A/N: I know this is a little bit shorter than usual, but this was getting entirely too long and I felt that this part should stand on its own before we move the plot along. I'm hoping to post the second part of this chapter tomorrow night. Thank you so much for everyone who is sticking with this story and for your amazing feedback here and on Tumblr. You guys are the best.

Disclaimer: See previous chapters.

Hiding My Heart

Chapter 9

"Kate?"

She heard his voice as if coming from a distance. The envelope seemed to be mocking her as she stared at it on the floor. The first thing she noticed was that it seemed to be thicker this time, a lot thicker, but her name was staring at her from the exact same handwriting it had been on the previous one. She knew she wouldn't be able to ignore it and throw it away this time, whatever it contained. Someone was leaving this at her door and that was just startlingly creepy and something she would probably have to report now.

"Kate, what's wrong?" He asked again and she finally found it in herself to break the staring contest she had been engaged in with the offending object on her floor and look at him. Whatever he saw in her eyes, had him look at her with even more concern. "Honey, what is it?" He reached out and touched her cheek, his worried eyes searching hers.

Only part of her brain registered the fact that he had called her honey, but right then she didn't care. The priority was to snap out of her shock or whatever this was and get to business. Crouching down, she picked up the envelope and stood up, walking into the apartment. She heard Rick close the door behind her and tried to think of ways she could possibly get out of telling him anything about this, but her mind was drawing a blank. Tossing her purse on the couch, she ripped open the envelope and pulled out its contents with shaking hands, already dreading what she was about to see.

It was a binder with what looked like a case file. Kate frowned, confused. This was not what she had been expecting. Sitting down on the couch, she opened it and felt her heart skip a beat. She would recognize that handwriting anywhere, the amount of times she had tried to copy it as a kid. With her hands shaking again, she tried to make sense of the words staring back at her, but couldn't. All she could see was her mother's handwriting in the little notes that seemed to populate the corners of the pages. Taking a deep breath, she tried to clear her mind to try to understand what all of this meant.

As she let out the air slowly, a name caught her eye. Robert Donovan. The senator. Kate blinked to make sure she was reading what she thought she was reading, but there was no mistake. It was the one and the same, only he hadn't been a senator back then. No, ten years ago, he was the mayor of New York City and suddenly it all came back to her. She remembered a conversation she had had with her mother that summer, the day after she had arrived home from Stanford, with a startling clarity. Her mom had been excited that they had caught this huge case that could do wonders for their reputation as a firm. Her parents had just opened their own law firm a little over a year before and this was their first big case. The mayor was being prosecuted for raping a 13-year-old girl, daughter of one of his employees.

Now that Kate thought about it, the case had been buried after her parents died and the charges had been dropped since the attorneys that had taken over the case didn't have any evidence to support their argument. Everything her parents had put together to incriminate Donovan had just suddenly disappeared.

And now that file was in her hands.

Holy Mother of God.

"Kate."

She looked up and found Rick handing her a glass of water. She had completely forgotten he was there. Accepting it, she drank it all in one go, only then realizing how dry her throat had been up until now.

"Thanks." She murmured and he took the glass from her, setting it on the coffee table, before taking a seat next to her. She only realized her hands were still trembling when he covered one of them with his own.

"You okay?" He asked quietly and she finally tore her eyes from the file sitting in her lap, from her mother's cursive handwriting, and turned to look at him. She tried to think of what she could tell him, but her mind seemed to have shut down. "Is there anything I can do to help?" He tried again and she shook her head, a shaky breath escaping her lips. They were silent for a moment, until he threaded his fingers through hers and gave her hand an encouraging squeeze. "You got another envelope like this one, didn't you? That day you were sick?" He prompted and she bit her lip, wondering how on earth did he remember that.

"Yeah." She breathed out and closed her eyes, leaning back against the couch. "I threw it away." She added, turning her head to face him.

"Can I ask what was in it?" His thumb was drawing lazy circles on the back of her hand and Kate let out a sigh, figuring she should just get it over with, like ripping off a Band-Aid.

"Clippings of articles about my parents' deaths." She whispered, her chest aching again. Every time she talked about it, it felt like her heart was being ripped out of her chest all over again. Rick looked at her confused. "They were murdered ten years ago. Almost ten years ago." She swallowed hard and closed her eyes again, willing the tears that had welled up in her eyes to recede. "They never caught who did it." Her voice shook and she chastised herself for not being stronger than this. Then the next thing she knew, Rick was touching her cheek, wiping away a stubborn tear with his thumb, and then suddenly she was pressed against his chest, his arms holding her tightly.

"Oh, Kate, I am so sorry, honey." He whispered in her ear and her heart skipped a beat for the grief she was feeling all over again and for the endearment that had escaped his lips one more. She allowed herself a few minutes in his arms, breathing him in as she burrowed her face in the crook of his neck. "I had no idea. I can't even imagine how hard that must've been for you." He said quietly and she sighed heavily, wishing she could just stay like this, in the safety of his arms forever, and that all of this would just disappear. When she pulled away, she realized she had been crying the entire time, by the wet stain in the collar of his shirt.

"I'm sorry." She mumbled, wiping away her tears quickly, feeling embarrassed for allowing her emotions to get the best of her. He framed her face with his hands and pressed a lingering kiss to her lips.

"Don't be." He said simply and kissed her tear stained cheeks. "Is there anything I can do to help? Who is sending this to you?" He asked gently and she shook her head.

"I don't know." She took a deep breath, trying to pull herself together. She had to clear her mind if she wanted to make sense of this. And in order to do that, she needed to be able to think objectively. "I'd nearly forgotten about it. The other one was almost a month ago."

"What's in this one?" He put an arm around her shoulders and tugged her closer to his side, his fingers running up and down soothingly on her arm.

"That's what's weird. It's a case file that my mom was working on." Kate bit her lip and touched her mother's handwriting almost reverentially. "See these notes here? They're all hers. It was the case she was working on when they were killed." She turned to look at him and found him with a frown, apparently confused.

"Why would anyone send something like this to you? It doesn't make any sense." He said finally and she nodded.

"I know. The only connection here is that the case mom was working on with my dad was about Senator Donovan. Only he wasn't a senator yet back then." She explained.

"Wait, isn't the case you're working on now related to this guy?" He asked suddenly and she nodded. "Still, it doesn't sound like a threat. You know, sending you the file that connects both cases. Right? I mean, I'm no expert but…" He thought out loud and she interrupted him.

"I know, that's what's strange about this whole thing. It's almost like… whoever this is wants to give me clues. Does that make sense?"

"Kind of." He looked down at the file in her hands and touched the hand that was still tracing her mother's notes. "Are you going to report this?"

"I have to. I ignored it before, but I can't do that anymore. This actually might help us solve this case. Either that or it's just one gigantic coincidence." She shrugged, leaning more fully into his side. "I just wish this case would disappear, you know?" she murmured, closing her eyes again. "Every time I look at those photos it just brings back memories. Memories that I wish I could erase from my mind." She felt him press a kiss to her forehead and took a deep breath, figuring that if she had already told him part of the story, she might as well tell him everything. "We found them." Her voice shook again and she bit her lip to try and keep the tears at bay. "Emily and I, we found mom and dad in the kitchen."

"Oh, Kate." The tone of his voice was laced with pain, as if somehow he could feel her own grief. He pulled her even closer to him, until she was draped across his lap, her head resting on his chest. His steady heartbeat was incredibly soothing to her frail emotions. "I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say." He murmured against her hair, pressing a kiss to it.

"And it took me years to try to get over it and now things were going so well." Her voice caught again and she tried to take a deep, steadying breath, but a sob escaped instead. "I don't want to get lost in this again. I can't. I don't think I can survive going through this one more time." Her voice came out fast and unsteady and the tears were flowing relentlessly down her cheeks.

"Hey, look at me." He touched her chin and their eyes met. The myriad of emotions running through his was almost too much for her to bear. "I will do everything in my power to help you. I know I'm not a cop." He said quickly when she opened her mouth to speak. "But I care about you. A lot, Kate. I really do and I want you to be happy. I don't… seeing you like this right now? It's killing me. Let me help, please. Even if it's just to distract you, take your mind off of it. Anything." He brushed away her tears and she nodded slowly, resting her head on his chest again.

"Thank you." She said quietly and felt his arms tighten around her, giving her the comfort that she needed at that moment. "I have to call the boys. Report this in, send it to forensics." She tried to pull away, but his arms kept her in place.

"Can it wait a few minutes?" He asked quietly and she looked up at him, tears still shining in her eyes. "Please?" he added and she sighed, leaning into his embrace again. It looked like he needed a minute to pull himself together as well. "Does Emily know about the first envelope?" He broke the silence after a few minutes and she shook her head.

"No, I never told anyone. Especially not Em. She was just a kid and it was so incredibly hard on her. I didn't want to bring this back up again, you know? I don't want her to get involved in this." She said and a yawn escaped her lips, a sudden exhaustion weighing her body down.

"Maybe you should get some rest before doing anything about this?" He suggested, but she shook her head, still not making any move to get up. "Kate, I can see how tired you are. Let's deal with this in the morning."

"I should report it." She said tiredly, her fingers playing with the button on his shirt. "But I guess you're right." She conceded after another yawn. "We should order something in. You're probably hungry." She looked up at him and found him offering her a small smile.

"I can get something to eat at home if you just want to go to bed." He offered but she shook her head, biting her lip.

"Can you…" She let out a heavy sigh, willing herself to not feel so foolish for asking what she was about to ask. "Could you stay? Tonight. I mean, I just don't want…" He pressed his lips against hers, effectively silencing her.

"Of course I'll stay." He reassured her, kissing her softly again, and she let out a sigh in relief.

"What about Alexis and Jamie?" She asked, but he shook his head.

"Meredith has them tonight. I'll just call her and let her know I'll be home tomorrow morning."

"Are you sure?"

"They'll be fine for tonight. Don't worry about it." He kissed her lips again. "I'm not leaving you, Kate."

And for the first time in years, she found herself actually believing in those words.

A/N: Thoughts?