III Reason to Live

Zack's eyes snapped open, the fluorescent lights overhead blinding him temporarily. He turned his head to the side and noticed a heart monitor, its steady beep reassuring him that he was still alive. Kunsel had saved him after all.

Damn it.

He glanced down at his left arm, which was now tightly bandaged to prevent him from bleeding any further, while the IV lines in his right arm replaced the blood and Mako he had lost.

"Why'd you do that?" Kunsel sat by his bed, looking down at him with worried eyes, but unlike his expression, his voice revealed a hidden anger.

"You know why, " he answered him, turning away. He felt Kunsel grab his chin and forcing him up so he could see the anger that now burned in Kunsel's eyes. Zack felt himself being grabbed up by his shirt and could now see the anger in his eyes."

"Listen to me Zack: You. Are. Not. A. Monster."

"Then tell me, tell me what I have to live for now!"

Kunsel's eyes softened immediately. Silence passed between them for a moment as the machine continued its steady beep. Zack's hardened gaze met that of his friend. Kunsel's hand relaxed its grip, and he went to sit back down, silently.

"That's what I thought, " Zack muttered coldly as he tried his best to roll over without yanking the IV

Zack was allowed to leave after the IV infusion was done, after which started a long period of awkward silence for him and Kunsel that lasted for days. They barely spoke to each other at all, but Kunsel kept a close eye on Zack to make sure he didn't make any more suicide attempts.

Most nights he couldn't sleep, for fear of the nightmares that sleep would bring, Instead he read each and every one of Aerith's letters as he gazed outside to the stars.

Not a day went by without him thinking about her, wondering how she was doing, hoping she was alright. He still thought about death often, about ending his pain, but he knew Kunsel wouldn't let it happen. He just had to bare it until he died naturally.

"Zack you can't just keep moping around like this." Kunsel had been telling him this constantly, but Zack usually just ignored him.

"Well what do you want me to do then?" Zack asked, rather annoyed.

"It's Midgar, there's bound to be some kind of legal work that doesn't have any ties to ShinRa"

Zack realized that Kunsel was starting to sound like his parents, telling him to get off his lazy ass and get a job, a real job. When he thought about it, a job might be helpful. He needed something to distract himself from all his pain, but the question was what kind of work was he going to find? Then he remembered what he had told Cloud when they were on the truck just miles away from Midgar. He said that he would become a mercenary, and while he had mostly been joking around at the time, it seemed rather reasonable now.

Meteor appeared in the sky a few days later. Zack had been taking odd jobs up 'til then as a mercenary, putting on fake smiles for Kunsel, but still not speaking to him that much. When it was apparent that Meteor was going to destroy the planet, people began to panic, while others soon accepted that it was inevitable and prepared for their deaths.

"I'm going to Gongaga" he told Kunsel, his heart heavy.

He knew where he had to go, but he didn't want to go without Aerith. He rued his current form, hating the people who had done this to him—taken away his freedom to see the woman he loved. If the world was really doomed to end along with him he at least wanted his final resting place to be where he grew up, and his parents needed to know that he was still alive. He just had to hide what he had become, but as long as he kept his gloves and sweatshirt on they probably wouldn't notice. He would just have to hope for the best.

"Alright" Kunsel told him, also making plans to go back home to Junon.

It didn't take long for him to pack his things to take with him. It was mostly clothes, but he also took Aerith's letters. As he slung his sack over his shoulder and headed towards the door, he took one look back at his friend. Knowing that this would be the last time he saw him, he knew that he had to say something.

"You were a good friend Kunsel. Thanks for being there for me."

He hesitated for a moment, and drew his best friend into a tight hug. Kunsel hesitated for a moment, but wrapped his arms around his friend. There was no time to let the situation be awkward.

"It was an honor," he answered. "Just… take care of yourself."

Zack let out a short laugh.

"The world's ending," he reminded his friend. "No matter what, I can't take care of myself."

They let the weight of his words sink in. Until then they hadn't allowed themselves to let the severity of the situation set in. Almost unconsciously, they both felt the others arms tighten around him, although neither of the men was aware of his own tightening grip around his best friend. After a short while, Kunsel let go. He clapped Zack on the shoulder. He couldn't find words to express what he felt. Words failing him, and his pride keeping him from spilling out his heart, he kept it simple.

"Thanks for everything." Zack smiled.

He saw the sentiment in his friend's eye, and understood everything left unsaid. With a nod, he affirmed all of Kunsel's sentiments.

"You too."

Then he left, and never looked back as he made his way back to his hometown.

Angeal had been right; flying was amazing. He hadn't really tried it before, but figured it would save a lot of time getting there if he did, so when he was a couple miles outside of Midgar he took off his hoodie and stretched out his wing before leaping up and taking off. He let out an exhilarating scream as he soared, feeling the wind on his face and blow through his hair as the landscape below flew by.

However it being his first flight he only made it about half way to Junon before he wore himself out. He stopped to rest for the night, then was able to find a boat that would take him to the port near Gongaga once he got to Junon. He thanked them as soon as they were on the other continent, then continued his way back home. He stopped about a half a mile outside the village, and took his time to make sure his wing was tucked into his hoodie nicely and his gloves were on before he walked into town. He took a nice deep breath as he took in the nice open air that he missed as he walked into town, taking in what had changed over the years.

From his last visit, he remembered the remains of the town's Mako reactor. On the outskirts of the village he noticed a small cemetery for those who died in the accident. He looked away for he was afraid there might be someone he knew.

It's ShinRa's fault, he told himself, clenching his fists in anger. If only he had seen them for what they were sooner, then maybe he could've done something about it. At least they'll die with everyone else. He would be able to die with ease just knowing that.

Other than that the scenery was still the same. The village was surrounded by greenery, whether it was the jungle around it, or the grass that covered the hills. However, since it was nearing autumn the colors were starting to change and the weather was becoming chilly. He was actually kind of glad it wasn't scorching hot, that way he could leave his hoodie and gloves on without it seeming a little suspicious or weird.

He approached his parents' house nervously, beginning to rethink the whole idea. Surely ShinRa had sent them notice saying that he had been KIA. How, would they react when they saw him? He didn't want to give them a heart attack, and he was sure that if either of them found out that he was a monster that would happen. He hesitated as he raised his hand to knock, but knew that this would be his last chance to see them so he knocked lightly and patiently waited for an answer.

It was his mother who came to the door. She was in her late forties, about a foot shorter than he was with short graying hair and a casual long blue denim skirt and white button down blouse. She wore a plain white apron over her clothes, and by the good smell coming from the kitchen it was safe to assume she was baking something. She gasped and grew pale when she saw him, like he was a ghost, but that was expected.

"It's me mom, " he told her calmly. "It's Zack"

He half expected her to faint from shock, but instead she wrapped her arms around him tightly as tears fell from her eyes. He took his shoes off and set them by the door as he walked in, remembering that it was one of his mother's pet peeves.

"They told us you were MIA" she told him as he sat down at the kitchen table taking everything in.

The delicious smell coming from the oven told him that a pie was on its way, and made his stomach growl while his ears picked up soft snoring from upstairs, probably his father taking a nap. Overall it was the same as he remembered from his childhood. The floors were all clean polished wood, while the walls were painted white and lined with shelves for pictures.

"ShinRa's been lying a lot lately" he told her. "I wouldn't believe much they say right now if I were you."

Just talking about ShinRa brought all of the bad memories back to the surface again. Killing Angeal, the destruction of Banora, and all the lies that followed. He clenched his fists in anger, feeling the stiff material of his gloves tighten. His mother frowned as she noticed his anger, and gently placed a hand over his.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, " she said calmly. "You're here now, and that's all that matters."

He spent the next few days just catching up with them and talking about all the good times that he had since he had left. Meteor came closer, reminding everyone that their time was almost up, but no one spoke about it out loud. At night Zack would continue to gaze up at the sky as he re-read Aerith's letters, wondering how she was doing and regretting that he wouldn't see her ever again.

The night it finally fell he was outside, determined and ready to watch it until death came and took him like everyone else. He stood there on the edge of the cliff overlooking the village, his eyes focused in the direction of Midgar, Where Meteor seemed to be the closest.

Thinking about all of the people that would perish, he decided he couldn't watch anymore, so he closed his eyes and waited. But fate wouldn't have it that way. The Lifestream fought against Meteor that night, and with the help of Holy destroyed it and saved the planet. He saw it all happen, and yelled at the sky in frustration for it. Three times now something had gotten between him and death. It was as if not even death wanted him.

"Fine then, have it your way," he said angrily.

After spending a week in Gongaga, he started to feel weak again, and the pain he felt in the lab was starting to come back. His mother noticed that he was getting a little pale, but he lied and said he was fine. Not wanting to die in front of his family, he knew that he had to get back to Midgar immediately, so he packed up his things and told them that he wanted to with the rebuilding of Midgar. They were sad to see him leave, but he hugged them both as he said goodbye and promised to keep in touch. Then he left his hometown, and began to fly back to Midgar as soon as the village was out of sight.

Time flew by quickly He decided to become a mercenary after all, and often helped out the World Regenesis Organization when Reeve asked him to.

Before he knew it, three years went by. In that time period he had helped clean up what was left of Midgar and build parts of Edge, taken care of any monster problems that occurred in the area, and fought in the brief but brutal war against deep group as a regular WRO soldier.

Now that he had gotten back up on his own two feet and was once again trying to live his life despite his condition, he had settled down alone in Edge. Occasionally he would catch a glimpse of Cloud as he went out for his deliveries, or Aerith as she started to sell flowers again, but he didn't dare get close to them. He was often tempted to, for he longed to be with the girl he loved once more and to know how Cloud was, but he couldn't bring himself to get near them. It was the same with his parents: He was afraid of what they would think of him. He decided that it would be best to remain dead to them.

As more time passed by, he got over being suicidal, and acted more like his old self, laughing at jokes and putting on smiles while he was around people, but only because Kunsel still kept an eye on him. On the inside he was still hurting. Fate still had other things in store for him. He had been walking back to his apartment after running a few errands when a voice from behind called his name.

"Zack."

He recognized it as Tseng's and was going to just ignore him and keep going, but he had a feeling that he wouldn't leave him alone so easily. For the most part ShinRa had left him alone, so he did the same, but if Tseng wanted to talk to him then he figured it had to be important.

"What is it?" he asked as he turned to face him.

"I have a job for you."

As always he sounded rather calm, but the slightly worried look in his eyes told him that it was indeed serious.

Author's Notes

I'm really sorry it took so long, but I had some pre graduation/finals work to do, and I've had four emotional breakdowns in the past week from all the stress (I have like 1-2 a year if any). I also had a lot of editing of this chapter since I changed by mind about a lot of plot wise stuff and ended up cutting it out.

I'd like to give a super big thank you to Chibipinkbunny for doing a very good job at beta reading this chapter when I was paranoid that it sucked, and another big thanks to Lunch Sur Cannibal for helping me edit when I had a bad case of black.. I hope it's a lot better now.

I know I skipped a lot, but I didn't wanna focus on FFVII, AC, or DoC's plots. There's already a lot of that out there, and it would probably bore me really quickly since it's already pretty much written out in a away.

Now to clear up any further confusion, just a reminder that AERITH DID NOT DIE IN THIS FIC. My reasoning? If Cloud got all emo over it, think of what it would've done to Zack. Sure it would add to angst and stuff, but not this fic, maybe others. Also, if anyone's wondering about Cloud, he will show up for a bit in the next chapter, as will Tifa (Aerith will soon, I promise).

Speaking of which, I have not gotten chapter four back from Zythxx yet, but like me he's insanely busy with pre graduation stuff and he's apologized for not getting to it yet, but he will soon. After that I don't think I'll have much to do for the final edit, so it'll be up shortly afterwards. Until then, PLEASE review (the lack of feedback I'm getting is lowing my motivation for this here, which will mean slower updates if it continues).