue. You need not worry, Legolas."
"I think what unnerved him the most was our try to lie to him," Elladan said, biting his bottom lip.
"Yeah, we shouldn't have done that as well," Verién sighed, observing a long, furry caterpillar making her way up the stem of the pumpkin. "Because you see, boys… lies are like butterflies. They all just die in a couple of days."
/*/
Sitting in the quiet chamber with his liege, Glorfindel kept observing, making no comments and going through the work that was his due. Lately the lords and representatives of the lower town reached a consensus about the new bridge that was supposed to bring some relief to the eastern tract. Long negotiations and repetitive objections from a part of the community tired Elrond and worn his patience thin. Now, as they finally made a compromise and all the measurements were delivered, a whole lot of paperwork had to be done and savings counted. The Lord sat down to work with a cloudy and resigned, yet determined, half-angry expression Glorfindel didn't like the most. The twins' mischief pained him more than he was willing to admit. And Glorfindel knew why: due to involving Legolas.
Glorfindel really treasured his friendship with Elrond. Usually, the Lord was calm and reasonable, kind, supportive and emphatic. But when his own heart was concerned, Elrond was becoming impossible. He had suffered too many rejections and too much pain to be secure about his love life. And obviously, his affection towards the blond slave did not lessen lately. His misbehaviour today wasn't handled perfectly.
And Elrond was bitter about it.
"Umm… Elrond?" Glorfindel nudged him, reaching for a clean parchment.
"Yhm?" the Elf Lord murmured, busy with reading a formulary of sorts.
"I was thinking… about today's morning…" Glorfindel said slowly, carefully choosing words. "About the twins and Verién. Are you still upset?"
Elrond scowled at him. "Of course I am upset. I never expected such foolishness from my own sons."
"And niece."
"Yes, and niece," Elrond put the formulary away and closed the paper writing case, into which he was gathering all the necessary acts, allowances and decrees.
"And… your beloved?"
Elrond froze. He spared Glorfindel a longer glance, but sighed and shook his head in defeat.
"I am too tired for your games, Glorfindel. What is it you want to say?"
"You treated him like one of your children. It's not very fitting, your very feelings considered. You are in love and you would want him to love you back one day. So… well, you can't really treat him like your… son." The Seneschal explained.
Elrond only sighed and nodded, what made Glorfindel stare in shock. He expected an outburst or a fit of yelling.
"I know."
Glorfindel frowned. Was this all he would get? Elrond looked more crestfallen and vulnerable than he had in years, going through the papers absentmindedly, his eyes drifting towards the library. The one where Legolas was taking his writing lessons.
"Elrond… speak to me." There was serious worry in Glorfindel's voice, what stirred Elrond a bit. He gave him a sad glance and shrugged.
"I know I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have reprimand my adult sons this way, too, since they should be old enough to know better. But when they are making such obvious mistakes…" he supported his forehead on his palm, rubbing steadily and closing his eyes. "What if he will never learn? What if he remains a child to the end of his days? That would be perfectly understandable after… Oh Valar," Elrond shook his head. Glorfindel understood he unconsciously abandoned the topic of the twins and was opening up. This was happening so rarely that he was almost afraid to breathe, not to discourage his friend or ruin the opportunity.
"Let's just face it," Elrond eyed the dull papers again. "I am being even more foolish than my children at the moment. From all available, I chose a child. A child with no background nor position, orphaned with barely a name left. He has been through something that twisted and fractured his physical and mental well-being. He is illiterate, uneducated, insecure and dependant on others. His very survival is still uneven. There is a minuscule chance of him being normal ever again. And even smaller one that he would return my feelings. Besides, what quality would those feelings be?" he reached for a thick tome on law and opened it on the section 'architectural engineering'. "There is work, Glorfindel, it won't suddenly do itself, and… I really don't want to talk about it."
Glorfindel was speechless.
"Elrond… you are not giving up on him, are you?"
The Lord of Imladris raised his tired eyes on his friend.
"Shouldn't I?"
He waited for some form of an answer for a few minutes, but hearing none, he returned to the lecture. Glorfindel was sitting stiff and cold on his seat, watching Elrond slip into indifference and aloofness with real fright.
"No." He stammered. "You shouldn't. At least not yet."
Elrond stopped reading, but did not raise his head.
"Look, I've been thinking about it recently. I was worried about you. I had all these thoughts and summarized him with the same words you used a while ago. It is all truth. But we miss something." Glorfindel put away the letters and papers and approached his friend. "We forgot the bigger picture. Look at how stunning progress he has made! He came here in Spring. We had the first snow only yesterday. It's not even a full year! And look at him: he began to live. He is of a great help to the household. He found friends, started learning things, discovering everything from the beginning. You told me one day that he could roughly count his age as two thousand years old. If so, how could he develop, how could he recover that quickly after so much abuse? Excluding the possibility of the Valar intervening, this should be impossible. But we all saw the extent of abuse and we have witnesses, he really had been ground down year after year and I just had this thought…" Glorfindel sighed, raked a hand through his hair.
"What?" Elrond urged him on.
"Remember how you told me he is healing more like a human would? That he resembles humans when he is not glowing and feeling cold?" Glorfindel asked and his friend nodded. "Maybe this includes his psyche as well? Humans… they don't have the whole eternity to deal with their problems nor the Valinor in the West. They just have to be more resilient and… that's why the mental wounds are closing quicker. So that they can live on."
Elrond was staring at him.
"So… you want to say…"
"That maybe you won't have to wait that long at all."
The Lord stood up and went closer to the window, deep in thought. Glorfindel's words sounded reasonably, but these were only suspicions and they created questions on their own. Looking down, he saw his sons coming back from the stables into the palace. They must have been brushing the horse.
"Don't be angry with them. You can be proud of your children. It's just… they are young. And happy. Let them live that happiness, that freedom. Let them taste it. It is so amazing, so alluring, and you know it." Glorfindel spoke somewhat sadly. "I think all they wanted to do was to show Legolas that taste. Can you blame them?"
"No." Elrond whispered.
"You are a good father, Elrond." Glorfindel rested his weight on the doorframe, coming to stand next to his friend.
Elrond was staring into the distance, above the tree tops.
"Am I?"
"Of course you are!" Glorfindel exclaimed. "Even Celebrian admitted that openly."
Magical word spoken, Glorfindel almost flinched. Elrond's face immediately became a steel mask and he straightened unconsciously, as if bracing himself for the attack. The Seneschal didn't mean to; he really didn't mean to hurt Elrond with this name.
"You really are a good father," he added quickly. "You are doing an excellent job. I think it couldn't turn out better for your children. You are doing things right."
Elrond stood motionless for a while, but then the stiff frame relaxed a fraction.
"Yes, she said so." He sighed. "She said a couple of other things as well."
Glorfindel gasped and made a move as if he wanted to grab Elrond's shoulder, but stopped in time. "Elrond, please… don't. Listen, you can't take her words seriously. She was hurting, bitter, she was not herself. She didn't mean that. And besides, don't tell me you believed in this… This was not your fault, there was nothing more you could do, it wasn't you who failed."
"She didn't fail! She tried so hard! She did her best!"
"But she shouldn't have put the blame on you!" Glorfindel gestured violently with his hands, desperately needing his friend to understand.
Elrond was silent for a good while.
"Celebrian of all people had a right to say that." He silenced Glorfindel's immediate protests with a gesture. "I shouldn't have sent her alone on that travel, I should have been there with her. I should have doubled, no, tripled the escort. She was my wife, the most precious person I had except my children. She was right to point out this incompetence and she was right accusing me of not repairing this mistake. I could not save her. Her body recovered after…" Elrond swallowed, "...after that what they have done to her, but her spirit… It was my duty to save her. I was her husband. The closest friend, her protector. She trusted me. And I could not do anything. She had a right to say she doesn't love me anymore and she can't stand staying in Middle Earth any longer because of me. Now I know she had… a right… to feel like that."
"Please, Elrond. You know that…" Glorfindel interrupted his Lord, but was cut off.
"I know that you all try to comfort me. But I realize that I was a bad husband. She couldn't count on me when the bad times came. And during our stable marriage… She felt the loss… of a more passionate partner I couldn't have been. It really was all my fault."
"It was your fault because you prefer males? Elrond, what is it? You have never been one to rebel against the will of the Valar or laws of nature, and they both made you the way you are! Is it such a bad thing? Elrond… Elrond, look at me…" he insisted, grabbing his friend's arms. "None of this was your fault, and you do know this deep inside. It's just you are very upset and distraught today. Please, my friend, shake this folly off. You are the wisest healer of Middle-Earth, the kind Lord of the Last Homely House. You are the one I have been appreciating and regarding through millennia. I know you well, Peredhel. You can't be serious saying this. You know it's not true."
Elrond was looking at him sadly and calmly.
"You need rest, my friend. Let's ditch this work for today, you are in no shape for that." Glorfindel said a while of staring later, regretting he can't say anything better. "Let's go down to the Hall of Fire, eat dinner and call it a day, shall we?"
Elrond grimaced. "I would want to eat alone today."
Glorfindel hesitated.
"May I stay…?"
Elrond glanced at him, a bit surprised. "You can always stay, Glorfindel." He said.
"Good. I'll go and ask Belithravien to prepare the meal." He went towards the door slowly, but stopped halfway. "Elrond… the twins and Arwen do not know, right?"
Elrond shook his head.
"Maybe they should know what she said? They worry for you so much. It would help them understand."
Elrond turned fully towards the window and stood facing it, keeping his back to his friend.
"I… can't imagine how such a talk could come to pass. No, Glorfindel."
"We are all trying to push the past away," Glorfindel muttered, leaving.
Elrond smiled sadly.
"Indeed," he whispered, gazing at the horizon. The days were much shorter now and the sun was leaning towards the west, half-ready to set. It was slowly making the trees stand out from the background in a black wall of lean silhouettes. The courtyard was empty except for the guards; the wind howled viciously and they had started fires in special, metal baskets to keep them warmer and keep the shadows at bay.
One would think that nothing more would happen in this cold, autumn afternoon, leaving all the inhabitants melancholic and idle. But this happened to be one of the difficult days, when the misfortunate circumstances show up in pairs.
Elrond saw a small crowd near the gates. He opened the balcony door and gathering the robe around himself leaned over the railing to see better. It seemed like a few guardians from the border were escorting a small contingent. The group was approaching the Palace quickly, so soon the colours the envoys wore could be spotted; it was dark green and gold of Mirkwood messengers.
The group halted at the courtyard, but by this time Elrond was already going down the stairs. The seals of Lathronios near the saddles were as unexpected as curious; what would the king of Mirkwood want?
And where is Legolas?
The twins, Verién and his elfling heard about the guests too. Neremiel ran to them immediately hearing that the border guards were coming closer to the palace. The twins jumped up at the news. Quickly leaving the gardens, they circled the household buildings and showed up at the inner courtyard just when the contingent was entering through the main gate.
"What the hell?" Verién murmured, seeing the green cloaks and fur collars.
"Come, Erestor is over there," Elladan said and grabbed Legolas' elbow, but he was standing motionless and staring wide eyed at the messenger's green outfit. He recognized it instinctively. A Mirkwood envoy. He stared at him, standing behind the wall and breathing heavily. He almost did not hear what his friends were saying to him.
"Legolas, what happened? What…?" Elladan asked, shaking his arm. Legolas gave him a frightened stare; the messenger from Mirkwood could mean several things, but none of them was especially appealing.
"Legolas! Look at me!" Verién said, standing in front of him and taking his face in hands to force him to look her in the eye. "What happened?"
"The envoy from Mirkwood" he whispered. Verién nodded.
"We can see. Don't worry, you don't need to show yourself to him. And it's only five of them, one envoy, four guards, we can handle them," she said and Elrohir winked when Legolas glanced at him worriedly.
"They are going to the Hall," the twin said and his brother urged him to come. "We must go. Ada would want us there." They ran off, leaving their friend with Verién.
In the council hall the small crowd became a big agitated crowd of Elves. Someone ran to get Lord Elrond and Lord Glorfindel. Erestor approached the guests to greet them and usher them further.
"Greetings, my Lord," the envoy said to him, bowing courtly. "I come with a message for Lord Elrond the Peredhel. The King of Greenwood Forest wishes me to give him this letter."
"Lord Elrond will be here in a minute. Welcome," Erestor said and the group slowly went onto the Hall. The twins entered as well and greeted the envoy.
Glorfindel came next and the boy sent to bring the Lord met him halfway. Elrond came into the chamber, glanced at the group standing near the entrance and recognized the envoy as one that was coming with letters and messages for the most times. He sighed with relief imperceptibly.
"Welcome," he said approaching and the envoy knelt respectfully. "What brings you here?"
"My King sends me with a letter to you, my Lord. Also, he seeks your hospitality for the delegation that will arrive in two days time. I had been sent ahead to inform you. My King sends a depute to discuss some matters of importance," the envoy said, still bowing low. "I hope that the letter will contain some more information about those certain matters. The King sends his greetings and wants to know whether… the gift is serving you well, my Lord" the envoy asked, handing a letter to Elrond and avoiding his eyes.
The Elf Lord frowned. He took the letter and did not answer, only dismissed the envoy, giving his allowance to stay in the palace and wait for the rest of the delegation. Erestor called Neremiel and she led the messenger and the guards out of the hall.
Elrond sent Glorfindel a tired glare. The letter was heavy in his hand, and he had a bad feeling about this. He sighed, looking away; Erestor was looking at him questioningly, but he shook his head at his inquiries and dismissed the small crowd, heading for his chambers.
/*/
The twins repeated everything they heard to their friend, who didn't move from his spot behind the wall. Legolas was surprised that Lathronios would sent someone informing about the coming of the bigger contingent, for it seemed like an unnecessary civility, totally unlike the King. He was glad, though. He could prepare at least mentally.
"So he did ask about me," he said miserably. "He will never leave me alone."
"He can't hurt you now," Elladan said convincingly. "He had given you away. He can hardly claim you back."
"Besides, you are not alone, we'll be with you all the time." Elrohir added. "Now, Erestor was looking for you; you better go there. Don't worry, the envoy and soldiers are being accommodated now, they won't be allowed to wander freely. You gonna be alright?"
Legolas nodded and trotted away in the direction of the kitchens, looking troubled and shaky. The twins and Verién exchanged looks; they weren't much surprised that Legolas was panicking. Dread gripped their own hearts with a cold grasp; something bad was approaching and their friend could be in a potential danger.
In the kitchens Erestor handed Legolas a big tray of dinner for the two Lords. The Elf took it carefully and went slowly through the corridors and stairs to the well-known chamber, feeling totally helpless and confused; he was afraid of confronting Elrond, but in the same time there was no one else he wanted to be close to more.
He knocked awkwardly and was let in.
Elrond was sitting alone. He raised his eyes from the letter he was reading and approached to help him put the heavy tray on the table. Their hands met briefly.
"Can I help with anything else?" Legolas whispered, standing awkwardly in front of his Master.
"No. Thank you." Elrond glanced at his face; Legolas eyes were swollen and overly dry from rubbing them. He could see red blotches on his cheeks left by long crying. Elrond felt a sting of guilt. He wanted to say something, but he recalled he is supposed to be offended.
Legolas stood awkwardly for a moment, before making a move as if he wanted to walk out. He stopped however and opened his mouth to speak; he hesitated.
"I… I wanted… I am sorry," he said quietly. "It was all my fault. At first I disagreed at the trip, because I knew you will be angry, Master, and so they decided to stay after all, if I was unwilling. But they said I should open up, come to meet new people, start to get used to unknown surroundings and believe that not everyone out there is intent on hurting me. They said I should start to behave like a normal young Elf and you would approve, Master, if you saw me… more confident… more normal." He sniffed miserably. "I didn't want to let them down. They were doing this for me. They earned your wrath just for me. I… I didn't want to disrespect you, Master, or to cause you any trouble… Nobody was to ever find out… so I lied on top of everything, and I'm so sorry for that… It's all my fault… It's just, I do want to be better… like everyone else. Normal. I know this is what you would want of me, Master. But I… messed up everything… It's all my fault," Legolas swallowed nervously against a lump in his throat. "I feel awful and horrible, repaying you for everything you have done for me with disobedience. I never thought much about feeling guilty and sorry for what I've done… up to now… they used to punish me without any transgression… but… to disobey you…"
Legolas' face shrank and tears started to run down his cheeks. Elrond sighed, watching him tremble.
He came around the table and embraced him, pulling him against his chest. "I understand," he said. "Your apology is accepted."
Legolas sobbed with relief and clutched his Master's robe with both his hands, whole his body shaking. "I'm so sorry," he kept repeating, hiding his face in Elrond's chest. "I will never disobey you again, Master. Never." Elrond sighed.
"You can't promise that," he said sadly. "But for once, I'm glad that you didn't mention about requesting a punishment." Legolas' head came up and he glanced at Elrond incredulously, pouting his wet lips slightly. "You acted maturely. I am not angry at you anymore."
"Thank you, Master," Legolas whispered.
Elrond couldn't help leaning in to the fair Elf. In this miserable, shaken mood he was today the beauty before him was almost too much. Million thoughts ran through his head, all the things he said to Glorfindel, all he heard in response and this heart-wrenching apology. He was confused to the point of dizziness, but he couldn't force his body to stop the contact with this smaller, warmer, slender creature, who was crying because of him. He touched his forehead to the one of Legolas and felt wetness on his cheek where he touched Legolas' face. More of his tears followed and Elrond involuntarily closed his lips over the salty droplets, touching the pale skin. Suddenly the guilt and grief came dangerously too close.
"Don't cry," he whispered to the blond Elf. "Please, Legolas, stop crying…"
He felt the Elf nod almost imperceptibly and sniff.
"I'm not…" he shuddered.
"Good…" Elrond whispered and with impossible effort of willpower grabbed Legolas' shoulders to delicately separate them.
"Listen…" he started, trying to gather his thoughts enough to speak. "The delegation from Mirkwood will arrive within two days. They send a few royals… a merchant… they want to discuss new trade routes, something… else…" he shook his head, unable to focus. "I want you to stay close to the twins. We will see how it will look like, but you won't be walking alone at any time, just to be sure. The messenger inquired about you. I don't like this. But don't worry, nothing bad will happen. I… I won't let any harm come to you."
Legolas nodded too quickly. Elrond knew he was putting on a brave mask.
"I won't have time, though… I mean… we need to postpone the lessons. Just for a few days, until they're gone. I want you to keep practicing, though." Elrond said, trying to catch Legolas' eyes. The Elf whispered his promise to practice, but kept his eyes down. "Legolas, look at me" Elrond ordered.
He found that he can't really read those blue eyes. They held strange emptiness that could mean so many things.
"Don't get scared. You are safe. And as for lessons… we will make up for it. And you can always use my private library, it is always open to you. You can always come here."
Legolas bowed his head.
"Thank you, Master" he choked out.
They stood in front of each other not saying a word, until Glorfindel came in to the chamber to accompany Elrond in his meal. Legolas left hurriedly.
/*/
What was that…?
Legolas went out and practically ran down the corridor to lean on the first door he encountered behind a corner. He put his forehead to the cold wood and breathed heavily, feeling his frantic heartbeat almost in his throat.
That moment with Elrond… what actually was that? Heheldme,Legolasrecalledfeelingheatonhischeeks,andhekissedmyface.Heforgaveme… Hedid,andhetoldmenottocry… whatishappeningtome?
His heart raced and his hands were slightly shaking. He combed his fingers through his hair, irritated at the sudden tingling of his scalp in places where Elrond's fingers touched him.
Thismustbestopped,Legolas shook his head. WhatamIthinking?Ican'tbehavelikethis,Ican'tthinkthisway,Ineedtohandlemybody,hewillseeandhewillbeangry!Imustknowmyplace.It'sobviousthatMasterElrondistobeworshipped,butitcan'tgotoofar,can'tgothatfar,thisisunthinkable… Hewasonlybeinghiskindself,heforgaveme,andIamimpudentenoughtothink… tocomparehimtowhatLindirdid!
"No," he whispered to himself, rubbing his neck violently. "No. I am such a… how could I even think that! No, this is wrong; and this was the first and the last time." He assured himself, pushed himself away form the wall, straightened his clothes and hair and decisively banned the thoughts away from his head.
He went down the stairs slowly, giving himself time to calm down. With each step he felt better, breathing deeply and forcing his mind to leave the images behind. He was more or less himself as soon as he reached the main downstairs corridor.
He decided to check if Belithravien does not need any help. He made his way to the kitchens, but seeing that the dinner is already served in the Hall of Fire, he headed there to help in distributing the wine or cleaning up. When he was just behind the corner, he saw that the Mirkwood guards are leaving the Hall and his heart started beating frantically again.
He hid as best as he could, gluing himself to the wall and praying to every deity he knew not to be spotted. But he wasn't fast enough. The Elf that wore the messenger's clothes must have noticed and recognized him, for he stopped with a deep frown, left the small group and followed him down the corridor. Not thinking much, Legolas started to run.
"Legolas!" the messenger exclaimed, catching up with him and grabbing both the Elf's arms to press him to the wall and thus prevent further escape. Legolas struggled in his grip, but suddenly stopped when he saw his face.
"Farlineor?" he said in awe, recognizing the Elf. They weren't friends, but Farlineor had never been mean to Legolas. As a messenger he held a low status and sometimes he appeared in the kitchens or the cellars, where he spoke with the slaves. "It is you! I feared it was…"
"I know, I know. Oh Valar, let me look at you! You look good!" Farlineor laughed, giving Legolas an approving, thorough glance. "Sweet Elbereth, you look very good. It warms my heart! Tell me, Legolas…" he suddenly became more serious. "…how do they treat you here?"
"Very good! I'm working at the stables." Legolas said, smiling.
"But… you know what I am talking about…" Farlineor stammered awkwardly. It was obvious that he wanted to ask if Legolas was kept as a pleasure slave.
"No. I'm not… used like that. They are all so kind to me, Farlineor." He pushed himself away from the wall and grabbed the messenger's hand. "Now you tell me, what with Moreth? And his mother? Is Silcan alright? What…"
"Calm down, my friend. They are all well. Silcan is alright, she recovered from the illness. Moreth's mother complains that her back hurts, but all in all she is well too. Moreth still works with the household. He told me that should I meet you in Imladris I am to give you this," he handed him a small parchment of paper. "I can read it to you. And tell me what to repeat him. It says…"
"I will read myself, Farlineor" Legolas said, taking the parchment with trembling fingers.
"But… you can't read," the messenger said, staring at Legolas. The Elf smiled abashedly.
"I can now. They are teaching me how to read and how to write," he whispered. Farlineor's jaw hung open.
"You really have a happier life here," he said. Legolas smiled and opened the parchment. It was covered with shaky, small letters, obviously written in a hurry. He recognized his friend's lettering; once Moreth had showed him how he writes, and Legolas remembered the shape of the mysterious marks on the small paper. It really had been a magical moment. One of very few happy moments.
Legolas, I know someone else is reading this to you, so I hope it is someone you can trust. I hope there is someone you can call a friend in Imladris. I hope you are more happy there. We all miss you terribly, but we find comfort in the thought that you are at least safe and you recovered from your wounds. At least you are not in a dungeon. I want to believe that they treat you better there. Don't worry about us; we're holding on and although it's hard, we try to survive and don't lose hope. Tell Farlineor a few words to me, I want to hear from you. I miss you, my friend. Sometimes there are days so hard to endure without you. Silcan sends a kiss, and mum wants to tell you that she will never forget your help. I can only add: be happy, Legolas. I want you to forget about what happened here and live on. Send me a word. Moreth
Legolas read the parchment very slowly not to misunderstand any word. He almost started to cry doing this: one, because Moreth wrote to him, two, because he could read it. He was able to read a short note without any help. He couldread!
He could read a message from Moreth.
"Should I repeat something?" Farlineor asked quietly, smiling. "Or do you wish to write it? I don't know if we'll be able to talk some more, so… I have a quill if you wish to compose a message now."
Legolas nodded and took the quill and a small, white parchment from Farlineor. He dipped the tip in the ink, laid the parchment on the wall and wrote:
My best frend, I can write to you tis bcause I m lerning how to write. they treat me well and I even have a few frends. they all ar very kind. I thnk I m happy here. I feel good, the wonds have healed and they say I look beter. I mis you so very much, my frend. send gretings to Silcan and mum. Please dont give up. Please take care. Moret, I want to thank you for evrything you did. you ar my best frend ever. thank you, thank you, thank you! For givin me life agan. Legolas
The letter was shorter than Moreth's one and full of mistakes, but Legolas was so proud of himself. Farlineor hid the parchment safely and patted Legolas' arm.
"I will tell him that you look happy. It will please him. You have no idea how often he speaks of you."
"Tell him he has no idea how often I think of him," Legolas responded.
Suddenly the twins appeared on the corridor, going out of the Hall of Fire. They spotted Legolas with the Mirkwood messenger and immediately approached them, wearing worried and agitated expressions.
"Is there some kind of a problem?" Elrohir asked, using his formal, cold tone. Elladan reached out and grabbed Legolas' hand, pulling him behind himself and giving the Mirkwood Elf a warning glance. Farlineor moved back and bowed low before Elrond's sons.
"My Lords, I didn't intend any harm…"
"It's alright, Elladan, I know him" Legolas came with help, wriggling out of the twin's hold. "He had always been kind."
Elrohir relented. Elladan stepped aside too, smiling nervously; after a while and an awkward glance towards his twin they bowed back in greeting.
"We welcome you then, if you are labeled as kind," Elrohir spoke. "I hope we didn't offend you in any way. We only want to care for our friend."
"Friend…?" Farlineor repeated, dazed. "You… befriended…" he turned his shocked eyes to Legolas, gesturing at the twins. Legolas laughed quietly.
"In fact, the sons of my Master have befriended me," he answered and the twins smiled warmly. "I am not alone anymore, Farlineor. I… I have never been so happy."
"I see that much," Farlineor muttered, smiling. Legolas went red and escaped with his eyes from his friends' teasing looks, folding the parchment of paper he was holding in his fingers.
"Look, I got a message from Moreth!" Legolas exclaimed, handing the paper to Elladan. The twin shot him a surprised and happy glare, then unfolded the paper and started to read the note with his brother.
"Legolas… I will take my leave. You are in good hands, you are safe… take care. Just… be careful during the next few days, alright? Until the delegation leaves. Take care of yourself."
Legolas glanced up slowly, suspicions crowding in his mind. The twins stopped reading and strained their ears.
"Farlineor… who will come with the delegation?" Legolas asked cautiously.
Farlineor sighed uncomfortably. "I don't know, 'lass," he said. "I was sent ahead, I wasn't there when the envoys set off. I don't know whom they sent. I just want you to be careful. I was ordered to inquire about you. I fear that the King hasn't forgot."
"He is under our protection," Elladan said. "No harm shall come to him."
"Besides, he was given to our Father. Your King can hardly claim him back, isn't that so?" Elrohir asked, laying a hand on Legolas' shoulder.
"No, he can't of course," Farlineor shook his head. "It's just… nothing, I'm probably overreacting. I will give your letter to Moreth. Take care."
"I will," Legolas nodded and Farlineor gave him a fierce, comforting handshake. He bowed to the twins and walked away. They watched him go with slight uneasiness; a seed of worry started to grow all of sudden. Elladan and Elrohir did not like the repeatable prompts of upcoming danger the slightest bit.
Legolas seemed worried too; he paled a little and his fingers clutched the small parchment like a lifeline. Finally Elladan snapped out of it and cleared his throat.
"Well… ' 'lass'? That's the word he used?" he asked teasingly.
"I believe so too," Elrohir smiled. "Your nickname?"
Legolas went red to the tips of his pointed ears.
"I think I'm gonna go find Verién, so that I can show her my letter," he said pretending to be offended.
Elrohir smirked. "Why of course, but we're going with you…"
"… 'lass." Elladan ended maliciously and laughed at the embarrassed protests that produced.