A/N: I'm so sorry I took so long to post this, but this week was kind of hectic here and I literally didn't have time to write. That said, I hope you're still enjoying this.
Disclaimer: See previous chapters
Hiding My Heart
Chapter 10
Kate woke up with a gasp, bolting up in bed. Her heart was hammering her ribcage and her breathing was ragged as she tried to recognize her surroundings. With a hand to her chest, she tried taking a deep breath to try and slow down her heart rate. She couldn't exactly remember what she had been dreaming about, but whatever it had been it had probably downright scary if her reaction was anything to go by. Although, if she was honest with herself, she knew what the nightmare had most likely been about, especially after the envelope and telling Rick about her parents. She should have known this was going to happen.
Looking out the window, she let out a heavy sigh, swinging her legs to the side of her bed. She debated with herself if she should just fall back asleep, but as she looked at the alarm clock on her nightstand, the glowing red numbers indicated that it was close to 5am. Running her knuckles over her eyes sleepily, she figured it would be best if she just got up now. To be honest, she didn't want to risk another nightmare. Not with Rick here.
Standing up, she turned around to watch him, still fast asleep in her bed. His hair was standing up in all ends and she fought the urge to run her fingers through the silky strands, not wanting to wake him up. Instead, she turned around and made her way to the window seat, where they had left the curtains wide open. The sky was clear and she suddenly wished she could be up in her grandmother's house upstate in Peekskill where she could see the stars. She suddenly had a clear memory of lying down in the backyard of her Grandma's house with a really young Emily, trying to teach her the constellations, just as her mom had done with her a few years before. Right now, as she tried to shake this uneasiness brought on by her recent nightmare, she wished with all her might that she could go back in time, to when things were a lot less complicated than the mess she found herself in right now.
"Kate?" His quiet voice echoed in the room and she turned around startled. "What's wrong?" He asked sleepily and she offered him a small smile.
"It's nothing, Rick. Go back to sleep." She leaned her head back and looked out the window again, the streets of New York uncharacteristically quiet outside. With a sigh, she tried to hold on to those happy memories, Emily's excited giggle still ringing in her ears as she had identified a constellation correctly, when she felt him touch her shoulder gently.
"It's early. Let's go back to bed." He said quietly, playing with a strand of her hair. She looked up at him, affection shining in her eyes.
"I couldn't sleep." She confessed and looked away from him, biting her lip.
"You okay?" He asked quietly, sitting down next to her, as he took one of her hands in his.
"I'm fine. Just…" she sighed heavily again, feeling the weight of this complicated mess on her shoulders. "Bad dream, that's all. Don't want to go back to sleep just yet." She said in a rush, refusing to look him in the eye for fear she would find her childish for being afraid of a stupid dream when she was a grown woman. He didn't speak for a moment, only traced the back of her hand lightly with his thumb.
"Come on." He said finally and stood up, tugging on her hand to pull her up as well. She got up, surprised at his strong hold on her, and he immediately wrapped her in a hug, his smell surrounding her and doing wonders for her nerves. "I'll stay awake with you until you fall asleep again." He tucked her hair behind her ear, his hand lingering on her neck. "And if you have a nightmare again, I'll wake you up. Okay?" She held his gaze for a moment before nodding her acceptance. Leaning into him, she breathed him, nuzzling his neck.
"Thank you." She whispered into the relative darkness, her lips brushing his skin.
"For what?" He asked quietly, a tone of surprise to his voice. She pulled away to look at him, her hand reaching out involuntarily to brush through his hair gently. With a small smile, she brushed her lips against his once, twice, three times before capturing his bottom lip and sucking on it.
"Everything." She breathed into the kiss, her hand coming to rest on his neck, bringing him closer as she pressed her lips more firmly to his.
She suddenly felt such a surge of affection for him, so deep and warm and it ran through her veins, urging her on as she deepened their kiss. He had been nothing but amazing and caring since this whole thing between them began and she needed to show him how much she reciprocated his feelings and how deeply he affected her. Pulling him tighter against her body, she encouraged his tongue to come out and play with hers as a wave of arousal suddenly coursed through her. His hands travelled down to her hips and pulled her against him tightly, eliciting a moan from her. She pulled away, breathless, only to have him shower her neck and jaw with wet kisses that were sending her body into overdrive as heat engulfed her. She tilted her neck to give him more access and a gasp escaped her lips when he sucked on the spot behind her ear.
Her hands kept busy as she tried to touch him everywhere she could reach. When she slipped them inside his shirt, pulling it up, he pulled away from her to allow her to take it off and throw it to the side. Now that she had complete access to his skin, she ran her hands over his chest experimentally, using her nails gently from time to time, reveling in the shivers her touch elicited from him. He pulled her back into a fiery kiss, making her head spin with the intensity of the feelings bubbling up inside her. She dazedly thought that maybe this was what it felt like to be in love, but she didn't have time to think it through, as he slipped his hands inside her shirt and pulled it over her head. She watched as he looked at her bare, an almost reverential look on his face and she had to try her best not to feel embarrassed under his heated gaze. He reached out and touched her so gently that it made her shiver, tracing the scar she had on her right shoulder and travelling down to the other one she had on the same side, just under her breast.
"Are you sure?" he asked quietly, pulling her back to him, his kiss slower now, softer, as his hands traced her sides, teasing her breasts. She arched into him when he brushed his thumb against her hardened peaks and wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss, letting her tongue dance lazily with his. It felt like liquid fire was spreading through her veins, reaching every nerve ending in her body. She broke their kiss and brushed her lips against his stubbly jaw, until she reached his ear.
"Yes." She whispered hoarsely before tugging on his earlobe with her teeth.
His hand gripped her hip, pulling her harshly against him as he captured her lips again. Caught up in the deep kiss that was making her dizzy, she only realized they were moving when the back of her legs reached her bed and she fell back onto it, bringing him with her.
The first thing Kate noticed when she woke up again was that her pillow was moving. Opening her eyes, she groaned when the early morning light greeted her and closed them again immediately. That was when she felt her pillow shake and a chuckle sound through it and into her. Stretching her body lazily with her eyes still closed, she discovered that her legs were tangled with another pair of legs, making it almost impossible for her to stretch properly. Sighing contently, she let the memories of the events of just a couple of hours before wash over her. Amazing, she thought with a small, pleased smile, how one good thing can outshine all the bad things that had happened yesterday. As she felt a hand run up and down her naked back lazily, she remembered how attentive he had been, how his touch had made her feel, how much she was feeling for this man and how she wasn't quite ready to face all of it just yet.
"Morning." She heard him say sleepily and turned her head in the direction of his voice, resting her chin on his chest.
"Morning." She smiled at him a little timidly, drawing on his chest with her fingers. He smiled back and touched her cheek.
"How'd you sleep?" He asked gently and she sighed, resting her cheek back down on his chest, the sound of his heart beating nearly lulling her back to sleep.
"Like a baby." She placed a kiss to his skin and felt his arm tighten around her. "What time is it?" She asked after a few minutes of silence.
"Almost 8." He said, after checking her alarm clock, and she groaned.
"I have to get up." She mumbled, not making any move to do so. He pulled her up closer, until their lips were a mere inch apart, and smiled gently at her, his hand teasing the back of her neck. Kate didn't resist the magnetic pull and met his lips willingly in a slow kiss that had her groaning in pleasure against his mouth. She allowed herself to get lost in it for a moment, before pulling away. "I have to go to work." She said and found herself lost in a deep kiss again. "Rick." She put a hand on his chest and tried to keep her distance. "I wish I could stay here all day, but I can't. I have to report that damn file." she burrowed her face into his neck and sighed.
"Alright." She felt him sigh too and place a kiss to her cheek. "Are you feeling better?" He asked quietly and she nodded against his neck.
"I'm so glad you're here." The words escaped her lips without her consent and she stiffened for a second, embarrassed that she had spoken without thinking. His arms tightened around her and he pulled back to meet her eyes. Leaning in, he brushed his lips against hers gently.
"So am I, Kate." He told her sincerely and she felt a smile tugging her lips up. Nuzzling his neck, she kissed his skin, sucking on his pulse point softly. "So am I, Kate." He repeated and she wondered sleepily again if that warm feeling in her chest, spreading throughout her body was what love felt like.
"Well, don't you look cheerful this morning, Becks." Ryan grinned at her when she reached her desk and put away her things. Turning around, she found him and Esposito watching her with knowing looks and rolled her eyes at them.
"I have something to show you guys." She decided to ignore his little quip and cut straight to the chase, the file inside her bag seeming to weigh a ton as she took it out. "Come on." She nodded in the direction of the conference room and started to make her way there, knowing they would immediately follow her.
"What is it?" Esposito asked after Ryan closed the door. She told them to sit down and slid the file on the table in their direction. They looked at it and, when they were finished, looked back at her with identical puzzled looks. "Where did this come from?"
"I don't know." She sighed and leaned back on her chair. "It's the second anonymous envelope I've gotten." She confessed and watched as they raised their eyebrows in confusion.
"Where is the other one?" Ryan asked and she looked away, biting her lip, unsure.
"I threw it away." She ran a hand through her hair agitatedly and stood up. "I freaked out. They were clippings of my parents' deaths."
"Beckett…" Esposito started, but she shook her head, pacing the room.
"No, you don't understand. I panicked. I thought it was someone taunting me, I don't know." Kate closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, a headache making itself known. "But then I got this one last night and it changed everything. See these notes here? They're my mom's. I'd recognize her handwriting anywhere."
"It doesn't make any sense, though." Ryan frowned, thumbing through the pages. "Why would someone send this to you? And more than that, who would have access to something like this?"
"I don't know. I've been thinking about this all night and I can't come up with anything plausible. These files disappeared after my parents died. That's why the charges against Donovan were dropped back then." She explained and watched as they nodded thoughtfully. "If anything, I think whoever sent me this is somehow trying to help maybe? Clue me in?" She wondered out loud and sat back down, resting her elbows on the table and her head in her hands, frustrated.
"Well, at least we can tie this to the case now. Our case." Esposito said and turned to look at her. "Becks, you don't think this could maybe be connected to your parents' murders?" He mused and she looked at him for a moment in silence, turning the possibility around in her head. It was something she had thought about several times ever since they had gotten the Peterson & Johnston case, but she had refused to even consider it a possibility.
"I think it's possible and I've been thinking about it since we caught this case. The MO is exactly the same." She said quietly and let out a heavy sigh, feeling a little lighter now that she was sharing this with her boys.
"Why didn't you tell us before?" Ryan reached out and touched her arm gently and she shook her head after smiling gratefully at him.
"I don't know. I guess I didn't want to go through this again." She admitted and they were all silent for a minute. "But now I can't ignore the similarities anymore, can I? It's glaringly obvious."
"You know, you don't have to do this, Becks. We can just report this and ask another team to take over." Esposito said gently, but she shook her head vehemently. "It's too personal, Kate. Too close to you."
"I need to see this through, guys. Whoever sent this apparently wants me to connect both cases. And this is my parents we're talking about here. They deserve justice and maybe this is our chance to finally catching whoever took them away from me and Emily." She said firmly and they watched her for a moment, apparently deciding whether they should back away or not.
"Okay." Esposito conceded and Kate let out a breath she hadn't even been aware she had been holding. "Let's send this to forensics and see if we can get prints off them. Then we'll see what we can do from there. Alright?"
"Alright." She nodded and felt her eyes welling up with tears all of a sudden, relieved that she could finally share this burden with someone she could trust. "Thanks, guys." She said quietly as they all stood up. Esposito squeezed her shoulder comfortingly.
"We're going to figure this out." He promised and she nodded again, biting her lip to keep her stubborn tears at bay.
They smiled at her and left the room with the file in hand. At least they had something to go on now.
It was only a couple of weeks later that they finally heard back from forensics about the files. Kate had been enjoying a quiet dinner at Rick's loft with him and the twins as it had become the norm with them. She would go over for dinner at least twice a week and had stayed the night a couple of times, even if she still felt a little weird about staying over with his kids around. But Alexis and Jamie were so adorable and sweet that she found herself enjoying their company more and more lately. Especially when things were difficult at work or she had a long day. Being with them started to make things easier and it was a chance to unwind.
She had met Rick's mother, the famous Broadway actress Martha Rodgers, that week and it was the first time she had found herself star struck. Her dad had been a fan and she had seen countless plays Martha had been in when she was a teenager. Being around her now reminded her so much of her father that sometimes it overwhelmed her. Martha had been nothing but sweet and caring, though.
"Kate, darling, how are you doing?" The actress asked as she walked into the loft. Kate had been watching Toy Story 3 with the kids on the couch as Rick prepared their dessert.
"I'm doing just fine, Martha. How about you?" She said with a smile as she ran her hand gently through Jamie's red hair. He was sprawled against her side, head resting on her chest sleepily. Alexis was sitting close to her on the couch, completely enthralled by the movie.
"I'm great. Rehearsals have been exhausting, though." Martha answered, leaning down to press a kiss to both her grandkids' foreheads.
"Right. Rick mentioned the opening night is next week."
"Yes, and I would love if you could come. You don't have to worry about tickets, obviously." She said with a flourish and Kate nodded, smiling.
"I'll try my best to make it. I'd love to see you on stage again." She said somewhat shyly, the memory of her father strong in her mind. "I'll talk to Rick and maybe we can go next weekend."
"Wonderful, darling. Would you join me for a glass of wine?" Martha suggested and Kate nodded, trying to move so she could help her with the bottle and glasses. "No, stay there, Kate. Jamie looks like he's about to pass out soon." She commented with a tender smile as she looked down at her grandson. Kate looked down at him and sure enough, he was fighting to stay awake. Kate smiled and pressed a kiss to his hair, tightening her hold on him. "You know he can't stop talking about you." The actress said with a knowing smile and Kate looked up at her, not sure who she had meant. "Rick and Jamie."
Kate bit her lip and looked back at Rick as he worked on their brownie and ice cream in the kitchen, not knowing what to say. When she looked back, Martha was gone and she sighed, leaning her head back on the couch. Soon, she felt Alexis leaning against her side and looked down to find the girl asleep. Putting an arm around her shoulders, she pulled her tighter against her body, wondering how exactly this had happen. These two wonderful little kids, who were so completely taken with her, had already turned her life around and she found herself actually missing them when she went a few days without seeing them. Pressing a kiss to Alexis' temple, she allowed herself to relax and closed her eyes.
She was starting to fall asleep when her phone suddenly rang, startling her.
"Beckett." She said quietly so not to wake the two sleeping children.
"Hey, Becks. Why are you whispering?" She heard Ryan's intrigued tone and leaned her head back on the couch again, fighting a yawn.
"Because I have two little kids sleeping next to me. What's up?" She asked before he could tease her about playing mom, as she knew he was dying to do.
"We heard back from forensics, but the print they found on the files, aside from ours, is not in the system. Sorry." He said regretfully and Kate sighed.
"Well, it was worth a shot, right?" She said tiredly. "You're bringing in Donovan's campaign manager for questioning tomorrow, aren't you?"
"Yeah."
"So that's somewhere to start." She rubbed her eyes sleepily, thinking that she would fall asleep soon if Rick didn't hurry up with that dessert. Saying goodbye to Ryan, she hung up and tried to relax again. She had just closed her eyes when her phone rang again and she sighed, frustrated, answering it without looking at the caller ID. "Beckett."
"Katie?" she heard a familiar voice and frowned. No one called her Katie anymore, except her sister and grandma. "This is Juliet. Juliet Carter." She identified herself and Kate's frown deepened. Why was Juliet contacting her after all this time? It had been over a month since they had seen each other at the Precinct when Juliet had been there for questioning.
"Oh, hi, Juliet. How are you?" She said nicely, but even she could hear the confused tone in her own voice.
"Oh, sweetheart, I was wondering if I could talk to you. I know it's late, but maybe we could meet for a cup of coffee?" She suggested and Kate suddenly felt herself tense. Rick chose this moment to walk in with a tray full of brownies and ice cream.
"Is everything okay, Juliet?" She asked cautiously and heard the woman sigh on the other side of the line. Rick looked at her with concern, but she shook her head, offering him a small smile.
"I'd rather talk to you about it in person, Katie. Is that okay?" She said and Kate tried to quench the sudden overwhelming desire to hang up and ignore this completely. Something about her tone was setting alarm bells in her head.
"Sure. I'm in Tribeca right now. There's a coffee shop a couple of blocks away from here." She told her the address and Juliet said she would meet her there. After hanging up, she took a deep breath and felt Rick touch her hand.
"Everything okay?" he asked quietly and she shook her head.
"I don't know. I have to go meet someone." She said, trying to disentangle herself from the kids without waking them. "An old friend of my parents'. Said she needed to talk to me."
"Do you want me to go with you?" He asked, helping settle the twins on the couch, allowing Kate to get up. She shook her head, but squeezed his hand gratefully. "Are you coming back here afterward?"
"Do you want me to?" She leaned up and kissed his lips chastely. They had barely been able to spend some alone time tonight with the kids around.
"Obviously." He said, capturing her lips in a deep kiss. "I miss you." He whispered and she smiled, kissing him again.
"I'll come back as soon as I can."
She played with the hair on the nape of his neck and leaned her forehead on his shoulder for a moment, trying to draw some of his strength to go out again and deal with whatever Juliet wanted to talk to her about. Kissing him one more time, she put her shoes on and grabbed her purse. It was a warm June night and she figured she would forgo her jacket this time, leaving it draped over the back of his couch.
She walked the few blocks to Pierre's Café, where she had told Juliet to meet her, and sat at a booth near the window. She figured she still had a few minutes to spare, so she decided to order a hot chocolate, not wanting to drink anything with caffeine so late. It was already close to 10pm and she wanted to get a decent night of sleep tonight. After letting Rick thoroughly exhaust her, of course, she thought with a small smile. He had been so great these past few weeks and their chemistry in bed was off the charts and so much better than she had expected. She kept thinking that it couldn't get any better, but he managed to prove her wrong every time.
In a way, she felt like she was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Things were so perfect these days that she felt like everything was just too good to be true. Regardless, she was enjoying the hell out of it and she admitted to herself that she was really close to falling for him. That is, if she wasn't already in love with him. It had been a while since she had last fallen for a guy and back then it hadn't been this intense as what she had with Rick was.
"Katie, thank you so much for coming." Juliet's voice interrupted her inner musings and Kate looked up at the older woman as she sat across from her.
"You sounded nervous on the phone. Is everything okay?" Kate decided to just cut to the chase. It was late and she wanted to go home.
"Did you get the file?" Juliet asked quietly, looking around like a scared animal.
"Wait, that was you?" Kate asked in disbelief and Juliet nodded guiltily. "Why?" Her voice shook a little and Kate took a deep breath.
"I needed to tell someone. Especially after Mr. Blanchard and the others were killed. They were getting death threats for weeks before it happened." She said rushed and Kate leaned closer to catch everything as Juliet was talking so quietly.
"Why didn't you say anything when you were at the precinct?"
"I was scared. I sent you the articles, hoping you would connect the cases. Senator Donovan is a powerful guy and I couldn't afford to come right out and tell you. And then the killings started and I was terrified." She whispered and sighed. "I'm so sorry, Katie."
"How'd you get those files?" Kate asked firmly, letting the detective side of her take over. "They disappeared after mom and dad…"
"Your mother always asked me to make a copy of everything." Juliet interrupted. "So that night they were killed, the original files were taken, but I still had the copy."
"Why didn't you come forward then?"
"They had just killed your parents over those evidences. I couldn't… I was terrified, Katie. I thought if I did, they would kill me too." A tear slipped down the older woman's cheek and Kate felt sorry for her. "But now, it's happening all over again. I had to do something."
"Okay, Juliet. What do you know about the case now?" Kate asked gently, touching Juliet's hand. The woman smiled at her, apparently relieved that Kate wasn't blaming her for anything. "We can protect you. Nobody has to know that you told us anything." She smiled encouragingly at her mother's old friend and took a sip of her hot chocolate.
Something hot suddenly sprayed over her and Kate watched in shock as Juliet suddenly slumped forward on the table.
A/N: I know some of you might be disappointed at the tame version of their first time, but I didn't want to change the rating just because of this. It's not what this story is about and I thought this would be best. Let me know what you thought?