II The Price of Freedom

As he made his escape everything was unusually quiet, but when his enhanced Mako hearing picked up the screams and gunfire above on the higher floors he guessed that whoever the intruder was, was up there heading towards the president, doing some serious damage on the way. Thus he was able to make his way to the back stairs quietly without being noticed. Of course due to his rotten luck, that stopped once he actually reached them.

"Zack?"

He stiffened at the voice, and debated whither to just ignore him and make a run for it, or turn around and face him. How would his friend react to him now? He was supposedly dead, and now thanks to Hojo a monster. He sighed, knowing that even if he tried to make a run for it his friend would just follow him until he got some answers.

"Hey Kunsel" he said without turning around. "Been a while huh"

There was none of his usual cheerfulness in his voice anymore, it was like someone had taken it away from his very soul. Why did he have to show up now of all times? Why did one of his closest friends have to see what he had become?

"Hojo did this to you didn't he?" Kunsel asked as he approached him slowly and cautiously.

"Yeah..."

He clenched his fist tightly, anger rising just hearing his name. Kunsel saw this and took a step back, but saw Zack calm down a moment later so he knew it was safe. They both glanced up worriedly when they heard more gunfire from above, and Zack decided it was time to leave. However as he opened the door to the stairwell, Kunsel placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm coming with you" he told him.

Zack looked back at his friend and smiled faintly, remembering the messages he had gotten from him while he was on the run with Cloud saying he would leave ShinRa in an instant if it was to help him. He hadn't dared to reply to any of them knowing that they could be traced, but apparently he had meant every word he said, and while he saw the look of shock and fear on his face he could tell that he was trying to look past what he had become.

"Thanks" Zack whispered.

One of the things he liked about Kunsel was that he didn't push questions on him, even though Zack knew that he was probably dying for answers. Zack however, wanted to know what ShinRa had been up to. His eyes had been opened up for a while now when Banora had been destroyed and he now saw how corrupt they were getting, but back then he was still young, ignorant, and refused to believe it. Since Kunsel seemed to know anything and everything about ShinRa, it just seemed natural.

"So what's ShinRa been up to these past five years?" he asked as they hurried down the stairs.

"There's a new anti ShinRa group around that'd been giving them a lot of trouble"

"Another AVALANCHE?" he asked.

"Yeah. Already they've blown up two of Midgar's reactors, and in response ShinRa blew up the Sector Seven plate support and blamed it on them."

Zack's eyes widened in shock as he took it all in. Would they really have gone that far? As he continued down the steps he clenched his fist in anger, and hated himself for not realizing how corrupt ShinRa was from the beginning.

He sighed as they walked out the building and glanced down at his claws once more. If he had realized it sooner and done something about it, then maybe he wouldn't have ended up like this…

"You sure this is smart?" he asked when they got to Kunsel's apartment in Sector Eight. "Won't they come after you after they find out you've deserted?"

"With all the chaos that happened back there they could easily mistake me for MIA. If not, I'm sure they've got better problems than hunting down a deserter or two"

Zack nodded as he walked inside, hoping he was right. His apartment was a small one bedroom, but Kunsel kept it insanely clean and rather roomy, which made it seem bigger. The living room only consisted of a wooden coffee table and a cough facing the flat screen TV on the wall, while the small eat in kitchen just had a small folding table and chairs as well as a fridge, stove, and sink. White carpet was through out most of it, and the white tile in the kitchen and bathroom matched it. The walls were also white washed, and bare.

"Bathroom's down the hall, I'll go see if I have some extra clothes that fit you"

Zack nodded, slipped off his combat boots, and immediately headed towards it realizing that he hadn't had a decent shower in five years...Ugh, he tried to think about that to much. He shut the door behind him when he got there, and did something that he knew he would regret, but would have to face sooner or later: The mirror.

As expected, his SOLDIER uniform was splattered with blood, most of it not his, and the shirt still had the bullet holes he had received from the battle with the infantrymen. Naturally his blood covered claws stood out to him, but for the first time he also noticed that he had a single black demonic looking wing.

"If people had wings, they'd be monsters"

"Wings symbolize freedom for those who have none, they don't symbolize monsters"

He shook the memories of his old conversation with Cissnei away as he peeled off his clothes and stepped in the shower. The hot water and steam felt good on his skin as he scrubbed off all the blood, dirt, and grime on him and sent it down the drain. He washed everything twice to make sure he got it all, then spent a few minutes just letting himself relax as the water came down onto him. If only the water could wash away the rest of his problems as well.

When he stepped out and dried himself off he noticed Kunsel had left a pair of black cotton pants and a gray hoodie by the door, so he slipped them on. It was more than a little uncomfortable having his wing tucked into his shirt, but he didn't want to make a hole in it, so he just dealt with it. Hiding his claws however was another issue. He thought his black leather gloves could do the trick, but apparently he had dropped them on his rampage somewhere 'cause he didn't have them. He sighed as he looked in the mirror once more, but was glad he at least looked more human than an actual monster. He didn't talk to Kunsel any more that night, he just went straight to the couch and crashed, hoping that this was all a dream.

Well Zack, you wanted freedom. I guess this was the price...

For the next few days he didn't talk to Kunsel much. He didn't push anything on him, which he was grateful for, but Kunsel would often ask him if he wanted to talk about anything, seeing that he was depressed like never before. No longer did Zack laugh and joke like he used to, and all his smiles could easily be seen through as forced or fake. He wasn't even this bad after Angeal's death.

What Kunsel didn't know about were the nightmares that haunted Zack night after night. It was always the same; him, breaking out of his Mako prison to kill Hojo, but unknowingly killing a dozen others instead. Cissnei would call his name to try and snap him out of it, and would die by his hand because of it. He would then wake and bolt up sweating, unable to go back to sleep afterwords, for his body didn't require it now.

He would usually sneak out and take walks along the streets of Midgar instead, or gaze up at the stars, something he often did back when he was on the run and couldn't sleep.

"I guess this is how you felt huh Angeal" he told the sky one night.

He now understood why Angeal made him kill him, how he had really been on the edge and couldn't take it anymore, but he had never been a monster like he thought he was, not to Zack.

"Please, just tell me what to do!"

He needed him now more than ever. He had never felt so alone in his life, for there wasn't anyone who could relate to him. He felt like he didn't belong anymore, not in Midgar, not anywhere. He stood there gazing up at the sky, hoping that he would get some sort of sign or answer, but nothing came. They never did.

One week passed, and with each day Zack grew closer to his breaking point. The dreams were getting more vivid, more frighting. Enough was enough he decided. When he couldn't take it anymore one night, he decided to end it all.

Instead of going out on another walk like he had done every night before he went into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He rolled up the sleeves of the hoodie that Kunsel had lent him, then removed his new custom made leather gloves that hid his claws rather well. He pulled the towel off the rack and set it on the floor by the wall neatly before he sat down and leaned his head back.

He sat there silently for what seemed like an eternity to him, trying his best to ignore his conscience that was screaming at him not to do this. He didn't listen, he didn't think monsters usually did. He took one last deep breath, then dug his claws into his left arm. He clenched his teeth as he felt the pain, and the warmth of his blood start to spill out from within, but he kept going. By the end he already felt tired, and his vision was starting to get hazy and dancing with black spots. He set his arm down on the towel beside him, purposely put there so Kunsel wouldn't have to clean up a big mess.

"You call yourself SOLDIER?"

Angeal stood in front of him, white wings extended, buster sword in hand, gazing down on him pitifully.

"You tarnish the SOLDIER name"

"Shut up" Zack told his hallucination.

"Where's your honor Zack?" the illusion asked him. "What happened to your dreams?"

"Monsters don't have dreams and honor"

He closed his eyes, willing him to go away, but while he did, Kunsel then decided to show up.

"Zack? You ok in there?"

He could hear him jostle the locked doorknob from the other side, worry in his voice.

"I'm fine Kunsel" he told him.

He was more than fine, soon he would die and all his pain would go away. He wouldn't have to deal with anything anymore. Part of him wondered if monsters like him still went to the lifestream, but he decided that he didn't really care as long as it all ended for him.

"Zack open the door!"

He guessed he could probably smell his blood with his SOLDIER senses.

You're to late Kunsel.

Already he could feel death starting to take him. Everything was slowly starting to fade away into darkness, so he closed his eyes and waited for it to come.

Kunsel had gotten up because he had heard some noise. At first he thought it could be a burglar trying to break in, so he grabbed his sword just in case, but when he saw that Zack wasn't on the cough, and heard him talking to himself in the bathroom he relaxed and set his weapon aside. He was about to go back to his room when the smell of blood sudden hit him, and he instantly became worried.

"Zack? You ok in there?"

He jostled the doorknob; locked.

"I'm fine Kunsel"

He was lying, he could tell by his tone.

"Zack open the door!"

Had Zack really been that close to his breaking point? Would he really try and kill himself. He wanted to deny it, but the evidence right now was strong. Things were now silent on the other side, and he cursed under his breath. With one hard shove he was able to force the door open, breaking the lock, and saw his friend unconscious up against the wall.

"Zack you idiot!"

It had been just as he feared, he had tried to end his own life. He had carved the word "Monster" into his arm with his claws, making blood flow from the wound.

"I'm not going to let you die like this"

He had only been unconscious for a few moments, which meant there was still time to save him.

Author's Notes

I tried to drag things out so it wouldn't seemed rushed again, but I'm not really sure I succeeded...

For anyone who's wondering, I'm not going to make Zack go all emo. Depressed sure, but he's not gonna be like Cloud was in Advent Children or Dissidia (Get defeated as Cloud in that game and he reeks of emoness). Also, there seems to be some minor confusion of what Zack did at the end of the last chapter. For those of you that have actually played FFVII, remember that one part where Cloud and the others get captured trying to rescue Aerith, and then the next morning the guard outside was killed and Cloud's door is open? Well that was my explanation for that, I just forgot to mention it last chapter *sweatdrops*