A/N: I feel like a broken record here, but thank you so much for your amazing feedback, guys. It's been mind blowing and I'm definitely feeling the pressure to do my very best here.

Disclaimer: If Castle were mine, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction about it.

Hiding my Heart

Chapter 5

Kate stared at the newspaper articles in horror. Her parents' smiling faces looked up at her, the headlines highlighting their deaths. With shaking hands, she picked them up, one by one, and swallowed hard. Her eyes focused on the words, but she couldn't make sense of them. She didn't have to; she knew all the gory details by heart. Swallowing hard, she closed her eyes, trying to breathe in and out slowly. Her heart felt like it was about to fly out of her chest, it was beating so fast. She couldn't let it get to her. Wouldn't.

Opening her eyes again, she picked up the envelope, turning it over to see if there was any indication of the sender. But there was nothing, only her name, written in black. Turning her attention back to the articles – all three of them – she forced herself to examine them, trying to ignore the anguish, the pain in her chest that made her feel like her heart was being squeezed by an incredibly tight fist. All of them were different newspapers, but said basically the same thing. Her parents had been in a fast rising, incredibly successful career as attorneys. At the time of their deaths, they had opened their own firm just a year before and were featured in the media often as the power couple that never lost a case.

Kate looked at their picture again, letting out a shaky breath. They looked so happy. She missed them so much. Swallowing again to try to make the knot that had stubbornly formed in her throat go away, she put the papers back on her coffee table and looked inside the envelope again, shaking it to see if there was still anything in there. A square piece of paper fell out, with the words "They are still out there" written in block letters, much like her name in the front of the envelope.

With a sigh, she tried to make sense of this. Someone was obviously trying to tell her something. That or they were just trying to mess with her head. She had nearly lost herself trying to solve their murder when she joined the NYPD. It had taken her years of therapy to overcome that need for vengeance, to finally try to move on with her life. She couldn't let herself get lost in that rabbit hole again. If she did, she didn't think she would have the strength to crawl back out. Whatever these people were trying to accomplish by sending this to her, by taunting her, they would not succeed. She would not let this get to her. She couldn't.

She shoved the papers back into the envelope, with a new found resolve, and stood up, cramping the paper into a ball and tossing it in the trash bin. She would take this outside first thing in the morning. They would not make her drown in this again.

She had everything under control.

At least she hoped she had.

The next morning Kate woke up feeling slightly better. Her throat still hurt and she was still hoarse and with a stuffy nose, but at least she didn't feel like she was dying anymore. She had thrown the envelope away, but it had obviously served its purpose of reminding her that her parents' murderer had never been caught, that they were still out there and her parents were never coming back. She had tossed and turned in bed for hours, memories of that horrible night flashing through her mind like in a waking nightmare. In the warmth of her bed, Kate succumbed to the tears and cried for her parents, for Emily – that had them for such a short time – and for herself because she still felt so lost without them. In the end, she cried herself to sleep.

Now as she stretched her still sore body, she thought of those articles, highlighting their deaths for the world to see, but quickly forgotten as if they had been nothing. As if they hadn't been her entire world. As if her life hadn't nearly ended when she had found them drowning in their own blood on their kitchen floor. As if-

No.

She quickly sat up and swung her legs to the side of the bed. Rubbing her eyes to quickly dispel any remnants of sleep, she got up and made her way to the bathroom. She was not going to get sucked into this again. She refused to do that. Splashing cold water on her face, she looked at her reflection in the mirror. The dark circles under her eyes were a testament to her lack of sleep and fatigue, not to mention the stupid cold she was still fighting. With a heavy sigh, she turned on the shower and undressed while the water warmed up. She was in a good place right now and she was determined to keep her life that way.

After a long shower, Kate felt a little more energized. The articles were still on her mind – in fact, she didn't think she would be able to forget about it any time soon – but she would just focus on the present and right now, that was getting ready to go to work. She needed to get better, get through this week so she would be okay to go out with Rick on Friday. At least that was something to look forward to and to keep her mind from wandering back to that damned envelope.

Standing in front of her mirror, she carefully applied makeup to try and look healthier and less sleep deprived as she felt. The buzz of her phone on her nightstand startled her just as she was applying her eyeliner, nearly making her poke herself in the eye. Grabbing the offending device still ringing next to her bed, she smiled when she saw who it was.

"Morning." She said as soon as she pressed the answer button.

"You sound better." Rick's voice sounded in the room as she put him on speaker and went back to the mirror to finish what she had been doing.

"I do feel a little better." She replied, working on her makeup again.

"I'm glad. I was worried when you never texted back last night." He said and she could hear him working on something on the other side of the line, the kids' voices in the background. "Hang on just a second, Kate." He told her before she could answer and she smiled at him talking to his kids.

Looked like he was making their lunch and for some reason that made her feel the butterflies in her stomach get all excited again. She was also grateful for the interruption as it gave her time to think. She had seen his text last night, but she had been a mess after dealing with the mysterious envelope and had just forgotten to text him back. In all honesty, she had been in no state to talk to anyone so she had just crawled into her bed and cried herself to sleep. But she couldn't tell him that, obviously.

"Alright, hi. Sorry. The kids are getting ready to go to school and it's total chaos here." He got back on the line and she chuckled.

"No problem. Maybe we should talk later?" She suggested, standing up to look for her jacket.

"No, no, that's okay. I just wanted to know if you were feeling better." She could hear the concerned tone in his voice and couldn't help but smile and thank whatever higher power had put him in her life.

"Yeah, I think I just needed to get some rest, really. I'm still not one hundred percent better, but I'm getting there." She found her jacket and put it on, grabbing her phone to take it off speaker mode. "Thanks for taking care of me yesterday, by the way. I never got to thank you before you left."

"It was my pleasure, Kate." His voice was warm and she bit her lip, trying to ignore all the feelings bubbling up inside of her. "I'm just glad I could help." He added and she sighed, now looking for her keys. "Hey, are you doing anything later? I thought maybe we could grab some lunch if you're up to it." He suggested and she thought about it for a second. After the whole envelope ordeal last night, she could really use a distraction.

"I want to say yes, but I can't really promise anything, Rick." She said, spotting her keys on the kitchen counter. Making a detour to grab the trash, she refused to even look at the crumpled envelope inside the bin as she closed the plastic bag tightly. "It depends if we get a case or not." She grabbed her keys and purse and made her way to the door, holding the phone between her ear and shoulder. "But if no body drops, we can definitely do lunch."

"Alright, great." She could almost hear the smile in his voice and, as usual, it made her feel slightly giddy about everything that was going on between them. "Call me and let me know?"

"I will." She locked the door behind her and got rid of the trash. "You know, at the rate we're going, our date on Friday is not even going to count as a first date anymore." She said, pushing the button for the elevator and leaned against the wall to wait for it.

"Is that a bad thing?" He chuckled and she ran a hand through her hair, twirling a strand around her finger.

"No. Not at all." The smile on her lips was involuntary and the old lady on the elevator looked at her weird when she stepped into it.

"Good, cause I really hope I get to see you today." He said and she bit her lip to contain her smile. "Call me later?"

"Absolutely. Bye, Rick." She hung up after he said bye and looked at her phone, letting out a sigh.

"Boyfriend, dear?" The old lady asked her with a knowing grin and Kate blushed slightly.

"No. I don't know." She answered honestly and the lady nodded.

"Well, if he makes you smile like that, I wouldn't let him get away if I were you." She said, patting her arm, and stepped out of the elevator. Kate stared after her, looking at her phone again.

Yeah, she didn't think she was going to let him get away either.

Turned out that she did catch a case and didn't see or talk to Rick – except for a few text messages – for the rest of the week. Kate and the boys were investigating two homicides that had happened within twenty-four hours of each other. Both men had been district attorneys and had been found dead in their apartments. The MO was similar in both cases and they had been working closely together on a big case that had exploded in the news in past couple of weeks. Ryan and Esposito had been running lead after lead with her, but they always came out empty handed. Whoever had done this was a professional and had left no traces behind, no evidence, no nothing.

As night approached on Friday, she was about to call Rick and cancel their date when the Captain told them to go home and get some rest. Kate was running on coffee and M&M's all day and was exhausted. Even with the order to get out of the precinct and unwind, Kate still couldn't shake this strange feeling that she was missing something. Regardless, she went home to take a shower and make herself presentable for her first (fourth, really, she thought rolling her eyes) date with Rick. When she was opening the door to her apartment, her phone rang.

"Hey, Em." She answered, tossing her keys and purse on the kitchen table.

"Hi, Katie. Just thought I'd check in. Haven't talked to you all week." She could hear the whiny tone of her little sister's voice and smiled, rolling her eyes. "How are you doing?"

"I miss you too, bug." She chuckled. "And I'm doing good. Just got home. How about you?"

"Oh, I'm alright. I have this project due next week that's been really stressing me out."

"Anything I can do to help?" Kate asked, walking into her room and turned the light on. Opening her closet, she looked at her clothes critically, trying to decide what to wear.

"Only if you know anything about biochem, which I know for a fact that you don't." Emily teased and Kate chuckled. "Anyway, I'm not going to worry about it right now. Peter is taking me to a play tonight."

"I see you guys are doing well, then." She picked out a white silk blouse and looked at it for a moment. "When do I get to meet him?"

"Ugh, Katie. We've only been going out for like three weeks." Emily groaned, making her laugh. "It's too soon to unleash you on him."

"Hey!" Kate said, offended. "I've always been super nice to your boyfriends, young lady."

"Yeah, yeah. Sure you have. Anyway, what are you doing tonight?"

"Going out with Rick, remember?" She said, setting the blouse on her bed and picking out her favorite pair of skinny jeans.

"Oh, tonight's the big night, right?" Emily said excitedly. "What are you going to wear?"

"I'm not sure yet. I was thinking of that white blouse I wore for Grams' big birthday bash last year and jeans." She said, going into the bathroom to take a shower. It was already past 6 and Rick said he would pick her up at 7.

"Oh, I remember that one. There was that creepy guy who kept staring at you like he wanted to eat you." Emily laughed and Kate groaned at the memory. "But Rick's going to die when he sees you in that outfit. I just know it."

"Yeah, well, I hope not because I'd really prefer if he were alive to take me out." She said dryly and Emily was quiet for a moment. "Em?"

"You really like him, don't you?" She asked softly and Kate smiled at her reflection in the mirror as she wiped away her makeup.

"Maybe. I think so. I don't know, Em. It's too soon to tell." She bit her lip and sighed, throwing the tissue on the trash near the sink.

"Well, I'm happy for you, Katie. He seems to be a nice guy."

"Yeah." They were silent for a few seconds, Kate lost in her own thoughts. "Anyway, I gotta go. He'll be here soon."

"Call me tomorrow. I want to know all the details." She said excitedly and Kate rolled her eyes.

"Will do. Love you, bug. Have fun tonight."

"Right back at you, sis. Love you."

Kate hung up and put her phone on the counter. Undressing, she turned the shower on and stepped in, letting the still warming up water wash away the long day she had. This case was exhausting and she kept thinking of her parents the entire time. She knew that, rationally, there was no way those two cases were connected, but she couldn't help but see the similarities between them. That and the envelope from hell, as she had dubbed in her mind, had kept her awake at night for the past few days.

But she wouldn't let it get to her anymore. It was just a coincidence, she was sure of it. It had to be.

Although, if there was one thing she had learned in all these years as a cop, was that there was no such thing as coincidences.

When her doorbell rang promptly at 7, Kate was feeling incredibly nervous. Deep down, she knew she had no reason to be, but this was a guy she had admired for years, whose words had helped her get through the darkest times in her life, and now he was here, just outside the door, ready to take her out on a date. She was going out on a date with Richard freaking Castle. God, she actually felt a little nauseous, she thought, pressing a hand to her stomach. Looking through the peephole, she watched him for a moment as he looked around the hallway. It made her feel a little better that he seemed to be a little nervous as well.

"Hey." She said when she opened the door, cursing herself for sounding slightly breathless. He looked at her, apparently taking her in as his eyes travelled from her sandals up to her eyes.

"Wow." He breathed and she was glad to see that he sounded out of breath too. At least this whole thing was affecting them both. "God, Kate, you look… wow." He let out a breath and Kate bit her lip, trying not to chuckle. He took a deep breath and handed her the bouquet of flowers he was holding. "Here, for you." He smiled boyishly and she had to refrain from kissing that silly grin off his face.

"Thanks, Rick. They're beautiful." She accepted them and leaned in to smell them for a moment. "Come in. Let me just put this in a vase."

She let the door open and made her way to kitchen to fill an old vase with water. He followed her in and closed the door. After she had arranged the flowers in the vase, she turned around and found him leaning against the kitchen counter, watching her. She gave him a small smile and bit her lip to try and calm her nerves and her heart. He smiled back and offered his hand for her to take. She looked at his outstretched hand for a moment, before slipping hers into it. Before she knew what was going on, he had pulled her to him, wrapping an arm around her waist so that her body was deliciously pressed against his.

"Hi." He whispered and touched his lips to her cheek, dangerously close to her mouth. She closed her eyes and let out a sigh.

"Hi yourself." She opened them again and found him too close to her, his eyes turning a darker shade of the usual lighter blue and his lips entirely too close to hers.

"Can I kiss you? Because I really, really want to." He said softly and she chuckled, biting her lip again. "And you doing that is not helping at all." He complained, making her laugh quietly.

"I thought you were only supposed to kiss the girl at the end of the date." She whispered, holding her breath when he started to lean in. Brushing his lips lightly against hers, he pulled back, only enough to look at her.

"I never liked rules, anyway." He murmured and closed the distance between them again.

This time, Kate felt like she was catching on fire, flames licking over their skin with every movement his lips made against hers. She felt him pull her even closer, wrapping both arms around her as her hands were trapped between their chests, holding tightly to the lapels of his suit jacket. Her mind slowly shut down, only to be zapped back on again when his tongue touched hers. It almost felt like an electric current was running through her bloodstream and it only intensified with every stroke of his tongue against hers. She heard a moan and was slightly embarrassed to realize that it had been her own.

When they finally broke apart, she was breathless and her legs felt like jelly. Sweet Jesus, if the man could do this to her with only a kiss, just imagine what it would be like to actually have mind blowing sex with him, she thought, a shiver running down her spine. He rested his forehead on hers and tried to catch his breath.

"If we don't leave right now, I don't think I will be held responsible for my actions." He swallowed hard and she grinned, leaning in to press her lips against his in a chaste kiss.

"Come on, then, Mr. Castle." She stepped away from him and took his hand, leading him to the door. "Before I change my mind." She heard him groan frustrated behind her and laughed, grabbing her jacket and purse.

"Such a tease." He mumbled behind her and she rolled her eyes, amused.

He took her to a low key restaurant in Tribeca. She had to admit she had been a little apprehensive of going out with him, for the fact that he was a public figure after all. When she asked him about that aspect of his life, he said he usually tried to stay off the radar and only go to places like the Italian restaurant where they were currently having dinner. The food was delicious and the owner – a man that reminded Kate a lot of her grandfather – had come to greet them halfway through dinner. He told her conspiratorially that she was the first girl Rick had ever taken there, that usually it was only him and the twins.

She felt him touch her foot with his when the owner said that and looked up at him to see him looking down, his face a faint shade of pink. She nudged his foot with hers and smiled at him when he looked at her, hooking her ankle around his. They stayed like that for the rest of their date, talking quietly and sharing stories of their childhoods and teenage years.

Three hours and two bottles of wine later, Rick asked for the check. After paying for it – he absolutely refused to let her contribute – he took her hand and they stepped out of the restaurant into the chilly New York night. Shivering at the sudden cold air, Kate immediately felt him pull her close to his side, his hand running up and down her arm to warm her up.

"So, where to now?" He asked as they walked slowly on the quiet street.

"I don't know. What do you have in mind?" She countered and leaned into him, pressing a kiss to his neck. She felt so content, so exhilaratingly happy right at that moment that she honestly didn't want their night to end, as sappy and clichéd that sounded in her head.

"Well, we could maybe catch a movie or…" He started to suggest, but she interrupted him.

"I have a bottle of wine at home if you're up to it." She told him, suddenly feeling a little shy and embarrassed for inviting him back to her place like that. But he grinned at her happily and kissed her hair.

"Definitely interested." He whispered and kissed her hair again.

They stopped walking and Rick tried to hail a cab for them. Ten minutes later, they finally managed to get in a cab. They sat close together in the middle of the backseat and Kate told the driver her address. When she leaned back against the seat, Rick surprised her for pressing his lips against hers in a dizzying kiss that took her breath away. She faintly heard the window between them and the driver roll up and thought dazedly that she shouldn't be doing this, but his kiss was just so intoxicating that it erased all coherent thought from her mind.

"You have no idea how bad I've wanted to do this since we met." He confessed, showering her neck with butterfly kisses and she had to bite her lip to prevent a moan from escaping her lips.

"I think I have an idea." She said breathlessly, pulling him in for another kiss. His tongue played lazily with hers as she ran her hands through his hair, settling on his neck to keep him where he was. His hands explored her body with a teasingly light touch, leaving goose bumps in their trail. They lost themselves in each other for several minutes and it was only the shrill ring of her cell phone that made them break apart. She reached inside her purse and groaned when she saw Esposito's name on the screen. "Beckett." She answered, slapping Rick's thigh to get him to stop torturing her with those light kisses on her neck.

"Hey, boss. We got a fresh one and…" He paused and Kate held her breath, pressing a hand to Rick's chest to keep him away for a minute. "Is this a bad time?" He asked knowingly with a teasing tone in his voice.

"Just tell me the address, Espo." She said, proud of herself for sounding firmer than she had a few seconds ago, and heard him laugh, rattling off the address of their latest crime scene.

"And get this, it's another attorney. Same MO as the other two." He told her and she felt a shiver run through her spine that had nothing to do with Rick's touch.

"Great." She said dryly. "I'll be there soon." She hung up and turned to look at Rick apologetically.

"Work?" He asked gently and she nodded. "It's okay, Kate. It's your job. There's always next time, right?" He touched her cheek and kissed her softly, sucking on her bottom lip.

"I'm really sorry." She whispered against his lips and he shook his head, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Don't worry about it. Maybe we can get together sometime tomorrow?" He suggested and she nodded, leaning in to kiss him again.

"I really hope so." She sighed and leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder after telling the driver there was a change of plans and giving him the new address. When they arrived at the scene, Kate tried to pay her share, but Rick refused again, making her roll her eyes. "Thanks for tonight. I had a great time." She smiled at him and he pulled her in for another quick, but deeply unsettling kiss that made her head spin.

"I did too. I'll see you tomorrow?" He asked, his forehead against hers.

"Yeah." She whispered, kissing him again before getting out of the cab.

She waved goodbye as the car drove away and turned around, trying to fix her hair and praying that she didn't look too disheveled and like she had just had an intense make out session in the back of a cab. As she walked into the building surrounded by cops, another shiver ran through her body and she just couldn't shake the feeling that she was being watched.

A/N: You guys have spoiled me with your amazing reviews so tell me what you think? Please?