What I Should Have Said (Chapter 2)
Simply kissing Maura's forehead was exhilarating. One, light kiss. The warmth from earlier was overtaking my body, my heart was accelerating.
"I…" I started to say as I pulled Maura into my arms.
"Jane?" Maura's voice was raw with emotion.
"Yeah?" I answered as I pulled back and looked at Maura.
There was something different in her eyes than the moment before. The tears had stopped and her pupils had widened. What I saw in her eyes was something I'd never seen before, certainly not directed at me. When her neck began to flush I knew immediately what that look in her eyes meant—desire.
As much as I knew that whatever happened from here would change everything between us, I didn't want to spend hours, days, even weeks regretting what I should have done just as I had spent hours on end regretting what I should have said. Now was our moment.
"I want…" I started to say, but Maura pressed her index finger to my lips. Her eyes never left mine.
"Jane, thank you, but please don't say another word," she uttered, dropping her finger from my lips.
I barely had time to miss the feeling of her finger on my lips before she leaned in and pressed her soft lips to mine. I was momentarily stunned. I'd hoped for so much, yet never really imagined that something like this could happen. Honestly, I never thought I'd allow myself this pleasure, however brief. I'm not sure had Maura not done so I would have made the first move. Before I'd even had time to process what was happening, Maura had broken our kiss. I was afraid to look at her for fear I would see rejection there. However, when I lifted my eyes to hers, I saw the opposite of rejection—want.
Maura's fingers were in my hair, her mouth on mine. I found I was pushing her back toward the front door by her hips. Maura groaned as her back made contact with the door. Then as my hips came flush with hers, she responded with a moan. It was the sexiest sound I'd ever heard. Her choice of sound effects was rewarded with my tongue entering her mouth.
I ran my hands up Maura's sides and met her hands in my hair. We intertwined our fingers and I forced her hands above her head against the door. Maura responded to my putting her hands above her head by thrusting her hips toward mine.
"God…" I grunted.
Crossing my left hand over both of Maura's to hold her wrists against the door, I used my free hand to run back down Maura's side. The response of Maura's nipples signaled either she was ticklish, aroused or both. Her moaning told me she was aroused. My growing wetness was not surprising given what was playing out.
"Jane?" Maura panted, her hands still under mine. Our kiss broken by her question, my mouth went to her neck.
"Hmm…" I mumbled in between kisses along her neck and collarbone.
"Why did you go out with Agent Dean tonight?" Maura's serious question stopped my mouth from continuing to her chest.
As I dropped Maura's hands from above her head, I was at a loss as to how to answer her question. I knew why I'd kissed him, something I wasn't about to share with Maura, but I had no idea why I agreed to go out with him in the first place. His persistence, maybe. Maura's eyes were on me as I searched for an answer.
"I really don't know," I said.
My arms were at my sides, Maura and I were separating our bodies slowly. Hurt registered on Maura's face. I was beginning to feel like a complete asshole. When I knocked on Maura's door that night, I had no intention of hurting her. I wanted to comfort her, reassure her. And now she was before me hurt by something I did before I even showed up at her house.
"Maybe you should go," Maura said quietly. I could see the tears welling up in her eyes again and I knew this had everything to do with my dinner with Agent Dean. I couldn't blame her; I went on a date with a man and ended up here kissing her.
"Maura, please," I began, reaching for her hands. It wasn't lost on me that holding her hands in mine is how this all began.
"You said I deserve everything good in this world, Jane. How can I deserve you going on a date with an attractive man, one who is clearly interested in you, only to have you show up here afterward? It's Joey Grant again."
Everything Maura was saying was absolutely true. She deserves so much more than what I brought to her doorstep tonight. She deserves so much more than this. And now I'll regret coming here, kissing her and what I should have said when she asked me why I went out with Gabriel Dean.