CHAPTER 3:
"Now this keeps moving in the same direction, but I'm a little too spent to care. Cause it's a battlefield until it blows over; keep your friends close and your enemies closer." -Heroes by All Time Low
Alex's arms were wrapped tightly around my waist, pulling my hips into his. We were still standing in the middle of my living room, our lips attached. I opened my eyes and pulled away suddenly.
"Why do you keep doing that?" I asked, not knowing if I was flattered or pissed at the fact this kept happening. Alex closed the small space between us.
"Kissing you? Because as much as I try to deny it, I'm falling for you." He murmured. I would have melted if it was anyone else. But not if it was Alex. I knew if I let him get to me, he would just rip my heart apart piece by piece in only a matter of time.
I shook my head. "No," I said as he tried to kiss me again. He took a step back, shocked.
"I don't get it. I try to express my feelings for you and you keep pretending there's no connection!" He complained, sounding distressed.
I scoffed. "You don't have any feelings for me. By next week you'll have moved on. I'm giving you a head start." I crossed my arms.
Alex laughed sarcastically and rolled his eyes. "I don't know why I bother to keep coming back for you. Every time I think I've finally proven to you that I've changed, you just shoot me down."
"You haven't changed, Alex! You're still the same, immature, horny ladies man you were five years ago!" I turned away and began to storm upstairs. I heard him follow me up and I spun around when I reached my room. We were across the room from each other.
"I have changed. You just keep denying that there's something between us." He said softly.
"There is nothing-NOTHING!-between us. No connection, no feelings, no nothing." I shouted. He rolled his eyes.
"You just keep getting worse every year." Alex said, turning and going downstairs. I heard the front door open and shut, and just like that, Alex was gone.
I slid down the side of my bed and bit my lip. Alex was right. I always ruined any chance I had with a guy. I looked at my phone, almost begging for it to ring and to see Alex's caller ID pop up. But it never did.
I heard the door open again and I wiped the tears I hadn't realized were falling. My mother shuffled around downstairs for a while, and I waited until she went into her room to make my way downstairs. I took the steps carefully, almost scared to move too fast.
My father was watching TV, drinking a glass of water. I stood in the hallway, watching him. He saw me and waved me over, signaling for me to sit down with him.
"How was your day, princess?" He asked me. I shrugged.
"Not the best, actually. I've been having troubles with this guy Al-" I began.
"HEY TAYLER!" My mother called from upstairs. I knew without seeing her that she was taking off her jewelry, changing into sweats, and putting her long blonde hair up into a messy ponytail.
"Yes mom?" I shouted back up to her. My dad chuckled at me and took a sip of his water.
"Remember Alex Gaskarth? From next door? He came up to me asking about you today when I got home! Isn't he a sweetheart? I like that boy." She said loudly as she began her descent down the stairs.
I rolled my eyes. "Of course I remember Alex. I see him every day at school."
My mother crossed her arms. "Don't be so negative. He seems like such a nice young man. You should go talk to him."
"I've had enough of him for today, thanks mom." I stood up and stormed out of the room, almost colliding with my sister as I passed the front door.
Kayla shot me a look and resumed on her way to the kitchen. I kept walking to the stairs.
I walked into my room and slammed the door, flopping down on my bed and closing my eyes.
Next thing I knew, my alarm was blaring at me to wake up. I opened my eyes and slammed my fist onto the 'snooze' button. An hour later, my eyes flew open and shot to the clock. 7:00. School started in twenty minutes.
I jumped out of bed and ran to my closet, stripping of my clothes from yesterday and changing into my favorite Blink182 shirt and black shorts. I quickly threw my hair up into a bun and crammed my feet into Vans. I declared myself good enough and grabbed my backpack, flying down the stairs. My mom stood in the kitchen mixing coffee.
"Why didn't you wake me up?" I shouted as I ran to the front door. I set my hands on the end table, panicking when I couldn't find my keys that were usually sitting there. My eyes widened as I opened the door and ran outside, seeing the car was missing.
Kayla. She must have taken the car today.
I did a facepalm and sighed. There was no way I was getting to school on time now.
"Need a ride today?" I heard him ask. My heartbeat picked up and I turned around, meeting his beautiful dark brown eyes from across the driveway. I wrapped my arms around myself and nodded.
"Uh...yeah," I said, walking over to him. Alex opened the passenger door for me and I climbed in, clutching my backpack to my chest. He shut the door and walked around to the drivers seat, putting the key in the ignition and backing out of his driveway.
"Thanks, Alex." I said softly, keeping my eyes out the windshield.
He didn't say anything, just rested his elbow on the armrest by the window and put the side of head in his hand, keeping his eyes on the road.
We pulled into the school lot and he chose a parking space close to the building that had my first hour class in it. I reached for the door but he clicked the lock button. I looked over to him curiously.
His eyes were still staring out ahead of him, not daring to look my way, as though it would kill him to do so.
"Tayler, why do we do this to each other?" He asked me. I opened my mouth to say something but no words seemed to come out.
After I was silent a full minute he looked over to me, locking eyes with me. I sucked in a deep breath.
"Why do we always fight? Do we really hate each other that much?" He clarified his question.
"I-I..I don't know," I stuttered.
"I felt fucking awful when I left your house yesterday. I wished I hadn't pressured you." He whispered, looking away from me again. I wanted to tell him I was wrong, that there was something here. That he was right, there was something in the back of my head that told me Alex was the one I was falling in love with.
I was going to tell him how I felt.
"But I got to thinking. And you're right. We don't have feelings for each other. What we have is just...my old immaturity. What happend last night shouldn't have happened. I just thought I felt something. I must have been wrong."
I was NOT going to tell him how I felt.
The words came out of his mouth and I felt my heart shatter. I hadn't known how bad it could hurt to have him say that because I thought the emotions weren't there.
I felt a lump in my throat and I nodded quickly, to acknowledge him. I turned and yanked on the door handle repeatedly until he unlocked it. I threw the door open, grabbed my bag, and slammed it shut.
I walked away from him faster than I've ever walked in my life. The bell was going to ring in a little under ten minutes. I turned into the bathroom and into the largest stall. I sat down on the toilet and put my face in my hands, letting my tears fall.
I choked out a sob and cried harder than I had in a while. I checked the time. Four more minutes until class. I opened the stall door and walked up to the mirror, wiping my eyes and fixing my makeup.
I walked out of the bathroom and to my locker, grabbing the books I needed. I quickly walked to my math class, arriving early and sitting down in the very back, getting out my notes and keeping my head down.
The bell I had been dreading finally rang, and I gathered my things, heading for English. I opened the door and stepped inside. I started for my seat from yesterday, but then my eyes fell on Alex, who was sitting in the seat right next to it. I coughed awkwardly and blew past the seat, choosing one in the very back.
The whole hour, Alex kept stealing glances at me. I kept looking away when his eyes met mine. I knew I was making it obvious our conversation earlier was bothering me, but I didn't care.
The bell rang and I stood, grabbing my bag and walking for the door.
I exited the room and stepped into the hallway, leaning against a locker, closing my eyes, and taking a deep breath. I felt someone's hand intertwine with mine.
My eyes opened quickly and Alex's brown ones were there to meet me.
"Tayler..." He whispered. "What's wrong?"
A tear fell down my cheek and I tore my hand away from Alex's to wipe it away violently. He quickly took one of my hands in each of his and put them together. He pressed his forehead to mine.
"Was it me?" He asked quietly. I nodded and sighed.
"I keep thinking I don't feel anything for you. I don't want to, because I know you're going to break my heart, which you did. In the car this morning. I don't know why. But...I feel like there was something here the whole time. I just kept pushing it away when it ached to get through. Like in this hallway yesterday. I wanted so badly to say something to you, but...I was too busy denying that I wanted to say something. I'm just confusing myself and I don't understand why I'm falling for you!" I murmured.
Alex released my hands and used his to cup my face. He leaned down and kissed my lips lightly.
"I'm sorry," He breathed. "I didn't want to fight anymore. I thought by saying that, maybe we could just go back to being normal."
"Fighting IS normal for us. I don't want to be normal anymore if that's what it is." I said lowly.
"Then we won't be normal. We'll be different." He whispered, leaning down and kissing me again.
He released me and began to walk off to his third hour class, holding hands with me and maintaining eye contact as long as possible.
Did that all just really happen? Yes, it had. And I'd never felt more special in my life.
Did I really fall for him? Or was I just wrapped up in the idea of being in love? I hadn't felt a thing until that moment in the hallway yesterday. Maybe that was all it took to set me off?
All I knew was that Alex and I were going to be different, and I was going to enjoy every second of whatever we had.